Safe & Together Institute Fills in Gaps and Creates Bridges for Partnering with Domestic Violence Victimized Parents (Generally Moms...)

Here's the chat from a webinar David Mandel held for information on the programs available through the site Safe&TogetherInstitute.com. Check out the resources and get curious about how 'partnering with abused Moms to get their input, ways she has protected the kids through various efforts and strategies and assure her that there is a concern for their safety regarding the abuser's behavior.' Ideally everyone is looking at these kinds of solutions but there is a lot of gender bias (often in the form of 'equalizing responsibility for how things are going' which gives the abuser an upper hand and a lower standard of responsibility to own his transgressions and be help accountable.." Lots of important ideas to consider... and let's hope many systems in the US and around the world are seeking these remedies which the Institute has been sharing for many years. Here is the link to the podcast: https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/blog/podcast/

What might schools do to encourage DV Moms (and kids) to be more receptive?
I mean have schools assure Moms they would be receptive

I’m not sure I will articulate this well enough but, How can we explain double standards that occur in same sex relationships, that share most of the same issues, without diluting the understanding or focus that the gender double standard IS gendered.

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/evidence-resources/free-resources/r... - Ally guide can be found here , along with other resources

My question is how do you get the non-offending parent to talk about what has happened to he?,  Many of them are in denial that it is happening.  I let them know that I am their advocate and want to help them but they are still afraid to talk.
What has happened to them,

"The Ally Guide can be helpful for schools on the Safe and Together Institute.." "Partnering is important..."

Battered Mothers Custody Conference finds that many courts have left victims high and dry...and a study by  Atty Joan Meier (or Meyer) over 10 yrs was finding courts siding with abusers 8 out or 10 times I think...

"Critical components...patterns of any coercive control..."

It would be helpful to have a story schools could use about a few families dealing with these issues and have the neighbors, teachers, families of the victims and abusers and courts and police etc all portrayed in their array of views and responses...

"Will you hold my child" is a play about that kind of portrayal..and I think Lundy Bancroft had a play in the works too...
"Unravellling the Gender Paradox with the Safe & Together Model..." on the website.

.'Asking about the perpetrators pattern of coercive control works for addressing the concerns...' "If just talking about parents, that can work against females and minimizes the harm..."

"The issues and the systems are highly gendered.."
The paper is Domestic Violence-Informed Research Briefing, August 2017 'Domestic Violence Survivors' Parenting Strengths'

Gender Paradox - download here : https://share.hsforms.com/1m3JU8ITHRBq1fNdKtZXQeA3a1w1?__hstc=156919908....

The paper is Domestic Violence-Informed Research Briefing, August 2017 'Domestic Violence Survivors' Parenting Strengths'
Strengths
https://vawnet.org/sites/default/files/assets/files/2020-03/NRCDV_DVSurv...

"If I were in the survivor's shoes as a victim, would talking with someone like me as an advocate make sense and seem helpful and appealing or might there be unintended difficult situations..." Okay to use 'What if you were in certain situations, here's what I could do for you..." (as an advocate.) It's not the survivor's obligation to share with an advocate.

There may be threats or consequences that work against her telling. She may be fearful not only in denial. The systems may have worked against her in the past. It can helpful to review the first time she was involved if she disclosed initially. Maybe working with the advocate has shut her down.

"Denial" may be used by professionals to diminish the efforts of the Mother or expecting a certain kind of behavior or efforts should be happening. If an abused victim doesn not call the police that may be for fearing the consequences (arrest, loss of job so loss of funds, possible jail time or deportation, bigger separation of the household support economically or with some help with children etc), not for denial.

The criminal courts do not use coercive power to enforce economic support or parenting support. The systems need to do better at holding men accountable for being parents yet may have more expectations for the victim to be a good parent (mother.) More work is needed to revise the systems on many fronts.