Big News from the 13th National Mothers Custody Conference--See Resolution 72

 While we have many things to tend to when it comes to rearing The Next Generation as a Society from maternal health and infant and child care whether at home or in care centers, schools, and faith groups and wider parts of a community (libraries, parks and recreation programs and all things basic to making a good home), The Courts Rule and too many protective mothers and children play the fool to corrupt or inept judges, attorneys, guardians ad litems (kind of a funny name and abbreviated as ...wait for it...GALs!) and mental health professionals and child protective services and family courts and services Take People for a Rollercoaster Ride.

No worries, Admission is not due until they let you Get On the Ride with the First Filings of Legal Documents! Okay maybe it's not this bad for most even in high conflict or hard to come to an agreement about (5% of divorce and custody cases).

Crunching the numbers a bit further that's 58,000 as in Fifty-Eight Thousand Mothers (generally) Losing Primary Custody and Very Often Access to their children other than on supervised visits and sometimes not even then. That's about One Thousand Mothers in Every State Losing Access to one or more children! That would be an average.

Basically California (see CA Protective Parents for serious assessments and resources) Takes the cake as do other bigger states (New York, Texas, etc, Illinois, Massachusetts, where the big cities are.) Still lots of suffering is in store for unsuspectiing, protective moms in every state. Especially those with faith and compliance to all things in general, assuming everything works together for the common good.

Not so. Nyet, No way, Jose...And No One Will Tell You Early On and Often to Watch Out and Consider the Key What IFs any woman or child faces due to their gender and age, relative financial or social standing to their 'partner' or the father or male figure in their lives. It's not pretty or pleasant to learn about.

But Start with looking seriously at Resolution 72 and consider the possibility of a Clean Sweep in getting kids to safety 'and to err on the side of safety' amidst many factors typically coming into play when a custody dispute arises.

I will share more soon, but look at the resources on Battered Mothers Custody Conference and books by Barry Goldstein such as The Quincy Solution and those from www.civicresearchinstitute.org Many of the key factors about abuse, such as described by Lundy Bancroft in his book Why Does He DO That? and others such as Evan Stark in Coercive Control paint a picture of serious societal dynamics everyone could key into for greater wisdom and practical preventive measures.

The books by Gavin de Becker, which I first heard of from Gayle King during a WOW! Forum in Torrington CT at the Warner (where I also heard Wally Lamb and some of his student writers from the Niantic prison speak) as did some judges from CT that I knew had a keen interest in divorce and custody matters. A  few were interested in reading what I was suggesting, which initially was 'shared parenting' as a default for parents. That is being promoted.

The many systems that a family needs to brave 'gaining clearance' from to rear their children somewhat authentically and naturally are daunting, and growing larger by the day. Meanwhile the brokenness of many courts which are the required venue for a legal divorce or custody arrangement to be finalized are being further overwhelmed by sheer numbers and again by professionals 'do what they do because they can get away with it or don't need to learn and change.' 

Similar frustration can be seen across most states among parents  and shareholders (tax payers and citizens) who see difficulties in local educational politics can feel similarly unserved by the 'business as usual approach' with little consideration for the impact various policies (from required courses and grading policies that can vary from too strict to too vague) and many other key points.Sometimes the high cost of education is deemed a waste of precious resources along with the damage done to students and their families. 

For another dark side of our country's 'social reality' one can look at the possible corruption in the fields of foster care, child protective services and other social service systems..and any links to human trafficking. '

The more people who brave paying closer attention to these challenging fields the more light can be shed on how to intervene early and often with better community and social outreach and support so one or more caring adults can help others who are struggling.

Basic information and resources are needed as is a lot of caring support and advocacy. The coalition for domestic violence prevention and intervention sounds promising, but again can fall short without current legal advocacy. More can be found on the sites listed with the BMCC and on The Safe Child Act.

A group of caring adults and others in a community could be advocating for a reinforcing set of messages and programs to keep all youth supervised and guided through difficlut years. Parents deserve a great deal of support as well, and ideally over time, fewer abusers would feel entitled to control or harm others in their families or social circles. All the best as the #metoo movements lights up many streams of concerned citizens, primarily women but also most men.

The agendas are coming into focus and putting the safety of our most vulnerable citizens, our children and their protective parents (when there is a conflict) or others who need added support (people who are minorities or low income, houseless, or otherwise disadvantaged) can be a shared value and goal to realize, one person at a time, in every town and state as well as in other countries as we can all share what works along these lines.

Keeping children with their mothers is part of an International Human Rights and Guideline to keep children safe and protected in any kind of climate crisis, or war or political upheaval. Wendy Murphy also speaks to these important legal points as ways to help gain footing to change the usual way business is done in courts and even colleges when abuse is alleged by a victim.

So why not apply that to our legal paradigm. Evan Stark especially makes a case that such grounds are relevant and many advocates describe the value of folllowing such wisdom as the kind of GPS guidance that will help youth reach adulthood most successfully. Of course more education for controlling men would be in order, but most only begin a program after a mandate from an arrest and generally is done with a half-baked attitude.

Too often men get more coaching inadvertently from other offenders about how to fly under the radar or maybe employ worse tactics.So likely that part of the costly programming needs a serious overhaul. Til then, happy Spring and Everything coming up Roses! "We shall overcome...:" and likely all the 'bad eggs' are on a quest to learn how to belong in meaningful ways.

They likely missed a lot of key lessons as young lads (yes even in good homes, emotionally and however they pieced their world together it was not a pretty picture. ) But over time more people getting clear 'Do's and Dont's messages, doing the next right thing can become the new normal and abuse of people by those that should care about them And the courts will be part of history...saty tuned.