Safety and Networking in the Summer and Rest of the Year, At Home and About Town

The events I attended in the last part of August 2019 went well ...I saw opening night of Joseph and the Amazing Dreamcoat at the Sharon Playhouse (A for Awesome production, and a shout out to the kids who kept up with the long run...as well as the amazing performers of all stripes.) That does summarize the story of Joseph, the favorite son of his 12 sons--likely by different wives but sons all the same.

Still that aspect could help more people ease up on the hate and revenge that often comes with 'love triangles' or other emotional and 'family business' type matters getting way out of hand into the realm of feuds and cutting off from one another in extreme ways. That's regarding someone having a 'child out of wedlock' or beyond the initial pairing...usually a man straying and even having a 'secret other family.'

If a firefighter who was in the World Trade Center disaster died who had a 'secret family', a situation about how to compensate the 'secret' family would arise. Would the two families have to split the payout typically given to a nuclear intact family? What about a person with a prior family and a current family, did they have to split the victim compensation amount or did the each get a 'full amount' (in a sense double what a person who only had one family and didn't have a secret or additional lover or children?)

In the case of determining those particular cases, a single person had final say, and no one would be able to argue the amounts after the fact once victims agreed to accept the amount. I offer these insights because I became aware of them as a unique situation in terms of 'a large group of victims getting a payout' and the American people and funds being allocated to them without any direct or indirect say once it was determined there would be compensation given (whether owed or an extension of compassion.)

Again these kinds of matters can inform the issues that 'regular people' may face in their families, social circles, communities, faith and civic groups, states and even other countries when trying to create a response (fair, informed, and otherwise based on principles rather than a lottery or other kind of decision-making process.) I have studied and practiced mediation (role-playing, seeing video of The Purple House, trained in Transformative Mediation and Facilitative Mediation, Learned about Domestic Abuse, Corruption in Courts and labelling victims as more responsible for abuse and neglect than abusers (but that is hopefully going to change in the next decade or two in reality as more social service, legal, medical, school, faith and other aspects of a community join together to mend their policies and assessment strategies..all of which could be online and in an app for easy reference to assess danger risks, ways to De-escalate and get safe in many circumstances (worth a try more than we realize is an option), but also self-defense and safety planning. Unfortunately many homes and relationships of a variety of kinds are a bit of a war zone. The Medium Thomas John shared his life story in Dead Serious (and he has a book out and special offers through this month should some feel that's of interest...) which also was on a talk show.

They had to have his Dad put in jail to keep them safe for years. That is likely often needed yet not easy to obtain. Criminal court is miles apart from family court in many states and districts, and that kind of patchwork madness is 'only the beginning.' To be decent fair Americans everyone needs to be warned, particularly women and children about the 'odds of them being harmed' in various kinds of settings (rural vs urban, by family and friends, co-workers, co-students, etc or 'strangers and professionals in public places' and much more.

We need a kind of 'super assessment thinking cap (or Kids, Adults, Parents Partnership) helping to clarify modern day ways to do just about EVERYTHING so one doesn't 'break the law' or violate others (which is breaking the law) or even oneself with self-harm, and emotional rollercoasters that can stress everyone out. That can be the life of a victim and often 'the victims are blamed or abandoned...' and the 'root problem causes and behaviors' are left to run wild like Mustangs across the plains...no insult to Mustangs..

Maybe more like sharks on the shoreline where swimmers unwittingly venture. Okay well, there's plenty more on livfully.org and yet this time of the year, which did include a good time at the Clinton Hill Block Festival...with great live music, basics like food and bounce houses and horse rides and me hosting a booth with friends who did show up to help (from the Berkshires no less, so many thanks!) Unfortunately a dude from Tenn. felt he was entitled to pull some fast moves during an after party that was a bit rowdy. He felt entitled to do what he felt was legal and right for him to use his car even if it frightened and endangered others.

He stated that had he hit someone his insurance would have sued for damages to his car since he was 'in the right.' He didn't seem to realize he could be penalized for injuring someone (maybe even sued for reckless endangerment with plenty of witnesses) and manslaughter had he run someone over, even someone running into his path thinking the road was open, such as a child. The Bigger Picture is one of helping others stay alive while each person does so as well, and without threatening others.

