Difficult Post So Put Down Your Coffee. First Inspired by the Idea of Taming Some Misguided Pitbulls to play with kids as in "Pittie Nation", but then talking about taming abusers..hmmm

 I am sharing my response to a recent post from "Pittie Nation" about a family whose trained many pitbulls to be tame, some of whom had been mistreated and were aggresseive. An idea came to my mind --what about:'Taming  agrressive Pit bulls, Taming Abusers". Not to say Pit Bulls are any more aggressive than other dogs naturally, a few savvy friends and the video point out...People mistreating them or training them to be so is the cause of that. This post explores the general sense of nature vs nurture, causes and cures for abuse and...I'll refine more or add your comments. About 600 folks viewed this post in a week...Please consider the value of what I'm saying about Preventing Harm.. something our society and more corporate-driven efforts are Highly Averse to doing whether it's preventing car wrecks, fatalities of any kind from poor health or poor habits or addiction and so on.

Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault are even lower on the list to warn women and children about..hmmm, even good guys don't seem to find a way to get the conversation going about that. 

Not trying to criticize any one state or group, but after a decade of BMCC events, the news needs to be readily available to every woman and child (and pet advocate) as well as good guys and even the bad eggs (about 25% of whom may have a mental health and/or drug problem that makes it even less likely they can or will get help..) but that's about the same prognosis for any abuser and everyone oughtta get a clue about What the Heck is Goin' On Around Here in our good ol' U-S of A. Whose driving the Bus?

 (It's no secret that most reckless driving is done by men, from early on until they tire out about age 35 I'd say..so why not work toward keeping more men under 25 occupied in other ways than driving, especially without supervision if there's any concern about their even-handedness.. everyone is put at risk when people drive under the influence or too fast... so let's intervene early on and often with the trend of not paying attention to obvious ways to make the roads safer.  Many car and driving  tips I learned recently from Survive the Drive in Limerock CT and over time.

Learning how to handle emergencies with a clear head, looking to where you want to go--an exit pathway rather than what's coming up on you-- pertains to driving but also social conflicts.  Keep a seat belt on properly (around the hips not belly and across the chest.) 

Keep cell phones out of view to avoid the 3 seconds it takes to check but also allows for an accident and lots more. Brake hard and fast if you need to and don't be duped by the ABS wobbles that are helping tires slow down in modern cars.

These kinds of tips could apply to handling a lot of kind of conflicts..not letting things pile up and be mishandled. Relationships can be like a drive in a car. Whose driving (the relationship, the finances, the love or sex agreements or offers, the socializing rules or requests, and much more. 

What about sudden changes of terms or events, leaving parties or plans without warning or discussion?

Giving people time or ways to get help to sort through concerns? With driving ideally everyone should be in a decent state of health and not too emotional (too angry, sad, hungry, tired, etc) Same goes with trying to interact with others even in a home. Keep things on an even keel. By the way how you hold the wheel to avoid air bag injury is at a 9 and 3 clock position (not 10 and 2). Allow space also from the wheel for the bag to inflate with force and not knock you out. If your hand is across the wheel when it erupts, you can severely injury yourself..giving yourself a knock out punch with intense forces. "Wrong place at the wrong time' could have new definitions one moment to the next. Same kind of practical defensive strategies to maintain your personal space with someone who is 'tricky' or apt to corner you.

 Speak up and say, "Get Back!" or "I need some space." Put your hands back and stand up strong. If you are lying down or fall down, use your legs to push or kick someone away who may be trying to attack or corner you. 

Someone said she was feeling threatened and punched the father of her kids in the throat as he was yelling at her. It was an instinct but she got arrested when he called it in, shocked and feeling victimized that he was just yelling and she hit him. 

She also admitted that she maybe didn't have a right to do that long ago even though she was worried for her safety and that of her kids (and this dude was drunk, a rather usual occurrence.)

 Nowadays if police were called and it had not gotten worse so she could be protected, they would side with her if her were found to be the primary aggressor. Ideally that's what would happen in CT with the new laws, but every state is different so no guarantees...guaranteed.  

So back to the original post about a major worldwide problem that some folks such as those at Safe and Together Institute and Resolution 72 in Congress is discussing..

.What to do about abusive and or violent guys (the terms often stymie people and some want to wait til it's too late to intervene directly with the abuser, generally the man, but sure sometimes the woman and often  a parent or caregiver who want to shift blame or don't get it.) Much of this may apply to others Large and In Charge even out POTUS for instance.

A-Bus-ive guys.. and yes a few gals too, but the percentages about to 90- 10 due to not only physical strength but often economic mindsets and tyranny which is part of our historical roots of males owning women..and children and critters. We've only just begun to face the music of our legacy of freedom and women having the vote for a mere 100 years and mostly being afraid or not aware of How to Use the Power of the PEN! 

Okay fill in more blanks as you go and good luck to all of us on giving our youth and people of all ages more options to live safely and sanely with support. Many elderly are up to their eyeballs with worry and trouble and their numbers are only growing larger. Without good support they also an be victims of abuse from others and even the systems... peace and light as we fight the good fight...for safety and better prospects on all fronts, comprendes?

The debate of nature vs nurture..and whether young uns should be up close and personal with tough breeds is up for debate..

This makes quite a case for the right training..and allowing interaction I'd say always with the closest supervision and intervention strategies at hand...tough call...what do you think?

Would you have your kids in this kind of setting...even with the safety sense...maybe start with more distance and all gain confidence training and so on?

I once tried to put a bridle on small pony that I knew a bit yet with his head sticking through a split rail fence, that was not a good plan.

