When I was in Brooklyn NY last weekend I helped host a block party. One of the leaders bumped her head on a pole and had trouble speaking. I was worried about her but mostly trusting she’ll be okay. I have yet to learn more. I got to see some little kids I’ve been in touch with for a few years…and one two-year-old said during our time together, “Circle Time!” She was sitting down with her legs out straight and had a big smile on after making her announcement. She does go to a program where that’s part of the routine, but for me whose reared quite a few kids and was doing some singing with larger groups of small ones during a playgroup, I hadn’t called it Circle Time. I really hadn’t heard a small child get excited and decide to call such a circle, but it was nice novelty.
Today I had plans to see Barefoot in the Park at the Sharon Playhouse,a matinee at 2pm which included two women signing the lines. I enjoyed chatting with two senior center groups and inviting some folks to pop into a Toastmasters Meeting near them or while travelling. I recommend the play for anyone dating or thinking of getting serious even thought it’s based in the 1960s, the dynamics are easy to relate to, even roommates in college (minus the physical romance.)
Living together on a 5th floor with no elevator is not for just anybody. Every character did a great job keeping the sense of being on that dreadfully high top floor as truly exhausting to get to. And did I mention that there’s a ledge outside the window that also has more than one person using it and giving the audience butterflies? There’s a movie version if you can’t make the play.
After that I made my way down to Paley’s Farm Market and delighted in getting lovely fruits and some multi-colored cone flowers also known as echinacea, a medicinal plant that bees and butterflies love as well. They’d brighten up my Turtle Garden near our country home. I also opted for a huge batch of lavender in a pot to enjoy the fragrance.
Next I went to the Sharon Farm Market (after getting much needed fuel in town.) I got a few choice items and made a new friend at the cash register….”Hope your allergies are much improved!” I thought of someone who used to work there who I knew from his childhood days and was surprised to see had grown into a young adult when I saw him on the first day of summer this year, 2018. Then I went to make a call and was in the library for a moment. I saw a notice about a special service for the three teens who’d passed in our area, one of whom was the fine young man who’d worked at the market.
The other two I had connections with briefly, such as at a Pancake Dinner many years back and thinking maybe our kids would be friends in high school, since it’s a regional one that draws students from six towns. That was a young woman. Then another young adult fellow was friends with someone I know well and knew was quite hurt by the young man’s sudden passing as a passenger in an accident which was also the case for the young woman.
The main time for ‘preventing these kinds of accidents’ would be Before Getting in a Car with anyone who might not be stable or clear about staying on their own side of the road, especially at a hill top.
That may mean understanding the roads better as well as how one’s car handles. With the young woman, likely the other driver was also ‘not sure where the middle of the road line was or should have been at the top of a hill. These country roads are often without a clear ‘middle of the road’ demarcation. The other passenger passed when his friend who was under the influence was driving on a dirt road and their jeep went up an embankment and then rolled. Without a seat belt the passengere was not secure in the car. Maybe that’s not always a cause of injury but in this case it put him on life support for a short time
. Same with the young woman being ejected from the car. She did not survive. In the other case it’s not clear what caused the young man’s car to hit a tree on Route 7 about a mile from the high school he attended. That is not far from my home and I recall hearing a few sirens, likely one which claimed his life. When I do hear a siren I say a prayer and hope that anyone in need may be comforted on an energetic level…along with their family and others knowing people were praying for their loved one.
There have been memorial and funeral services for these wonderful young adults, each who had their special buds at school and in the area as well as being engaged members of the school and wider community. Still the Housatonic Youth Services personnel offered a time to gather on the school grounds for any who felt drawn to do so. I learned of the event right when it was starting and decided to attend that over something else I had planned to be at in Kent (to volunteer for Kent Presents..but this was a present pressing matter.)
