You'll Get Your Money's Worth (and Maybe Save a Few Lives, even your own or others you care about) With this Post and a Half!

Here are a few thoughts I shared with some folks from my era at Vassar College. As happens from time to time (have you noticed?) I got thinking of a few other morsels of wisdom and wannabe world improvements... So journey along as you like and maybe let it inspire you to work toward similar goals...all on a slow to get going Sunday, but one which has proven to lead me to new waters of wishing well for everybuddy.

Maybe mini visits could be planned for in the P'keepsie area the day or two before and after as well, a time to network, have 'hippie circle' gatherings (no harm in envisioning...and yes, I could find some folks to share their talents with us about Native culture, massage, chanting and all the good stuff that makes life more bearable and exciting..connecting with earth energies, and oh yes, sistas and bruddas too in a Big Tribal Way...)

Somehow we may have missed that episode at Vassar...but it seems to be catching on and helping people cope with the challenges in life, avoid addictions or recover from them and accept the fluidity of life. Maybe we could also (as long as I'm dreaming out loud here) start networking here and elsewhere with more local resources (to our area and the ol' VC area) to create wider circles of community that include not only our friends and so forth but those who may be interested. I explore some of these ideas and more on livfully.org.

Of importance to our country, sisterhood and humanity at large, is BMCC in Albany NY at the end of April 2019. It's called Battered Mothers Custody Conf. and addresses the gender bias against women and their kids in custody disputes...not the easiest topic but again one that needs to come out of the shadows.

There's CA Protective Parents representatives there. Their site could be linked to Vassar's (and all colleges) to show what needs fixin' so more leaders from many fields could Help Prevent this tragic set of dynamics that play out in every state... Meanwhile there's US House Resolution 72 which is promoting victims of DV having custody of their children initially in a dispute.

Now those are important topics for the students of Vassar and other colleges and every batch of younger people to have awareness of..and for systems to align their best practices with, That is prioritizing the safety and well-being of individuals above the property and parental rights of abusers...too often typically the D-A-Ds (in about 10% of contested cases...)

Those are statistics that I am trying to help people tune into for Everyone's benefit. Sometimes the perpetrators of abuse and control are truly mentally unbalanced, under the influence of drugs or otherwise headed toward trouble. Too often people politely deny or go along with the antics or feel the law doesn't allow for intervention (which is doesn't...and that's why the pro-active protection for victims is needed.)

That is a human rights and public safety matter, often keeping the abusers from 'getting away with crime and harm or even ending someone's life and/or their own (which happens one out of three times if he takes the life of his adult or child victim...) Okay, sorry to get so real but I was a psych major and took a dozen training programs along the way to tune into these less publicized topics. Seems the major media is actually complicit or trapped, as are many non-profits, due to their funding agreements.

Thanks for tuning in as you can. Sadly Dutchess County had some very sad patterns of abandoning victims and a number of homicides that may have been avoidable happened. Attorney Barry Goldstein has written The Quincy Solution to advocate for better practices such as I am summarizing here.

Also Evan Stark wrote Coercive Control which many may find a helpful term in understanding the kind of misery POTUS has displayed with people 'under him'. The macro systems face similar dynamics to those in micro settings whether homes or gangs or other 'closed systems' where abuse can run rampant.

So my hope would be to remedy these kinds of transgressions...and let's face it, plenty likely went in a downward spiral of violation, cover-up and difficulty at Vassar. Atty Murphy who has spoken at the conference has shed light on the "Dear Colleagues Letter' that top college leaders if not Congress used to address the concerns of the gap in response between public and college offenses. Whether victims have the burden of proof or would be believed was at issue.

There is lots more and basically she said what got passed got 'watered down' substantially. But it's an ongoing set of policies and when something is addressed federally that raises the bar for all states and colleges to align their policies. So once we comprehend the lay of the land we can be more aware of what matters and how not to play into the abusive policies or player's hands...

Okay I will wrap this diatribe up for now..but of course, there's plenty more to stay on the topic... My other hope is to promote safety for all minors (which supposedly is the goal for custody plans but nothing people in mainstream hear about as critical or even highly recommended.)

So the Bill I hope to propose in NY or CT (if it goes that far, and I am very open to help in this area politically-savvy friends and advocates), would encourage or require two parental signatures (when logistically feasible in terms of accessiblity or emails and such would work) for adults to take children on dangerous outings, near waterfalls, fast-flowing rivers and high hiking places or long mountain hikes, etc.

Any dangerous sport involving speed, very cold weather or hot weather (hiking, camping etc for more than an few hours etc) on anything but approved parks and local road type paths, especially where there are ticks, mountain lions, bears, rattle snakes or alligators etc (just covering the bases) would be included.

Taking a minor out of a local area (more than an hour away if not agreed to by at least one parent would also be a basic guideline...and then only if it's on an urgent matter, not something that could be tended to otherwise or have other approved people watch the minors. In terms of having minors explore their neighborhood or bike on roads where cars, basic bike safety should be encouraged if not required so youth do not mistakenly cause accidents due to taking risks and not knowing safety laws.

