Brian Ohler helping Lead the Way for Domestic Violence 'Walk In Her Shoes' In Litchfield CT May 20th, 2018

Thanks for this, Brian..men tend to listen to men a bit better..and women also do. Meanwhile there's a national annual conference in Albany NY in early May 2018, Battered Mothers Custody Conference. See the site for the latest speakers. It is unbelievable the amount of misery women and children suffer 'almost in the town square' in every state even though the national laws have been created to protect them...and yes male victims too...but it turns out it is basically a problem of "male violence against women'.

That means the problem should be a bit easier to spot..and that more women should help other women and children understand what they need to know so they are not confused as is typically the case.

Of course most Americans have been kept in the dark about How and Why this can Really Be the Case, but That's what the expert advocates, including Lundy Bancroft, Barry Goldstein, Mo Hannah and many others have worked to enlighten legislators and the public about for decades...and by the way, The Media doesn't cover the real stories and the courts are too often complicit due to benign neglect, ignorance or worse...That should make Anyone who really cares about their kids think twice about going into a adversarial custody or divorce situation...

More community members likely could warn younger people to plan for many ways to address safety, communication, life skills, parenting and much more effectively and early on rather than allow a dynamic of isolation, economic control, and intimidation (and threats to take custody of the children from the protective mother, which is generally what happens....and plays out even in courts which should not be complicit with such Crimes that go against International Laws and best interests of the children.)

These Basic Facts need to be understood by educators, law enforcement, domestic violence advocates and the community at large so the victims are not left on their own to sort things out hoping to handle matters without a community of support. Even then, the statistics for getting out safely with her children can be limited.

The economic piece of the equation is huge and often worse in rural areas due to lack of public transportation, childcare, affordable housing, and all sorts of basics. A team of support for every woman to be careful about getting involved with a person without understanding the laws that may or may not be in place to protect her..or likewise for a man would help prevent some of the cases of younger people (say under 25 or even 30) from getting off on the wrong foot.

No one in our society is allowed to speak candidly along these lines and even encourage people to wait a few years if not five to make serious commitments if they have not been counseled to get clear about what would be involved with living together, affording a child or ongoing expenses and more which can factor into stress and abuse. Even wealthy families can be prone to abuse and imbalances however, whether in families of origin, dating, partners, parenting or social circles.

The idea of maintaining clear personal boundaries, even riding in separate cars and not being alone with someone who may be 'tricky' or unstable (and some religious or social circles say of the opposite gender to not push boundaries... unintentionally or otherwise) Safe Church policies by the UCC may be a good resource for more non-profits and the public to consider using voluntarily.

All sorts of laws and guidelines for different states and groups could be used to help people have more supervision of minors putside of school (such as two adults watching young children and youth rather than just one as is allowed in NY for instance but is not in CT.)

Then there is a huge need to have all youth supervised immediately after school to make sure they get to an appropriate destination. If they are going to someone's home on a bicycle or with other students driving (basically Not a Good Idea due to liability and largely not okay for new drivers due to newer driving regulations If they are being followed. All parents and schools could have Voluntary Parenting Plans such as required in a custody court plan.

Knowing who the parents and adults in charge are and promoting sobriety and safety when they are with the minors and being accountable for responsible parenting would be a good start. That would likely allow more programs to assist parents with young children through school age and teens to be accessed online or in communities to become more consistent with care grade by grade. Youth should be key players in such programs and learn about being a safe, reliable friend as well, including knowing when and how to report dangerous situations without being bullied or shamed for that. More ideas are on my blog, www.livfully.org and www.medium.com/@Livfully which allows people a free website (as does Wordpress.)

More people working in teams to help understand computers, cell phones, banking and other basics can be great ways to keep people informed and overall, in the loop. Thanks for everyone doing as much as they do to live safely and reasonably, learn about helping others and doing so when it is safe to do so likely with support. Most victims who need help in the area can call WSS at 860-364-1900 in the northwest CT corner, or Susan B Anthony in Torrington or in MA The Elizabeth Freeman Center.