Congratulations to the hard-won effort of becoming CT State Troopers to the 25 New Graduates from the Academy in Meriden Ct, August 2018

Thanks to CT  Rep. Brian Ohler for posting on the Northwest Corner Chatter about attending the graduation ceremony at the CT Police Academy recently. The bravery and skill required to do this most challenging job which requires an array of skills and endurance for sitting behind the wheel, driving and sometimes chasing people down in a car or on foot calls to heroes in the making, Ideally each trooper has a good circle of support and can be encouraged to develop that over time to meet whatever stress comes up. We each have to feel more empowered to understand our society in all its complexity from home to work or school or other functions and particularly on the road or in public.

Preventing accidents or conflicts can be a community-wide effort with topics of the month and more trainings online or encouraged in public event settings. Still we likely are catching on and doing better with many efforts coming together

. As much as I promote knowing when one can call the police, given the current climate  and the reality that an officer 'can defend himself or herself' if feeling threatened or in danger, very likely it would make sense to have an array of options of who to call and safety plans to exit any situation before it becomes dangerous or highly conflictual.

That may mean lining up extra drivers (who won't be upset or quiz one endlessly.) Hotline numbers for domestic abuse such as WSS, Women's Support Services at 860-364-1080 for office matters or 860-364-1900 for support 24/7 should be in every school, business and work place, faith group and supermarket if not on signs along the road.

That said, they can only do so much. The laws of the land leave many victims and advocates 'in la la land.' Once legal measures are put on place things might get a lot more complicated...especially if one has Children (and pets.) There are other posts on here, on www.livfully.org, and the point is every year the laws and responses are a little different yet often inadequate.

The law to arrest a primary aggressor is now in place, but who knows if everyone will really understand that and what it means. Rather than make things 'more complicated' with piece meal efforts, an entire curriculum of the ABCs of options for living safely and for not getting into difficult social and intimate relationships should be developed.

One of the most dangerous calls for a police officer to respond to (and usually that is done in pairs) is a 911 call for domestic abuse or violence (don't get confused by the terms though most people do, understandably. Not all abuse is physical and many are looking at violence in a broader context as well, though that usually was linked to physical harm.)

Parents 'disciplining' their children with spanking, or other corporeal punishment really likely need to review their options as well to not walk blindly into the realm of abusing their child/ren or again, pets. Safe appropriate boundaries to let each person have dignity, respect, privacy and basic self-determination is the guideline.'

Treat others the way you would want to be treated' for instance..treat everyone and yourself like you would a friend. Maybe things won't change overnight, but likely in a few days new feelings of 'that's weird, the world is still going around without me ordering everyone around, without me lecturing and demanding immediate compliance'.

Now if you are being addressed by a police officer, you need to 'follow the rules' yet even there, you should Know Your Rights and Not Say Anything "That Can and Will be Held Against you in a court of law or get you arrested.' Even an innocent "yes' or "no' may be turned around in a number of ways, so basically, 'Say 'no comment' as much as anything' if there's a chance you may have done something that could be deemed disorderly conduct. Then call your attorney.

This is not legal advice just what I've been told and seen on youtube videos...which a lot of folks don't have time to watch. Call a friend as soon as possible if you think you will be having a police intervention to talk you through things. It's not easy to think straight under pressure, and that's true for the police even with training.

Every situation is different, so remaining calm and only speaking if really needed and only having police come into your home if needed (and ideally if they have an order to do so) would make sense. Again this is not an official directive but more a set of things to consider...which no one really goes over with anyone.

Things can definitely get complicated in unpredictable ways, so again think twice about asking for police interventions or going to court if being abused especially if getting a divorce. Do some research on sites like BMCC, Battered Mothers Custody Conference.

If one or both parties are basically playing with a full deck there likely are some fairly straightforward solutions to relationship or family problems that would not require serious court actions. If people can amicably divorce, that is reasonable. If the conflict is growing by leaps and bounds and creating a separation of a protective parent (generally a mother) from children, then likely there is good reason to consider she is being abused. Both she and her children are domestic abuse victims and need immediate and secure protection.

