Lots of Timely Wisdom (hard won by some but to save you the trouble or blind-siding!)Check Out Podcasts and a Black Friday Special (two diff resources, one from DerekRydall.com)

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving 2022...We made it! Good luck not overdoing it at meal time! Having something like a drink of water or light tea or juice with a tsp of Konsyl (a psyllium husk drink like Metamucil but without sugars or fake sugars which of course can spike blood sugars...) if your doc is on board with that or other professionals if you have medical issues...15 min before you have your meal can add helpful fiber for digestion and give you a headstart on feeling full not starving hungry! On that note, a breakfast with some protein (and again easy on the carbs) is another tip I've heard can help you head in a happy tummy direction.

A simple blessing of gratitude, a deep breath and moment to appreciate all that factored into your food, day and connections with your team and community also can season the meal with the satisfying vibe. If people are drinking realize it can affect their thinking or shorten their fuse even as the day goes on or they are driving (hopefully a designated driver if anyone is imbibing or otherwise altering their equlibrium even with legal drugs or lack of sleep or too much stress or even over the top excitement..maybe someone got engaged or hasn't seen family in ages...Just "Easy Does It" as the Alcoholics Anonymous motto goes on all things... moderation, reflection, responding with some deep breaths and allowing others their experiences and opinions...Okay to step away into another room, make a call to a support person or check something online (for a friend if you need a reason other than your own focus.) 

Here's a timely turn of events that may help you tune into flow and fun... A woman "Tess" shopping casually saw a friend "Sally" in need of funds at the cash register. The person had dropped their wallet likely in their car and could repay right away even though Tess said it was okay, they'd see each other.

The friend  Sally said she was going away soon so wanted to repay promptly. After loading up the groceries and going out to her car with her, Tess asked where Sally was going on a trip. In a few minutes they figured out Tess could housesit for Sally's plants and so on and even allow Tess' grown kids to stay there for a weekend. All over a chance encounter...among people who knew each other for years from other common groups. Turns out Tess' kids already paid for the place they'd be staying at, but maybe they could have a visit at the nice home too for a meal along the way..or other things may work out.

More planning among people in advance may have alerted Tess and Sally to how they could have helped each other (with a loan for groceries...and Sally did have the funds in her car, so that was a plus.) Securing what one needs before transitioning from a car, store, home or a trip would always be a good plan, maybe even calling a friend and running through the list of what's needed and being open to thinking "What Else" might one need. Having some money and supplies (even a change of clothes or added layers for warmth, a large plastic new garbage bag in case of rain or needing to keep something dry' would also be a plus. Hope such tips are helpful!

See what DerekRydall.com and other helpful personal coaches are offering with their Black Friday Deals which often start sooner and run longer than not. Think of how you can market your offers to folks even among friends for fun to help more join in..and again prepare for each season and kind of need with a friendly directory among people you know and trust, have back ups and more. That happens in some families and among school or other groups but would be helpful for more to explore even 'for fun or just in case.

' Everyone would do well to learn from ctseniorlaw.com about what a Power of Attorney is in their state and and the overall terms and make plans for the New Year to be more organized for the next 10 years of their life and then back that up for 5 years and what would need to be done between 'now and then' particularly in one is midlife, around 50 or more and thinking of buying a house or downsizing and so forth. There are perks to learning a lot for a year or two and talking things over with elder law attorneys who also know Medicaid spend down rules to cover medical costs or nursing home costs if one is needing long-term care or has a need for two people to help one move or other ADLs, Activities of Daily Living.

That's not just a summary of getting up and having support to eat, use the toilet or move, it's got a lot of implications for qualifying for kinds of care and programs, some that have funding and more. So this is just to wet one's appetite for learning about what some may feel 'doesn not pertain to them right now' or others they know or may want to help just yet. By the way with all of the needs for housing, fuel assistance and food, look into what your state and community offers for SNAP and coverage of a cell phone for many, Fuel Assistance,  help paying for electric bills (those often need to pile up to a certain amount, possibly over 400 dollars or more then there may be forgiveness and reduction programs.

See what Eversource offers in CT and other funding places as bills are projected to increase an average of 80/month I heard on the news recently. People helping those who are working with housing, transportation and more could rally for community efforts. Some places provide a first and last month security (such as through places like New Opportunities in Torrington CT. First people generally need to call 211 and have an intake for each adult in need. See more info on 211.org and also by calling 311 in NYC (or 311.org)

New York may offer housing options for people more than other states because they allow people to connect with the public places and land as part of their state constitution. They also had a new 'Brother's Keeper' Law to allow more outreach and funds to house people. I learned a lot from people who were on the streets that I met briefly when I lived in New York for a couple of years before the pandemic. I was concerned that there were not obvious ways for people to get help without asking or someone requesting it.

There were more homeless outreach workers, especially in Grand Central of NYC and so on. More homeless people could work together to help people with the funds understand the challenges they are facing or supports needed like managing funds they do have from work or other support people. Having an accountability team could help more people show they are willing (and hopefully able) to show up and be respectful and consistent (by and large) with what they are being asked to do.

I know some folks who've helped a couple who have had some ups and downs but are hard workers in fast food places in Torrington CT. They don't have a car but have licenses, They need to stay in that area and I can share other info having gotten to know them over the course of the last six weeks or so. I met them by chance because I had to respond to other pressing needs someone else was having mainly as a mental health issue and moving some items. The one person's confusing mindset turned into a few others adding their confusing and soon people went to court to sort out differences and have a mediated discussion. The judge and other advocates were all confused by the situation and almost embarrassed. But eventually with one person being a good sport and looking for reasonable solutions, things got addressed within a few hours. That happened on the day the CT police were being remembered in Hartford CT with thousands showing support. The one good sport person had hoped to be part of that, having been to the Bristol CT remembrance in Terryville CT earlier in the week and understanding a bit more about things and the families impacted from meeting people who knew them. A new friendship grew out of that which helped the good sport have housing the following month for one night when getting a donated wheelchair for someone who is bedbound generally.

