More NShA: New Shared Agenda: Rethink Everything (Part Two)

Ever think of what would happen if one really tried to pull the tablecloth out from everything on the table?

Dishes would go flying, bottles of water would tip over and i not capped, spill onto the floor and likely everyone would jump back from the table!

What if something like this happened  when having fondue at a family party?

 Consider what could happen if someone thought it were safe to 'relight' the flame below the little warming pot and didn't realize something had dripped in the way of lighter fluid so that in a moment the table cloth caught on fire!

If someone were holding a little child on their lap whose hands were on the table, the child could get burned even if the adult tried to back up quickly. Seconds count. While  it wouldn't take long to put the fire out by smothering it and dousing it, the tablecloth  (which ironically could have burned off thus disappearing without removing the items) would come off . But in this case everything would be removed. Then  the table  would  be reset.

Note for more practical consideration: Never leave candles or flammable things unsupervised (and always have a pitcher of water to put something out or help someone with a burn if handling hot things. Do this Especially if there are children or others who may be prone to toy with them or people under the influence or those who are very tired etc..such as No Smoking in Bed, etc.

The precautions would include not covering a lamp shade with a cloth to dim the lilght, especially not in a closet where the door could be closed by mistake and cause a housefire, particularly if the closet ceiling is open and leads to the attic.

That's the wisdom of having a sealed hinged door to go into the attic, to prevent a fire from readily spreading to another area, In general Closing Doors is important even if leaving an apartment or home to not feed more fresh air to a fire or allow it to spread.

That's the big insight from the tragic fire in New York City at the turn of  the 2018 new year. That began by an child playing with a stove handles, and the door being left open when they fled the apartment, allowing the flames to spread up the stairwell and claim other lives. Sadly the other important lesson about disposing of ashes properly (with dousing with water or otherwise burying them) and not too close to a house in another lesson many people heard of when a house caught fire from that.

Overall, having fire alarms and checking them makes sense as do many safety tips for living with children and others to all be accountable for one's whereabouts and activities that are safe and reasonable. Now back to 'starting fresh agreements with common sense and not over complicating things with laws upon laws..since more wisdom is surfacing and more people are being given 'civil rights' and ways to make relationship terms  voluntarily that work for both or all parties in a household or when in parenting or other caregiving relationships.

For those in legal marriages or domestic partnerships or parenting (whether married or not) more sites and groups could offer ideas (along with what people think of themselves) to have a fair, reasonable terms of living together, caring for others, providiing financial contributions, using available programs and support, networking and being in good health with a decent lifestyle (having a physical every few years, going to the dentist, having a mental health screening if presenting with symptoms for a few weeks or more or any sudden conflict or onset of symptoms as well, and being open to relationship coaching if one party or another person expresses concerns.) Wating for things to escalate and remain 'foggy' can be harmful to all involved as well as children (and even pets, especially if there is abuse.).

The overall lack of knowledge and ways to encourage at least one party to get some attention for pressing matters is the conundrum many people face. The practical help for 'manpower' for housekeeping, childcare, transportation, earning money, getting to school and overall making a plan to get things done and doing them is another concern. Yet if one can afford some of the help, apply to programs, find a team of support to design other short-term interventions and check the laws about what would be involved Before doing so much light could be shed on many matters.

Everyone should have access to the internet and support to help get to sites and people that they can talk to somewhere in their country and language, even if they are in another country. The new knowledge and way of assessing concerns is moving toward Validating the Victim, Helping them Understand they did not Cause the problem, Cannot Control It or Cure it particularly on their own. Their best Exit strategy is to Detach with Love and Find help getting out of dodge. That is easier said than done even if 'just' dealing with someone who has a drug or alcohol problem who is not abusive.

Usually there is a some of that mixed in, like a mixed drink. Still, more people working together to provide support to the victim and assure the person with a substance abuse problem or a knack for abusing or controlling or even neglecting others (kind of a strange mixed drink but common blend) that many people have gone down such a path and there is help for one and all members at least as individuals to find 'stable ground'.

