Some Towns Will Have their Legal Counsel Follow Up on Abuse Allegations against a Town Employee
Without spelling out the name of a town and person under investigation, word is out that one town will seek input from persons who had concerns over the years (decades) about a town employee who allegedly violated a number of young people. Here is a set of comments I shared with others about that news...
Great follow up and as hard as it is to not want revenge for such actions..I've leaned into the notion that "vengeance is the Lord's...' and basically the tough love in the universe doesn't mess around. There''s so much to consider about this kind of problem especially in our modern amazing society...no one is needing to have 'transactional sex' as in some poorer countries. It's time to have ongoing reasonable discussions about 'how does this crapola happen and continue in a climate of silence and secrecy...' I have also said that not all victims need to disclose their abusers.
.It really isn't safe for many to do so and the social, financial, family and friend, and work etc impacts can be profound not only for the abuser..but for the victim and progeny...It's not something that should be allowed or continue so mostly I feel victims need support to get safe and stay safe in many ways...and That's Not Easy to Really Achieve..again due to backlashes in the social and economic if not legal circuits. To give our group here another bit of hope, see Resolution 72 which passed in the House of Representatives on Sept 25th. I'll have a letter to the Lakeville Journal this week.
I do think we could craft a comprehensive notice to encourage everyone to Do the Right Thing...Help People, Don't Hurt Them (as a WKZE announcer says enough that I heard it even though I barely listen to the radio...) Then we could spell out some particulars about Boundaries socially and physically etc so more people would feel secure about protecting themselves..everything from safe distance to safe touch (if any)...Asking if it's okay to give someone a hug or kiss (rather than assuming even if dating and getting involved...)
Well there's lots more and it's late now. But the other biggie would be to encourage anyone whose been abusive in any way to others (intimidating, threatening, physically or sexually controlling or violating another one or more times) to get help and to step down from any position where s/he may harm someone again, intentionally or inadvertently or even if certain one can 'control themselves'..Without some serious counseling that's not likely..and even with it, the odds are not much better. It could take a long time and a lot of consistent effort to understand WHAT one did that is not right..and HOW to go about resolving to address that issue.
There are not many services to help people in this way and there likely could be mental health and substance issues (not that that causes the abuse, but it could be a factor..) A lot of insight is offered in The Wisdom of the Enneagram or other books and programs about personality, zodiac, family systems, energy and thinking...even whether one feels alone versus supported by others and 'loved from above' (angels, spirits, loving reasonable spirit guides and so on...and various religious figures...) Lots to ponder but also some easy things to try in terms of setting better boundaries (and getting help to do so and review...)
Just telling will not likely result in much action (for a typical situation). In CT (but not neighboring NY) sexual assault Victims have until age 48 if abused before age 18...but I'm not sure about after that age. A review of the laws would help. I have a blog www.livfully.org with a few posts that can be helplful..and one is about naming body parts with a letter-number code so there's a unified way of talking about things without getting triggered (as much) and to help people of various languages, ages and skills have a way to describe 'what happened where and to which parts of one's body...' and of course there are other impacts,which again we could have a menu of options to help people describe things without having to say everything outright...as they may feel is helpful.
The counseling and processing is likely as important and could prove helpful in legal matters..but one thing at a time... It's important to realize many people for various reasons will not be able to hear one's complaints or concerns. They may have had similar problems they don't even realize or were sworn to secrecy in general about such 'personal matters' or hope it won't happen so cut off from the reality..all called dissociation.
Evan Stark speaks about that happening even among professionals..they are just people and much is broken in the court system even for women trying protect their children from abusive and sometimes sexually assaulting biological fathers.Let's not take the good folks for granted and see what we can do to prevent any further harm..or intervening in a timely fashion. This is how bridges are built..with the broken hearts motivating people to speak up even if it takes a few decades to feel safe and motivated to do so, often in an effort to Stop the Madness, The Violence, The Abuse and tstart feeling and healing and preventing harm.
Sounds better than business as usual..and yes, there will be trade offs..some needing to move or change jobs or take a big break to get help or heal... It's all worth doing while alive..and best not to drown worries and cover wrongs with drug use or drama. With everyday cancer or injuries needing serious healing, the healing of the heart and mind with the likely result of separation between a victim and the abuser for a long enough time to allow things to be sorted out and for each to really consider what might be safe and capable of doing with support would make sense okay, getting past midnight for me and sleep is needed.
Ideally everyone can have a real break when sleeping and pace the concerns with writing and support as is safe and reasonable and affordable to do so. See the work of the late acupuncturist and advocate KarenKisslinger.com did in this field with her short video Critter Jitters..Nice messages for any age. I have a copy and we could arrange to see it in the tri-corner area of MA/NY CT.
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Appreciating DV Services Yet We Must Do More As People!
Thanks for being there...All who attended, who support WSS and do additional advocacy which is needed in words and deeds. I cover a lot of the latest (and maybe some of the greatest legislation that would inform the laws of our country) on my blog, www.livfully.org Mainly see www.caprotectiveparents.org. Resolution 72 is a current action the Senate will hopefully pass to prioritize children's safety in custody disputes. Now it's one of many factors, too often with tragic results.
Almost 60K kids end up with their abusive parent for custody when a protective Mom raises concerns.Let's all learn and help younger women and even men understand the risks that can come from not having better insight into What Abuse Is, what causes and feeds it, and how to clarify boundaries and new terms for interaction that a community would help promote..so people are not operating in darkness and without support. Sadly the laws have always been lacking even after established, and often misapplied in ways that victims could suffer even more.
The family court in any state, including CT, does not routinely seek to identify abuse cases, but Resolution 72 would take allegations seriously and insist on better practices to provide women and children with safety and respect. Thanks for looking into this matter regularly as citizens so we can work as a united force to educate one another and find ways to address concerns early on..and often with teams of support.
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