With a few people supporting the person with mental health issues and erratic firing of a person who was not given reasonable notice and time to remove items stored on the property, the matter went to court and cost everyone a few days of work and worry.

Five police had shown up at the initial call made by one of the person's 'helpers and main support person' to insist on making someone leave and arrange to move all of their items which were stored with permission up until that point in a shed.They were friendly for a few minutes (first one, then another called by the person being fired because there was talk of having that person arrested if not moving fast enough to leave even though that was the person's request and to return at a later time once plans could be made to move items with a police presence.

That situation is one that could be used as a guide to help others in the state and country 'prepare to de-escalate, avoid and have appropriate supervision and support teams at the ready to address since moving in and out of a home whether as a guest, residence, workplace or care need can be complicated and often contentious. If someone is mentally unstable they should not be blamed or held accountable for insisting on their own way even if unreasonable but rather a medical and psych team could help assess symptoms and 'restabilize' a situation. Possibly police and ambulance personnel would be needed (especially if the person is compromised with mobility or mental health challenges, known or not known.)

Stress and confusion and particularly any concerns over paying or owing people money can cloud matters. Then people wanting to 'side with' a friend or needy person or even one person or other, can keep people from staying on track about any basic needs or practical ways to address matters. The main problem is no one is thinking about these kinds of 'caregiving or domestic concerns' that are not obvious forms of medical or legal conflicts. Ideally each person would be willing to write down their concerns, needs, ideas for solutions (and that would hopefully include Best and Worst Alternatives Negotiated Agreements, so BATNAs and WATNAs --if memory serves from my mediation training a decade ago.) People could have advocates and use voice texting or emailing to clarify each point in dispute or likely that is confusing people.

Making sweeping statements that someone doesn't like or agree or believe someone without any specific examples or concerns listed makes it easy to keep going 'off track.' The shared goal would be for everyone to 'get back on track' with basics about a job, role, need, offer and so on and to discuss reasonable options to have those met. Keeping lines of communication Open rather than Closed, using advocates and go-betweens can be helpful. Maybe someone is asking for a time-out and to table matters. That can be a great way to help everyone calm down and regroup, maybe get some help from online resources about the 'underlying energy or reasons if someone is having medical issues that may be presenting as personality or other distorted thinking', even 'group confusion' where bullying and covering for one another can take on a life of its own, especially if there is an arena of police, courts and court orders lighting up the game board.

Strangely some people thrive on conflict and are out to win at all costs. The disregard for the basic respect for each person, for instance someone wanting to attend a memorial service (which the one person was able to see part of on another person's cell phone while looking down at the other folks getting in their cars and driving away after being in court for about four hours the day thing got directed from court since the wrong paperwork was filed and was not supported by evidence of the person bringing the allegations up of mistreatment.

That was actually a reverse of the situation where a person needing care was supporting others in bullying a main caregiver who had given far more time and commitment for months on end to help the person stay home rather than land in a nursing home. That kind of 'game board' is something anyone could be looking at 'one health episode to the next' but overall is not well planned for in any community. The effort to allow a few months or more for someone to transition or look for the appropriate care team (that can be compensated if needed, and there are many labor laws about household care employees, some can be independent but overall with certain programs, those rules take precedent.)

 The reason some things were being stored on the property was for a tag sale...bascially an effort to earn what was due for caregiving. That was to raise funds to cover wages for care that one did not have money to afford. That could be a helpful idea for more to join in with whether having an online fundraiser with items or tag sales they donate all or partial funds toward or of course ask for direct support. But the funding would have to go directly to workers and not be passed through the immediate person receiving help. Now whether that is really legitimate or not is a question...Is that a kind of fraud or can people gift each other 15K a year 'for no reason'? No tag sale was ever held and more needs to be understood if things surrendered at a give away location can be resold or it they need to be donated for sale knowingly to a certain group or person.

Someone was doing other work for the person needing care and was not asking to be compensated.

This following idea made her think it would be fraud so wouldn't consider it initially...and so far, nothing like that has happened...but  maybe she could have received gift money from others for that effort and then she in turn could have given that to people who were working without pay or who were needing extra training for learning skills after the initial period. Basically there are a lot of 'pitfalls' that need to be identified in any job or caregiving situation and more people looking at creative and legal solutions would be helpful.

While some people agree not to work without being paid, when someone needs care the person could be left in danger or in neglect. Some people get confused if there is an exception that a worker is allowed to live with someone even though they are not being paid or listed as a live-in (which may be allowed for one person who is not able to leave the premises for any reason as one program from CT Community Cares Inc currently stands and seems extreme.)

Everyone would be wise to learn what is being offered, what kinds of visits and accountability is in place and who is allowed to supplement what is offered or even who is required to be there (as a full-time overseer and residing there for instance to allow for someone who needs care to be home-based and  who 'is their own boss, making sound decisions about the care they receive and so forth.

On an easier, breezier note, check out what this person offers. These are ideas I am sharing for free and am not connected with the resources I list (other than Braintime.com which has a special offer too but is on a separate post!) Happy hunting for that and getting your Team Together to help map out your next steps toward shared success!) I'm off to a community Dinner now! Bon appetit!

Christie Ruffino
Podcaster * Author * Business Strategist * Harley Chick * Proud Grandma X2
Uniting women to connect, grow, and conquer since 2003!

Dynamic Professional Women's Network (DPWN)
The Overcoming Mediocrity Book Project & Podcast