Laci and Conner, We Won't Forget Your Lives and Legacy Wake-Up Call for All to Learn From
Last night I was watching two programs on the tragic loss of Laci and her unborn 8 month son Conner Peterson at the hands of a disturbed man who was the legal spouse and biological father but primarily a disturbed individual. I don't want to mention his name, but it is Scott and thankfully he's in prison in California.
The family of Laci including her caring in-laws and the city of Modesto deserve our united support over a decade later as the messages from the program make it clear too many problems and tragedies go unnoted and can be difficult to prevent or even solve. I may reflect more on this case which like the Simpson case rocked the country.
Sadly we realize the profound denial and lack of preparation most people have in terms of assessing or comprehending domestic even when there are clear warning signs. We likely can never 'know enough' but likely can all try to develop better advocacy for the vulnerable women and children who comprise the majority of victims.
Dr. Phil will have a program on abuse Wed,Jan 13, 2016. Too often states are not consistent in legal actions against perpetrators and leave it to a victim to decide or do not implement strategies such as Barry Goldstein promotes for safety, especially in divorce cases. It's not only about low-income or people of certain races having serious problems.
Taking 10 minutes a week to tune into www.barrygoldstein.net or www.lundybancroft.com would be a meaningful response to the troubles and tragedies from the past and today. What actors depict sadly sometimes is based on a true story (such as The Tracy Thurman story which set the national standard for better police response to 911 calls for domestic abuse and happened in Torrington CT back in the 1980s.)
Let's see if we can create better conditions for all women and children, especially pregnant women, and caring family members. Most men are caring people yet often lack a group awareness both as part of a 'brotherhood, community or larger group'. Small steps to help boys become more empathetic (and yes men of all ages too) could go a long way toward preventing harm and promoting team efforts not only in sports but in life. Let's make strides in 2016 for a brighter future for all we know as team players in the game and with the privilege called LIFE!
One note I believe I heard about Scott Petersen on a television program was that his own father took his own life when he was a baby. Not to pardon what he did, but if that were the case, it may have factored into his extreme reluctance to be a father. In terms of subliminal motivations, he may have feared he would end his own life or did not have any clear sense of 'why' he 'couldn't become a father' but acted out what was not explored from his past.
He may have had a 'Me or Them' mentality, and delusionally envisioned Laci and their biological son (I don't feel he counts as a caring, capable father so do not use that term or husband. Too often that can further confuse people or make it seemed the victim accepted the person or was somehow responsible for letting the abuser into her life, particularly if the abuse were chronic or more physical.) Trying to look at a person's life history, including the time of when conceived, during pregnancy, birth and early formative years is a basic tenet of most serious psychological assessments.
Too often people are told to 'forget the past' or 'everyone has skeletons in their closet' or to 'not air your dirty laundry in public' or 'you made your bed, you need to sleep in it' (meaning you are stuck with the person you marry, date or have a child with.) Only over decades can a person sometimes assess what they believe or expected even of themselves based on input from family, religion, culture and society. More basic guidelines could be shared to help everyone know some safe strategies for being interested in someone, taking months to get to know them before getting more involved physically and socially, and of course sexually.
That is not necessarily the norm but likely could become moreso for many if the pros and cons were spelled out and proper actions taken to mostly date in public, spend time with others aware of set of relationship expectations (including the pace of becoming more involved and sense of connection on various levels, yes including having children and ideally getting some real-life experience in terms of being around children, caring for them with a family one can keep in touch with for a few years, and generally being part of a community with accountability for being capable and respectful on many levels.) Just sayin'
Comments
Tragic Loss of Young Children by Biological Parent, Mom or Dad
There needs to be a whole field set up to look in depth at the occurrence of tragic endings to innocent children at the hands of their biological parent.
Usually it's the biological dad, in the rare cases of this kind of misery unfolding. Usually there are warning signs if not outright threats to harm the child or children as part of a domestic violence pattern and 'relationship'.
Too often the context is like a captive in a kidnapping, with a woman or mother's options dwindling over time and a shrinking social support system or economic entanglements, cultural or legal implications strapping a victim into the helpless position and feeling 'there's no way out' and 'there's no way to win or maybe even to survive'.
The existing programs for domestic violence are slow to evolve and even to advocate for better laws and services for people to have support and interventions beyond a crisis level. Sadly we hear how CPS, Child Protective Services (which is also called by various names in different states such as Department of Children and Family, or DCF in CT) are monitoring a family but children are deemed safe.
The criteria for investigating reports is such that DCF may not look into a situation if 'there were no children witnessing the conflict or violence' or if it happened more than 24 hours earlier. While most teachers, ministers and counselors are mandated reporters (as likely are doctors witnessing injuries to children, etc), the reports may not be followed up.
