Kudos to NY Assembly Member Markey (D-Queens) and advocates for Victims of Sexual Abuse..Also How to Share Bad News from the Past, Maybe if It's Safe and You have a TEAM Do It..

The headline of the NY Daily News.com caught my eye late the other night with a photo of a young boy (who is now 39, named Michael DeSantis, not too far from St. Michael whose sincere believers usually pray to for protection and find inspiration in) with the caption, "OH, YOU WERE RAPED? TOO BAD!" A question that more people could consider in our world is "IF we were violated in any way, do we have a way to know and should we..or might we start healing on all levels to keep that possibility open.

We could realize the people who should have tried to protect us or really help us learn about such challenges and get some kind of respect and yes, 'compensation' if that were not too difficult a task or socially devastating in a family, community or wider area, Likely Did Not Do So or Did Not Have Enough Support Legally and Practically or Financially to Do So and Many Other Excuses or Reasons to NOT Intervene, Stop or Educate the Community about the Loose Rattlesnakes in the Population.

The full page articles and pictures of two victims on pp.4 -7 say NY has one of the worst statute of limitations (shortest) for minor victims to report crimes of sexual abuse, which is until age 23. Some in NY Government, such as Margaret Markey have sought legislation to remove the statute altogether and not rewound victims by saying there is no recourse for them when they feel able and willing to move forward with legal actions as adults. In CT, minor victims of abuse have until age 48 or 30 years after they are 18 to report assaults. Often there is little recourse but matters may be settled out of court. One of the reasons described in the NY Daily News for the NY 5-yr limit was it would not be fair or reasonable for people to have to build a defense case so much later, particularly if they were innocent. 

Now that the elephant is out of the bag, that the news that people driving the bUS for US-All are confused, not able to protect children or others who are vulnerable (that would be all women, low-income folks and all kids and many others both male and female in abusive relationships as victims and even animals.) WHAT COULD WE ALL DO COLLECTIVELY TO MAKE A STATEMENT OF NON-COMPLIANCE WITH WRONGDOING AND DENIAL, past, present and future? HOW about a "DO NOTHING DAY" in terms of DO NOT GO TO CHURCH intentionally to show that one is not satisified with past responses (The Catholic Church was described as likely needing to pay out $2 Billion Dollars to settle Past Cases of the Law were changed to allow prosecution of past offenses.

Many private schools and individuals would also be facing huge monetary legal fees and payouts. Likely there should be a list publicly alerting COMMUNITIES about what kinds of cases have been identified for EVERYONE'S SAFETY and whether the perpetrators are alive and where they live. Many 'seemingly cannot stop' or feel that lax laws give them a green light to offend.

Some minimize or condone actions, much like the confusing laws supposedly in place to protect victims do. Again, some of the worst troubles are disclosed in family courts, and protective mothers seeking ways to keep their children safe from many forms of abuse, including sexual assaults in a small but critically important percentage of cases, are often targeted as being hostile and lose custody more often than not to perpetrators.

All these kinds of calamiites lead more organizations and regular peoplle to safeguard against leaving children or others who are vulnerable without appropriate supervision, ideally with two responsible, accountable adults who could be monitored and screened in reasonable ways.

The idea of Getting OFF a Relationship Rollercoaster temporarily or longer even for adults or troubled families by voluntarily living apart or having safe places to visit during the day (libraries, play groups, school programs, athletic and religious events, etc again that are Properly Supervised by Screened Pairs of Adults or Even Larger Numbers of People who Understand the SAFE SUPERVISION of Youth and Others, Reasonable Guidelines for Any Personal Interactions (Topics and Questions, Gestures, Handshakes vs Hugs and so on.) Also in the NY Daily News there were new terms spelled out for Drivers of TAXI CABS (called Hacks I'm learning) for talking with passengers...any kind of flirting, or more direct sexual harassment talk or actions is now against their policies (and vice versa for the riders to address the drivers inappropriately).

There were 21K complaints in 2015, which was up 23%  from 2014. The penalities may include a fine of 1-2K and points on license as well as a 30-day suspension and possible full revocation for sexual harassment. Basically more people may realize they 'can't afford to mess up or interact with people inappropriately'. Ideally there could be online programs to helpe people shift gears and see themselves and others as more than physical bodies and more as human beings (some say HU could stand for a name of God or the Divine or Greater Connecting Force in all of us so that we could think along those lines of yes we are here together on a journey but just like driving reasonably on the road, there are rules to live by to get where we really want to go to become more evolved.

The book The WillPower Instinct spells out 10 ideas to focus on the power we each have to do more of what we intend to do and not be drawn off course (by 'Won't Power"). Our prefrontal cortex area has different areas for 'stepping on the gas or putting on the brakes' for various ideas and actions. Maybe we could pursue a deeper understanding of root causes but also use the modern understanding of what keeps a habit, action, or even relationship going in a positive or negative way.

Thinking about OPTIONS For Quick Fixes to Try just to realize we DO HAVE CHOICES (if that really seems safe and possible) would include going to events such as church or school programs that are for 'all women' or for 'all men' to see if that makes a difference for a person who is trying to assess these matters for themselves, their group, or society at large. At what point might if make sense to press a 'restart' button and craft a new plan to resonate with safety protocols and best practices. David Mandel and his group do outreaches around the world and online.

