With the book Searching for My Missing Father by Allison Drew and an Unsolved Mysteries show about Tom Drew ‘going missing’ from his Salisbury CT home in July of 2007, more people are learning of the situation and wondering what happened and if there is new information. Very few are asking what can be done to prevent someone from getting lost or harmed if they are outdoors in the countryside or have dementia (or both) or if there were foul play once he left the home.
Most are putting their concerns on whether the truth about him leaving was proven sufficiently. Dozens of people from police, fire fighter volunteers were with the part-time caregiver and regular caregiver for hours. No one felt there was any inconsistency about their report of what happened in the span of 10 minutes when only the part-time caregiver was with Tom.
The full-time caregiver never cast doubt on whether she were telling the truth and they searched along with a friend of his who returned with him from a day out to search the immediate area for a half hour. They thought they would find him readily yet should have called the police before doing so since every minute counts profoundly when someone is lost.
They did not start a prompt search when arriving however, so likely another set of guidelines should be established regarding any kind of emergency with back up teams to search an area and alert people within 5-10 miles, maybe even stopping traffic to check cars etc if someone with dementia or anyone really seems to have been at risk for a kidnapping while out walking. That’s where more accountability Before one leaves one location and goes to another (with a report one got to the next spot) makes a lot of sense.
That is how pilots train for years when learning basics. A lot is about Tracking where one is and letting others know. That alone could ease many people’s worries and get more people pro-active about living more responsibly. Lots more is covered on these posts about the Drew story and hopefully, a team can be formed to create a meaningful presence online and even ways for the Drew Sisters to consider some kind of mediation to reflect on the experience of possibly disbelieving that the part-time caregiver was telling the truth due to their own shock, worry and trauma about feeling the investigation was not thorough so could not be trusted categorically.
Having flashbacks are memories that seem real and reactivate the hippocampus so there may be more to learn about that for all involved in an emergency or even other longer type of trauma such as domestic abuse or war. Books by Babette Rothschild speak to that aspect of being blocked or stuck in terms of not being able to consider new information or evidence that is contrary to one’s beliefs or trauma.
The Option Institute is across the street from Tom Drew’s residence. Their outreach with books and programs may be helpful to more people as well. Some of their ideas were the impetus for a story I wrote called The Turtle and The Acorn by Catherine Palmer Paton (free online.) That is about having sudden changes and learning to adapt best one can and to find support even in unlikely places.
What we think determines much of what we will consider possible or likely. Wanting things to ‘feel better and be better’ is key to many forms of healing whether physical, mental, spiritual, social, economic, personal relationship wise and more. Here is a response to posts on the Northwest Corner Chatter about this Tom Drew case which was covered by Terry Cowgill on The Berkshire Edge as well recently. Ideally he will be in touch with the part-time caregiver who he said he knew… but did not reach out to about the book or experience. What does that say about ‘journalistic views and covering the bases?”
For all who did show concern over the years, thank you. Here’s the response I put to someone who was asked during the search if she had seen Tom Drew, 91 and not able to say much due to dementia and usually walking slowly.
It’s helpful you were aware of the search efforts. Ideally we could have local teams on every road and part of each town that could be rallied for just such a need…in an Organized, Safe, Appropriate Way…so that would take some doing.
Even for checking for safety after storms and such makes sense. Let’s invite everyone on this post and in the area to ‘lean in and learn a lot’ about country living, city living (the two are very different but have some similarities when it comes to a neighborhood and people’s basic needs for care and safety…) and preventing problems with everyone having accountability partners (more than one and even a few for each neighborhood and town.)
If all people listed phone numbers plus other contacts and those could be accessed by a few reps in each town, then if a problem of Any Kind (Domestic Violence, Disturbance of the peace, gun shot or other loud noise complaint or concern etc) could be addressed first with ‘a friend calling to check in with someone’.
Maybe a special flashing light (even activated by a switch out at the end of the drive saying “call 911′ or “help needed! along with a way to get to a life alert type button (and one option that could say Don’t Call Just come… and a code for danger/home invasion such as the Petit Family faced just 2 days after Tom Drew went missing which pretty much put the state of CT in shock, but even there help was delayed right outside their door due to protocol or someone’s orders who was in charge.)
There could be code words that would alert others that ‘I’m in danger but can’t tell you that…maybe with a mention of a pre-set phrase etc, or even someone ‘calling and hanging up’, especially 2x.
We used to do that to signal to call us back when we had to pay for long distance. When going to an airport etc, having each person have a cell phone makes sense or another person they can each call in case they don’t have good service, or have low battery etc.
All sorts of ideas to have buddy systems and agreements Everyone Follows and does not change ‘this one time for fun or because a few adults decide it’s okay to bend the rules for the minors in their care’ etc…
Those were factors that led to the disaster of our teen son Kaelan Palmer Paton feeling he had to try against great odds to save his friends…and thankfully he was able to help 2 from shore of the Falls..but went in well beyond what was reasonable to help a 3rd, with no clear way to succeed.
Miraculously the skilled Skip Kosciusko showed up (and broke with protocol risking his own safety as has been reported…) and thankfully was able to save the teen.
So we have had miracles beyond our imagining…and Kaelan maybe had been the one to alert his friends to call for help by signaling call 9-1-1 with his hands…Had Skip blown his horn upon arriving that may have helped Kaelan not go in when he did.
There’s a chance his effort was instrumental in saving his friend since he did reach him from his friend’s account. Psychic Patti Sinclair shared with someone that when Kaelan pushed his friend is when he went under, so that sounds like an angel move on his part…
She hadn’t know all the details and had other messages that Kaelan did not want us to see his body when his precious human form was found a week later. We honored that as his family but sent more clothes, a book we signed and herbs and flowers from the nature center where he lived since he was a baby with his body on its final journey from this earth.
His cremains were placed on Bear Mtn as well as in our family cemetery locally with a bit near his grade school where his memorial was held and there are trees in his memory…
All of these things I count as ways to honor all of our loved ones in spirit…and that includes Tom..so I’ve been on a long healing journey and realizing we ‘don’t do death very well in this country’ and ditto for helping prevent harm, loss or fatalities or coping afterward with ongoing support and outreach.
We need to reclaim all aspects of our lives as individuals, families, friends, community members and more… and not wait for experts to pick up the pieces as the only option. Sadly, the many people and families still do not seem to understand the risk associated with someone who has dementia in terms of wandering or even driving off etc.
The guideline should be for 24/7 coverage and safe monitoring of doors (with locks, alarms and fences etc as much as possible.)
It’s not fair to the people in need of supervision if their caregivers don’t have ways to do the job needed, and maybe more places for safe night time supervision for people to sleep in secure areas for instance could be made for groups of people who may be needing awake night staff, secure doors and areas, etc.
There should be ample ways to monitor people in these modern times, but COVID is making everything much harder to even think about let alone implement. Let’s see how much we can honor those who have journeyed on, especially when having a difficult time in their last moments on earth or braving trying to save someone else as their signing off message to love others above self, whatever the cost.
We can all benefit by aspiring to consider ways to find inner peace and allow for new ways of being and interacting. Many ideas along those lines are on this blog as well as on Livfully.org and good old youtube.com and many podcasts and blogs listed on these sites. Best to all…and may we all be grateful for the gift of life and ways to make life better as we continue to journey together on one shared planet and field of energy….with divine guidance if that is within reach of considering even in one’s dreams or ‘just for fun’. If not, let’s try to do our best anyway!