John Gottman offers quite a few ideas, including "Making Love Maps" in terms of planning for success in relationship(s)

I am hearing some of this talk https://youtu.be/AKTyPgwfPgg by John Gottman. He is easy to listen to and yet is sharing ideas that may not be easy for some people to consider easily. That could be a red flag...People could have more checklists about basic skills (considering who one is before expecting to be able to connect with someone in a fair, friendly manner.)

I will keep this brief but hopefully will spark more interest in the awarenesss of emotional intelligence. It's important for people to 'stop and say thank you' to help one another to express appreciation.

Scanning the environment and people to find things to appreciate and acknowledge. Having a basis of friendship and mutual respect is explored. It's helpful to respond to what someone is saying, 'a bid' -- a comment one wants to share, a hope for attention or interaction.

Expressing nothing can be called 'turning away' and may feel defeated, and that lack of connection can be painful. Acknowledging and 'turning toward' a person there can be a positive feeling.

That can help smooth over the bumps. Love Maps, Fondness and Admiration and Turning Toward are aspects of enhancing a relationship. If someone has a 'chip on their shoulder' then there is a 'negative sentiment override' (then the foundation may not be secure.) He discusses conflict dynamics also.

If someone is critical or irritated without being willing to 'repair setbacks' then things can spiral downwards. A 'recovery conversation' can work toward a more secure set of situations and pattern. People more skilled in handling differences and conflicts may have a sense of humour and affection even when working through difficulties.

There are many 'small ways' to be positive and connect with one's partner. Maybe many of these kinds of friendly intentions can pepper more interactions with others in general, group and neighborhood dynamics.

The importance of understanding boundaries, sharing time and conversations, agreed upon work loads and support for one another or shared endeavors or home settings, travel or other projects is key as well.

Likely we could use a complete organizational list of 'basics' to have a safe, reasonable chance at moving forward with a set of 'goals' written, spoken or otherwise anticipated or reviewed. Hope this is helpful in case you don't have time to listen or take notes on what he is saying.

Ideally all people involved in an interaction would be at least willing to see this video or reading a summary like this. He talks about relationship gridlocks which can sometimes be moved to 'dialogue' willing to work through things differently.

Perpetual problems, entrenched in positiions and stuck in personality issues are sometimes factored in by counselors and maybe 'written off.' Sometimes there are ways to reconsider things about each person's views of support, freedom, what a relationship or journey was expected by one or both people.

They may feel more connected to the conflict more than 'the dream within each person's position' is. Ideally if both people are honest and able to share their deepest needs and dreams then they can feel validated and become creative about allowing more flexibility and compromise. Some of this is what I am summarizing or inferring

. So do not take this as a direct summary. Using a 'soft start up'...I miss you, and I appreciate the time you have given me when we have been affectionate rather than criticize her for not giving him as much time or attention. People being willing to accept influence from one another is key also, particularly men being willing to listen to women.

Many abusive men would answer, "No, no, and more no's" to anything the women would like to say, share or do. Kind gestures and being respectful overall is a positive way for creating a positive atmosphere and being willing to compromise.

All worth listening to as he explains the stress responses that can happen when people are uptight versus the healthy calming affect of being relaxed and open. Calming Down and taking breaks, self-soothing could help one's heart rate go down then people could 'think again' and even do so creatively, with humor and more willingness to listen and compromise.

A 'time out' during a difficult relationship interaction is recommended by him to help with problem-solving (and therefore maintaining relationship of a shared meaning and purpose.)

All of the above is a summary of John Gottman's talks. I would say there is likely a lot of pre-screening that would be very important if not critical to do before 'just assuming both parties will be able and willing to adjust in a reasonable amount of time with the 'right counseling' (such as he offers here.) He touches on 'what doesn't work', what results in divorce or relationship gridlock and many other important topics.

Those deserve more attention since they can get a person in trouble, factoring hurting themselves or others or otherwise escalate over time. There's more to learn about Domestic Violence, Custody, and More.  US House Resolution 72 is a bill proposed to give victims of abuse custody of their children. This kind of awareness would be a helpful priority for our country and in every state.  Thanks for making a checklist for yourselves and your area, political leaders, schools and areas to help clarify these points.