Keeping Kids and Adults Safe in Life and Preventing dAnger around water, outings, among family and friends, and in life in general
In response to Marshall Miles, a radio personality and host of WHDD (Robin Hood Radio) of CT, sharing concerns that a child and adults got caught amidst some rocks in a whitewater river, I shared the following. Others commented that certain rivers are not safe for swimming in or sitting close to for risk of falling in by mistake. Large numbers of people gathering near riverbank was the main safety concern, for ecological and potentially dangerous situations emerging. Other posts on this blog speak to that as our teen son Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton drowned in June of 2009 trying to rescue a friend near a dangerous waterfall and didn't realize the current would be too strong to fight. His friend was miraculously saved by the timely help from a volunteer responder doing a rope rescue from on high. The modern times on many fronts can be informed by such difficult turns of event.
The learning curve could be swift and steep rather than painfully slow and back and forth...Other posts speak to losses along the river so the whole idea is to prevent harm and danger on many fronts. Focusing on what could be addressed in terms of the actual people, actions and choices as well as the local, state and voluntary education and responses is some of what I explore freestyle here and on other posts, such as Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton. His Memorial Service is on youtube in short segments. with the rescuer speaking in part 5 I believe.
There is also a public FB page in his memory and with sharing from me over the years about other causes and people, and many positive events as well that create community and a more caring, just world. There is a great deal for anyone to consider and I try to help create a forum to do Just That, knowing our world is transitioning and needing to create ways to consider healing on many levels and ways to appreciate people, nature and coming up with helpful ways of living and improving how we choose to live...and when the time comes how we allow a natural death or one due to heroic desires and measures such as our son experienced.
"What Child Is This?" is a song that comes to mind when thinking of a child getting stuck on a rock...and even "What Parent and Adult Is This?" also wanting to give their child the world but not realizing it's not the kind of world that can be given without clear guidance...and whitewater is not for anyone, especially above the Falls and even below it without a whole lot of training and the appropriate 'age of consent' which would be 18 and above. Below that age, parents are legally responsible for their minors whereabouts as far as I know.
"The people make the place and the place makes the people" is one way to point out there are physical location and elements to consider, including the roads, access, the Falls, river and towns with other parts of the villages that could come into play such as the center of town (which has sidewalks safe for walking on, a green that could possibly be used as an event space in FV, Kellogg School or the High School which also could possibly be used to allow picnicking with safe social distancing in theory and much more...)
The people factor includes wanting to be outdoors, in nature, near water (within walking or shuttle distance) and having other basic needs for eating, using bathrooms and possibly getting cooled off with fountains, shade and other safe ways, maybe even swimming in pools or safe river or lake access.
All of that could be considered even for a small groups via non-profits and a certain number of spots available (with some insurance rider that would allow homeowners and even towns to share the water resources as much as possible.
Maybe more virtual experiences could be drummed up so people would learn about water, ecology, swimming and rescue efforts, basic boating, kayaking and more.
Extreme water, activities, boating over 'drops' including some at the Falls which includes a 20' drop some have figured out or even the rattlesnake rapids above the iron bridge should have special descriptions (as could those at Bulls Bridge)as having great risk or those doing that have special permission in advance (and ideally some medical if not life insurance, and be of an age of consent as an adult not a minor, unless special permission is requested and approved by skilled people ready to do rescue (and parental permission from Both Parents or Guardians and the town, etc.)
That may seem like 'too much' but these are Voluntary Guidelines to 'fill in the blank of absolutely no such guidelines which directly factored into a group of teens going to the river 11 years ago to 'just have fun' and maybe go in if they found a safe spot. There Is No Safe Spot in a high, fast river.
That's what we all found out the very hard way when slow but powerful currents took one teen upstream (and two others were pulled downstream but rescued by Kaelan before he desperately sought to help his friend which cost him his life.
Then a harrowing rope rescue by a local responding with his his own climbing ropes, Skip Kosciusko, was able to retrieve the other youth in grave danger with only moments to spare as he clung to a small area of rock.
As I asked in CT's Lakeville Journal which is in all three states (online access extends that reach considerably), what are the legal parameters for states, towns and adults to supervise their children and minors (and not allow endangerment and neglect?)
Family social services (DCF and so on) could likely have been tapped to check on the safety of all the teens and youth from the families of those who were involved in the passing of our teen son, including all of a family's children. That would be especially important if there were special circumstances or custody matters they were resulting in limited contact with their primary caregiver, basically kids not seeing their Mom.
That is actually a Huge Red Flag for any larger family, set of friends, school, town and state to consider since the research is mounting that there are many 'dangerous currents' that women are facing as mothers. Separating children from their mother has become a kind of sport among many social services, legal courts and of course father's rights groups.
There is $500 million given every year to help fathers gain custody...and the laws and policies are worked at every level to allow and provide for that. This will not be found in mainstream media, it won't be mentioned at protests and it is basically 'forbidden territory' in terms of shedding light on a horrific problem that has affected hundreds of thousands of children...and their Mothers.
See what happens in Family Custody Court. That's another world but may hold some of the 'secret answers' as to how minors can be safely monitored...until they declare themselves independent legally so parents then no longer have the right and responsibility to keep an eye on them.
I think that age is 16 currently (no pun intended, but it could pertain.) The teen brain as it were may not be mature enough to think through the consequences of actions (their own or particularly with someone or a few together... more dynamics add up so that peer pressure or otherwise getting lost in the fun or danger, figuratively or literally can become dominant.