The worry or drama as well as the reality of ever living with the 'qualifier' or abuser as the case may be is a separate matter. Unfortunately the way the domestic abuse laws as well as the divorce, and custody laws work, one may feel they are plunked squarely not only in middle of a court but on a battlefield peopled with 'family, friends, counselors, ministers, evaluators, doctors, detectives, police, judges, attorneys, school personnel, town leaders and one's own children and family from both sides of the family.' Good luck 'coming out alive and intact' without a few years of 'deep sea diving'.No one will seem to have any 'easy answers' or even practical advice and guidance, particularly if an abusive father seeks sole custody.

There are only a few things to fight over, and the most obvious one unfortunately is also the most fragile, emotionally and mentally if not physically...the children..and of course, their mother. There's much more about that on this blog and other sites such as Lundy Bancroft.com and it could take another ten years for more of the public to Tune In to Make a Meaningful Chorus of Concerted Efforts.

The programs from The Duluth Model could be emualated but again, it's no one group's job to make all the changes. The dance of making a difference needs to account for all of those who deserce a place at the table, primarly The Valiant Victims..survivors and thrivers who thankfully are being acknowledged as such from folks like David Mandel. The Safe and Together programs are shared around the world, but the practical wisdom is not always readily available.

The idea of collaborating across sectors of the society to protect children who are sadly 'like sitting ducks' is a full-time job few brave doing. To be ready to work with women and educate them will take a long time since the national domestic violence approach was to let woman call the shots on the premise they know how to manage the abuser. The other concern that she get out for safety is not a guarantee he won't retaliate by seeking custody (and often getting it.) In terms of learning all about The Systems..well they could help but are not able to give legal advice.

That means she needs to Get Herself to the Internet and the Library (hopefully not trying to inform her abuser of all she is learning, even though the hope of getting him to Change his Ways through education is rampant.) With all these 'warnings' which likely fall on deaf ears on all but the more desparate victims, the hope is that in years to come, enough other people will try to understand the modern day landscape of the legalities of being a parent, a parnter and even a young adult.

The world shoudl be more compassionate and there are roads to sanity and safety. In time more people could try to take a set of screenings to see where they really are and try being away for a day, a weekend and a week by themselves...maybe longer like a few months or a half a year to see if they can find their inner balance and learn about how to function independently or in relationships with family, friends or romantic partner with agreements and accountability.

With more shared wisdom and ways to 'make peace with the past', largely with public or supervised gatherings for any pairs or small groups of people who are trying to rebuild a safe way of relating or working together, the better.

It may not be possible to have people physically interact as in the past once boundaries are clarified given the nature of the violations that have occurred. Ideally someone whose been victimized by another would not be alone with the perpetrator in a car or even in a home without others readily available.

Even conversations over the phone or online would not be recommended without an informed competent overseer. That would be a lot to ask, but for those in strained family situations or other small groups fraught with conflict, that'd be a good starting place.

Most perpetrators will not want any monitoring and won't go to get an assessment for bullying or worse.  Even bystanders need help understanding how it is they let things pass them by rather than develop better ways to understand what they are witnessing. 

As for those doing the abusing and even counselors and the bully's friends, they may  feel 'it all makes sense to them' for the bully to blame others (often blaming the victims while letting perpetrators define everyone else's reality.)

The metaphysical possibilities are vast for how such 'undercover dynamics' may turn into illness in the perpetrator or the victims, or those around them.

The sad thing on top of all the suffering is the unchecked cycle...like running out of air in one's tires but not knowing to stop and check the pressure until it goes flat. A tire can be pumped with air or readily replaced. The illness or worse, violence, cannot always be undone and fixed.

That's where the media is teeming with crime dramas after the harm is done. We need to replace those with shows about civil court custody, divorce, tenant and financial cases which ideally would include how to stop a downward spiral. Even better, how to Prevent the Need for such a legal exit option by not getting married or making rash decisions (even about marrying if one is pregnant. Maybe it's best to wait a few years to know someone, and even a few years After having a child to get married.

