Rest in Peace, Narkis Golan, and Support and Love to her family who will hopefully care for her son after her custody win in Supreme Court
www.animiracles.com/new is a site to check if you want another idea of 'what's going on' for you or any situation, including with your pets and relationships etc...
From NBC News as seen on yahoo, here is some of the concern when Narkis Golan died alone in her apartment two months after winning a Supreme Court battle to keep her son in America with her for safety, saying she could not easily get a divorce because in her Jewish faith, her husband had to allow that and give her "a get". It sounds like the extra layers of trouble Catholics go through to have a marriage annulled by the church or they are not considered divorced and free to remarry (and for a Catholic wedding there are more rules involved to do that as well than in a civil marriage.) So this post explores a bit of these factors.
From the online NBC/Yahoo News article;"Golan v. Saada notes that Saada asked a court to return the couple's son to Italy under the child abduction clauses of the Hague Convention, an international agreement that the U.S. adopted in 1994 to regulate international adoptions."
Such a difficult set of events to begin to tune into if you've never heard of domestic
abuse, coercive control, Hague Convention rulings (which are supposed to protect
a parent and their child from harm and abuse but often fail to do so because of other
wording and ideas to return a child to where they grew up rather than prioritize their safety.)
I will review this with some people from BMCC, Battered Mothers Custody Conference
which has online cases and information regular people from all walks of life need to try
to learn from since it is the premiere advocacy network in the US and joins with efforts
around the world.
The idea and reality for many in a religious group or culture is that there are 'other rules that
take precedence over the laws of the land.' The idea of being ex-communicated can mean many things to various
groups and the country and every state could learn what various people are facing from infancy on...and over the
lifespan.
The idea that people have to maintain a set of interactions (physical, residential, social, financial, caregiving and so on)
even when one or both parties are not able or interested in doing so seems outdated since that was perhaps a major way to manage
people economically and help rear children and care for elders and the needy.
There are still valid caregiving needs, but the threats of
being hurt or dismissed from a faith or social group based on one's beliefs and behaviors ..especially being less involved doesn't really 'make sense'
and is unjust.
ing (available on phone apps and such) that could cover the basics and the ways that people could craft clear safety agreements for self-care
and each part of their life. In NYC, with some religious groups, the police would only respond to a call from one leader or another, not a normal person.
So that along with other ways people have been treated without a chance to understand their rights needs review.
Every faith group could be willing to see where they
might be using more power and control over others when it's not appropriate in our modern world and see ways to allow for people to explore what they would
really want to do without immense pushback or punishment.
Especially if someone is being violated or their children are being harmed, that needs to be a 'deal-breaker' if the protective parent would like to have safe separate living area, even if they stay involved with the person. Every state is reviewing terms about child abuse and domestic
abuse so there may be more pressure to have only supervised time with an abusive person for everyone's benefit. Some abusers will harm others and even themselves (if killing
victims, one out of three times they will end their own life as well.)
Those are statistics from over 40 years and the average number of women killed yearly is 6K with 2 K being intimate partners, and 1K of those being mothers. Those were from the start of the century so could be specified for each year and state. South Carolina has a higher fatality rate than most for women. Some states were not recording whether a woman was pregnant so that is also worth clarifying.
Some women are forced to keep or end a pregnancy and it does not always change the outcome of whether she will be killed, whether a wife or girlfriend. Also many states have laws that dismiss a rape charge if a person is married or gets married to the abuser, even if becoming pregnant, and in Texas for instance and likely down South that is a widespread practice that needs serious review and undoing for those who were pressured into such legal and practical actions.
Then we can seek to reform broken systems (faith, cultural, social, legal, and
financial and 'otherwise'.) Ideally I will offer if people can wait to be about 25 to make formal plans
about committing to an ongoing relationship with legal ties such as marriage or having a child together,
or rearing kids or caring for others in a primary care role, then they would have time to plan for a life course of
support or switching to living apart or having time apart if need be to 'regroup and review' what they are feeling,
experiencing and understanding about their life options.
Major faith commitments that pressure people into
getting married and having children early on without a clear way to monitor or provide for support (especially for
safety for the women and children) are doing them a huge disservice.
It's not easy to work through the
emotional and social expectations and clarify what one would really be needing to abide by for weeks, months and
years even if someone is mentally unstable, demanding, maybe has a mental health or developmental aspect of
autism (Asperger's) or narcissism, using drugs to 'self-medicate' for bipolar or something else..and one is pressured
to 'make it look like life is 'just fine' or could get better with enough ongoing support from one crisis to the next...
No accountability for where money is being 'spent' or having a budget or Spending Plan first (such as on YNAB, You Need
A Budget) or be willing to work with a personal accountant (even a trustworthy, competent friend to set up parameters for
spending..an "envelope system' or way to put money aside for each bill in one envelope marked accordingly.
Now when there's real
abuse even getting some progress made with counselors and learning to deal with stress and mental challenges, parenting and work
responsibilities, there can be many ways that things 'will still go sour'.
It's about Power and Control over others...who are not always
able or willing to learn and make changes...and then the systems may punish them for doing so (as might the abuser, with threats to limit
their contact with their kids ...one or more, and over weeks, months and years even with limited direct demands, make it clear to the kids
that they have to choose ...maybe their home and the controller or the Mom whose forced out of the primary residence and given little time to
connect or support even from others to host their visits and help them go smoothly with a degree of supervision so small matters do not add up
to more problems and separation.
It's the rare family and friend circle who can take time and learn of the dangers and difficulties courts present to
protective parents, generally Moms but with Jennifers Laws that hopefully will become dinnertime (or at least occasional serious community-based) conversations.
There is a need to have separate ways for women to meet and then for men to meet even during school visits or other social gatherings. Maybe have Dads show up
an hour (or half hour) of an event that Moms go to first (such as a playground social time or after school social time...)
Then both men and women can be there for a half hour or an hour, then the men
can have another half hour or so to meet and review topics. Everyone can appreciate their may be people who should not or who cannot interact directly. Also that would cut down on fears some
have of their partner or the other parent interacting with others who may become their friends or more.
The idea of having social boundaries that are based on safety for the majority of
people in terms of not having to mix and mingle in large groups or with all genders can create more friendly ways to prioritize the safety or women and children...and all good guys could be more than ready to appreciate the need for that.
