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Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton

on Sun, 06/09/2013 - 05:15


(Pardon the formatting on this, I'll be working on repairing it soon.As with any post, to enlarge the text, press Control and + once or more.) There is also a FB page in Kaelan Paton's memory and his Memorial is on youtube. I have added to this piece periodically as I am doing with a new introduction on July 7, 2016.Over 30 thousand people have read some or all of this, so my appreciation is extended and hope it is helping people prepare for challenges or cope with ones they have lived through.

Many of these kinds of difficulties seem a sign of the times in which we live. The biggest river challenge any of us has is keeping our bloodstreams free of chemicals, drugs, alcohol and even prescribed medicine to prevent abuse and addiction or even side effects of harm physically, mentally or otherwise.

Having a team of support to check in with daily and weekly about basics of living and any concerns can help ward off bigger problems. A little progress each day whether with healthier eating, learning to meditate and relax, to network and secure good routines for each family member to be connected and supervised as needed, particularly during any times of big change or stress (that would include youth watched closely during court dates and divorce actions, as well as changes in their school routines and most of the summer when more youth mingle freely and find adventures even when they've been told not to do so if dangerous. That's why more responsible adult supervision (in keeping with local, legal, voluntary and national safety guidelines) is needed overall.

It was hard to write for a long time though I spoke with people over the days, months and first few years of his passing. I used to think I could never 'go public' with a lot of the points covered here..it was all just too much, too overwhelming to ponder.

The terms 'there are no words to describe the loss and pain' rang true yet I really needed to explore the underbelly side of the the abyss of fear, unfairness in the human and other realms--why G-d and angels and so on could let this happen to our wonderful son and to me and our family particularly after many years of struggle privately and publicly.

Where were the community referees to have helped oversee to call some much-needed time outs to prevent a spiral of devastating events over many years that 'culminated in an horrific tragedy and untimely death by our human standards of a perfectly healthy, vibrant, creative, caring, courageous 16-year-old young man.

While Disney's show Frozen has been a hit in recent years, showing the power of someone being able to freeze others with their fury, the reality of the nightmare of personal struggles too which also causes widespread frozen spells and conflicts with fiery emotions seems more like a silent movie.

A few keys of a piano indicating the crazy-making level is all that is allowed amidst police responding or court visits with the gavel of 'court is now in session'. Where the heck are the intelligent, capable people  of all ages to actually think about what is transpiring on many levels in our society? Where is the complaint department and the renovation of corrupt, defunct, broken and life-threatening and stealing systems and people?

Not in the continentel United States, not even in Hawaii or Alaska. The office has not been set up yet, save for the likes of www.barrygoldstein.net and www.lundybancroft.com who like heroes of Bibilcal proportions, have braved the unseemly terrain of the the land of abusive males and all who support them. Sixty thousand children lose access to their protective mothers every year.

That is the Niagra Falls tragedy befalling many innocents and their caregiving supports, largely that's children and their mothers. Not every mom is perfect, but every child is. More advocates are needed, like lifeguards on every part of a beach where swimming is allowed, to coach and protect swimmers from sharks and rip tides that can take them out to sea. Let's brave growing new hearts, minds, visions and networks to safeguard one another not only from the dangers lurking in actual waters or other physical challenges (on the roads, driving, out in nature or crowds) but also look to our systems where we live--at home, school, work, about town, on roads, in systems of law, medicine, social services, or CPS--Child Protective Services (which may unfortunately be allowing for abuse and adoption to unsavory parents of way too many children.)

Many need a huge makeover to tune into the ethics most uphold of safety, decency and care. Too many are corrupt and broken which require our immediate collective attention. Advocacy groups can lead the way. Individuals can look to assess and intervene with friendly approaches to any vulnerable people in their families or neighborhood or other groups such as  their faith or school circles.

Outreaches such as Thrive NYC to address mental health and other needs can take root in more states to let people know we will dare to care and share our wisdom and resources. The effects of climate change will only spur US All to feel the pressure and resove to make a timely, life-saving difference to the best of our ability, hopefully without having to lose our own life or be harmed in the process.. but no guarantees. Life is risky business,sometimes even one moment to the next as our son Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton discovered on his last day of school his freshman year of high school, June 16th, 2009.

Reflections from Jan 6, 2014 (What would have been Kaelan's 21st birthday) on the day his life was cut short, June 16th, 2009...by his mom, Catherine Palmer Paton...Happy Birthday in Heaven,Kaelan, a true hero from early on in life, arriving at just minutes after midnight at home after some challenging moments..and growing to be a wonderful son, fully involved in living fully and being a friend to so many and weathering some storms along the way as well..

What could have prepared you to rethink those final moments, the last few days of your life when so much change was in the air, with school and your parents marriage ending..well, we have time to ponder together now and after a few years see mostly life goes on as before, but it's really not the same or as good without you here on the earthplane..

I trust we are still nurtured in our souls by your presence and that of the divine and the many ways we can still feel connected not only to you, but as we dare, to one another and many more who have seen the shadow side of life and lived to tell the tale....Sending lots of good love to those above and holding up lit candles to fight off any despair and times of darkness of life.

 
Only  minutes from both MA/NY, CT (think MANY CONNECTicut) had it's own '9-11" in the Northwest Corner in Falls Village at the Falls of the Housatonic River on June 16th, 2009...a place that defined the area mainly as a scenic wonder of 'the secret corner' yet became a place of danger and tragic loss when the fury of the river claimed teen Kaelan Paton's life yet spared  two of  his friends with his help before he had gone on to  try against great odds to rescue a third that fateful summer afternoon....
 
The HoUSAtonic River was running fast and furiously most of June 2009 due 
to heavy rains. The thundering sound of the Great Falls could be heard 
throughout our village, and up on Dublin Road where I grew up and my 
family still lived.
 
The warm summer morning of Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 
was a most unusual different time of my life. In the past five years, I 
had dealt with dozens of unknowns about how my life would go having lost 
both parents, a brother and another close relative as well as a man who 
I had cared for 'going missing'.
 
A divorce action in 2006 ended six 
months later, with a one year reprieve before my husband started it up 
again in the fall of 2007. That dragged on for two years with little 
respite for me, and little time with our four children, ages 10 to 20 in 
2009, who were the center of my world as a stay-at-home mother.

But with the divorce finalized on June 15th, 2009, I knew my life would 
be different in ways I did not know how to prepare for. It was the first 
day I woke up knowing I was legally divorced. My kids knew this too, and 
I had spoken to them the night before saying things would be different 
now.
 
I could see them more since school was letting out. They would have 
all summer to enjoy time with family who would be up to visit from the 
South and to see their friends.
 
My sisters had almost planned to have 
them all go to Florida to ease the notion of our lengthy divorce finally 
being over and 'legal' on Monday, June 15th, 2009.
 
That would have been a miracle had that worked out and could be a heads up to more people
to craft clear safety plans for their kids during times of transition
and challenges with appropriate adult oversight.
The day of our divorce  had been one 
I had hoped to delay (and had done for months at a time with hope to have good counsel and
mediation and time to see what would really be fair and workable to all in our families).
 
By June2009,  we were 'so close to agreeing on a decent 
parenting plan', but that was not to be. I had to give in on many 
'terms' as far as I was concerned to a divorce I had not wanted but 
which resulted in me not seeing our wonderful three younger children for 
two full years other than on rare occassion.

The reasons for this were illusive, confusing and unjust in my mind and 
to many who had helped me understand 'the systems' I was facing. But 
that I would learn later in life, was a norm many parents, especially 
mothers who were being 'fired' or not approved of by the father whether 
out of the blue or on a regular basis.
 
For far too many nice Dads, 
trouble brews too, so I was learning
there was much improvement needed for many.
Yet for a few hours on the morning of Tuesday, the 16th of June, I thought 
life would get better for all of our family which had grown
from our dating years when I was still at Vassar in the mid 1980s through the first decade of 2000.
 
Our kids were not clear what difference it would make.
Sadly, our son Kaelan was sure in the months and days prior to the divorce,  he would 
not see me again. He  meant he would not make time to do so. He was not 
thinking the younger girls would want to see me either, but I told him 
to just think about enjoying the summer. He was planning to work hard 6 
days a week to earn money.
 
I often heard 'that's how teens talk to any parent' and maybe more so when a boy is
breaking away from his primary bond with his mother (and which may similarly play out between teen girls and their dads)
when I spoke of the kind of alienating stance Kaelan held towards me. 
 
Other parents, school staff, counselors,
ministers, attorneys and friends and even our GAL (guadian ad litem, who sadly passed from an illness a few years later
leaving her blended family of children which seemed another strange coincidence of loss
and having to face we cannot always plan for our lives to go as we wish. Isent her encouraging
messages as I could and realize we likely could ponder more of the meaning that dawns on us
as the passage of years allows. I like to think she and Kaelan can confer and help us
now from their heavenly vantage point as some theories offer is a possibility.
 
I had no idea what I should do when I woke up 
in the home I grew up in on Dublin Road where I was staying. I decided I 
could go to a speaking club in Great Barrington since someone offered to 
drive me there and then to drumming in Salisbury, with time to be home 
from 2 to 5ish.

I felt like I could be open to just enjoying a day of 'down time' and 
showed my friend Rick some shops on Railroad Street before the meeting. 
I met a Vassar friend named Emily who I had danced with. She looked 
great and I met her husband and kids who were with her. I joked with 
Rick that it was like making a movie of 'This is Your Life".
 
We went to 
the Berkshire Co-op where I had also said jokingly to Rick it felt we 
were making a movie because he was being so funny and I told him "that's 
not my norm" since I'd had such a serious time of life to weather.
But the Co-op was a place I had enjoyed as well as a place to get to 
know new people who had helped me heal from much of the difficulty of 
the changes I was facing as a new mother out on my own and mired in 
legal matters over the past few years.
 
People there had talked to me for 
hours, said I should read books, take acting and public speaking, go to 
the Option Institute which deals with challenges with a dialogue process 
and helps people learn about the austism spectrum (including 
Asperger's). I had found numerous supports in Great Barrington, 
including our midwives who let me stay with them while I took a CNA 
training for free at a nursing home.
 