The legal or other financial benefits need to be balanced with the potential calamity that would come to having to go through courts to be divorced. There are amicable ways to do that which are less costly (but not necessarily in terms of what would be legally required to pay the other person for alimony or with child support. Some of that can be waived, or if low income not be required for paying for college. Some states require parental contributions to a college student's tuition and support at a state college level if the parents have the means. Sometimes that is the case Only if a couple is divorced (and is included in the divorce decree if they have the means.)

This kind of 'future consideration' is almost impossible for younger couples to anticipate. Some say without evidence of paternity the father will not have to pay child support. While many states find ways to 'order a paternity test' that is not necessarily the case.

There are many points that deserve clarification so everyone can be better informed. Without knowing 'what's what' many people who Could help or weigh in intelligently on these matters in general or on more specific details, do not feel they are qualified, have the time or the inclination to do so.

Better to watch crime dramas, many of which unfortunately depict women being hurt or killed and present a playbook of how-to's along with an array of 'illnesses' which likely could influence others who are 'on the fence' or toying with crossing lines of decency and respect.

The idea of the Golden Rule could be aired and discussed to help more people doublecheck the possibility of what they are doing or thinking of doing as being done to them or those they care about. Would they really want to watch or do certain things 'even if they could get away with it'?

Do they really feel in control when losing their temper and blaming others for their words and deeds? Are the really okay with bouncing checks or taking things that are not theirs? How about mistreating others, would they want to be mistreated?

Maybe there is a kind of 'compulsion to repeat' they do not realize..and like seeking the answer to a question about the past, if they are wanting to harm others maybe they do want to harm themselves.

Maybe a bully is feeling like a victim, or a victim like more of victim from not being wanted as a child or even being conceived. Half of all pregnancies are unplanned, and about half of those are aborted. The other half that are kept may still feel unwanted. The mother and even the other parent may struggle with accepting that pregnancy and child even years later. The point in time can become a funnel for other disappointments. If the father intentionally got the mother pregnant against her wishes that is at least negligent if 'accidental' but also is criminal if intentional.

There are new terms in England for whether a mother will get support for that child if she reports that the father forced the conception and she stays with him..or has another child with him.I will have to review those terms which are fairly new.

The point is the field of possibilities and confusion is wide open.

Separate housing options for short-term stays (even a day here and there) may prove a reasonable form of 'birth control' and relationship management to protect  every woman who is ovulating from being in range of her male partner if this kind of matter is an issue. These were additional thoughts added to the original post.which starts again from here.

That's the kind of vision I am having today on January 8th, 2018. We need a major mind reset. With endless amounts of information online and a few new ideas leaking into mainstream media and society at large, it's time to sit and think about things for a few minutes (or days) while we have them.

I didn't have much access to television while a stay-at-home type mom over 15 years (which didn't mean I was only home since I drove a lot to take our kids to programs, school and on short trips, but I did homeschool them until they were about 7 so had plenty of time hands on with daily tasks and even caring for others along the way.

All of that is the kind of dream some people had even back in the 1990s when often both parents would have to work jobs requiring childcare. I managed to care for other children or elderly whio let me bring my little one(s) along. Those were private cases but that kind of work may help more people as the elderly need more care staying in their own home or communities.

I have watched a few dozen crime shows in the past few weeks and likely about 50 or so over the past five years. Scandal, How to Get Away With Murder (only a couple of seasons so may have to see whodunnit Cliiff notes but the point is we are all learning more about crime and law than we ever imagined.)

Unfortunately we also are likely gettling more accustomed to a military type police presence that could be a transition to a military police state. A friend whose much savvier than I am shared that was the case twenty years ago..it wasn't just coming..it was here. 

People who lived through the Occupy Wall Street Movement and dozens of protests and marches since are more informed directly or in general that 'everybody needs to know a lot more than just showing up at a protest or march. ' Ideally more people plan to go with groups and get informed and prepared

(Yes, even with adult diapers if you are not allowed out to use a bathroom which can happen at big events of one's choosing for fun such as parades or concerts, etc. Don't quote me but that's what I've heard.)