That is the Resolution 72 which is at the federal level of consideration. If Resolution 72 were implemented many of the 2000 women killed each year by the male they are involved with currently or formerly would likely decline. In addition the 60K mothers who lose custody of their children and often access of them to abusive fathers would decline steeply as well. Additional supports for a mother to have ways to support herself and her children would be needed in many cases, but not all. Ideally secure social networks would be made to help them for the few years and more it can take to develop healthy patterns.

The abusive fathers or boyfriends may get supervised parenting and eventually more time if there is real change, but that is often an uphill battle. The assumption that 'everything will settle down once the parties are apart' does not capture the reality of how many ways a controlling person can demand compliance even when living apart. Not easy topics and likely most police do not get into such details, since there are separations of the three branches of government.

They are not legislators, but rather enforce existing laws. That said, here's my other response in recounting when the police were helpful back in the first decade of 2000 to our family and most importantly to our teen son, now gone  from this earthly realm 9 years, when he was facing a dire situation of an hour of fun with a batch of teen friends by strong waterfalls turned into a our community's nightmare.

The more the public can be introduced to what the training involves, the more reasonable everyone can be in working with police officers when on the road or in other settings. We had occasion to meet quite a few police over a few years and a few spoke kindly to my kids saying if they ever needed help, to not hesitate to call them.

One gave our son Kaelan ,about age 12, his card and said he could call him directly. I feel that kind of connection may have given him the courage to get his friends to call 911 (which he hand-signaled to his friends since the falls were going over with a roar with high water on 6-16-09.)

The 911 call thankfully resulted in a volunteer rope rescuer (tree climber Skip Kosciusko of West Cornwall CT) being able to get there in the nick of time to save the friend our teen son Kaelan Palmer Paton swam to and likely pushed to help him get safe but resulted in his final moment of life (that insight shared by a psychic but aligns with the other teen's recollection that Kaelan reached him and then both going under, with only the friend resurfacing.) Thankfully no other lives were lost but a few were put in danger during the search (some by canoe and others watching closely in dangerous conditions.)

Some went out on their own in the night searching, so those kinds of actions even so well-intended need to be done by skilled people with a clear search plan so no others would come to harm. Sadly the another main event that has troubled the area was the situation in which Tom Drew,91, wandered from his home in Salisbury CT.

Ideally the police could have declared the home a 'possible crime scene' and allowed for forensic work to satisfy the concerns of the daughters and anyone else who doubted the given account of events. I had asked that night for them to verify that the trunk of my car did not open but they said 'no worries'.

I later got some dog rescue folks to see that was the case (a couple of days later, and for the record, a mechanic at NE Muffler later fixed it by climbing through the back seat (over a lot of stuff I had in the trunk.) Even a year or more later, as the car sat unused, police finally tested the trunk for any sign of human material..and nothing was found.

Still, many searches and a lot of rumors of many kinds likely ran into the high thousands of dollars. The idea of doing a major outreach to all citizens to encourage appropriate care for anyone with mental or physical challenges to have good care (including 24/7 for anyone with dementia even if family and others may be in denial or unwilling to accept that wandering is a risk for that condition even if not common and even if someone has some difficulty at times with walking.)

The truth is many people with dementia are able to drive still and often won't give up their license. If someone is a doctor they can 'approve their own skill' or maybe get a fellow doctor to do so, but that likely needs to be changed.

The point is there is a ton to learn and everyone can take strides to be more 'by the book' in terms of actually following safety plans (such as not going to rivers and swimming without supervision or with the appropriate permission from both parents and community guidelines.)

Thanks for thinking about these things to make a police officer's job more reasonable. More forums to describe what DCF or CPS does, school rules, driving rules and societal rules and appropriate interactions and responses to officials would be a big plus especially in small towns--and larger ones too of course-- where the trust for people to 'obey the laws voluntarily' is a given for practical reasons.