Tough topics after Valentine's but Life-saving and protective so Why Not Now?
The 14th Annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference is happening in Albany NY at the end of April. Along with CA Protective Parents Assoc. (CPPA), advocates have a federal bill US House Resolution 72 which needs to pass in the Senate.
This is like the Superbowl of legislative protections to help victims (mostly moms) have custody initially in a dispute or divorce matter when there is alleged abuse...not making it difficult for her to prove it,which can lead to many complications and harm if not death of one or more victims or too often (in the 6-10% of contentious cases) result in the abuser gaining custody (maybe even sole or primary custody) of the minor victims.
This happens even when there are clear indications of sexual assault of the children far too many times. A friend I knew from Sharon CT long ago, wrote a chapter about this horrific pattern in a serious book about Domestic Violence from civicresearchinstitute.com or org...
See the CA Prot. Parents site for their newsletter and coverage on two families speaking about Michael Jackson's alleged violations. He may have given a lot of money to families over the years for cancer or other needs someone pointed out to me...and felt he'd never be capable of doing something egregious. It is a difficult thing to acknowledge that Anyone Could be plagued with thoughts or tendencies to violate others, even those with less power or ability to protect themselves.
We need to gain deeper understanding about our human condition, and while often some victims go on to become abusers, many thankfully do not.
While some are in 'honest denial or find ways to avoid learning of what they have experienced or ways to heal the difficulties even without going through a retelling and years of therapy, such as with alternative healing techniques, many victims will attack others for sharing experiences, whether their own or indicating that someone may be in denial.
I feel most people over 50 or even 40 are still left bereft of a way to gain a foothold on this kind of information and its meaning and implications...
Maybe that is because when they (yes, my age group) were young there were no terms about where the law applied (in public and not in one's home...) and what was considered a violation, such as marital rape--non-consensual sex between those who are married. CT may be looking to remove that statute of limitations that were part of the 1970 law.
There were no terms like Domestic Abuse or Violence Laws before the 1980s...and the Torrington Tracy Thurman case put those on the map due to a costly lawsuit against police bystanders.
We need far more resources than 'just local domestic violence or sexual assault agencies run by the state'..we need to bridge the gaps in understanding and ways for victims to find secure support..those places cannot get into 'any legal advice for civil matters' (or can only do so a bit if the victim is abused...) I don't know for sure all the limitations, but even criticizing the gov't is not allowed by non-profits to maintain their funding.
Okay, this is a lot but it's the basis of why things were so broken for so long..and the reality is there are not good services to clean up the mess longterm and provide support for victims. In NY, foster care parents could be abusive and somehow not on the radar...so the idea of taking kids from abusive fathers if the mom doesn't leave or can't provide adequately is not a secure simple solution.
Most victims know their abusers and are involved over years with interactions in their social if not familial networks. We likely have many layers of clarification to think through..voluntary recommendations to find ways to not have minors or even adult children be alone with an abuser (alleged or proven..) We have social networks and could offer rides, housing, help going to school or even seeing colleges or getting fares for buses and such . Everyone needs to agree that there are many reasons to help innocent victims even into adulthood to understand the mixed bag of emotions if not 'practical reasons' for interacting with an abuser that is a family member or friend.
Safeguards need to be in place and maintained to help the abuser not 'chance or plan' to violate a victim due to an open opportunity. These are tough messages but the deafening silence and decades of injuries as well as missed opportunities to show support for those we clearly or otherwise know are in need has to to be sounded like a church bell or school bell... throughout the community.
The weak links in the chain of connection and continuity of care are many and really not that hard to mend.. Mostly no one thinks it's their job, they are too busy, they don't want to rock the boat and hope everyone can tend to their own... Okay, so let's think on this here or wherever..I do put a fair amount on livfully.org and encourage early help and keeping in touch with people who need support at any age of life so shortcuts and compromises are not made.
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