What I wanted to highlight is that the criminal court system is  NOT the norm for most citizens going to court..that would be Civil Court or Family Court (which is part of Civil Court.) Some states allow for aspects of a divorce or custody matter to be heard in criminal court yet others 'keep everything related to a divorce in a civil court process.'

Even with the federal modern laws about domestic abuse and marital rape, business as usual can cloud the options or the process of understaning a Woman and her children can be in serious physical or mortal danger during a custody or divorce hearing and even well after. That insight is one that is shared at the Battered Woman's Custody Conference.

The statistics are alarming for Any Woman or Child, and even for a Man who may be at risk for doing the abuse. IF they are in the small but serioius percent of 'ongoing divorce actions and a man seeking sole custody against the wishes of the mother' the odds for harm go way up (for the children as well as the mother. ) In addition the biological father who ever kills the mother and/or the children one out of three times kills himself.

The mental anguish and instability is something more people have to ponder in society, not on crime shows. The criminal courts come into play After a Crime has been committed. That's far too little, too late for victims. Even in divorce or custody cases, someone has to file to get matters addressed in court. Many women don't make it to court alive, and some kids don't either.

That's a Huge Problem even before Bernie Sanders used that term to highlight other maladies in our society. The biggest problem is that We Are NOT Talking about the Modern Options for Women and Children to understand they are 'sitting ducks' for a great amount of neglect and violence not only in schools and the workplace, not only linked to sexual assault and mistreatment, but pretty much across the board and very much in faith circles which insist on submission by and large with no game plan for safety and respect that has any teeth in it.

Ministers, deacons and other church members are not instructed in domestic violence or divorce and custody law enough to make them think much more seriously about insisting on celibacy before marriage, not having children 'out of wedlock' or being only with one partner early on in life or getting married to save face or even to provide for their children economically.  

Some leaders or people with convictions will be extra strict with their own children (while others may let them off the hook and make a way to save face if not have an abortion, whatever would work for the adults' views and standards takes precedence if they know what their young adult or even adult children are doing.

It is no one's job to intervene or clarify the standards of legal and reasonable freedoms and protections of civil rights in faith or other cultural, school or college  or other private or public communities in the United States or Other Countries.

Groups like Doctors Without Borders or WHO, World Health Organization or Amnesty International would do well to offer a guideline to reasonable paths people could follow in rearing children with awareness of civil rights, appropriate ways and ages to inform them about many bodily functions and the realm of intimate and sexual interactions,resources online anonymously and otherwise for support without having to involve the laws of one's state or country and the ones that would have legal resources for them.

Basically the practices today in those areas are 'all over the map' in terms of not allowing prosecution for some matters, and insisting on it for others. When children are witnessing violence is now a more common criteria to 'step in and take over' yet for women to get help short of that is a higher bar to reach  and often with minimal consequences.

A woman does not need a man to be fulfilled is something a savvy older woman shared with me as an important message for all women to hear. Same for a man not needing a woman or for whichever gender to feel they need another of the same of other variation. One person does not inherently need to find a partner in life to be happy or complete was this person's point.

that could be discussed more fully in terms of what is 'appropriate and reasonable' for someone in 2020 to be able to expect given other needs for living, working, caring for whoever is in their life and meeting other commitments or interests. Putting one's hours and efforts on a time sheet to see if one had the Time, Money or Resources (from others or ones own reserves or earnings or gifts) to afford basic living costs and ways to fill out and keep up with paperwork would be a reasonable First Step.

Not that everyone would have to be able to do everything independently before they could join efforts with another as a friend, housemate, or dating or more intimate partner. But some 'clear steps' to shed light on the options Every Person Has Today versus what they agreed to decades ago or even more recently would make sense.

Acknowledging that women were and often still are second class citizens and had special biological considerations  (women being able to get pregnant before menopause around age 45-50 for instance and some birth control pills being illegal and not available until the mid 1960s is important to consider as a different world those women faced.)

Then the legal, social and other societal opportunities for women even if expanding on the books were not readily available to all given their socio economic status. We now know their are vast differences in educational opportunities even in the same state or city.

