Would all Brave Young Women please Consult with Elders and Others and Make PLANS for safety (older women too, and it's never too late to try)

Young women need to figure more than their figures out..whether for fashion or finance, most have NO CLUE WHAT TO DO when she becomes pregnant or seriously involved with romance or needing his help (rides, money, living arrangements, food, connection, yes even s-x)..okay so what is her PLAN with her MAN should she feel or decide she needs to be ALONE for a day, a week, a month or more...

Likely it's almost impossible to decide and find a ride (get help) to actually make a plan..and then to try it out even for a few hours (as in Go to the Movies, or Out with friends shopping or to eat if that's allowed..or Help someone --maybe a 'paid job will allow one to step away from the basics or even parenting responsibilities to get time to Think Straight, maybe a friend can hire her to clean or help with other errands, etc even as a trade if money's tight.)

Okay, so that's Scene 1 and 2. Scend 3 involves Kids(either being pregnant or actually having one whether yours or his that you've bonded to , particularly if living together but even if not..it can feel like another huge challenge to getting O-U-T.

Now if it's really only his child (not adopted, not your relative, etc), then likely one needs extra help in the realm of 'letting go' if there is not a clear way to maintain connection, perhaps through a third party...but if it is actually the case that you are pregnant or have a biological child with this man (whether initially it was good, or at times was--often there is a pattern of hurt and making amends to some extent but not likely involving accountability and real counseling such as throughwww.endingviolence.com who should be consulted even before any couple's counseling as could any domestic violence agency to screen for abuse in case a woman is in the dark..which she likely is,)

Okay, so what to do if you are an Abused Mother? Can you expect to leave safely with your child? No , not really and not longterm necessarily. If you do not have the proper legal backing, you could break the law by leaving since family court and civil court do not concur or really communicate clearly as they should. Do not cross state lines with one's kids if not legally divorced or given permission to do so, that can be deemed kidnapping and is a federal crime. Many older parents do not realize this and used to know people who 'would take matters into their own hands' and do just that. That's why the new law was made, likely about 20 or more years ago. While most would assume shared parenting would be in the best interests of the children (called BIC), that is not what experts such as www.barrygoldstein.net recommends.

He's been in the field of law seeking to protect female victims from abuse, and has a great amount of important information on his website. Please take time to LEARN and plan one's life and help others with care. Likely not being married for about 5-10 years could buy most people in their twenties to comprehend the importance and legalities of what they are pursuing.

They could still live together and be exclusive (which many 'married folks' are not either by choice or one or both cheating sometimes or often, sometimes having a secret second family, What IF one man deemed an American hero and by all accounts were very nice not only to his wife and kids but to a secret second wife and kids?

What if a 1-2 million dollar benefit to him as a hero went to both families without the first legal family being informed about the second or consulted? Wouldn't that give folks in divorce court something to ponder in terms of the possible lies one may not know about as well as the forgiveness or reward that one arbitrator may deem not only reasonable but necessary in the face of such a circumstance?

On the other end of the spectrum, there are abusive men who fool some but not all, or who don't really fool anyone but are still awarded custody of their children, often exclusively. If a mom protests, particularly to safeguard her children, then she is systemically cut off from them and chastised for doing so, evidence be damned (or withheld.) Often the job an abuser holds could be in jeapordy were the truth known, but again, maybe not so much or likely the truth will be kept from being known by not only his attorney but also other 'do-gooders' trying to play fair, not take sides or say each parent had their faults or assets..The idea of trying to have team support and written agreements may come to mind.

Not a bad idea, but the truth is like 'any piece of paper' sometimes the words on it don't mean a dang thing. People can be killed with restraining orders in hand, and even judges, police, attorneys and advocates have realized abusers do not seem to respect agreements if not on their terms exclusively.

So Scene 4 is the outcome which can change over weeks, months and years if one gets out, with or without one's children (what a heartbreaking option or result...) Often danger escalates after legal deals are made or even years later, so there really may not be any rest for the weary.

Rough as this may be to hear (especially if one is caught in a web of lies and tries..) it's worse not hearing what kind of hell one is in. Strangely this could be music to someone's ears and help them stop self-harming, find some inner courage and join forces with others who have been wronged or by circumstance--female, young, not in school or working, poor, isolated , apt to become pregnant ...with the first Female factor being the biggest and no guarantee who or when she'll be victimized by males or females. Good luck thinking this through in advance.and may the force of International Women's Day and all good folks be with you...