I took programs on relaxing and 
dreaming a positive connection with nature and teachings from around the 
world at Crystal Essence and Kripalu.
I had gone to a Toastmasters speaking club regularly so felt I would be 
among friends on that 'first day of the rest of my life as a 
newly-divorced mother, even though I had not wanted the divorce, I had 
to agree to it, which I did with 'grave prejudice.'
 
During Table Topics 
a friend ask that we speak about helping something grow, a plant or 
such. Even though I also got a great deal from my Garden Club , I 
focused on the Turtle Garden I had made in our yard in Falls Village CT.

Just outside the old brick home my father built grows a  10-foot wide, 
circular garden with "legs' and an opening for the head and 
tail made of logs in the ground.  The summer  a few years back when 
I had some teen boys help dig the 
ground initially.
 
At the same time another youth happened to have an 
accident at the top of the road. He was going too fast, and hit a  telephone pole 
which came down across his car, but he was okay. Near missed call from heaven, lucky lad 9who I can recount now is doing well after other struggles young adults too often get mixed up in  and who had also done his share of  jumping and risky things as a teen). 

This strange link of  events of starting a garden on the day a youth almost got 'struck by lightning..
or the telephone pole as the case happened to be played out as a foreshadowing
of events of what was happening to our son getting trapped
in whitewater around 2 to 3pm that day as I gave the talk.
 
I said I had plans to get more youth interested in helping with projects 
around home and in the community.If I had been able to tune and relax perhaps
I would have thought to call and check on my kids immediately upon getting home, to find out their plans
from my mother-in-law who I was always able to speak with thankfully
even during the years of the divorce and even for the following 5 plus years since.
 
 But that sunny Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 afternooon, I got home by 2pm so my friend could get his car fixed.
I was still facing many  unknowns about how my life would go,
but the morning had been wonderful.
Back at the brick house on Dublin Road, I walked outside near the red maple in the front yard.  
I felt I should be somewhere or check on something but could not think of anything.
 
I wrongly assumed all three of our children were still in school until 
about 3pm not realizing it was the last day, and thus a half-day of 
school. I walked down the road and happened to see a small boy raising 
his hand in the front door from below a panel so all I saw was his small 
hand.
 
In a moment, he rose up and I saw his smiling face. He and his 
sitter came out and we walked up to the Turtle Garden.
The connection of seeing children grow like healthy plants in a 
garden was one I had explored since my own children helped with such a 
playful circle daffodil garden when they were young at a nature center.
 
Now I was able to share with wider circles and had learned
about traditions from far and wide through both
permaculture which promoted community projects and 
gatherings, teamwork and helping each other in practical ways from 
childcare to building houses and community.
 
I borrowed my brother's car shortly after 3pm to use the computer down at the library in 
town to check my e-mail. The librarian got a call that sounded 
concerning but I did not hear any details. She later apologized for not 
thinking to tell me just in case it involved my family.
 
Still, I have reflected now that the library is a helpful community center and was a 
place Kaelan and all of our kids had special connections and good times 
in their early formative years.
 
Some of the friends from each town he 
knew had roots in gatherings in such small places. It all added up to 
part of his life and our shared experience, and serves at times as a 
helpful reminder along with so many other local landmarks, friendly 
people and even challenging ones, that he existed as part of our family 
and towns in meaningful ways.

Life still seemed full of promise. by 5:30 or so when I went off to 
drumming with my friend Rick again, choosing to go first to get him 
coffee up by Route 7 by the South Canaan Meeting House, which sadly was 
also near the place our major unsolved town tragedy of Peter Reilly's 
mother being killed was so I consider it a 'be careful corner of town'. 
Still, this was a new, better day with our drumming friends gathering 
over in Salisbury, and soon I would enjoy the rhythms that made the use 
of words or even feelings not so pressing.
 
I could get lost in the 
music. We decided to down toward Falls Village since we had time to go a 
few extra minutes. Instead of going down the high school road which I 
assumed he would take, Rick chose to go down by the Iron Bridge. It had 
been raining a lot, and the river was dangerously high and moving very 
fast with whitewater that made it look like an rough sea.
 
Right away, I noticed an NBC News Van near the bridge. Again I said "Now 
I really feel we might be making a movie of my life!" As we got closer 
to the van, I immediately I wondered aloud why they were there and said 
we should stop and find out.
 
Rick quickly dismissed my concerns and 
said, "Oh they are probably here to get some footage of the river." I 
said I needed him to stop in case there was a problem. He slowed down as 
he went over the bridge. I saw a friend who takes care of children and 
called out to her, "What's going on?"
 
She looked very concerned and 
said, "A kid from Sharon is lost in the river." I told Rick to stop, and 
he hesitated. When I heard "kid' and 'from Sharon", I told him, 'That's 
my kid! Let me out!" I got him to walk with me a short distance to where 
the power plant driveway went down near the river...
 
This is where and 
when my life changed completely forever in a way that came to me, as it 
did to my son and everyone else 'without warning'. I saw Kaelan's dad, standing across from  the powerhouse
on the dirt drive of the Amesville side of the river which he'd done hundreds of times when boating or coaching others...
but this was completely different. David was there in the midst of others with the wild river rushing on relentlessly. 
Everyone was preoccupied..but with what exactly, no one seemed to be in danger right there.
 
I was anxious to find out what happened. I had not seen David since the day before in Litchfield CT where we had met in private chambers
  in the court house with our attorneys and an older male judge who finalized our divorce
proceedings with me crying a bit to relieve the sense of pressure in my mind and the tears that just welled up along with a
feeling of heaviness in my heart and accepting there was no other way
to delay or sort out the terms of the divorce I had never wanted after two years and many times in court and in conflict.
 
He seemed calm as did 
others walking about, so at first I felt relieved, thinking he had 
things figured out. Some mistake, some situation that still needed some 
attention, but I had to ask.
 
He just started to shake his head slowly 
side to side as if to say, and I heard the message in my head and heart 
'there's no hope..he's gone'.
 
He came closer and I asked him to please 
not talk about the divorce just then and to please hug me, and help me 
sit down. I knew from the time a friend died in college suddenly that I 
could feel very weak in the knees. I did not want to have to think about 
anything.

I saw a friend who had gotten out of the military and had lost friends. 
I asked, "What do I do?" He just shrugged with a sad shake of his head.
 
I saw another friend who had 
lost a good boater friend in whitewater on the other side of the world.
I later learned he had a terminal illness and has since passed with a dozen or
more boaters paying him tribute from over the years. 
He died on almost the same day a few years later after braving many treatments.
But that day, when  
I saw them standing there I knew my challenge to accept 'the worst 
thing ever' was now for real and just beginning.
 
Slowly I learned that 
on Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 around 2 or 3 pm in the afternoon our 
healthy vibrant teen son died by drowning in the Housatonic River.For so 
much of our community, our lives changed unexpectedly and tragically as 
the reality unfolded and rescue efforts turned into a recovery mission. 
 
Our courageous Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton,an amazingly talented, 
capable young man was no longer alive with us on the earth. I wanted to 
be able to accept everything that was happening as part of God's plan 
for all of us, even for Kaelan, but basically "how could that be?"
 
I needed to keep breathing and not thinking too much of the reality. 
Thankfully no one was saying the unthinkable, that Kaelan was gone or 
dead..I appreciate everyone's ability and thoughtfulness along those 
lines even today, on Jan 6th, 2014 which would have been Kaelan's 21st 
birthday.
 
I was newly exploring through readings and programs that we 
don't necessarily die in terms of 'not existing at all'.
Readings from www.edgarcayce.org and www.thewordfoundation.org explain 
the concepts much more.
 
But back then, it was mostly 'faith from over 
the years, of trusting that the laws of the universe and the miracle of 
life had to go through times of such change, which we call death, but 
that is not the end of the story.
 
"Trust in God" was something I was 
telling myself and hearing from many groups I was part of, so I figured, 
what choice do I have? Still, my breathing and body were not really 
ready to deal with this so suddenly.
 
Some friends I know from town, one 
of whom I had sat next to at the Kellogg School graduation the night 
before, were there with the ambulance, and took me over to Sharon 
Hospital. After an hour or so of just calmly trying to process and pray, 
a couple of family members came by and took me back to the river edge to 
check on things briefly.
 
Then we went up by the Falls with another 
friend, near the fence and I tossed a rock over it sending Kaelan and 
myself a symbol of the love we were feeling, with prayers in the name of 
God I had learned from songs and verses..The memory of being there in 
the moonlight on my first date with David came to mind. I recalled the 
power of the Falls back then, and wondered if there were any way to have 
known this kind of scary accident were going to unfold.
 
I knew Dave had boated extensively for years and that there were risks in our area, especially at the river, but I 
thought everyone was taking care to stay safe if being near the river.
His high risk maneuver of going over a drop about 20' above the falls when it wasa not running to fast was concerning me.
Particularly I did not want Kaelan or others under 18 or without more parental permission to try such a move which was seeming like a possible option.
 
I had wanted to put termsabout river safety and other high risk activities in our parenting plan, and even promote a wider community standard,
but did not succeed and was met with claims I was trying to delay the divorce 'for any reason'.
I wanted to clarify that the terms of the 'legal agreement' would carry more weight than my requests
 
In the aftermath of facing the tragedy, what happened" and Why me and our family after all we had been through? 
I learned much later many people thought I would despair to the point of 
suicide, with plenty saying 'they wouldn't be able to survive so much 
loss and difficulty'. I also learned of many who had done just that 
whether facing abuse, unwanted divorce, unfair custody during or after a 
divorce, loss of a job or someone they were caring for to wandering, 
illness, unexpected death.
 