Connecticut is seeking to find ways to address those huge discrepancies (many of which I saw as a teenager going from a small successful high school if one had talent and applied oneself, to an inner city one where I got in better classes but where many likely couldn't read or get ahead with home support) to Roger Ludlowe in Fairfield CT where there were AP Classes and plenty of supports for those doing well. Still likely many struggled even in the well-off communities. 

The pros  and how to points for doing well in school, in relationships and in life are not spelled out.  As I have tried to encourage closing such gaps, others would dismiss my efforts as too critical or not appropriate to 'offer advice without being asked to people in person or in print.' I respectfully disagree.

In terms of young people, especially women but even men, being 'forced or pressured' to not be allowed to date at a teenager or older child (with appropriate limits if still living at home) or having to marry before having intercourse, often people are brainwashed early on and often throughout life to follow a path that may not give them access and confidence to use the legal measures that should be there to protect them.

No woman or man can  know fully how they will really feel in an intimate relationship in the first few months or years even to have to make a lifelong commitment. Having children without much forethought is another challenge we have not taken the time to help people think through not only as couples but even as families who may be expected or needed to help out with financial support or child care (short term or longer, from time to time or helping pay for or give rides to transport to appointments or programs it not for food and other basics.)

If someone has a medical condition again, few supports are anticipated  ahead of time. Support for all birth mothers and others rearing children would be a wonderful effort for every community. Perhaps creating parenting networks through local public schools (via a PTA or other recreational group from the town, etc) or every few blocks in a public school district if in a city would make practical sense.

The DV agencies, too few and far between with many of their own criteria that complicate matters further for women to get the help they need (particularly education about the legal practicies and agencies that could abscond their children or impose new regulations on them for 6 months to two years or more and then have grounds to put their children in foster care or adoption programs for not following the rules and so on.

Those terms for proving one's parenting skill and commitment may include having to attend regular supervised visitations, have housing checks with aspects many 'unmonitored families' do not have to even hear about and an array of other possibilities the public is not privvy to. If people in general do not know or care about what families with young families are facing, they are not apt to get involved. When they learn how heartbreaking and complicated it can be, they can be even more repelled to even donate to a hopeless mess. 

Other blog posts such as the big What IF questions can help people think anew and creatively about all manner of things. The latest videos from Linda M Howe and even Steven Greer or the NewParadigm.no site review that we may have 'help from on high' in terms of aliens or other very advanced technologies to help us Rethink Everything (the experiences of the past included.

What lessons did we learn together as a country, as men, women and youth? How would we like to see things improve once ideas are shared? Reese Witherspoon gives a great talk on Glamour about how more women around the world need to be celebrated and included to help reshape our values and world. She has produced inspiring films with female characters with compelling stories and many talents.

That could be Every Woman..and yes Every Man and Youth as well. Some say we need to redo our schooling to allow students more freedom to learn as they desire rather than insist on certain programming (in specific ways if that doesn't seem to click with the students.)

Some like Gregg Braden say we have a new type of human capacity. All of that is worth googling and pondering maybe with another person or two (or not if no one is receptive in your circles..you could be The First...) Okay, thanks for tuning into this with me. I type these out in one fell swoop so will take a break. Wishing all well and overall encouraging everyone to review The Checklist fo Chicks and Guys on the first pages of this blog.

I welcome help with this effort on many levels too. Write to me at thinkingkapp@gmail.com if that's more comfortable than brainstorming in the comments. It's a new time for US-All and the Disclosure Project and other news about possibilities could inspire many to feel empowered to help one another with safety, respect, getting needed help and inspiration, education and connections to be part of meaningful makeover a long time coming and much needed for healing, forgiveness, and transitioning out of the muck and mire that looms too large in the media and current state of politics near and far.

We all deserve better and can be part of buddy systems to save the day even when things seem dire. See more about how our late teen son Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton did just that when faced with very life-threatening emergencies when an recreational river event (not condoned by me but sadly by most of the other parents to let the teens be adventurous on their last day of their freshman year of high school...).