Barry Goldstein has promoted the Quincy Solution and has many important resources on www.barrygoldstein.net The idea of parents trying to plan for supervised caring coaching sessions for each of them individually (as well as for couples and eventually for the family together' could bridge gaps in not seeing conflict until it's too late. Blaming another person, not having enough personal space, time or support can typically throw a monkey wrench into what could have been a reasonable good friendship (and yes even in families, it may be worth to think in terms of alliances and what works among friends or housemates.) More understanding that we may have lived in the past, as in former life times, even if we think about historical influences that resonate with our visions or interests, our area, our family and so on can open up the drawing board to create new possibilities of healing and helping one another.

That may be a tough concept to ponder if one has never heard of it, but the idea may play out that we either allowed wrongdoing in the past or perpetrated it and are getting a karmic lesson beyond what we even conceived as a possibility if we or someone close to us is being harmed. The other branch of thought includes that we 'willingly allowed' some of these harms to come our way to wake others up, either in our soul groups which typically may be out families and close friends or community members. That does not resonate with our sense of justice or of the way the world works, but again if we are thinking from a Spiritual Perspective, that may make as much sense as anything. Some thinkers and meditators such as Sri Chinmoy, Rudolf Steiner, Edgar Cayce and likely others say there really could be an unfolding over many lifetimes, as in thousands of years of our evolution.

I learned recently that Sri Chinmoy (1931-2007) conveyed the notion that we evolve from minerals to plants to animals and then to humans. Maybe some people are caught up in their 'lower animalistic energies' or are not aware of their spiritual nature (which he shared in his lifetime as being best accessed through quiet heart-centered meditation not with over thinking as we tend to do in our advanced societies). There is much more to think about, but the existing Response Systems could use more Players on a RESPONSE TEAM which includes a wider perspective on both the cause and type of problems people have (perpetrators, victims and bystanders, leaders and politicians, etc). We need to allow ourselves to have a place at that bigger table to meditate and reflect individually and collectively as we can on ways to help slow down the tragedies, stop the ones that may be in progress and prevent new harms from happening. Ideally INTERVENTION TEAMS could be formed to contact people who may need to know something from the past or currently if it affects their family (or see if they would meet in a special safe location to screen them for their interest in knowing or help them understand why they may Need to know something even if they don't feel or think they Want to know. These things can take years to convey over time through various social groups who are interacting or connected such as through work, family close living ties, faith or other connections. No one is describing the reasonable options everyone should be aware of along with the natural kinds of responses and possible ways to address the matters.

There are plenty in AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) and other such Recovery Groups who promote "HOW" to heal starting with being Honest, Open and Willing. Yet one need not tell people one has harmed or who could be harmed with one's honesty. More than a sponsor likely is needed, and serious crimes (injuring or killing people, committing sexual assaults and so on should likely be clearly discussed in advance as to whether they should or should not be shared and any repercussions. The idea of separation of church and state, with someone being able to confess crimes to a priest who would not have to go to the police is something of the past I believe.

One's attorney can know the truth, (I think, but really I don't know so do NOT take any of this as legal or spiritual or relationship advice.) These are brainstorming ideas that anyone logically could take time to ponder yet to save time and keep track of what we've thought out I write them here. Over time hundreds and even many thousands read certain posts, so the effects of sharing these ideas are not known. I hope they work toward the greater good, to help people feel they are not alone and that there are many resources both practically and spiritually who can help someone who asks quietly in their heart for it, if not to G-d to the greater good.

Okay, so basically more thinking could be done about TIMING, PLACE, PEOPLE and OPTIONS for anyone to respond perhaps first to a phone call or written inquiry from a local team that ideally could extend anonymity (even use alias names etc, but also sketch out the idea that something could be an impetus or reason for them to give a matter serious consideration with a caring team of support. IF there is not a mandated law to report (such as certain crimes or violations against minors or others who seem vulnerable and mentally unable to think things through rationally whether they would want assistance or pursue a legal matter), then more peaceful solutions or responses to a conflict could be thought through. Sometimes people forgive those who lie because they did not want to hurt a person with the truth.

Even if years later they are given a chance to 'come clean' and deal with the reality, they may still lie because that may seem the kindest thing to do to one or more people in the situation as well as help them save face. There are many reasons 'doing the wrong thing can seem like doing the best thing' but if there is never a time to really think through the whole situation with a sense of honesty and care, people cannot necessarily really breathe, walk with their feet on the ground with integrity and give others a fair chance to live their lives accordingly.

There may be people who want to extend forgiveness for wrongdoiing yet have some 'apologies of action' in place to monitor a perpetrator's or person's accountability. Counseling and actions that concur with doing things above board, and even being honest with themselves may take months and years. Is that a journey each person in their life wants to continue to share? What is anyone being asked to do and for how long, are there ways to review situations bi-monthly or twice a year, or annually to see if everyone is still feeling they are playing an honest hand and aware of how things are going? There may be laws which impact a family or situation beyond what any one or more people understood would result (again, various personal crimes or court orders which need to be respected lest they result in more severe penalties.)

These are some of the reasons people just 'act as if' and don't look back. Finding ways to sobriety on many levels is a lifelong journey and the teams of supportive people are not in endless supply or clearly identified. But there are online and many other programs and many make progress or learn more for their next phase of life, or lifetime as the case may be. It's worthwhile trying to learn to really LET GO of the physical and social realms in terms of learning to meditate, to listen to the divine in oneself and in the greater realms, and to consider we may have more help than we realized even if the real world seems to be more confused and broken than seems necessary in these modern times. Thanks for tuning in as you can with these ideas and sharing with someone as you can online or in person, if it's appropriate..asking if they are interested for 10 minutes or more to consider something. Someone would have helped me out a lot many years back by letting me know that is a very practical and polite thing to do. I realized I wanted to share my ideas in a way that could make sense over time and that's where this blog seems to work well toward that end. Amen? Amen...