That is a new concept to many. Plenty have that backwards and are tallying up how many people owe them for making them mad. The locus of control needs to be Internal not External when assessing a situation. IF soimeone is violating a boundary or need, then one needs to be clear about that and back away from the source (even stop reading these long posts, for instance...which are offered and not forced on someone..and my apologies if they have been 'WTM, Way Too Much for many".

Maybe I should have a second place to post things if they are initially on Facebook which is often where I get going...and unfortunately when I transfer them over, the bottom parts of many letters get nixxed so it's much harder to read. I share that in case others get blogging and run into the same problema. I try to copy and paste a FB comment or post I write onto livfully.org Before posting for a final time on FB in hopes that will keep the letters intact. But I think that's wishful thinking and likely doesn't cure the bug or whatever FB may have to prevent that or whatever tech aspect that stems from.)

Now back to Terrorist from TN...I am hoping his Mom and crew have a clue of his hot-headed attitude (and haven't we all known people like this ready to boil over throughout their lives often over Nothing...but whatever the voices in their head or stress du jour indicate is 'Their Absolute Limit!! and yea, that should be in Capitals since they often think in Black and White --all or nothing--terms and at Full Volume, not many nuances.

That may be a trait of many in the substance abuse world so likely some people have their 'sensors worn down' in terms of modulating their emotions, thinking and actions. They do feel victimized but it's likely happening due to misfiring in their brain (the ol' amygdala is worth learning about which doesn't filter things as much as feel full force or register in primitive ways.

Then there's the Prefrontal Cortex which may take until 25 to mostly mature..and of course is a place for thinking and reasoning, so if drugs, emotions, stress is messing with one's facultes in that department it could be another case of 'Hey, ho, nobody home... or at the complaint or navigation desk..so good luck with that one. If someone is actiing like an immature bratty version of themselves or a terrorist realize they are running on fumes. Best to back away, with an errand that needs doing or going to the bathroom or out for a quick walk or make a call. Ideally in a public place or at a neighbor's to get something picked up etc.

He wanted to park his car and when someone told him the street wasn't officially opened yet (but should have been for an hour and was about to be after a final check and heads up and getting one last car moved from blocking the opposite end of the road), he sped up near 30 people on the sidewalk and did a U-Turn to park all of 50 feet from where he was entering with one person in the road signalling him to not proceed...or at least to do so cautiously. A few on the other end had rolled their windows down (even turned their music down) and said 'I just want to park and the road should be opened again.; They were asked to just go slowly and they did without event.

That job of re-opening the road was supposed to be done by the police. The road was supposed to be free of debris, and there needed to be a clear understanding of that by all in attendance with a team of 6-10 people set well in advance to do that. That would have avoided putting one person and maybe others in danger by said dude or any others (and often it can be a stream of cars insisting on their way. Only Traffic Police are officially supposed to direct traffic..and even then not all drivers are on the ball to follow directions I have seen.)

I share these things to let them speak to everyone as they prepare to interact with others maybe after having a lot of time to themselves, hiking or enjoying the summer at a slower pace. Every season has its reasons to stay aware and prepare some plans for practicing calling or texting someone a code to pick one up (an ad I saw on TV for youth for instance) but that could be anyone for simple reasons or more sudden or pressing matters. If you need a day away from someone, take three.

Time apart can be healing, and maybe you have a friend who can let you help them tidy up or watch a pet etc, or a few who want a companion to travel to NYC on the train or otherwise get out and about (shopping, doing errands, and even visiting someone else at a faith group...such as Unitarians in Housatonic MA, a Jewish festival in Litchfield this weekend, a Christian or other kinds of service or cultural event, school sports, music, drama or arts event and more.

The Sharon Playhouse and then The Warner Theatre among others often need ushers and all domestic abuse victims can benefit from volunteering somewhere to expand and connect with others if they are primarily isolated socially. That can be a good step to getting paid work or taking a class. OLLI in Great Barrington is for older learners but Taconic Learning Center classes in Salisbury and Canaan and Adult Ed in Falls Village and Toastmasters in Grt Barr. are great options too or places even to learn to run meetings with support (Toastmasters) and offer talks or programs.

More info is online. All the best to everyone. Feel free to share tips and this post or use in your networking or projects. I am happy to hear from people also in PM. Thanks for doing all you do in the past decade and in your life overall. The future is brighter with all of you on board and small towns staying afloat.