But back to 'that day in June in 2009..."
Little by little, I learned that he had headed to the Housatonic River 
in Falls Village (technically on the Salisbury, Amesville side just up 
from the Iron Bridge at the base of Dublin Rd and River Road) with a 
group of his friends on bicycles after their last day of high school 
freshman ended around 12:30pm.
Some parents agreed to let the boys do something special to celebrate the last day of school.
Against my requests, they let them go alone and even use their own judgment about going in 'if they found a safe spot to do so'.
With the river at very high levels, there was no safe place. What transpired next was not recorded as police and rescuers should have taken time to do as far as I know.
Parents of all the minors should have been requested to give statements as well as all personnel and any students  who wanted to share information. Some students had heard of the plans and tried to deter them. However none had thought to tell the principals, their parents or even the police (which one happened to be related to). The whole idea of a 'go-to person' and effective prevention and intervention plan has yet to be clarified for ALL SCHOOLS and PARENTS or Others in Charge.
 
As the teen boys gathered at the Falls to check them out and to consider going in, some teen girls were there as well. One older teen happened to tell them it wasn't a good day to be there or go in. But they didn't listen and he did not think to call someone. Ideally kids could at least call their moms or dads (and really both might make a big difference). Kaelan had jumped in twice and gotten out and may have tried to tell people the current was too strong. But the boy who he went in to save after pulling two others out with only his strength from the shore, had not heard anything other than Kaelan had gone in twice. Then he figured he'd 'go for it' and jumped from rocks on the side of the river, about 30" up.  He swam toward the middle of the river  or maybe was pulled that way. Kaelan made it to him after signalling with 911 with his hands indicating 9 then 1, 1 with his fingers raised up.
 
He was a clever person and clearly trying to grapple with a great amount of stress in a matter of minutes without others nearby to think things through or prevent him from going in which may have been in order. Still, his great love and commitment to helping his friends won out and many reflect on whether they would consider really doing what he did. Hard as it is, we likely need to accept we cannot do that, but we can pray for the miracles that may come our way, as the rescuer was able to reach his friend with only moments to spare. His friend was pulled under even after having a rope hoop put around him and Skip Kosciusko was pushed away forcefully, having his pants ripped in the process.
 
Then he swung back toward the lad and was grateful to find the rope intact  around him so they could ascend from the dangerous churning waters. The plunge hole had claimed Kaelan and did not release his body for days. When the rescued boy asked about Kaelan, that is when Skip and others realized Kaelan was gone. Rescuers searched diligantly and kept vigil for hours and days in threatening conditions.  But still had no sign of Kaelan's heroic body. Some boaters faced almost getting sucked into the same dangerous current, but thankfully no others were harmed. Some people searched along the river banks from their cars or by foot even at night, which worried me when I learned of that. They felt compelled to do something more, but I felt the risk needed to be minimized and would hope in the future there would be notices given immediately not to take on such personal quests. The tragedy had happened and the only thing worse would be if others befell harm as well in the following efforts to recover our Kaelan's youthful, now deceased body. More support would have been helpful in the days and weeks following in dealing with details as his family and even among friends. We held a few campfires for people to come over and be together in the nights following Kaelan's passing. I thought to do that because I had found being at one such first anniversary gathering for a friend's son  the year before who had died when going too fast and on wet roads on a new bigger motorcycle.
 
The teens may have gone to Toymakers Cafe that day or in the previous week, 
which is a friendly spot in the quiet town center to have a bite to eat. 
Kaelan, being a vegetarian, likely had some meatless sandwich (mistyped 
here first as sandwish--oh how I wish for wishes to come true that none 
of this happened!) or soup or sweet.
 
Only days earlier, he had stopped 
by to see a longtime family friend who works in the center of town. He 
gave her a hug which meant a lot to her, particularly in hindsight of 
what came to pass only days later...Kaelan may have told her as he did 
many friends, "You're beautiful!"
 
(Now I ask folks to think of that as a 
way to live: Be You to Full, or to Live Fully (and thus the name for 
this blog is so inspired with the describing word or suggestion:livfully.)
I think that showed his sense of a kind of love for life and those he 
could care about openly that bubbled up in him since he was very young. 
We can appreciate that he did save two friends before losing his life 
when trying to save another on June 16,2009.
 
Thankfully his teen friend, a fella 'going for it' in terms of jumping for the first time ever and from about 30' 
was saved by an amazing  rescuer  Skip Kosciusko, so no other lives were lost that most difficult of 
days...for many to be part of in terms of search and rescue, friends, 
family and community members nearby as well as the ripple effect of 
those being moved by the crisis far away and on the news and internet.

Many have said Kaelan was a kind-hearted person. I had seen that for 
years as he was home (although that generally meant me and the kids 
being out and about town and with other family and friends and his 
sisters since he homeschooled until he was almost 8, with a half-day 
kindergarten year at age 5 and 3/4 with a January 6th, 1993 birthday. 

The story of his cherubic birth, just after midnight on the 12th day of 
Christmas (and almost getting named Gabriel which actually corresponds 
with his Birth Angels from Terah Cox information in a book from her 
www.heavenandearth.com site I just realized, linked with part of the 
Kabbalistic Tree of Life Yesod (foundation with the Archangel Gabriel).

The angel of 1/6 is Jabamiah (Alchemy or Transformation), that also 
corresponds with the birthdates of 3/6-10 (and his Dad's is 3/10 and 
they were both born just after midnight which has them sharing Vehuhiah, 
for will and new beginnings on the Kether (Crown of the Tree with the 
Archangel Metatron) and four others including 8/14 which is my mother 
Mary's real birthdate. I found that out 'by chance on that date two 
years after she died'.
 
Since I tended to misplace things, I got a copy 
of my birth certificate and thought to get one of my Mom's since they 
are housed wherever that person was born. I was born at Charlotte 
Hungerford, and I have to check, but my Mom may have been born there too 
or at home since a midwife verified the date.
 
But back to Kaelan, the idea that 'all of his life was planned or agreed 
to by him as options before he came into the physical realm helps take 
the sting out of what happened, somewhat. I feel there is much to ponder 
and it's okay to go over it many times, which I for one have many times 
in the past four years and likely will continue to do for various 
reasons.
 
This is not to stay stuck in the past or to hold his life in a 
higher place than others who have died either in my extended family and 
friends circle or in the area or world at large, but rather to inform me 
so I can appreciate every person's passing more deeply in a context not 
only from birth, through life to death, but before and after that time 
we are so trained to focus on.

Likely, I'll need to revisit this post soon, But overall, what came to 
pass, is covered in part in other posts such as The White Buffalo Calf 
naming entry (Yellow Medicine Dancing Boy) and reflections on When the 
Worst Happens, Again! In brief, since I need to get sleep for work early 
Sunday...is that Kaelan jumped into the river near the Falls twice. A 
friend heard that and decided to 'go for it'.
 
Kaelan may have been 
saying the current was too strong, but the falls were too loud to hear.
I had warned Kaelan since he was about 14 when he wanted to pursue 
kayaking like his father David, to realize this was a 'water rescue 
sport'. There would be times he could need help or need to give it, but 
he had to have enough training, which he said he would take and I 
assumed his father was giving him for the most part, to know how to be 
an effective team member if rescuing someone.
 
I had also said the 
reality we had seen over the twenty plus years of being part of the 
sport was that not everyone Could be saved...so to use extra caution and 
always be with the right kind of competent people I thought he 
understood what I was saying.
 
I stressed that I would never want his friends thinking it was okay to 
go to the river without a smart plan and support people, because if 
anything happened to them in part because Kaelan had set a poor example 
I would feel responsible and of course, horrible that we had set a poor 
example as a family.
 
I had been at enough events for whitewater 
competitions that I knew there were risks beyond my control, so my 
overall tactic was to encourage Dave to go boating without trying to 
involve the kids.
 
Unfortunately, that was not easy to do once they got 
to be older, and yet, for the most part, other adults seemed to be 
around and since he taught programs to youth, I assumed our children 
were getting a good set of boundaries for what was appropriate.

The problem on June 16th, 2009 was likely the semantics of 'going to the 
river to check it out and maybe swim' versus 'going boating'. Indeed, 
Kaelan had been there only a few days prior with much of his family 
visiting from California on his paternal grandfather's side.
 
They saw him jumping in a spot and one local person mentioned to him he should 
never do that without adult supervision. He said he wouldn't so perhaps 
he did not really plan to go in that day, and decided to try it rather 
spontaneously.

Most adults likely did not know the dangers of high water(the 
undercurrents or even powerful downstream currents) or realize the 
location the group was going to. No one informed me in any way that was 
an option particularly at that time of year
 
. I did not realize school 
was ending that day and that Kaelan had ridden his bike there again. I 
expressed concern about that practice even though I had heard of it a 
week or so prior, of him going from Cornwall to Falls Village on a dirt 
road, about 7 miles to go to the Housatonic Valley Regional High School to take
tests when the schedule had changed to partial days.

Sometimes the schedule changed for test dates so I found the situation 
confusing and thought it was a one-time thing. I have friends who have 
chastised me for not knowing precisely what he was up to, but given the 
divorce dynamics over the two years leading up to that day, and the 
divorce the day before, that was typical, with few ways to really know 
what was going on in many ways with our children.
 
That is something that 
needs an immediate overhaul since too often parents can lose track of 
their children due to one parent taking over and not sharing information 
in a timely, appropriate manner.

Overall, some assumed the kids would use 'common sense' even though 
there were no adults, no life vests, and really no safe spot to go in 
the river that was very high, fast and furious with whitewater that day. 
I put these points in now to help more people realize 'you cannot assume 
other people, adults or kids, will be Able to use common sense at the 
same time and in the same ways.
 
Ideally, a national site would go over 
these points and people could reference the kind of supervision and 
tactics used in outdoor educationa programs, scouts and locally with 
guidelines from authorities including rescue personnel.

The kids at the Falls the day Kaelan ended up trying to save a friend 
also had not made a clear plan to consult with Kaelan about where and 
how to jump and particularly critical in this situation, to plan the 
safe exit pathway and even some 'what if emergencies occur plans like 
have a cell phone, life vests--thost could have been a huge deal-breaker 
I like to think, and throw ropes.

Ideally, parents and community leaders and rescue workers would not have 
approved of the trip (which to the credit of a few some Did Object 
including this mother from when Kaelan wanted to venture into a sport 
his dad avidly pursued--I had said promise you'll take rescue training 
and not go without your Dad or another good adult and make sure they're 
really watching you..and know you can't always save or be saved 
necessarily so need to really know what do do--this is a water rescue 
sport).