So I got to the school and made my way down to the field. The next hour and half was a new experience for the forty or so gathered there, taking time to relax as one staff shared a simple yet helpful guided message about grief being like at sea with waves hitting hard at first upon hearing difficult news and then coming at intervals in ways that one could manage more readily with support and understanding. The families and friends standing in a wide circle were invited to share as they felt led. I was one of the first to share in part to help buy others time as I’ve taken Toastmasters for a few years and am comfortable with stepping up to share in most settings, knowing it’s important to help break the ice and allow people to gather their thoughts.
Having had our late teen son Kaelan at the high school for only his freshman year in 2008-9, I could relate to families finding themselves with a high schooler who was no longer with us in physical form. I shared the idea of focusing on the positive but also realizing it’s hard to know what one could have done differently to help prevent such things. I was thinking about big aspects of parenting and even rearing children in one’s hometown with that added sense of safety and feeling familiar with the risks so not being caught off guard.
Others gave short talks about their loved ones or the difficulty of facing life without their loved one. Some of the counselors shared that there were more people to talk to now or at other times and that there was no ‘one way’ to grieve but rather everyone would likely have their own experiences and that may well include ups and downs. I chimed in a few times when the silence would linger. I offered the idea of friends who have sweat lodges and of ‘weaving a basket’ of care and support. Some of that would acknowledge every person in our circle as part of that communal support, like poles in a teepee. Each person is needed to stay in balance and is counted.
From permaculture I shared that the Turtle Garden is a place to reflect in nature and connect with others as well and invited people to consider coming by as the time seemed right.I gave some of the lavender out to families that I happened to feel I should buy (even though I had some in my garden already, one can never have too much lavender…kind of like caring friends and family.) In addition an exercise I learned in some of the social networking there was one that we did a couple of times, simply going around and sharing a word that was a way to express what we felt or hoped for or later to support the family or say something to our loved ones in spirit. Words of peace, love, hope, hurt, faith, anger and others came through for the first round.
I encouraged and did some simple singing of some of those words and encouraged people to explore that kind of vocalizing or journaling and of course sharing with others as time allowed in the future as well. A few felt the community could do more to prevent having concerns by offering a program of ‘Safe Rides’ with no questions asked. In one town kids were volunteering to drive others in memory of having had fatalies of friends. Likely many adults who know each other could help promote that kind of service. I also encouraged people to consider having a community meal or gatherings as they felt led to allow others to connect.
The Walk for Life done for cancer victims is one that has been held on that field for raising funds and showing support, with people walking around the track in teams all night long, with luminaries lining the track…hundreds of them, each with a name. Whatever the challenge the idea that people can draw together and create community is key to healing on many levels. Finally I did share that a sense of considering what many psychics share that those in spirit are okay and really want the best for us during our time.
Others shared their ideas along those lines and about having spiritual help from church and friends. I hope everyone who found a way to attend a service for these youth or our son about a month after he passed (and which is on youtube.com in short segments with much music and messages shared, including by one of the rescuers of the lad our son tried to save from dangerous water. Unfortunately they were allowed to go on their last day of school as a special treat by some parents, even though I had asked the parents not to let them go to without safety guides and at a low level. Honoring community and personal safety plan agreements in life, on the road, for outings, when dating and much more is a way to live with the legacy of our loved ones foremost in our hearts. Not necessarily easy but important to help keep more folks safe and prevent what we can in the way of tragedy and loss.
I hope to keep a positive spin on these challenging topics so I hope everybuddy is finding the right balance to plan their lives to get good rest, even sleep and have basic routines and support people to feel connected and guided should one start to get off track. Between the good friends and guiding forces from nature and even the divine, hopefully all can feel at peace to get back on track and be part of a successful shared future. Peace, music, kindness, hope, harmony, safety, care….love and hugs.
We ended the circle time holding hands as we drew closer together and heard of more help from Greenwoods Counseling and were encouraged to find our way through these times to brighter days with support from others and a willingness to ask for help. I hope all of the students and their families as well as others in the community which also has had its losses with various challenges mixed in, get that kind of message and experience for things that have come up recently or need more tending to and healing from the past. With that the future can take on the hopeful prospects of growing in meaningful beYoutoFull ways…all the best and now it’s time for this ol’ bird to rest.