Reflecting on Tragic Turns of Events and How to Prevent Those As a Community Team
To the Editor (July 2017, so ten years after the disappearance of Tom Drew of Salisbury CT on July 21, 2007)
Many people were moved I'm sure when seeing a photograph in the classifieds recently of Tom Drew, the 91-year-old Salisbury resident, which was on flyers far and wide over the past ten years with the ever-urgent question, "Have You Seen This Man?"
Even children know the story as well they should. Likely we need to improve the standard supervision for them and even as teens since we learned hard lessons when my teen son Kaelan Paton passed trying to save a friend from the Housatonic River by the falls in 2009.
With Tom Drew going missing, "What Happened?" is the next logical and caring question. Clear accounts are voluntarily given on record and in a deposition of many pages by me his weekend caregiver, Catherine Paton, and by Mario Zecca, his main caregiver.
While experienced police investigators have supported the consistency and credibility of my reports, many others have called my account into question. There are various reasons for that including the generally quiet, low-energy condition of Tom Drew who used to do his own mowing and yard work up to a year before his decline from dementia. How
Could he walk away physically and particularly other than on a clear path which seems unlikely. Ideally more people could team up to study the many angles not only of the Tom Drew case but many others who may be in compromised living situations with only a few people monitoring their care.
Many standards are in place to guide people with appropriate housing and care-giving but often those are not heeded due to expense, denial of the need or condition, gaps in planning and more.
The other main point for the community to address is if anyone kidnapped or harmed Tom Drew if he made it to the main roads, more precautions should be taken whether one is healthy or even with one other person or on safer country roads.
Likely to help all citizens understand what a police investigation or legal matter may involve, more education is needed on that as well. In most cases, no one needs to speak to police 'without an attorney'.
That would include any family or friends who are being questioned by a police officer whether they come to one's home or call. It is not ideal but confusion can arise quickly with matters taken out of context, or someone inferring an inconsistency where none exists.
Many innocent people are 'wrongly arrested', imprisoned until a hearing if they cannot make bail and even convicted wrongly (about 10K per year.) I would like to extend my sincere apologies to the family and friends of Tom Drew for their pain and suffering.
Even with a nurse's aide training in 2006, I did not know the very small by clearly troubling risk of the kind of direct supervision every minute a person with mental health issue requires.I was encouraged to let him have some independence, and he was being left alone for not only hours but most Saturday nights until I insisted I be able to stay.
There is a discrepancy as to whether the Drew sisters paid me $50/night or if someone took that money because I did not get that amount and was told they did not want me to stay even for free.
But that is what I felt was needed and did about 10 times. Precautions such as locks on the door and a fence which would the person could not open alone would have been helpful and indoor monitoring systems such as an intercom, door and chair alarms.
Each case could have an online site for all caregivers and community overseers to review as a team to increase a team approach to learning and implementing preventive measures.
I hope we can all take time on July 21st, 2017 to remember Tom Drew in positive ways for his many talents which are covered in stories but also by watching out for ourselves, those in our care and our community. I cover many ideas along those lines on livfully.org and welcome input.
Here's to our collective learning and caring about one another with clear safety guidelines and preventive measures so we can enjoy our lives and communities in peace with faith and teamwork.
Catherine Palmer Paton, CT
PS Allison Drew, Tom's daughter, wrote a book about her experiences in Searching for My Missing Father. She has many points and allegations that are off base but the possibility of what she raises could be important for people in each community to consider.
Trying to give information or join in a search can be more complicated and 'backfire' than most realize, so using caution and having a consult with one's attorney (or learn basic options to write down information and have evidence of what one is saying in terms of phone records and other first person eyewitnesses as soon as possible within hours or days would make a lot of sense.)
Every family, community and state could have ad hoc groups helping people in direct ways during a crisis of any kind to supplement what is offered by society, Overall professionals and the existing systems may not be adequate to address important needs. There may be more people and ways to access help online (with other resources such as DomesticShelters.org or many other points I share online on this blog Livfully.org) While we can't change the past, rethinking ways to make things are safe and supported with groups of caring people makes a lot of sense.
Writing care plans and daily logs are important for people of each age group especially if there are travel or outings to keep track of people and the risk or safety concerns. Thanks and I'll try to map out more soon but with technology, AI (Artificial Intelligence) may be doing that already. The choice we have to try to live in reasonable ways especially in small communities is not a gift to be taken for granted but merits more serious consideration all seasons of the year and of life. Thanks for everyone doing their part and remembering how things have evolved over the centuries and recent decades.