Others such as students and at least one parent who realized the danger 
of the plan could have told school or rescue people including the 
police, and yes, my sister at the Town Hall or me who is rather local 
and around the area about the risky situation Before it happened.
 
I had asked parents not to allow such outings without at least two competent 
adults, such as Kaelan's dad and another dad since the area and the 
stunts sometimes were very risky that the adults were doing. I did not 
want kids 'trying something later on their own or thinking it would be 
okay to go alone for boating or really even swimming, without an adult'.

The dozen divorce court and other sessions I had gone to for over two 
years explained that parents were responsible for their kids. The court 
and other parent would make an effort to hold the parents or others 'in 
contempt of court' if they allowed neglect, abuse, substance abuse or 
other problems that could harm or cause a child's death.
 
After many 
times in court and hearing an array of situations, I felt concerned 
about the river and other risky adventures and had hoped to get 
something in writing in our required parenting plan, but I was mocked by 
professsionals who were convinced that I was trying to delay a divorce I 
had always said I did not want. I had hoped to live apart and see what 
we could work out before making formal plans.
 
While I had been pressured 
to move out, against my better judgment and 'automatic orders' which 
were supposed to protect a parent staying in the marital home whether 
rented, owned or otherwise, I was out within a 6 weeks of my husband filing.

Even in 2014, I'm still seeking ideas to resolve this kind of lack of 
co-parenting dilemma for myself and others), with many small matters not 
being discussed reasonably since we had been 'married' or at least 
living together for almost 20 years, with four children.
 
At what point could I get appropriate credit for the care I had given the children, now 
ages 8 to 18 some credit for homebirthing, nursing for 2 plus years each 
(never drinking or drugging, etc)and homeschooling most until 6-8 years 
of age?
 
 That was considered 'null and vold' or no longer of importance (since I 
agreed under pressure with only minutes left to the court session--NEVER 
agree under pressure, especially to leave your house without your kids!! 
is advice I've heard yet did not follow!
Suddenly, I had to face 
that I would not be seeing my children much at all, even though court 
papers said 'reasonable and flexible sceduling'.
 
The people who were monitoring the situation (the GAL) did not ensure I saw my children and that's another tragic line of this tale, much of which simply cannot be shared but which someday should be reviewed thoroughly to prevent such a pattern from separating a caring mother from her children. International Law provides for the Best Practices around the world of keeping children Safe and Together with their Mother whether in war, climate change or other stress to favor the best outcome for the children's immediate and long-term safety and well-being.
 
These were things I did not know then and only mention here since everyday it's the cutting-edge pressing ethical and practical issue more people need to address for our communities to keep women and children safe in as many ways as possible.
 
I have learned this is 'typical' for a mother in my position.I did not see my children much at 
all, and Kaelan very rarely since he was 14 or even younger since he was 
busy with friends and sports. What's strange yet helpful for me is that 
basic math shows I did almost 20 years of being the main parent, so if 
my former husband did 10, that would be Half of what I had already done!

That could be a basic 'measuring stick' and ideally both parents could 
hear clearly that custody should be shared and not a contest to have 
that be best for the kids so long as both are 'safe, sober and 
appropriate' when with the kids.
 
Of course, if there is abuse of the 
mother, that IS a form of child abuse and impacts the kids in profound 
ways for years, making them feel they have no real options but to side 
with the bully...(plain English explanation but written in books.)
I could not really get a clear grasp of what custody meant, the options 
and what they would really mean.
 
Frankly, I still am confused about it 
all in terms of what really could have made difference or what could 
help even now. I weomce ideas such as a "Friends of Cath" support group. 
There are many parents, women and men, who could benefit from help 
whether together, apart, single from the start or otherwise becoming 
challenged with a change in health, wealth, housing, jobs, childcare or 
other caregiveing needs, recovery from drugs and/or abuse (and yes, both 
the users or perpetrators And the Victims And the Kids and family need 
help!)
There should be ongoing Custody/ Parenting Plan and Parenting Issues 
Centers at every school or other public place for all parents and adults 
caring for children to be well-informed of appropriate options for care, 
developmental markers and behavior management --not punishment and 
discipline in terms of harming kids self-esteem, person or neglecting 
them which is still rather common!)
Kaelan, whose about my height and looked like me with his brown hair and 
eyes and slender build (okay that was me at his age at least) gave me a 
quick hug on my mid-May birthday, but really was not feeling he would 
want to see me much as the divorce went through the day before he 
drowned trying to save a friend who really couldn't be saved by a 
swimmer like himself or anyone necessarily going in from shore. Rather, 
his friend, who went under briefly when Kaelan touched him, did get 
rescued by a rope rescue from 80' above.

The number of responders in the hours and days following the sudden 
final loss of Kaelan was tremendous. Many rescue workers were put in 
harm's way as well, and great caution had to be used for trying to 
recover Kaelan's body. He surfaced finally a week later, 7 miles down 
river-- a mile for every day missing and for every decade he would never 
live.
 
His grandfather Dale Palmer, Sr lived to be almost 85. His grandmother Mary Palmer, Sr  had 12 children with her husband and was close to all of our children.
She lived to be almost 83. Both maternal grandparents predeceased Kaelan by 2 and 5 years, respectively.
His great grandfather Reuben Swenson (Caroline Paton's father) 
lived to be 96 and his grandfather Sandy lived to be 80, dying only 40 
days after Kaelan after a life of music but also of smoking for 50 
years, thankfully quitting to buy him better health 10 years prior. 
Sandy's father Hubert lived to be 100..

. Likely, Kaelan would have had a good run of a life well-lived. Rudolf 
Steiner offers the idea that a person passing in good health early in 
life can 'share some of his life energy' with those he was close too...I 
feel that is a possibility and once bought a bike I saw, had it tuned up 
and was riding it an hour later..A thought I'd had for years transpired 
in a couple of hours and when I got on the bike I wondered if that was 
maybe Kaelan sayin, "Let's get going already!"
 
I often run a 'victory 
lap or a mark the day or event with a lap around the front lawn at Housy 
( which I used to run around on Track practice days as a freshman at 
HVRHS, my only year there before going onto Wilbur Cross and Educational 
Center for the Arts in New Haven, then Roger Ludlowe in Fairfield and 
Vassar before coming home to start a family of my own...in a place I 
thought of as safe and secure.)
 
The reality is Kaelan's mortal life ended in a tragic way, and way too 
soon according to our human understanding.
 
The separation for me during 
the divorce actions (yes, there were two, with a one-year reprieve in 
between) from all of our children, particularly those still at home, was 
very heartbreaking for me and nothing anyone had warned me about Nice 
trusting, religious or otherwise culturally-dependent people (especially 
those not working for pay or outside of the home much Really Need a 
Major Outreach and Education about these matters, as do many elderly who 
are trapped in difficult decades-old unhealthy patterns).
 
Dozens of women have shared their challenges along these lines, and I've learned of the huge pattern, like a giant undertow in our systems that allows for ongoing abuse of women and children. Some men have shared their difficulties as well, so clearly we need more attention to these critical times of life.

Really no one should let days turn into years that 'don't add up, don't 
feel right' and are not healthy and rewarding. As difficult as it is to 
share now, it was a bewildering experience to realize that I would still 
not be able to really share the loss and pain I had felt for the few 
years prior to Kaelan's passing not only to inform people but to warn 
them that it could happen to them. I had very mixed feelings about 
things, not wanting the divorce to be public, yet feeling even the night 
of being interviewed by a newsman that the connection should be made..It 
was too important to sweep under the rug, and maybe someone would do an 
effective outreach and intervention for our family...something that 
still would be helpful since the holding pattern of separation has 
continued beyond what I can comprehend or begin to effectively address.
The last place we should have to go is the courts, and ideally, everyone 
would take time to check their own safety and well-being and connection 
with their children and others important to them, beginning with the 
Bonus Materials on www.shouldIstayorshouldIgo.net to see if they are a 
bully to themselves, others or were so in the past.
 
This could be the new wave of heroes, people finding a way to
look in the mirror and Want to Know if they are being a bully or
unbalanced due to mental health, behavior or personality issues (see The Enneagram),
drugs, immaturity (a technical term Lundy Bancroft offers on his site 
with his name..www.lundybancroft.com a true hero for our times along 
with many others.)
 
People should help people, and particularly victims 
or disenfranchised people such as single moms, or otherwise stressed 
people, who need and with some coaxing will recieve help and who can in 
time, 'pay it forward'.
The less compassion people have for what I lived through, the more 
likely it could be that they will get their own 'lesson closer to home' 
, not unlike people ignoring signs of bigotry, prejudice and excluding 
and harming the Jews prior to and during the Holocaust.
 
I saw the film The Roundup (La Rafle) to mark the 70 th year since that French travesty 
of putting Jews on trains from France to go to concentration camps. We 
are still in denial.
 
Now I have gone to national conferences called BMCC 
(Batterered Mothers Custody Conference) and have heard horror stories of 
women whose children are being badly violated and harmed (including 
sexually) by their fathers.

Protective mothers lose custody if the children or they speak of that 
during a custody hearing. The day of Independence in France is July 
14th--an the horrible Holocaust action was taken at that time, delayed 
for a day due to the holiday (a small yet meaningful last day of normal 
life for 25K Jews, about many thousands of whom were rounded up and kept 
in a stadium for days before being shipped off to concentration camps). 

Let US-All take care that we are not re-enacting the dynamics of such 
travesty, and take care what 'trains' of thought, schooling, belief, law 
and citizenship we get or put others on.
 
We must want to reflect on 
these matters..or 'pay the price of our ignornace and lack of 
accountability to seek 'best practices' with skilled help (not 
necessarily 'professionals'!)
 
This kind of travesty is well-documented in books by Barry Goldstein and 
others. I feel the kinds of horrors 60K mothers and children face each 
year and have for 40 years, is only going to get worse until more young 
women PLAN to protect themselves and their children with clear pre-nups 
regarding having sole custody and the fathers supervised if there are 
concerns about abuse, stability and other factors.
 