Schools and other programs with youth should clarify drop-off and pick-up policies to close loop holes where students may 'go off on their own' and become unaccounted for or do dangerous things. During the school year, changes in schedules can create such loop-holes where there is not a clear set of guidelines or back up plans, so efforts could be made by the institutions to provide supervision or help from a community to link services and provide transportation or supervision for youth to be with other responsible adults or have the appropriate permission by email or phone regarding who is taking responsibility if youth are released on their own.

In addition more states, schools and programs as well as private homes and gatherings could use 'Safe Church Policies" to prevent minors being alone with adults other than their parents (and even from time to time have a way to check in with the kids to make sure they still deserve safety and fair treatment from parents, nannies, family and friends etc. Particularly helping them know about personal safety and being able to report concerns to a few people is important...

Not easy and really the systems are not clear about what would happen, so that's actually not the easiest thing to clarify. Foster care and more are not perfect systems, and generally youth do fine in their families of origin, but if there is serious abuse of a physical nature or any sexual abuse, then those are deal-breakers. Already many people are mandated reporters, but that doesn't mean the system is working or that many cases are not missed. Likely our country and the world over needs a primer on abuse...

This is not to create a prison mindset,but it is to clarify that whether minors are from families that have a custody plan or not, there are over-riding community guidelines. Some towns have curfews and others have various local business or program protocols. Likely more liaisons are needed to help people meet the supervision guidelines but that's the deal most parents of young children face.

With school, there are only before and after school hours to provide supervision for, and mainly this would assure the transportation of a minor and their next destination and activity is on the 'pre-approved list', not on a push the limit list or the 'no go' list (even if one or more parents decide to allow it for fun or 'just one time...)

Sadly that was a factor in creating a very tragic situation for a group of youth in CT (and really many other places, particularly with underage or reckless drivers being allowed to use a car by adults.) This kind of discussion which could become a legal standard eventually would clarify what is 'within reason' and what's 'pushing the limit' of benign or intentional neglect....

Unfortunately many child protective services can be over-reaching in their control so I don't want to borrow trouble..and who knows maybe a lot of this is underway in some towns (I know some have curfews for large areas even for young drivers...) But I am trying to help more 'adults' and parents understand the modern implications of the job of supervising minors.

The minors in turn could understand their role in playing by the rules, not causing collisions or dangerous situations that require rescue or worse, recovery efforts for a body, and the whole nine yards. The more everyone gives some serious thought to these issues, the better. Ideally every community would have ways to help monitor youth, help them find jobs or programs to build their skills and interests and even keep them engaged in meaningful ways after they are 18 or 21...

It's a challenging world economically and yet also one full of great opportunities. Thanks in advance..and the debate about legal marijuana and maybe some voluntary guidelines would also be in order...again to prevent people from not knowing the likely consequences of using (paranoia, weight gain, gateway to other substances...and cost...and unlikelihood of having an intervention...) 

Clarifying whether it would ever be socially appropriate for parents to smoke pot with their young adult children is a topic one doesn't hear much about...but likely many teens would be offered that by their parents. Who feels that's pushing a limit...and could definitely cause conflict in a family. Likely many would secretly be doing that if they felt it was cool. If a teen were depressed, marijuana is a chemical depressant and over time (a relatively short period of time) that would add to his or her depression chemically and changes occur in the brain functioning. )

When a brain is impacted early on, the maturing or natural growth can be stunted... Many aspects of one's life can go awry. Some recover eventually or gain ground or learn to be high functioning users, but ideally everyone could be supported in ways to help them cope with life reasonably without substances, especially from early on. Many recovered alcoholics stay sober for years and say the gains outweigh the temptation or highs from the past, many of which were colored with challenges if not crimes and even fatalities.

A woman is more apt to be in jail for being a designated driver (who only had one drink or maybe was stoned I am guessing...) which still factored into a collision that claimed the life of a passenger, often a friend or family member. So again, the whole realm of 'using' should be considered and the likely 'fall-out' not just the benefits to the user.

People in pain or the elderly who may be looking for comfort care in managing symptoms seem the more reasonable folks in need of the legalization. Some recreational use when people are not driving and not supervising youth would be reasonable as well. Too often people drink when taking care of children however, so there will likely be a wider rate of kids being exposed to the smell (and imprinted with the sights and habits of those using, much as happens with alcohol.

The genetic risk for being a problem drinker is rather high anyway, with boys being at twice the risk to develop an issue. All of that needs to be conveyed to parents and caregivers in a meaningful way, yet it isn't anyone's job to do so. Thus we have many runaway trains resulting in runaways and trapped minors getting their own misguided start in life.

Same could be said for alcohol...if more drinkers would be level thinkers and willing to be monitored for their intake and actions ideally many issues could be addressed very early on..and outreach done to their families and kids who likely will be affected in almost all the same ways ( and too often blamed or abused if the person is a problem drinker...) Not fun but likely tied to the high cost of health issues in our country..and some DV, driving collisions and all that jazz too. Often Less if More of a Sure Thing...Now back to your Relaxing Sunday... and thanks again since now I'll plunk this on my blog...