Kaelan's quick thinking and powerful effort to reach a friend in serious whitewater may have bought his friend time and faith to fight to stay above water..and Kaelan did reach him against astounding odds. One psychic said that when he pushed his friend one way that's when Kealan went under. His friend also went under but resurfaced and realized then and there Kaelan was gone.

Thankfully a rescuer, Skip Kosciusko, about 50 years old, had gotten a 911 call about the emergency at The Falls in Falls Village CT (and Salisbury CT where thankfully there is access to the river bank and river though he had to use his climbing ropes from his tree service rather than the stronger ones for rescues amidst the pounding water. That sound and fury of the falls made it difficult to know where the trapped youth was, and the forces of the falls tore the jeans that Skip was wearing. He was able to secure a hoop of rope around the youth's body but got knocked away by yet more strong falling water.

Thankfully, the lad was still secured when he swung back in to find him. Skip was able to lift him up with him the 50 feet back to dry ground above. Only then did he realize that the young man was calling out for Kaelan.

Since Skip knew our family from the community over the last decade and since going to high school with us particularly Kaelan's Dad David, who played soccer then and did whitewater seriously over the years, he knew then what a tragedy had unfolded. Only later did he and the rest of the world realize Kaelan had gone in to try to save this friend after he had already pulled two others out from a safer position on the shore.

Even those could have proved dangerous for Kaelan given the physics and fear that gripped the other two tall fellows who literally needed a hand to get back on land. Kaelan was small in stature but mighty with his conviction and his strength. I credit  to the divine workings of God  in helping Kaelan not only with his incredible strength and skill but for his  quick thinking to signal to his friends to call 9-1-1 with his hands above the thundering falls heart's utmost desire to not have his friend perish in the river but in giving him. 

In addition to all of that I see the kind of lifelong respect Kaelan had for the miracles of Jesus (particularly in his youth even though that became more a source for inquiry about whether that could happen and whether limiting the blessings of God to those who knew Jesus would really be the Christly way of doing religion.

He was distressed to think many around the world would perish for a lack of knowledge or even faith in Jesus as Lord and Messiah. How could that be when Jesus and God were loving Beings?

I would ask out ministers and others on his behalf and the idea of 'we're all lost at sea and Jesus is the rescuer' was an analogy that came to mind. It was on more of a spiritual guidance and empowerment level to not give into despair and to live with integrity and fairness as a guide that I was sharing that.

Over the last ten years or so I have explored that more and let the 'wall of separation' that I'd been led to believe was the appropriate response not only for those who have died but for anything 'outside of science or reality as we've known it in the civilized world' to be questioned and explored.

I still do the exploring mainly through thinking, reading, and talking with others rather than getting into various experiences I don't think may work out well or be safe. But even there 'the best laid plans' sometimes don't work out and more learning comes. Ideally we'd all have enough of a team spirit to hear one another's earnest concerns and needs.

Being accountable for agreements and following through with plans can be a shared value. The more we can consider the golden rule of treating others the way we would like to be treated, with decency, honesty, respect and kindness, the more inspiring our journeys can be.

Well, now it's time to take a break but the point is also that we do have time and ways to consider many aspects of any part of our lives from the past or here in the present and ways to anticipate the future with a wider sense of acceptance of a range of options rather than feeling locked in, trapped, abandoned or otherwise in distress. We are not trapped in whitewater or watching our friends in peril so needing to make a life and death decision with only seconds on the clock and our own human mind and body to execute our decision.

As Kaelan said in his 8th grade speech, : We all have friends. And if you have friends, you can get through anything!" His teacher Monica Connor spoke eloquently as did Skip Kosciusko on the youtube Memorial Service which can bring many others hope when facing sudden changes or difficulties or death. We need find and sustain that inner courage and flame of greater love and feel the love from above.

The maze of decisions and ninja type death-defying maneuvers that Kaelan undertook can shine through the confusion of today for every one of us, or as I like to think for Every Buddy. Be a buddy to yourself and take it easy on yourself. We are each shaped by so much as infants and young children we are hardly fully responsible for who we become. How we treat our friends, partners, family and children..well, that's on us for the most part. I sometimes have considered that the way I nurtured Kaelan bred him to be that kind fo hero...but trying to prevent that kind of crisis was also a lifelong venture for me.