It's rather crazy, 
but until these bugs get worked out and more people consider no one can 
really know which men are prone to act atrociously, then perhaps legal 
marriages should wait a good ten years in terms of putting it on record.
Other written agreements, even without marriage, should come into play, 
and more men who are decent could I help lead the way, explaining 
statistically Why this is Necessary. In the meantime, all decent men 
(and women) should willingly see the abuse screenings on Lundy 
Bancroft's site www.shouldIstayorshouldIgo.net Everyone should try to 
have a few days or weeks off during the year from relationships and 
caregiving to self-screen for stress, safety, substances, mental health, 
finances, and many other basics.
 
Likely, we could detect more health and 
safety issues early on and be more successful in solving those.
So why cover all this when Remembering Kaelan..well, IF parents had 
honored my clear requests (on at least 2 occassions) to NOT let the kids 
go to the river alone, and to really watch them in terms of having them 
do safe, appropriate things With Adult Supervision from Responsible, 
Sober Adults, the ten plus teens would not likely have been set free to 
get into harm's way..IF people in the court had honored my concerns 
appropriately over the course of two years and many times in court, I 
would have seen my children more.

IF they had someone explain divorce and custody in practical terms, such 
as in the SandCastle's Program they could have had help in transitioning 
in not seeing me every day as they had their entire lives, but realizing 
and trusting they could be happy and safe (without having to choose or 
side with one parent exclusively). This is a common problem no one is 
discussing. Many fathers give up on their families, and many moms do too.
I mentioned these concerns about not seeing my son or other children to 
the newsman that covered Kaelan's passing, and that the divorce was the 
day before.
 
At first I did not want it mentioned and hoped there would 
be a way to reconcile on some level in terms of modifying our 
arrangements to respect what our family had suffered. Over time, I saw 
there was no interest for that, and it is still a strained situation. 
 
Even during the divorce I had almost been broadsided so felt we should 
really pay attention and live with respect to make sure we each saw the 
children. Now, many experts I've read and spoken with would have advised 
that I have our children exclusively to adhere to 'best practices' in 
cases where I had already been the primary caregiver and had sought to 
make a safe, stable environment.
 
Unfortunately, the community needs to 
realize that is the new standard of care for all women in a difficult 
situation like ours, yet most leaders and even lawmakers have not taken 
time to study the issue.

The overall point is to let other families really take in the number of 
losses suffered not only by me (or any other mother separated from her 
children in this kind of dynamic), but all of my family which also did 
not have much access to my children, and my friends as well, whether at 
church or other social functions. I had taken my children to many 
wonderful events and introduced them to great people, many of whom 
became their friends.
 
This happens to 60 K mothers each year if they 
raise concerns for safety in their family. Some men unfortunately also 
suffer such loss, but far too often, the cases are due to justified 
concerns. All men need to want to learn about appropriate boundaries, 
self-control, and not abusing others.

All parents need to seek this education out as well as how to be sober 
and safe if those are issues. Safety would include agreeing to monitor 
those in their care closely and with agreements that comply with the 
town and other parents' requests. If more parents don't Want to live 
through what I did, they need to get Pro-Active Today not only for 
themselves, but for their family, friends and community at large.
 
I offer everyone forgiveness and ask it as well for harm done whether 
through negligence, lack of insight or information, time, money or 
concern...the point is to find ways to heal individually and collectively.
Some people are unable or unwilling to consider their wrongdoing or 
neglect, even the courts and others are 'overwhelmed and unaware' of the 
harm they do 'in the name of the law'. Soon, more vocal advocates, along 
with many protective parent (mothers and fathers, as well as other 
custodial guardians and caring family and friends) will spell things out 
in plain English--no sugar-coating or placating..just the facts, most of 
which that I've shared here are on public record (along with Much more) 
of the hearings where a number of judges made inappropriate decisions.

IF they could consider learning from our tragedy, maybe others would be 
prevented. That is my greatest hope, and more people would have to want 
to help educate said judges, ideally setting up websites and panels to 
ease their load, get some Facts, and pursue Best Practices for All 
Children, not only those whose parents are in divorce or custody court. 
Find out a lot more on www.domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com and 
www.civicresearchinstitute.com (Representing the Domestic Violence 
Survivor).

Likely, every state will have it's own dogfight, with many choosing a 
default of 'joint custody' and those in abusive situations having to 
fight tooth and nail to get their concerns factored into having sole 
custody (maybe with supervised visitaion for the parent who is trying to 
sever the natural ties and affection between the protective mom (or dad 
if that's really the case) and their children.
 
Every school could work 
with town recreation and social work programs to provide health 
parent-child times at least weekly (one day for moms and another for 
dads please) to educate and encourage healthy socialization..
Thanks for considering this in the spirit it is written, to Save the 
Next Many Thousand Children and Moms as well as women in general from 
predictable harm and sadly even abuse and death!
 
Not speaking out 
clearly really is not an effective strategy and I hope everybuddy can 
find someone to talk to confidentially such as at www.rainn.org or other 
www.211.org sites or ask a question here and I'll try to give an 
answer...change names as needed and use IF this happened. then what 
would make sense...I'll answer in kind with IF, then here are some 
things I would try which should keep us safe from legal hassles...
For the record, I wrote extensive comments to the head judge of CT 
hoping to help with court reform.
 
I have only heard that most family 
court judges are Not Interested in Best Practices to keep kids safer, 
rather they think they know enough. There may be corruption among 
counselors promoting more connection with fathers, regardless of abuse 
concerns. I learned that from Safe Kids International from CA about CT 
problems. The list is overwhelming and basically can make any normal 
person feel 'it's futile'.

Rather than commend protective parents for not giving up, most folks 
will send them packing. No one wants to discuss things logically or 
provide the Economic underpinning to assist parents in caring for their 
children. Why not let parents live at the schools if they can't afford 
housing, say a certain number at every school?
 
I know it sounds weird, 
but there could be roll-out mats and so on, meals provided and more, all 
with people not having to travel to and from school. Parents could even 
assist during some school days (likely they couldn't keep up with what 
we ask of students!) Ideally formal education could begin around age 6, 
but before that allowing youth a lot of time to play creatively and 
outdoors, be active with simple food preparation and other tasks of 
daily living, hearing stories and songs, enjoying the seasons with 
simple celebrations and going about their community on field trips or 
with family would be plenty (according to Rudolf Steiner and many 
homeschoolers like the Moores).

The new success will look like turning back the hands of time to simpler 
days, conserving energy (mabye a 4-day school or work week) and more 
programs on weekends and in the summer. Why not try to make new 
solutions with the technology and social realties more people are 
facing? Look at the whole picture and not just a bad day or a sad 
family's situation.
 
The greater message is one of teamwork and higher 
expectations for each person to be accountable for themselves and others 
that follow basic care PLANS (People Living and Learning by Agreements 
and Networking through Schools and Society). Every child, teen, parent 
and adult matters, a lot so why not encourage everybody to be a buddy 
and to lend a hand while still on land? A flyer I made with Kaelan's 
photo (which I can maybe find a way to post, says also:
"We reach out a hand while still on land to keep out of dAnger of all 
kinds, to give voice to choice for respect, health and help for all 
basic needs, to help heal from past hurts and live with compassion and 
well-being."
 
That could be a new kind of meaning pledge of allegiance to 
our common good, ourselves and each other to show our care and 
willingness to share and to prevent losses of many kinds.
Let's make this June and every month with a new moon a time of hope, 
peace, joy and well-being...and love (that's safe, respectful, rational 
and appropriate--not necessarily living with someone or interacting with 
them if that is not feasible, yet holding a space for that in our hearts 
and minds as www.drsha.com and most religions and healing efforts 
promote.)
 
Ciao now, and lots of love to those in need of healing, just 
everybuddy and those who are part of the rainbow of love streaming from 
above this mortal plane.  ( This article repeats and I haven't figured out how to edit it so it doesn't,
so please pardon the reprints..and have a sparkling day and life,
remembering all who have journeyed on...Thanks)

 

Comments

Share your remembrances--what were you doing when you heard about this story..or how does it land with you now, 5 years later. There is much more for every person than the events happening. We can honor how we process information and feelings. We can read online and meet with others who can help us understand deeper meanings. Soon we may see a pattern of love, loss, change, growth, life cycles on many levels from gardens and stages of life to the larger forum of towns, states and countries. We can consider the ideas of generations before us and more after us..and what if we are having many lifetimes (sometimes doesn't every day seem like a lifetime? Scientists tell us we are each an incredible living, breathing entity even without the million or more thoughts we have in week.) Thanks for sharing as you can about something you care about, a person or cause, how you are transforming your life to honor the gift of being here now with others in peace..journey on...Kaelan would have liked that and still likely sees with new spiritual eyes along with our loved ones and divine beings what we are trying to do on the earth plane, an a-maze-sing place for US-All in the United States of A Miracle and every country in a challenging time on plan-it Heart!

To reflect on loss and hope, on life and going through the open door, whether as a teen on a summer day in dangerous water or as a firefighter swallowed up on flames of hopefully something much more benign and natural as drifting off in one's dreams or at least having some idea that 'the end is near'.

One of the songs Kaelan had me listen to way Nickleback's "If today was your last day" on youtube...there were various times of reflecting on life and death..as a young boy, Kaelan believed in Jesus and when finding an arrowhead 10, 000 years old, he noted, this was here before Jesus was, Mom!

He showed our minister Terry thinking he would want to see something so special and old. When I asked Kaelan once how I could explain Easter to Sunday school kids, he said, "Easy, Mom. It's when the rock...moved!" He went on to explain that Jesus was no longer in the cave or the grave, but was alive and going to heaven! Not bad for a lad, my mom who appreciated rhymes might say.

Okay, I need to rest tonight and know the 'rock moving' may be a metaphor for the disclosures I've made about the years leading up to Kealan's passing...He was a real boy, and had many life experiences, and heard of more since he explained I did not filter too well what I'd tell my kids. I would assure them it was a lot more 'filtering' than my generation normally got. I told a friend that I had a knack for 'spreading the word' such as in 3rd grade (as I recall) I told the whole class one by one, or at least the girls, how babies were made. I had been  told likely by some older girls, and felt 'it was just too important not to know!"