We need the wisdom and supportive relationships to weather storms and to allow for bridges of healing when there are unfortunate turns of events or other challenges. Many faith and social communities do rally for one another. The overall publicity and care shown for the situation with Tom Drew from when he declined with dementia yet was still able to driver and be physically active (which Allison drew covers in her book as a major point of contention with medical people wanting to prohibit him from driving yet she feeling it was okay.
I had heard from someone who cared for him (who is now deceased) that when Tom had spun around in his car he told her that the car when "woo, woo, woo' and indicated it spinning around, and that they took it away'. Would you want to be driving a car if that were your understanding of an accident? The sad concerning insight I have learned is that even intelligent, capable people like Allison and her sister who are both highly educated and capable people, seemed blocked in accepting that dementia does necessarily limit a person's ability to be out in the world on their own for their own safety and that of others.
I realize that is a point of contention and discussion but the film Wandering explores the risk even two people who are 'half there' may end up going missing (getting lost driving or involved with the wrong folks...) We should each look into having more accountability for where we are, who we are with and how we handle various situations with support (financial troubles, are quite common for plenty, needing food and basics which one can maybe get help from 211.org or calling 2-1-1 or in NYC 311.) With immigrants and many people in need of work, caring for people and having creative housing options (even camping in yards etc and using 'cell phones and support centers' for getting showered and having more basic support for rides, education and more makes sense.)
Simple new standards to have 'check-in centers' and help in caring for one's basic human needs from eating to toileting and so on could have a huge benefit to monitoring the wellness of people and help link people with services as needed even short-term but also longer.
Thanks again for doing what one can to learn about such matters which will only be more serious as climate issues and severe weather impacts more people (whether too hot, too cold, not enough rain or too much and much more.) Growing food indoors and having projects to help people stay afloat with basics are also good strategies for more faith and non-profit and even local school groups to pursue.
Trying to give information or join in a search can be more complicated and 'backfire' than most realize, so using caution and having a consult with one's attorney (or learn basic options to write down information and have evidence of what one is saying in terms of phone records and other first person eyewitnesses as soon as possible within hours or days would make a lot of sense.)
Every family, community and state could have ad hoc groups helping people in direct ways during a crisis of any kind to supplement what is offered by society, Overall professionals and the existing systems may not be adequate to address important needs. There may be more people and ways to access help online (with other resources such as DomesticShelters.org or many other points I share online on this blog Livfully.org) While we can't change the past, rethinking ways to make things are safe and supported with groups of caring people makes a lot of sense.
Writing care plans and daily logs are important for people of each age group especially if there are travel or outings to keep track of people and the risk or safety concerns. Thanks and I'll try to map out more soon but with technology, AI (Artificial Intelligence) may be doing that already. The choice we have to try to live in reasonable ways especially in small communities is not a gift to be taken for granted but merits more serious consideration all seasons of the year and of life. Thanks for everyone doing their part and remembering how things have evolved over the centuries and recent decades.
We need the wisdom and supportive relationships to weather storms and to allow for bridges of healing when there are unfortunate turns of events or other challenges. Many faith and social communities do rally for one another. The overall publicity and care shown for the situation with Tom Drew from when he declined with dementia yet was still able to driver and be physically active (which Allison drew covers in her book as a major point of contention with medical people wanting to prohibit him from driving yet she feeling it was okay.
I had heard from someone who cared for him (who is now deceased) that when Tom had spun around in his car he told her that the car when "woo, woo, woo' and indicated it spinning around, and that they took it away'. Would you want to be driving a car if that were your understanding of an accident? The sad concerning insight I have learned is that even intelligent, capable people like Allison and her sister who are both highly educated and capable people, seemed blocked in accepting that dementia does necessarily limit a person's ability to be out in the world on their own for their own safety and that of others.
I realize that is a point of contention and discussion but the film Wandering explores the risk even two people who are 'half there' may end up going missing (getting lost driving or involved with the wrong folks...) We should each look into having more accountability for where we are, who we are with and how we handle various situations with support (financial troubles, are quite common for plenty, needing food and basics which one can maybe get help from 211.org or calling 2-1-1 or in NYC 311.) With immigrants and many people in need of work, caring for people and having creative housing options (even camping in yards etc and using 'cell phones and support centers' for getting showered and having more basic support for rides, education and more makes sense.)
Simple new standards to have 'check-in centers' and help in caring for one's basic human needs from eating to toileting and so on could have a huge benefit to monitoring the wellness of people and help link people with services as needed even short-term but also longer.
Thanks again for doing what one can to learn about such matters which will only be more serious as climate issues and severe weather impacts more people (whether too hot, too cold, not enough rain or too much and much more.) Growing food indoors and having projects to help people stay afloat with basics are also good strategies for more faith and non-profit and even local school groups to pursue.