With HIPPA likely many people who should be able to speak to each other cannot do so, and the stakes are higher for harm to happen even if the person has a mental illness or is an elder with dementia, etc.
The gap between freedom and interventions for safety are dicey at best. They are not the 'traffic stop for some esoteric reason like a blinker light not working...and then more investigation happening after that.' There are pros and cons to the laissez-faire approach to live and let live, and each parent look out for their own.
New parents, especially new mothers, should have a ton of free support. yes free. Maybe the volunteers or paid workers could be receiving money from a grant. People use Home Health Aides for help with needy elderly or others in need of care, so why not new parents?
There are likely many creative practical ways to do friendly outreaches to families in public places and even in the hospitals, but likely the idea has not occurred to people or more paperwork and liability would keep helpers at bay.
Likely a few hotel rooms near a hospital could be rented and used by a few families to have support people taking turns caring for new parents even before delivery and certainly after, particularly if there are travel concerns or other medical conditions to monitor (such as high blood pressure in the mom or other factors that would make being near a hospital handy.)
Some Air Band Bs and UBER type services designed to fill that gap would be helpful. Counselors willing and able to help parents identify needs and conflicts could also help bring in needed support in the planning, pregnancy or post delivery periods.
Too often children can be used as a fighting field or bring stress to the fore. Knowing the basic terrain could encourage more facets of society to tune into the challenges face and reasonable support families need. That is a way to show true compassion for the situation children are being born into and for their parents to trust there are people willing and able to help.
A call for such organizational efforts in every state could be heralded and filled to decrease the odds that any child would live in abusive situations, be harmed or heaven forbid, have their life stolen from them, particularly in a situation that could have been avoided with more communal awareness and support.
May the young ones who journey back to the spirit world be held in our hearts as brave young warriors awakening us from our collective slumber and help us form advocacy teams for each of them long before they arrive and with the right blend of care to assist the parents and other caregivers in beneficial ways./Every person counts and deserves respect and good care.
Relationships and of course, abusive situations, are challenging to assess and find remedies for. Ideally each woman should have a safe place to care for children and attention to issues of ending a relationship by choice or being told they are being left need extra acknowledgement as a serious mental health matter.
The loss of a romance or partner, even an abusive one, can turn one's world upside down.
Whether one anticipates it or is clueless, the shock or change can be alarming to one's sense of safety and understanding of one's social standing, one's resources, one's support network linked to the other person and their contacts.
Too much change in a short period of time can be jarring, so again having some support in advance of possible transitions and online sites and hotlines (even looking up www.211.org) are all important. Likely people under 30 have 'most of the challenges' linked to their energy and lack of longterm life experience.
By age 40 and 50, most have people in their lives who have experienced a lot in terms of relationship changes, getting children into school and into their teens and beyond. While many people maintain consistent aspects of their life, if changes come along, most develop support systems to deal with health or work challenges, and yes, relationships changing or ending. If there are serious legal matters involved that can be another level of challenge and cost as well as escalating conflict, so other avenues likely should be explored well in advance.
That can be challenging in rural areas, but with the internet and people willing to coach someone in using that (such as librarians and friends) then more resources can be found. Meanwhile, plenty to ponder on www.barrygoldstein.net and facing the facts that in time most things that have 'come together' will in time 'come apart'.
In a case of two people dating or being involved legally or not, then in the course of time, one or both could die or more likely want to have time apart whether during a vacation or work-related or a more clear therapeutic break to perhaps clarify one's inner life and skills.
Having a support person if one is not used to being away from one's partner or a significant person could be a big help. Same goes for being in court or facing new questions or challenges.
A phone friend, counselor or other resource online or in books can help one 'think straight' and pace oneself with living 'one day at a time' and not becoming reactive.
Often keeping interactions on the phone, on emails, with another person in a public place perhaps with support people would all make sense rather than being 'up close and personal in one's home or another person's home.'
The concepts of guidelines and fair play can bring a lot of calm and awareness to each party, and prevent reactivity and difficulty. Even after time goes by after an initial change or loss, there is time to review and think through alternatives that could have helped or could be implemented picking up from this time forward.
Being aware of the laws regarding contacting or interacting with someone could be very important, more than many realize. Together we will grow wiser and be more able to chart a course of safety, wellness and care for all even if in theory, but ideally for more people with awareness mushrooming in organic ways....
new
Hello.[url=https://i-online-casino.org/]web casino[/url]
late-model
great website dude! [url=https://onlinecasinodirectory.ws]casinos[/url]
Post new comment