Well, this kind of reflecting on putting our common sense forward with some teams of support seems all the more important. The difficulties arise when facing 'legal, or real-life' consequences. Many AA or 12-step programs seem to think those can be 'forever waved' and yet laws are putting more people in the role of 'mandated reporters' and the internet makes everything instantaneous.

The overall plan could be one of Not Reporting what one doesn't have to, but letting perpetrators or criminals or even those with mental health or drug  problems know they need to 'step  down or do the next right thing' by not blaming, sharming or gaming their way into saving face and punishing others for their wrongdoing. It sounds complicated, but people make choices everyday to 'take a time out', have some 'down time' or volunteer appropriately or do something to right a wrong not even of their own doing.

Each generation seems to have similar 'deficiencies' because the laws to guide them more appropriately were not in place. Now bullying can be called to the floor and punished accordingly. People likely will feel they are losing to be free and a bit crazy at least in their own homes..they will be right, but held accountable by 'the law' nonetheless..

That's why it's key to learn Now what is really going on and try to Heal sooner rather than later to face the growing stresses of making a living, expressing a point, of agreeing to marry anybody without a clear exit option and to keep kids safe (again with recommendations from www.lundybancroft.com which basically means the kids would go with mom And the dad should support them accordingly, which is something entire towns could help promote..and Yes, good dads should be involved (and happily be accountable for the care they  give with checks and buddy systems of women helping too).

Why not start  in this way Voluntarily, along with mediation centers at every school with volunteer mediators (see The Promise of Mediation and other models too, and adaps in light of abuse or   other laws).

There are options, but few take the time to learn about them and get support to use them effectively. Good luck and hope this is recieved in the spirit it is given..as a real 'message in a bottle' from a mom who taking her own dare to care and share as one can!

What are the odds I'd dash off toward Cornwall July 3rd on my way to Torrington, (my Mom's hometown where I shop and such) and stop in at a remote cafe 'just to cool down' and even to send healing thoughts to the immigrant children crossing the border and being held in Texas?

found a newsy flyer which I Happened to look at this morning at 10:40 am and see there was a July Fest there, something I'd taken my kids to in the past. Cornwall has lovely little gatherings on Memorial Day which include frog-jumping contests (with real frogs not kids leaping about, but yes, that kind of thing happens too..with hay bale mazes at the Ag Fair in the fall and even yours truly trying the Hay Bale Toss which was a barrel of fun as I recall.

They even have a field marked for gambling about which square a cow will poop in (technical language hopefully not too offensive, but hard to believe but maybe no stranger and a lot more natural than the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest...who would like to see that be a quickest time for who can eat 5 or maybe 10 if we have to get a little Gross factor in there, Hotdogs?

But back to scenic Cornwall setting with little kids ready to run a mile (or a good part of it if under 7 with me who likes to run but not to tire myself out usually which is far too common for me with my extra 30 pounds.--that's not a put-down, just a put-on report.)

I used to race Kaelan's soccer team when they were about 9 years old only After they'd done their laps and only one length of the field on my call which usually caught them offguard. I'm usually a fair player, but with my age and such I thought this would level the competition a bit..and they'd taken me up on my challenge to race, I just didn't tell them the terms til they were pert near warn out...

With heavy rains for a day and dark skies, this day sadly reminded me of much of the season before and after Kaelan passed away when it poured for days at a time. I felt as did others that the heavens were crying along with us in our hearts for the loss of such a good kid, and aren't all kids good really, even if there are some behavioral challenges and such? The kids in these small towns are wonderful and reflections of their families and small town connections and schools.

No real thugs mixed in though if a few have strayed (and some have, even some I've asked to really try to live a life of honor to remember Kaelan rather than seek a tatoo or in addition to that if that was their real choice.) Still most hold out tons of hope for the youth of Their Community, realizing the connections and reflections of their joint efforts (no pun intended...but again hopefully ALL people could steer clear of drugs and alcohol which I count as a drul as well...to honor not only Kaelan's heroic sense of love and care for his friends in his life and in his final moments, but for the many thousands of kids and others who need people to be safe and sober, not apt to make poor choices and mistakes.

Nice moms helping their 8th graders serve grinders which ran the length of 6 foot tables and others pitching in made the morning a nice way to mark this Fourth of July., 2014...Five River Years since Kaelan's passing..while the Housatonic River and High School and Community keep thriving, the memory of Kaelan and others like him, who live fully and who touch our hearts earthside and heavenside can light out journeys and help us PLAN for Safety, Wellness, Peace and Friendship...

Does that have a nice ring to it as a good use of our freedom of choice, voice, and reasons to make some noise...maybe even a few ka-booms (which I playfully did with a new young friend who was waiting for his Mom to finish her online work at Mickey D's (McDonald's). We did some drumming 'thunder, lightning, pouring down rain' rhthyms, hitting the center of  the plastic table for Thun-Der, and Light-ning, then the edge with R and L drum roll for 'pouring down rain' and repeating a bit faster.

He caught on quick and at age 6, I could see he'd be on his way to creating more music and ideas than I could keep up with. His mom invested $12k and got another $6k in help to do a Medical Coding program.

She's a single mom who could use some extra support, so let me know if you'd like to make a way to help folks like her..and of course her awesome fellow. That was a special way for me to feel I was connecting with kids the way I like to especially as a way to honor Kaelan's legacy....Some of the kids I saw in Cornwall I haven't seen in  a few years, so their growth was a surprise to me, yet again I was reminded how quickly it all goes by.

Another young lady, now 27, is someone I cared for when she was 1 and 2..and though I haven't seen her much, I keep in touch with her Mom whose an amazing teacher of many decades and has touched many lives and literally coached thousands of kids. The one and the many means a lot when people are counting on each other to care for one another, help kids learn and grow and encourage them as they start their own independent or adult lives with support..

.That's one family, neighborhod, town, state and country at a time. It'd be nice to work on these bridge-building efforts..and as I felt inspired to write when reflecting on our Kaelan's humble human body drifting  7 miles down the Housatonic River from the Falls in Falls Village to the Covered Bridge in West Cornwall CT on June 23rd, 2009..."Life is a bridge we gently cross. Going over it, we all feel loss..but the gift of love is ours to give..in how we die and how we live."

On that note, we can venture into these new situations with hope, healing and greater love for ourselves and others and the greater good and divine as one may be open to that possibility..Exploring solutions and being aware that 'as we sow, so shall we reap..and that we may get as we give so to think very carefully of words, actions, thoughts or wishes or curses' that may seem 'fine or necessary' to dish out..If we can't take what we're puting out or consider it may happen to a different person--someone we love or even ourselves, well likely many folks would pause to reflect or maybe be very willing to have a 'second chance at not harming or hurting others or oneself'.

The mystery of 'everything being connected' may be playing out on more subtle levels, like some cosmic riddle that has a quintessentially Simple Answer..IF you don't want to hurt others or have what you are doing or saying be done to you..then Don't do it!  Need to post before this gets lost as some parts get cut out when I'm not looking.. More to follow, peace out!

 

 

Every season of the year has its highs but sadly also its lows. The winter season marked with holidays and even family birthdays for those living is a joy..and then comes the January 6th birthdate (or bEarthday) of our awesome Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton (that's 26 letters and an alphabet's worth of possiblities even without all the the A-Z letters...). he was born in 1993, and died--though I much prefer the word passed or crossed over--in 2009 at age 16 and 5 months  and 10 days..on June 16th. I was converting his life to hours on a clock, starting at midnight and since he was born at 12:14 am  so he lived til a metaphorical 16:20 hours or 4:20pm. Many know that time and the date of 4/20 as a 'pot day' as in marijuana day and otherwise as Earth Day (or was that the 22nd...) well.

The overall idea dawned on me recently to toy with converting our years into hours..especially when people die young, but on a more positive note, we could make that days, for folks who are 51 for instance, that'd be 24 plus 24 hours more then 3 hours (so two days plus 3 hours in the morning..sounds about right and can make a live soul feel young and chipper.) 

Now for Kaelan, he would have turned 22 on Jan. 6th, 2015..so Happy Birthday, Kaelan...I would like to keep this sounding cool and heartfelt but that readily turns into the mystical for me and likely many others missing you and many loved ones in heaven. This would include your Palmer grandparents and of course your amaze-sing grandpa Sandy Paton, folksinger friend of Pete Seeger and co-founder of Folk-Legacy Records..

I feel I could hear some good singing and see contra dancing on the clouds to ready for your midnight reverie. Other family and friends would prioritize the event and give you the high fives and hero hugs you deserve as you gave your all in your final moments here on plan-it heart..

Thanks for being with us to call our own precious second child...and son, brother, cousin, nephew and grandson, friend, soccer player and team player as well as bright student and clever kid with a bit of extra daring when it came to unicycling, snowboarding, and whitewater boating and jumping..

All of these aspects of your life need to be recorded and hopefully this time next year I'll have pulled something more coherent together...but know we really do love ya bunches still and feel you are with us and here strong as ever and inspiring more as your word of your legacy spreads..

.Don't forget to make a wish before you blow out those sparkler type candles like we lit up at Emily and Bobby's wedding. With much gratitiude to the divine and the plans that included our connection here and beyond. Big Love, Buddy to One and All..and Many Thanks as my mom liked to say...

Tell them all hello for us, however that works...and knowing you were at my Dad's (your maternal grandpa's birthday which Mary helped you comprehend), he'll be sure to show up for yours...no need to watch the sugar intake or quantities should someone need an extra serving, though that's more the kind of thing some would go for whereas others would  skip just to show you about self-discipline, something you already had as a vegetarian and which I'm working on still some days more than others. Hugs, honey. Love you.

 What's a mom or dad to do when the date of their teen's passing comes round each year?

Stop and take it easy is what I try to do. In the past I have had informal gatherings, sometimes publicized (and shared here as well with who showed up whether a few bugs on the pages of a book I was reading by a Memorial Tree or one in town on the green in Falls Village or hikers who strolled by and had time to lend an ear, and share their similar challenges or close calls.