That said everyone wants to 'belong' and most people thankfully want to follow the laws to live and let live, maybe even drive safely in theory for instance to get where one is going. For the Falls and other such places, having a checkpoint to give info.
People could be asked to have a voluntary agreement or something more officially legal about local ordinances, fines, rescue needs and any fees or voluntary fines or apologies of actions for community service should one be needed etc.
By the way the precedent case of Kaelan Palmer Paton's untimely death when trying to save his friends has had me thinking about this for over a decades and I welcome input.
Ideally a certain number of people could their vehicles (cars, pick ups and so on) legally (such as on either side of the power plant) where people can picnic and set up chairs etc, then have shuttles up to the Falls with clearly marked paths and benches for an hour (during CV and in general to keep the numbers reasonable) with video cameras and such that could be monitored for safety and liability etc.
Realizing some people are coming from the a few hours away, there could be more advertising about the lack of accommodations for large numbers. Obtaining a pass through the mail or online may be helpful.
A non-profit could be formed to educate people about making plans for day trips and checking with local areas and being aware of parking fees, where bathrooms and safe shelters are for storms etc , being aware of how weather changes, water safety in or near the water that is safe and approved for swimming (and discouraging or creating voluntary fines for jumping in water or being reckless particularly if one needs a rescue or is injured.)
The point of those things would be to give people a clear warning and 'heads up' about 'just doing things without any training or info.' People could be encouraged to learn to swim, be safe about attempting a water rescue (or other dangerous rescue) and help them understand dangerous currents may preclude being able to save someone and actually cost someone their life and/or complicate a rescue should help arrive.
That said more voluntary patrols of people who are trained (with some coverage from a Good Samaritan's Law to not be sued etc) would be a short-term goal to consider.
Many people have called Kaelan a hero, a true friend, and one that laid down his life for another. Others have said 'what he did was on him, and him alone...and it was not the right decision whether he realized it could cost him his life or that he was okay risking everything to try to reach and save his friend.'
I will reflect more on this after speaking with people recently who were wanting me to really consider what that indicated about his lifelong character, not just his upbringing but what he chose to make his own over his lifetime. Some of the things that came to mind was that he wanted to home school in first grade, feeling school was too stifling and there wasn't time to think things through and do what he enjoyed..and that the cafeteria was 'as loud as a herd of elephants.' He felt some teachers uses a voice that was more like yelling than talking. With a younger sister and a new one joining the family, he assured me he'd be ready to 'help with the baby' if I'd let him stay home.
I told him he could even without that added term, but of course he was great with both of his younger sisters and was a good pal to his older sister too. While he said he didn't want to be just a smart kid like some at the high school but wanted to have fun and lots of friends too, he decided the classes were too easy in the first month so moved up to more challenging ones. I had talked with him and his teacher in 8th grade about taking that route as a game plan and moving down if it were too much, but he told me he knew what he wanted and his teacher felt it was important for him to make that decision.
I didn't get a lot of time to see Kaelan for a few years prior to his passing. I would hope more of the parents and friends he had at that time could take time to recall 'any little thing' or more of his life as they were aware of it to 'fill in some blanks.' It takes a lot of hope and courage to even ask, knowing it's hard for people and 'they'd just rather not, thank you..." That could be done anonymously..and I know there were about a half dozen other times he was at the falls and people had warned him, asked him and otherwise suggested he not be there without adults.
The truth is he had been there with his whole family (aside from me) a couple of days prior to see the falls and jump in from the side (not the top as the falls were going over. )
I don't know for sure if I would have known how to keep him from doing so or if the area he was going in was really that much 'safer' than what he faced a couple of days later even though it had rained so it was stronger.
I have felt the upward pull toward the falls when they were going over lighter and I was kayaking with the kids and their Dad...at one point I was trying to get one boat directed a certain way and was holding on to two, but being pulled up toward the falls and realizing that was something I hadn't felt as a kid if I swam then the falls were going over lightly.
I realize I have 'paddled back through memory lane' here. I honor what comes up for me and feel it can help people track their own sense of why they go along or try things, or decide to lead a group or choose to do certain things from outings or parenting or allowing other people's kids to do things that seem fine. Even travelling to a place in a car is a new level of consideration that merits having permission from both parents, especially if going to new places, out of town or on vacation etc.
Any set of parents or guardians can have times of 'losing track of where their kids are and what they are doing." Wanting minors to be independent and having ways for them to do so with some guidelines (and clear understanding of the law, especially if driving) makes a ton of sense. But it's a job for a community too. Having safe rides, safe places to play sports, ride bikes, get work and keep track of one's finances and supports can help a kid feel valued, and capable of asking for help and running plans by others.
Acknowledging that there are times they may want to push the limits, even break the law and letting them go to amusement parks, put on plays and talent shows to show off and joke around for a good cause may all be part of the solution..and joining in groups with a cause and some diversity so they don't get stuck on their own foibles and escalate conflicts (especially ones related to relationships and being human..which one cannot force on another yet the urge to merger or control others can be explored in schools or public forums...with more people encouraged to understand their own experience growing up, what examples and role models in life or from the media they have seen or could see to improve their options... shows with decent values, people working through struggles and lots of basics...rather than getting hooked on crimes and times of a high life as the goal to strive for...)
OKay back to pondering these times on many levels... maybe it's all part of the journey. I have another post on an earlier comment here...and I'll put all of this on Livfully.org. I think we're getting somewhere so thanks for this forum...