Still the series of life events and relationships of Kaelans' life, like anyone who is fully engaged in their experiences, was his maze and as his teacher touched upon, his magic. That he may have been instrumental in saving his two friends as well as the third friend is something we can all honor and find ways to live a little better and even more fully over our lives.

That his efforts may have been 'incidental' and not key to saving his third friend is something I have given thought to as well, as may be instructive for more people to do and even train to consider the consequences. Had he not gone in, the lad may have given up yet maybe Kaelan would have been able to instruct him to hang on and to look up if he'd been aware that Help WAS on the Way,coming from on high as though an angelic intervention.

I do not overlook the community  (grade school, high school, faith, sports and other area) connections that adults, youth and others have with those on rescue squads, school groups, sports and wider associations.

 Plenty of people  in our small towns in MA/NY and CT had hard times whether due to illness, drugs,violence, injury, aging, even incest or sexual assault --not that all were identified by name, but yes, some included a couple of young people who visited violating a couple of younger kids who they got to know when someone was trying to help them.

One of those young victims who saw a short video about telling if someone bullied you, was able to disclose the abuse shortly thereafter. Nothing was in the media due to people's young ages, and it was only two of reported cases in that  state. 

The child said it was so helpful to do so and recommended that no one keep such a difficult thing to oneself. Not telling felt like an emergency with sirens blaring. Being able to tell was like having the ambulance arrive and the sirens stop.

Sadly other people in our community could not help the youth who did the molesting to assure they were safe even though many realized the likelihood of their abuse. It took many years to get some relief for them when they stepped forward. Thankfully they had not harmed their victims physically (aside from the abuse ) or mortally. They eventually got to safer circumstances.

Unfortunately in any state in the US or around the world, many people with strict religious  or cutlural heritages or current beliefs would impose threats or actual penalities on victims, whistleblowers or people who were not following their conservative edicts.

The idea of 'sparing the rod and spoiling the child' or finding ways to beat the devil out of a child or preclude a young adult from  sinning and being damned to hell are common themes. More faith, school and even family or social and recreational groups could use 'safe church policies" by monitoring behaviors and sharing guidelines to inform adults and youth about appropriate interactions when with programs and in certain places.

For the most part,that could carry over to encourage such guidelines at home with support for respectful conduct and 'discipline' as well as dealings in general on everyone's part. Furthermore, agencies and faith groups could promote the idea if there have been past violations those are not going to be tolerated if repeated.

A further suggestion that people step down and do the next right thing, no questions asked, but ideally some consults would be given or received to help people get back on track. Ideally the generational violence would not exist in a vacuum and would cease due to a mix of logic and mandates, whether perpetrated by adults or youth of any gender. I used the term male for abusers but there are cases of female abusers as well.

Sometimes the parents 'join forces' in a perfect twisted storm and hurt and abandon their children or abuse them emotionally if not physically, sometimes thinking that is being consistent even if they 'cross the line by threatening bodily harm and negating their parental love' as a way to threaten them into being compliant with religious or cultural rules.

What IF there's some truth to the concerns of someone being with someone before heterosexual marriage damaging their soul or their lives (unplanned pregnancy, the 'need' for an abortion or adoption, new stress on their body due to pregnancy and a change in their life plans whether marrying or not if having the child..or even if opting for adopting out or for an abortion if one does not miscarry --which does happen more often than most realize.) There is a difference between discussion, warning and threatening. The latter are against the law. There's a lot more to consider, but this could prove very helpful to more in our country and world. 

The questions are Endless and while common for anyone in that arena, are not well-explored and understood as part of family, social circle and community dynamic. We don't do our homework in advance so end up knowing 'too little too late, feeling emotional, and basically Unprepared.'