He pulled back so quickly it whipped my hand in a painful way and I was glad I could let go so as not to be tangled in it.

I hugged a friend as I cried a bit just out of the shock of it all.

Well, that was also a reminder of how our teen son likely felt when he was braving harsh water to save a friend.

Within seconds he went under and couldn't resurface...while thankfully and really miraculously he likely pushed his friend in a way that bought him a few more moments (seconds or minutes I don't know which...) when a rope rescuer was able to secure a rope around the teen lad.

Then the rescuer, Skip Kosciusko of West Cornwall CT (whose on one of the middle segments of the youtube videos of Kaelan Paton's memorial service going into more detail about the events of that fateful day, June 16th, 2009) was knocked away by the water fall pounding forces.

He wasn't sure if he'd be finding the youth in the loop of rope he's put around him or not.

But thankfully the young fellow was still there with the rope intact and they were able to get back up to the solid ground 30 feet or more above.

Sometimes the the angels and good efforts work together to give us the miracle that may only be found in an Indiana Jones type movie.

Our son had saved two others from the fierce waters while still on shore. So again, three young men now about age 25 are living their lives with more gratitude and hopefully more safety and an attitude of preventing risk than not.

That message hopefully can filter out to the younger generations and even the older ones...

Let's watch out for each other early and often and over our life times.

Being aware of one's personality type, ways to handle emotions and conflict, eat right and not use drugs and so on would all be ways to honor Kaelan's sacrifice and that of many--living and deceased--

as well as to help plan for more voluntary ways to manage free time and recreational and work commitments.

Have a balance, follow sensible guidelines suh as scouting, Red Cross and peaceful negotiations and even court advocacy to have victims of domestic violence (adults and their children, generally Moms and their kids) protected early and consistently in any custody or divorce matter or even a conflict if living together or never married or living apart. That is a whole realm of tragedy unfolding like clockwork daily which we need to pay attention to.

Pit bulls can likely be tamed but not so for sharks or abusive men necessarily they can 'learn to mend their ways' but often can 'fall off the wagon' (as can women too it's true.

Yet most abusive women were victims and are in need of a lot of therapy to even give themselves some compassion and understand the patterns. Men often may have been abused but sometimes not so much..our culture and their 'biology and socializaton' can make some men become addicted to power and control over others.

Their sense of entitlement to have their way and hurt others can start small but carry over into many aspects of tyranny. We don't seem to feel empowered at a country to address the ongoing 'civil war' which is actually inhumane that allows for men to harm women, children and pets and property and plenty of other people along the way as collateral damage.

What is stranger still is most of the mental health programs and societal and cultural responses are set at a default to only talk about the matters with the victims or the society IF the Abuser First Gives Them Permission to do so or if he Wants to explore his problemas or cast them in any light that may have something to do with his actions.

Generally his basic strategy to BLAME Others, Create Havoc and Say He Had to do so and is not responsible in any way for what he has done or continues to do is perfectly acceptable and often applauded by peers if not the wider community. The legal system completely endorses his strategy and rewards some of the most egregious violations against his victims whether adult or child.

There is a 'something rotten in America and it's abusive men running the show, driving the Bus (as in A-Bus-ive) Males and yes, a small percentage of females too. It may take another few decades for most people to understand what the heck I'm saying here, but there's more on www.livfully.org. I would suggest Every Adult and Teen and even Child Get an Assessment Voluntarily..

.Maybe I will make one up on my blog just to get the ball rolling without worrrying about copyrights. I feel it's a greater crime on society's part to NOT Inform the citizenry of the harm at hand, that we could all collectively benefit from and improve almost overnight.

The Simplest Solution would be for Every Woman to Go Away from her home for a night With her kids to a safe friend's home (why not try it with leaving on the day that correlates with your first name...so any Anne's or Amy's would leave on the 1st of the month. Then any Betty's or Barb's would go on the 2nd of the month and so on.

For men, they also could be gents and Show their support by Leaving First (without the kids, please) and they also could go on the day that correlates with their first names...and do so before the women have to head out. Men could go in January, Women in February and then alternate or even if possible each go for one day and night a month..to a friend's (ideally not telling the other if there's that degree of basic trust...)

Just seeing what is feels like to be 'a little bit independent' then taking the survey with safety and some support to comprehend What I am Talking About would be a Huge Multi-Billion Dollar Savings for our country because with just a little knowledge those who are willing Could Get some Real Insight. No one should feel 'completely to blame since our culture shapes up heavily and will do so even more in the future'.

Taking small steps toward being safe and appropriate could help keep more people from harming others unwittingly (without even knowing or acknowledging they are doing so.) More could be kept out of courts and more kids and women could disclose if they are being hurt or abused, even sexually against their will or if kids clearly even without the ability to consent...

Then again more interventions to get to safe places would be appropriate. No guarantees though that abusers will let up or even Can Let Up. Some 'go wild with more intense threats to separate the kids from the protective mom or run up legal costs or any number of tactics to maintain power and control and stay in their stance of ruler of their home and family, however They Define that. It is not pretty but I'd say is more common than any can pinpoint.

So why not pursue some paths toward healing and warning younger people Especially Women...but yes, men too and genders of any or no kind as well. Thanks again, and of course more could be done to help with pets, property, housing, transportation, food and healthcare, work and school for each family and person just to get a foot in the door of caring in meaningful ways.

Should injury or deaths occur that would merit a major set of supports and ongoing help which by the way currently do no exist but that too could improve and save more from downward spirals of misery and decline. Peace and light to one and all as we evolve with love in these challenging but hopeful times.