Lots More To Review and Consider About Interacting In Public Vs Places of Business, Faith Groups and More in Modern Times

I found myself thinking about the opportunity to gather in the public safe space, physically and emotionally for the most part, to honor those who have journeyed on and to show care and support for their families and one another.

It sounded great and was healing in ways that are touching lives more than we can  know when people learn of the event happening.

Even the possibility and option to allow for that especially when everything seems regulated to the teeth in our schools and communities, due to liability and prevention of risk or not having the right resources to address matters, even the 'qualifications and criteria' to ask such questions or allow for sharing.

It's the antithesis of something that happened in somewhere in the United States (likely one of many such dicey occurences that goes on under the public's awareness) less than a decade ago.

This matter involves HIPPA (privacy issues for medical and other matters such as who may find out by chance or want to offer help in a timely manner or even after the occurence. Options for the facility for inform everyone on campus that it is a "Non-Interacting, Non-Disclosure Cooperative Facility Indoors and Out" may be of interest. What transpired is a family learned of a young family member's unexpected passing.

The news shook the family and even the medical staff initially and even as the day went on and other matters had to be decided. Possibly considering organ or tissue donation but also just coping with the difficult sudden loss. 

Someone who crossed paths with the family members outside of the medical facility but still on the property (on the sidewalk near the parking lot) said hello and happened to learn of their disheartening loss. 

The person felt called to offer  some emotional support from life experiences, including personal loss, sharing in a faith community's journey that even included a family having that kind of loss and other concerns such as support groups for people with serious illness or who were dying.

Having had trainings to provide some basic emotional support and offer simple ideas to be there for one another and try to stay calm and connect with nature with walks and such throughout the year were some ideas shared.

Some family and friends were showing up and were also quite distraught. 

The person was hoping to get more help from the medical facility to let them know how distressed people were but it seemed late in the day and that those who might need to know already knew. At no point did the person say they were representing the facility or other group, only being a caring person.

When wanting to follow up the next day with the facility, the person was informed they had overstepped a boundary of privacy. 

Even though the family seemed to want to engage and expressed appreciation for the person's effort and gifting of some books and even flowers to the family (which they circled back to deliver from a local shop that donated them when the concern was shared.)

No names were exchanged other than the person giving them their contact info and that of the local church which could be a helpful resource since the family was from much farther away.

With all that, the person still felt they had not done enough. But the next day the person was told they would not be allowed to attend any group or function offered by the medical facility. 

The only terms of being allowed on the grounds would be if the person were assisting someone directly with their appointment or had their own medical need. 

The person was not to ever speak to any person on the property, including the parking lot. That was the case for years.

While some officials the person checked with said that was not legal, the facility maintained they had a right to set such a policy and it would be enforced. The civil rights of a person do not pertain to a public place necessarily. 

Perhaps it is a case for the ACLU on behalf of this person who intended no harm and which the family never relayed any anger toward, but rather seemed grateful and even caring about that person's losses that were shared.

The difficulty the medical and social work personnel likely factored into the decision to ban the person from the facility. 

There should be clear warnings and letters or calls made to any people who seem to be at risk of violating the protocol for visitors and patients at any facility. 

Another medical facility hired that person to work part-time in a social capacity. When the person asked if they could have the option of reporting any concerns that might come up in the way of sexual harassment to the employer rather than setting a limit with the aggressor, they were told absolutely not. The person explained their concern of having something escalate with the aggressor if interacting with them even to set a boundary legally. 

The employer insisted the law required the victim to set a clarifying clear boundary of not wanting to be spoken to or touched in the way that was deemed a violation Before reporting any subsequent episodes to the employer.

"That has been the law for years and still is!" the person was informed before being summarily fired after that much of the training. That was also valid as either party could end the contract without penalty especially in the first few days but likely even after that.

When reviewing the matter with a high school student, the person heard the same information and that 'we just learned that today in school so she was quite sure that was right.' 

The person then checked with someone who worked in the military and that person said "No military policy requires that but rather would be for the victim to report the first offense to their superior officer." 

That is a huge national disconnect then between the policy at civilian workplaces and that of the military..and that was also about a decade ago, so Maybe Things Have Changed. 

The point of sharing Those Situations is to shed light on the huge 'unknown territory' that we have in the land of the free and the home of the sometimes too brave and uninformed. People can be hurt physically or emotionally, or devastated or upset and confused by a major change in their life circumstances whether in relationships, health, finances or losing someone they love to death with its more recognized sense of a major change and finality of someone's mortality.

The scale of pain from 1 to 10 is not enough to even capture the scope of the kinds of pain and the ways the waves of pain can ripple through a social system, and in part a legal system. 

The relatively comprehensible conflict, injury or loss can take on monumental proportions when there is a 'complicated aftermath' involving laws, social systems, cultural or religious mandates or even protocol that one hasn't even heard of or doesn't feel they can comprehend.

Add to That the idea that some want to help but don't know how due to the complexity of a situation, the time and energy it may take, the venues one may need to be involved with and more. 

A situation in Brooklyn NY for instance has evolved over the past few years from a man being shot randomly and dying a few days later. 

The criminal case is just wrapping up involving a few gang members. In the meantime also the widowed wife decided to have a child with the donation of her late husband which was obtained before he died.

The mix of emotions and life conditions is likely a 'new category of physical, social and emotional' factors that generally would not be occurring. The modern miracle of in vitro alongside the tragic fairly common loss of someone to a stray bullet is not a natural pairing. 

The changes in the lives of the victims as well as the aggressors and their families playing out in a public arena are informing huge parts of the society in New York as well as wider circles. 

The Carey Gabay Foundation was created by Trenelle Gabay, the devoted wife of Carey Gabay and mother of their healthy son born in June 2018.

Planning ahead for gatherings and outreaches could be something every state and community as well as faith group and advocacy effort takes into consideration.

Emotions can erupt in ways the people in these life events cannot comprehend or anticipate. If someone is prone to mental health stress and difficulty, the harder events or even desirable ones such as getting into a serious relationship or out of one (again willingly and ideally with mutual respect), having a child or having a youth go off to a program or to college or move out or farther away could all be challenging. Extra care and understanding for all parties would be in order. 

In some states a person can be required to go for a mental health evaluation if they speak of hurting themselves or others or otherwise seeming in need of an evaluation for concerning symptoms. It's a fine line to determine what may set the stage for an initial evaluation and many laws and factors can come into play or be put into motion to keep a conflict going if that is the interest of one or both parties. 

Keeping these kinds of 'realities' and insights in mind when planning events, even funerals and memorial services, weddings or other big events (especially if people are drinking or getting carried away, needing to drive from one location to another--again important to note the effect of alcohol or the stress such as going to funerals or even exciting events like having babies, being at weddings and celebrating graduations and so on.

Groups dynamics are somewhat 'predictable' but likely having some 'go-to support people' such as counselors, relaxation and refreshment stations and so on, even blood sugar pressure and sugar level checking stations might make sense.

For sharing in a more considerate, therapeutic way, maybe smaller group gatherings would make sense initially before larger ones. Having some info about how a person may go through different kinds of feelings or experiences relative to a change or loss would be helpful.

Having a list of feelings, ways to connect with nature and relax, to socialize with a simple meal out or in the home of a friend or family member can bring awareness  to what works. More to come soon.