The Falls Village Congregational Church opened its doors to its small hall where in the past I had fun as a Girl Scout and took my kids to camp for a week.

We learned the song 'Only a boy named David, only a little sling..." about David slaying Goliath with a few stones. Kaelan was intrigued with Bible stories (especially one with his Dad David's name in it and such an overcoming tale of courage and youthful skill.

His Dad also played the dulcimer I'd point out, wrestle and enjoy adventures, most of which Kaelan came to do as a teen as well.

I saw one of his friends recently doing fine. He'd gotten a broken arm  as a youth from a wrestling game with a friend so along with his own twisted ankle snowboarding or keeping him from his freshman soccer season, he knew about some physical consequences to pushing himself to excel and explore sports and outings on both land and water.

I realize I haven't shared enough about the many wonderful ways Kaelan lived as a lad and part of the community. I would love help 'filling in the blanks and keep a good record of the many good times he had locally and a bit farther afield.'

Some of the basics include his homeschooling years until he went to Sharon Center for first grade at age 7 and a half. As a second child, he had a big sister Linnea and friends from the Sharon Congregational Church to see Sundays and at summer camp there as well as at Greenwoods Community Church where he played the part of Jonah at age 6 or so.

He went along with me to play groups with his  two younger sisters Shannon and Juliana. They are all doing well now yet had a lot to deal with during the sudden loss of their wonderful brother and even their mom being away for a long time due to factors seemingly beyond any of our control.

That's no longer the case thankfully so hopefully if others are in similar difficulties, they can take the long view and find ways and friends to help maintain communication and a sense of connection as much as possible. For some, legalities may prevent that and as mentioned above , everyone can learn more to be able to advocate for safety such as on www.barrygoldstein.net

He did a great job entertaining them, keeping an eye on them and helping them if they got into squabbles. With his paternal grandparents always a mile away, he'd visit them often, giving his them hugs which his Grandpa Sandy said he needed too when he realized how regularly gave his Grandma Caroline a hug. All the kids called them by their names as everyone else did and met plenty of their friends at folk festivals such as NEFFA, Old Songs and other concerts and venues.

Living at the Sharon Audubon Center from about six months of age onward, he got to enjoy a lot of time at nature programs, their summer camp for a week and the festivals that were a weekend delight every summer. He also got excited about the rides at country fairs such as the Canaan Carnival, Lake Compounce in Bristol and even agricultural fairs in Cornwall or the Goshen Fair.

He would venture on the scariest rides from an early age and knew likely not to tell me of rides he knew I would try to talk him out of. The Sharon soccer league outside of school and the chance to play in school made the autumn season all about soccer.

He biked and kayaked, learned to unicycle and juggle at a two-week circus camp and basically was always up for some good clean or muddy fun. He had friends with farms and others with fancy homes. He was a welcome guest and would pitch in as he could often without being asked. Kaelan's cousins are many and of a wide age range.

Kaelan loved them one and all and got to travel to Florida and Texas sometimes with another cousin to visit them, and sometimes alone. He was loved by all in return including his many aunts, uncles and other relatives and most he knew in the communities which share in being part of the local school district.

 With facebook, those friend connections quickly expanded and again meant more good times. Need to wrap up now, but hope folks can appreciate all they have in their life whether in their family or friend circles and look to brighten each others days..hugs all around.. Kaelan's mom and co, Catherine

Kaelan was big into politics for a kid in the country. His grandparents, Sandy (Charles Alexander) and Caroline Paton were strong Democrats (Caroline still is at almot 85 and watches endless political commentary programs such as Thom Hartmann and even writes to the newspaper about the need to End Citizens United so corporations cannot buy the elections.) Roberta Willis, retiring CT Representative, said the Patons inspired her to get into politics way back in the day.

Not surprising and overall, the idea of caring for people to have some basic needs met for all to be able to 'sing for their supper' (The Patons were folk singers, and yes, Caroline is still active in that area as well as running Folk-Legacy Records which has much of its music free on youtube, so treat yourself any season or for any reason you may need a boost in spirit or rest by looking to yesteryear.)

Meanwhile, during this recent Clinton-Trump showdown of an election season and voting drama, I wondered What Did Kaelan think about that (and his grandpa Sandy and my own parents, Mary Palmer Sr  and Dale Palmer Sr?)

More than I can imagine, yet likely concerned for our well-being in America and the planet. As far as I know, we are still on the same planet with other countries, so that's always nice to remember. Still the latest twist is that Trump maybe 'Putin on the Ritz' in terms of colluding with the Russians to find his way to the top of the political spectrum. I have read plenty on youtube by Steven Greer, and in many ways feel maybe That's how Kealan's viewing things and maybe guiding me to have some basic clues to the Possibilities Beyond what even I could imagine, not that I have much time these days to think through the nuts and bolts of politics...I leave that to Grandma Paton. Okay, that's the jist of an update along with wishing all well for the holidays which can be bittersweet with loved ones in that heavenly band. Still remembering them makes the lights glow brighter, the meaning of candlelight and flowers extra warm and just everything feel wrapped in swaddling clothing of spiritual love...gift-wrapped by the divine one might say. Meeting a little lad who had the same birthdate as Kaelan (January 6th) and being with positive people makes the season that much brighter as well..as does feeling connected in a positive way with the readers of this blog. Thanks for being part of a healing outreach and journeyd. Hugs and best wishes to you and yours from me and mine... 2017 here we come hopefully in peace and harmony ...

Strange to be sending birthday cards to heaven, but so be it.In addition to the FB page in Kaelan's memory, I blend in fond remembrances of Kaelan each season, but especially during the holidays when his birthdate falls on the '12th day of Christmas, Three Kings Day or The Feast of the Epiphany", January 6th.

From a song (which your Caroline, Kaelan's grandma, and I were comparing melodies about recently) in the Cherry Tree Carol, a line a friend wrote along with a colorful drawing of a tree and his full name, Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton, and birth information, read "The Sixth of January my birthday shall be..The stars and the elements shall tremble with glee."

That referred to the birth of Jesus (or the celebration thereof by the Three Kings) after Joseph had been reluctant to gather cherries for Mary, Jesus' mother at her request. First Joseph says (in the song) "let the father of the baby (growing with her womb) gather cheeries for thee."

Then the song continues, that "Jesus spoke a few words, from his mother's womb. '

Give my mother some cherries, bow down cherry tree. Bow down cherry tree now, bow down to the ground.'..

Mary gathered cheeries while Joseph stood around." (So continues the song, with Joseph apologizing and asking the baby when his birthday will be." Then Jesus responds with, "The Sixth of January my birthday will be. The stars and the elements shall tremble with glee."

I remember singing the version from The Amidons for Sandy Paton ands showing him the gestures I would dance, particularly for the part where "Joseph flew in anger, in anger flew he" before he said another should gather cherries for thee (Mary).

I now realize that anger has been a particularly taxing and difficult emotion for many in our circles to 'see coming' or comprehend how to deal with. I will wrestle with that in another post and shed some insights into what has helped some along the way.. mostly walking away, waiting and not jumping to conclusions with 'all or nothing, good and evil or black and white thinking... but being willing to call a friend, journal or take time over days, weeks and months to consider 'what is really bothering someone by becoming curious and making connections with one's own life story, feelings, beliefs almost like a detective and coach'.

Okay back to the reflections on Kaelan's life and time of birth at Christmastime. Many carols and songs on 'Twas on a Night Like This from Folk-Legacy would warm the holiday and as it turns out the venture of having a few babies during the cold winter months and holiday season.Kaelan had a soft spot in his heart for babies, especially his kid sisters. But once holding a relative when he was about about 13, Kaelan said "This baby's mine."

When I heard of a little one who died just before being born after Kaelan had been gone, I felt like he was telling me he was keeping an eye on that baby since I had that memory came to mind. This is just a bit of many soothing and yes hopeful ideas that come to mind. 

Kaelan's was a memorable birth for all who were there--a small crowd, me, his dad, two midwives, a friend in training, another friend for some laundry folding and some other family. He was born on Calkinstown Road in a home that was taken down a few years back and rebuilt, with a pool in the back.

One neighbor had shared through the grapevine she had dreams of a teen boy who was distraught and soaking wet.

Another woman I met at a public time of remembrance was the only one to show but we talked for an hour or more. She had had a strong connection with a spirit that basically sounded like Kaelan.

She realized later it was duing the time of his memorial service. She pulled her car over and tuned into the vision which included seeing him carried out of the river by a group of fellows. He was asking 'What do I do now? Where do I go?" She felt guided to tell him to "go into the music."

There was a lot of music at his service (which is on youtube and shared in hopes many people could take time to reflect on the situation and even be comforted by realizing the many challenges people face even if we can't find ways to support each other in timely ways as much as might be ideal...We Care About Each Other..the few and the many..and no one should feel alone.

We have help 'from the other side' is what I've heard very skilled, brave mediums share from years of experience and connecting with hundreds of those who have crossed over.

The saying "it takes as long as it takes" may not only apply to trying to heal from illness or heartache but being able to trust in kind caring aspects of our existence and network. When we dream we may be more in touch with the spiritual aspects of our journey than when we are tied to the busyness and material aspects of the physical world.

I have had many assurances from a handful of mediums that I never really planned to seek out, but likely was guided to be enlightened about the many realms of love and care many people on earth and from heaven as well as spirits, guides, and yes, an encompassing Christ presence and spirit (yet one not tied to the politics which is fueling a fierce fight among too-many otherwise well-intentioned people of various faiths...so don't feel we need to push for the labelling of a universal loving, healing presence and divine spark in all people.)

These metaphysical and spiritual questions are trying to wrestle with and again maybe are best answered in our dreams..where we need not speak or argue the points but maybe can be guided in our souls to allow the healing, feeling and loving possibilities for ourselves and others both here and in heaven and yet to arrive, incarnate or interact with US-All individually and in wider circles. )

That's a big way of saying Thank You, God for giving us Kaelan, and thank you Kaelan for doing God's bidding if that is all part of the message we are allowed to ponder with not only with your brilliant loving passing but your steadfast years of communion as a loving soul while living your wonderful (and yes at times like for most of us, difficult) life.

