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Expanding the Circles of Love: Praying for Healing On All Levels After a Loss of a Loved One or Other Challenge

on Thu, 10/04/2018 - 14:29
From a FB post, without naming the person in this more public forum, regarding a person being found who'd been lost in a fast-flowing river almost a week later after the person's car had gone off the road (and was found without the person in it.)
I am thankful with the rest of the community that we can all take time to continue to send love and support to this family now that their loved one has been found. 
 
May they have ongoing efforts to help them heal and remember the steadfast efforts, love and care of special person from Massachusetts over their (singular) amazing lifetime as a family member, friend, and steadfast worker at a private school in Connecticut.

The shared endeavor of living near one another and caring about each other is a lot of what keeps ties strong.
When someone faces a challenge, sudden or long term, it weighs heavily on many who know and love the person or people involved..and ripples out across the social circles and literally the web of connection (in person and online.)

Every person taking time whether here or in more direct ways or peripheral ways is learning about heartfelt life experiences...and as difficult as that is, it's a blessing in many ways to be able to share life in such a meaningful way. May the family and friends of this special person and others who have crossed over feel the love and support of the MA/NY CT tri-corner area and beyond.
 
The following are some ideas to reflect on as life continues on a note of greater awareness and little things we can all aim to improve over time. Suggestions are welcome as well.
As a community we can also reflect on the challenges of living near the river or other aspects of country roads and landscape. Any environment can pose challenges as can travelling in or near roads.
 
Maintaining one's car and tires with regular safety checks (for good tread and understanding indications of problems such as bad brakes or faltering batteries or spark plugs, and a host of other uh-oh things even with fixing cars and having them on secure lifts and such) are all important.
 
Understanding that hydroplaning can happen at fairly low speeds such as 35 miles an hour and to watch for wet leaves or even gravel along the edge of a road can be important reminders for everyone and particularly new drivers.
 
Learning to plan for events (a designated driver if someone is drinking, prone to tiredness, using prescription or other drugs and so other factors such as being 'too hungry, angry or upset or stressed --too busy and rushed, tired or even lonely--especially on a long drive-- or depressed' can be factored into the bigger game plan for finding ways to ease a need to drive or do everything oneself.)
 
People with more regular life habits and routines often fare better at getting things done and having a sense of order and calm. Likely they drive more responsibly as well in terms of allowing enough time even for detours or set-backs (like changes in weather.)
 
We all can drive more carefully (especially on back roads which don't have lines or have hills or curves) and keep other vehicles, animals and pedestrians, cyclists in mind as the neighbors they are or can be.
As the river has mainly been a healing wonderful resource for this area and a key to what makes it thrive, sadly it can take its toll on human life when somehow the edge of safety is crossed--one way or the other-- and a profound new awareness of our road map in life, literally and as a symbol for growing community experience is found.

A special acknowledgement to all of the first responders who helped with this and many efforts over the years.

Each emergency calls forth a great deal of courage, know-how and persistence often in dangerous conditions.

Whatever we can do to avoid situations that put ourselves or others in peril the better.

Likely that would mean having more of a support team to not have to travel as often as some do (car pool or do some errands for one another,) to call as someone happened to do (which let a search effort start in a timely manner.)

We can let people know in general where we go, who they can call to check our plans and so on..and much more to learn about car and weather safety (not driving in storms if there's an option, to be flexible about timing and even cancelling events if dangerous weather is expected such as storms during a big fair.

Likely many smaller gatherings to help people stay in touch and even recruit more people to help one another or to live in the area for one or more months of the year could round out offerings (and provide assistance to some who may needs help and not quite realize it with driving, safety and activities of daily living such as shopping, cooking, housekeeping, managing finances and record keeping, socializing and getting to medical, dental and vision appointments regularly.

Just 'the basics' can be the source of needing to get out and about or have support at home.

When a larger challenge arises, including a stressful event whether a move, injury, loss or fatality, ideally regular support teams could have back-ups and ongoing support to adjust to a 'new or different' normal.

That has largely been our family's experience after facing the sudden loss of our teen son in 2009 in the Housatonic River in Ct. The kinds of help came from efforts in neighboring states as I was able to find them and for each family member and friend in their support circles which likely grew over the years in positive ways.

I recount more on a Facebook page in Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton's memory. His service is in short clips on youtube and reflect the kind of love and care that is part of the tri-corner area and folk music networks and faith and alternative healing efforts both in person and online that have enriched our lives and hold out growing hope for our shared earthly and spiritual journeys.

Comments

While the expected age in first world countries like America is up there for both men and women...a very disturbing reality is that many youth are struggling.

What makes the news headlines after many devastating stories of struggle and some fatalities to opioid overdoses or DUIs, driving under the influence, can become strangely a new 'almost comprehensible' normal...

The shock is still searing and horrible, but somehow 'it's not as unbelievable as it was even a decade or so ago' for some of us in small towns..where really nothing much like that happens compared to before drunk driving wasn't against the law. Youth seem to have so many more options and tons of support... programs for all sorts of problems that many people never spoke about.

But still there's plenty of heartache and confusion..and downward spirals whether involving drugs or not. Without a chemical addiction it seems even stranger that some kids could feel 'exiting this earthly existence' is a viable option.

Some warning signs such as not doing well or not caring about school or other regular work or interests, breaking up or being isolated, feeling hopeless and saying so or acting depressed, having said they are considering ending their life and having a plan can all be important to pay attention to as family, friends and othes in their circle. It's tricky with the kind of ups and downs that can be highly stressful for anyone juggling the options and stress in our modern world.

I am not that familiar with the whole reality of having someone close pass in this way other than a few peers over the years.

One was clearly depressed, the other not so much back in college. Then someone who had lung cancer and may have tried to cut his life short to avoid the final stages and losing money---no easy way to assess options.

He had grown children even though he was young at heart. For anyone facing such hardship, all family members and friends should be aware that can raise the risk for depression and feeling that it could be more of an option for themselves according to studies.

We are all connected in more ways than we realize. Sometimes that may result in feeling more despair or less inhibited about following through with something someone we know has done.

None of this is 'natural' to think about, but the idea is to encourage everyone to go easy on oneself and one another. Maybe practical considerations like monitoring plans and access to cars would be reasonable if there are concerns about someone's driving.

Ideally someone would understand and comply with concerns. If not other measures may be appropriate..though I don't know what those would be. The risk of someone hurting others and/or themselves can be high so that needs to be kept in mind as well.

One youth knew he was not to ride with certain people, yet did so when there was a chance. It was intended to be a playful risk even though at high speeds.

Unfortunately that fellow and a friend, two of the four teens in the car, perished. The driver was sentenced to six years. That is one of many cases, so again as much as possible, keeping track of youth in cars is key.

More males of all ages need to check the posted 'speed limits' and not exceed them 'just because they can...'  Check out Mankind Project and similar support groups for Men and www.healingwolf.net.

Thanks for doing what you can to remind one another about these basics and see if someone is open to talking when they may need a listening ear, or even asking for a ride and someone to coach them a little more than not in life whether about relationships, work, lifestyle, managing money or other stuff.

None of it matters much but it all matters a lot to help each other choose to stay in the game of life. Hugs to all as we brave another set of seasons of the year and sharing the earth as team players.

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