Listening to What My Mom and Dad Would Say In My Heart, June 2020
If you stick to the end of this post, there's a joke waiting for you (or you can skip ahead... Your Choice! When we would tell our Mom we were bored and didn't know what to do, she would say, "You Can Co Anything You Want!")
This is the time, June 2nd, my Mom passed away in 2004, and then my Dad in 2007 on June 3rd. So lots of gratitude and reflection on their special shared journeys, both born in 1922 and living into their 80s.
There are many amazing parts to their life story, such as meeting on the beach in New Hampshire during WW2, and getting married shortly after looking like 1940s movie stars (and which such stars were modeled after..they were the real deal from the greatest generation and had family in each part of the nation, well before internet dating!)
They had a bunch of kids, starting in New Mexico for years but settling in the northwest corner of CT, closer to my Mom's family.
At one point my Dad was repairing the front porch and my Mom forgot there was no longer a front step. She normally would open the door, step on that platform and call "Lottie" in her lovely clearly alto voice for a sitter to come over (this was in Salisbury.)
Well, she was all dressed ready to go out for a bite to eat with my Dad, and she opened the door and stepped out into thin air, landing in a hole and getting covered in dirt.
That was a story she'd tell us along with a few others (such as driving them a few hours in the wrong direction when my Dad let her take a turn so he could sleep on a long trip.)
She also drove a dump truck down to him in South Carolina when he said he needed it and gave her a crash course in handling that.
She loved people, getting people to harmonize and go to church (and rewarding those who did with a picnic ride on the back of a flatbed truck used to carry bricks, about a thousand. Well maybe 'you get the picture."
She sang at weddings and encouraged many of us to take singing and piano or other music lessons...and that worked out well to keep people feeling that was normal and cool. Bring back more music please into everyone's lives.
Of course Sandy and Caroline Paton took the cake for doing just that. The more the merrier when it came to joining in on a chorus or creating a new line or song for that matter.
So here's a joke I made up that reminds me of the fun we can have with words and letting that spark a memory or a creative way to see the world.
Let's give a listen and make sure we hear and understand what someone is saying, especially if they say "I Can't Breathe!"
That small (in more ways than one) group of police heard but didn't listen and actually got the meaning dead wrong when they thought 'talking means you can continue to breathe or you have enough oxygen flowing to your brain to not be damaged.'
We could 'hold the school system responsible for not alerting all of the public to the lethal consequences of such actions as compressing someone's neck (cutting off blood flow to the brain as well as someone's airway as serious or lethal risks, as well as a potentially breaking the neck bones such as can happen with Shaken Baby Syndrome, child abuse or assault of someone through choking, pushing or causing someone to fall down and possibly hit their head on something or the ground.)
The more we allow ourselves to realize the impact of our words and actions, the better we can practice role playing and gaining skills (especially for driving safely and with a clear sense of speed, ways to avoid collision and to develop smart swift reactions to break forcefully if needed, or to swerve out of danger (drive defensively and don't be distracted...and only drive with sober, safe people even as passengers ideally since people under the influence may be erratic and not know What they will do necessarily.
That is a rather new idea but again with supervision of passenger(s) who are under the influence, that may be a great idea.)
These times are all about Thinking Outside of the Box, the Norm and Doing a Lot Better at Playing It Safe and Wise to get on with the business and joy of Living with a sense of Team Fair Play and Enjoying Time Outdoors, one step and one mud puddle at a time.
Now...here's the playful joke I promised at the start (I didn't say "when' so that's another factor for any agreement or statement...terms of follow through in a timely manner and any 'exceptions' in writing so people are hopefully more clear and consistent
I think my parents would appreciate this kind of sharing since they both had high ideals, worked hard and stayed on friendly terms through some big ups and downs and long after separating after being together for 50 years.
Always more to learn and ways to help things turn out better, counting the blessings over the bruises in life, offering forgiveness and seeking to make amends even with better boundaries maintained as is safe and appropriate.
Good luck to all of us as we create new terms of our lives and interactions and collaborations all the wiser and with more compassion for our shared journeys at this time in history.
"Joey, dinner in a half hour. Be careful to take your sneakers off since there's mud!"
As Mom turns back in the house and closes the door, Joey calls out,
"Okay, thanks, Mom, I'm really hungry! Great idea!"
He proceeds to take his sneakers off and place them on a raised rock before he delights in playing in the mud. He gets back to the house in 20 minutes, plenty of time to wash his hands and face for dinner and change his muddy clothes. He called out to him Mom who only gasped when she saw him.
"Thanks for giving me a way to not think about how hungry I was, Mom by telling me I could play in the mud! I left my sneakers on the rock to keep them clean like you said!"