We love you through and through and trust we can be in touch and feel your support in what we do. Hugs and Big Love from me and everybuddy, Buddy. Love you to the moon and back and wherever you are, in spirit or reincarnated (and I've heard the theory your soul's energy can be power source so it could be in more than one place), we are thinking of you and rooting for your well-being as we can sense that's what you were all about in your final shout of earthly messages, actions and choices.

Stay strong and we'll aim to do the same, like those arrows that you and your pop and friends could let fly swiftly from your bows. Way to go, Kaelan and way to be, fair spirit... let your light shine bright in our hearts and minds and let us trust your on the A-team of angels with good captains. Lots of love, Mom and Crew

With almost a decade coming round (in June 2019), I want to think of ways to mark our collective healing, education about safety, courts, planning for safe relationships and good connections with our children over a life span and more. Small communities can have close ties that look like families...that can help or hinder progress since it takes a village to run a village and one to run a family at times. Small towns are dependent on bigger cities for many resources, including legal processes. When those are not functioning well, people can end up in deep waters. 

Even with the best of plans and people involved. "life happens.' People can get sick, hurt, troubled, have a caregiving situation to figure out, be forced out of a relationship and/or their housing, job, parenting role and much more whether with warnings or without. This is a primer for Young People who have to Try to Understand the many broken systems that are in place and likely will thrive in coming years of increased cost of living and fewer non-profits and faith groups picking up the slack.

 I hope to form a non-profit type outreach. but so many become ineffective due to governmental mandates staying small and under the radar may be the price we all have to pay for a little freedom of speech and determination. Well, considered yourself 'warned and semi-informed.' I've learned from some veritable lions of legal expertise who say we are basically Doomed at this point as women and that goes for kids.

 Guys might also feel the pinch with high legal fees and If they break the law criminally. Why allow for that to happen if one could Learn about the Laws and have a few buddies help each fellow stay on track (and driving decently would be a Big Plus too.)

Just covering some Basics for all to ponder as the weather warms and each generation can do better with some Group Effort and monitoring each other in a cool way. Thanks in advance now it's back to the life in the middle lane dance

With much gratitude for the lives of the friends Kaelan was able to save, I dedicate this post..

That's a strange play on words, but it is after midnight and I've been taking time throughout this month of June 2017 and today particularly to think about our Beloved Kaelan who we miss bunches..but have hunches that somehow if it's the case his spirit is still on its journey, that he's okay. Many psychics and systems I've learned about tell me that is the case..and I feel Jesus is on the little secret too. I know, controversy, controversy (and still more of that..( but What IF there's a chance and a prayer that we are all spiritual beings that have that immortal soul component and all keep evolving with love as the key?

I am hoping that's the case and feel mostly blessed (especially when I get rest from caring for others, which I love to do...but it's a balancing act with other goals and getting basics done.

Meanwhile I got up to the Spring for Sound event in Millerton NY on June 10th which I've been to a few times. I set up something in Kaelan's memory in the past near the Rail Trail and a few folks said it was nice to learn about him that way.

This time I focused on seeing the kids from his era and others I knew. It was a lovely day, and I got to see a dozen or more people for meaingful talks.

A few had connections with loved ones in heaven...so I was thinking of a friend Karen, then Marvin, then Kaelan..and made a tee shirt that said Feel Love From Above,

Even the nice fellow at the T-Shirt Farm was someone I knew from having kids in the same school and class. I wanted to send out a big Congratulations to all of the seniors graduating from Housatonic Valley (and with an extra e, that becomes Nice at the end...so there's my advice...be nice--but smart). Okay I got to see one friend of Kaelan's whose now a happy papa.

And friends from other parts of the community. Hats off to the organizers and maybe somehow we can get more earplugs or the amps turned down so hearing will not be lost (which does happen,even to Nice Ones..., well maybe not the band The Nice Ones but most anyone could be at risk, in case anyone was wondering.)

I appreciate a friend of old giving me a ride home too since I'd come up from NYC directomundo. But I hope to catch some nice moments here in Brooklyn NY about Fort Greene Park or other nice spots.

With lots of kind folks out and about, it feels like the party's still going on..and meeting kids who look or act like or are even named Kaelan (many variations for both guys and gals) is a treat.

Sending love to all of our extended family and many circles of families (plenty who indulge in folk singing and dance..and other healthy pursuits.)

Hope you can mark the day in a special way at noon or two pm or as the spirit moves you. HugEnergy, Catherine/Livfully and thanks for being part of the journey, all almost 32K who have checked out this post and others. Thanks for doing your part with heart, badaboom!

Just when I thought I'd find out "all the answers" to help people who may need to 'plan for their end' due to terminal illness, major declines in mental and physical functioning (after a stroke, accident, or other serious condition rendering them majorly on the decline such as serious Alzheimer's and so on...)

I found I had a lot more questions and met people who got me thinking about the wonders of ilfe itself. I also watched some online videos about The Reconnection by Eric Pearl and learned they offer an online Level One training. In the book by Eric Pearl with that name, he shares what his mother experienced--which included for people NOT to end their life by and large-- from the other side (likely or thereabouts Just before He Was Born and which she thankfully was able to relate after 'coming back to life' more fully.

The Big Message for Everyone To think Carefully about is Whether we have the 'right' or 'choice' to think about ending our own life (or a loved one's who is suffering, even by allowing them to carry out their own life closure.)

The methods are being discussed in medical circles and by politicians about 'Right to Die' or medically-assisted suicide. Now as we can all accept for the most part, it's not that someone will die that is the most pressing concern if they are apt to die soon, but How That Comes About. The New Area of Discussion is What Say Does Each Person (when of sound mind, so Before dementia, Alzheimer's and so on may set in, or even a stroke or other accident or condition leaving someone highly compromised to be thinking and/or independent in their ADLs --activities of daily living such as walking, talking, feeding, moving, dressing etc

. Does a person's spirit benefit from being in a body (or does their suffering help others karmically etc as Jesus' is reported to have done and many believe and likely benefit from considering)...so  even if that body cannot function or is in pain or even if their mind is not comprehending life (or in a coma etc?)

Just asking these questions can feel daunting and difficult for many, both in considering that Any of Us could face such a time in our lives that we generally do not prepare for or think about..or know who would want to help us or be able to do so.

The other options of 'the state' working things out may seem iffy and again may not be able to be well-monitored. Elder abuse is not being used in the media to describe not only what may occur behind closed doors among 'family and other caregivers' mistreating or harming an elder in their family or care circle, but guardians of elders milking those in their domain for financial gain and giving them substandard care.

With talk of decreasing funds or  defunding more social service programs and even federal healthcare programs like Medicare or medicaid, the questions loom large about Who Will Care For Elders Who Need Help and Those in Physical and Mental Need? Can there be more options painted for not only our country but others as well? Are there ways to explore the potential meaning of what happens energetically or karmically, spiritually and socially when people who are 'half-alive' are cared for by others?

The levels of care which are addressed in most Advance Directives are Artificial Feeding (as with a feeding tube) and Artificial Breathing (being intubated.) Not having those measures is something many people are realizing is important to clarify Before having such measures started 'just in case' or if they have not made their wishes clear. Some states will insist on doing 'everything medically possible' to keep someone alive (even elderly people who may have not wanted to stay in the game but never clarified their wishes or chose a health representative or agent.)

Okay, so the gray area is what if someone can't feed themselves physically...should they have the option to plan not be fed and if so, at what point would that be done--perhaps with consideration from their health care agent and only if in a private home (not in a nursing home, where people are required to lift the spoon to someone's mouth, but the person is not forced to take the food in their mouth.)

If a person is deemed mentally competent they likely can try to forego food in this way if that were really their wish, but maybe they would be deemed mentally depressed and treated for that. I am not sure at this time and am only trying to raise scenarios millions of people may face in various settings. We all need to understand not only the rules of the game..but what game we are playing or living!

So with End of Life Doula work which I am studying more of this month of Oak-tober 2017, I am also asking questions and reading books about the way the spiritual world may be more accessible than we realized with guidance from many who have had unique yet similar experiences. The latest reads include Love's Fire by Dr. Tianna Conte (Bks 1 and 2 and I'll see about Bk 3 soon if it's done.) Then there's Deborah Heneghan with Closer Than You Think, and a few others I will list but likely a google will get you there. Geozuwa is one rather 'one of a kind' person I met briefly. All of them indicate there is much less to Fear about dying and being dead than the movie industry would have us believe..and really 'being dead' is actually like being more alive than our mortal circuits can handle.

Not to rush the process but really to appreciate that with the Possibility of this kind of incarnation, living, and ascension after we mortally pass on, most people would want a Do-Over on much of what they've said, done, planned and sworn to..they'd likely want to be forgiven and start livin' anew with a sense of honesty and care, appreciate for the wonders of the world and universe and moreover for all of their family, friends, connections on earth and those on The Other Side...

Okay so I need to wrap up for now and feel Kaelan's love and nurturing spirit has been part of my journey these last couple of months. Someone who tuned into him said she felt a lot of feminine energy, lots of pink in his field...I feel he'd chuckle at that and say, pink if cooler than you think. My parents and other relatives and friends are starting to get in the double digits, likely in the 20s or more that I think of from time to time, imagining them joining me at a service or concert or even a festive event.

I like to think they have the best seats in the house (of course, they don't  Need to sit down...) and can enjoy the energy such as was in Central Park last month for the #GlobalCitizen Concert with Stevie Wonder and others speaking up about donating and being active politically for better support for basics for more people in the world. Thanks again for doing your part from your heart in circles large and small. It all counts, matters, adds up and keeps the ball rolling. Hopefully we can find good solutions to things that matter as well.

Okay, a reverent acknowledgement  also to the late Howard Reed, the step-father of Thom Reed whose doing his annual Paraween in Salem MA again and deserves a lot of appreciation for getting more awareness about 'funny business in the sky' on our radar as a country... with a documented 'off world' encounter. Again, there are more questions than answers but at least we're not asleep at the wheel. Peace and Big Love to all of our pals here, beyond and out thar...for the greater good.

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