Even if having a child of one's choosing, the kind of social and practical preparationg, financing and planning for the unexpected (anything from snow storms, travel issues, or immediate support in labor whenever it starts or is deemed imminent for one's health, and much more) are again moot points for Joe and Jill Q Public (or Joe and Joe or Jill and Jill but likely they are a little better prepared since they would not be getting pregnant by chance generally speaking.Some people are in open or multiple relationships without telling their main partner, so there could be cases of surprise pregnancies there.

Then there is the realm of one party wanting to keep a pregnancy and the other not (even if both on board or agreeing to an abortion beforehand, it is up to the birth mother to decide. The other current concerns to review is 'selective abortion' if one has more than one embryo whether due to in vitro or natural occurrence. Triplets can occur  naturally for instance 1 in 10,000 times I think.

And there was a case of quintuplets as in 5 at once. I know cases where the families successfully kept a set of triplets and another of quintuplets (both with CT roots so careful of what's in the water here if you are not wanting a big family, just kiidding.)

These are the kinds of heavy questions that more people could help find ways to share with anyone 'in the realm of needing some extra support.' That could be any of us given energy levels, mental health needs, financial dealings, help with paperwork for insurance or medicare or medicaid and lots more.

RIght on through 'end of life matters' which again, No One is Speaking About in the mainstream media..who own just about everything. Okay, so with that, I will wrap this very important comprehensvie post, which like most 'takes on a life of its own.' Hope something resonated along the way. More ideas on www.civicresearchinstitute.org about Domestic Violence and Custody by Barry Goldstein is key to consider from the state legislature on down.

Each generation gets what is on the menu (mostly made by men and implemented by yet more men or people not putting the victim's case in a clear light.) There is not ongoing support for single mothers with children or poor people in general so that's where many people compromise their values and stay with abusive people. Any family or household could be open to learning more ways to clarify needs, routines, space uses, food and financial plans and any shared household tasks or care for children, elderly or others.

A key development in recent years in some states is help for affording childcare or elder care or health care for those in need in their homes or with private help with funds from the state. Things to help elderly people review their living situations so they understand the current services could give each person in a relationship or household a needed intervention (at any age) to find a safe housing and care situation.

Other challenges such as admitting abuse or being a victim (even from episodic times in the past but those can often prove a lifelong veiled threat or worry) need to be explored. Not everything would need to be prosecuted ideally to be practical and allow a person to get to a safe situation. Restraining orders and even custody orders or divorce terms are not often followed by one or both parties for a variety of reasons.

There likely are dozens of cases going unaddressed for all of the ones that make it to court. That's where schools should teach these things early in grade school, when key insights are being made. The balancing act of educating children but not having them swept into foster care (some say  to meet quotas with a fair amount of corruption in the mix over the decades but still likely prevalent since the funding is very high.)

The array of challenges are practically endless, yet clearing up the confusion as to Why That is the Case can happen likely more quickly and calmly than most imagine. We could us more groups helping people stay accountable and protected from the myriad ways an individual or even small group of individuals or agencies are vulnerable to neglect, wrongdoing or being prone to an intervention without knowing why or the serious repercussions that can follow.

Let's hope enough women and good guys find ways to remedy thsee maladies, make movies such as No Way Out But One or What Doesn't Kill Me and other insightful situations about the cancer in the civil courts.Too often the life events and stress do impact people's health and well-being, mainly the victims, adults and kids, and those around them. The perpetrator may actually be physically fit however or often has a drug or alcohol or mental illness.

Many of his minions will play ball rather than make waves, often each getting some benefit and finding ways to neglect the more serious needs of the victims. Sad but true so that's how real healing can begin for US-All.

Victims will often 'cave in and harm themselves, or maybe their children under stress' whereas perpetrators often hurt others (their victims) or others (at work, drunk driving, and so on, maybe spending much energy and all assets and going into big debt to fight legally for custody or assets...if there are any.)

These news flashes may seem like a doom and gloom scenario, but it's just pulling back the curtain on business as usual while everyone is watching the crime shows After someone's been done in. See the contradiction and waste of resources in that? Lots of good efforts could turn that ship around for all involved. We need new better ways and happier days for all on plan-it heart while she is still up and running...