Ready, Set, Train Up to Learn to be a Coach, Networker, Parent, Firefighter, Policeman, Teacher, Nurse's Aid, Home Companion, Advocate and More!

Submitted by livfully

on Sun, 01/16/2022 - 17:53

As Martin Luther King, Jr Day arrives, the US is hearing the news that the man who held four people hostage in Colleyville TX has died (without clarification of the manner of death at this point) and the four held are safe (one man released without harm on Jan 14th, 2022 around 5pm.) Everyone can feel concerned with a sudden situation of danger or difficulty, whether for safety needs or addressing violence.

The alarming news of a man flying 5000 miles to Dallas, Texas to demand the release of a woman in federal prison, Aafia Siddiqui. Initially describing himself as her brother, that news story was not the case. Reading more on Jewish Telegraph Agency, there is plenty to learn about the history of Siddiqui who held a doctorate from Brandeis in neuroscience.

Some reports online deemed her a threat by the US due to her knowledge about dangerous compounds and reported that she fired at a US agent when being captured abroad by them, taking one of their weapons. She in the federal women's prison for a sentence of 86 years and the US is not open to trading her for the release of other US prisoners abroad. I am going to follow this more to 'hear both sides' and consider that she likely one of many such people we don't hear about until something like this happens.

Meanwhile in our 'everyday world' the victims of Bronx fire in NY will be remembered in service which one NY Rabbi said he would be attending to show support for the victims who were Moslem. In the Colleyville TX community, there is show of support for the Beth Israel Congregation of 157 families currently.

"Congregation Beth Israel is affiliated with the Union for Reform Judaism , whose website indicates the congregation serves 157 membership families. The synagogue , established in 1999 with 25 membership families, was the first Jewish congregation in Northeast Tarrant County, according to CBI's website."
What can people do going forward to show support along with prayers and making donations to funds to support the victims of the fires or the hostage situation or other concerns that come up at the state and national level if not abroad?
Getting skills and support from others to care for oneself, organize one's life with accountability (written information about what one needs to pay bills for insurance, home and travel, childcare and health, food and other basics so one is able to give and receive support with information, assistance with ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) whether with a short-term or longer need or help others understand how to 'map out ones life, manage assets (financial, property, cars and other things one is responsible for updating and maintaining) and more.
Having a POA, Power of Attorney, and other health care representative or support is the first step to review for oneself and others in one's family and household to have 'contact information' and understand their basic routines and social circles if they would need help or have a medical or other issue they may need support for.'
During the Texas hostage situation, the matters were caught on livestream of the service which may have helped with addressing the situation.
Energetically having many people learn of the situation as it was unfolding may have tapped many other networks and also have helped the prayers lead to a safe outcome for the hostages, and unfortunately not for the unstable man as well.
The 11-hour stand off was hoped to guide the man to calm down emotionally from outbursts and at times apologizing for putting people in peril to then help him think more practically about getting out safely and dealing with matters more rationally. But apparently things did not go as hoped and that man is no longer to advocate or show support for Aafia or her cause. The aftermath of 'all of the above' will be something that will ripple around the world today, a Sunday in the middle of January 2022. For three days if people can find time to 'seek healing and guidance' for the man who died perhaps that can help shift the hurt and fear that was stirred up by his misguided commitment. There are many situations when 'hope seems to run out' to control factors beyond one's own daily life. Many people find themselves 'on the brink' of despair and taking desperate measures in matters of the heart, relationships, commitment to values and groups and 'religion' or spiritual ideas.
While a situation can seem to arise 'once and be over' the aspects of what factored into that taking root and playing out are sprinkled throughout humanity. Many stories and real life experiences and dramas entail one or more people 'tuning in and interpreting the motives and actions of people, even themselves, through a certain lens.'
Labelling one or many people in a family, area, faith or time as a specific way with motives to create a path of destruction or hopefully if in a positive light a path of creation of positive networks and outcomes is something everyone can consider more objectively. Are we getting what we expect, believe or want or fear?
The challenges to assess who is playing 'with a full deck' and who is comprising their integrity and efforts due to peer pressure or other perceived 'deal breakers' whether real or imagined is something we can all tune into with compassion and concern. We don't know when the rubber will meet the road, when things just in the movies or joked about will become a harsh reality. Sadly I know some who have ended their lives..and it leaves a hole in the lives of those 'left behind.'
One or more family members, friends and of course loving partners can feel 'their world has changed for the worse if not turned completely upside-down.' The loss of a healthy person of any age, especially a child in their prime or someone who is just going about their day but has a car accident (or is hit by someone) can feel like a slap in the face and outrageous violation of justice.
How dare the universe, G-d or any set of people 'allow that to happen' or not see it about to happen? Wrestling with unseen forces is 'only the beginning' of how one's world view and very soul can seem to unravel..even if one is trying keep one's nose above water and make sense or take a break from the nightmare...
Upon waking up or even while finding a new normal, waves of new levels of pain and injustice can rip through one's being, making it a full time job just to figure out 'how to get through the day or certain parts of one's life.' Making smaller goals to pull though the morning, have something to eat even if not calling it breakfast or lunch (depending on when one woke up and whether it matters What Meal You Call It, whether based on the time or the kind of meal and the timing of first or second meal of the day.)
The Work of Thinking and Making Life Seem Normal Again is a gargantuan task and not many people have the time to coach one along (or at least before the internet or free phone support on 211 or in NYC 311 to get some additional help and guidance.) Similar dynamics unfold when caring for someone short-term and over the long haul of weeks and months.
Keeping track of day and night, whether one has eaten or bathed, brushed teeth or hair or checked emails or gone outside for fresh air if a walk seems too ambitious is something familiar to new parents (and of course, add good long sleep to that tenuous list of Have I or Haven't I had that?!) Social time on the phone, on a zoom call or in person even with strangers at the checkout seem a luxury and remind one 'there is a world out there.'
Then there is the news locally and on larger scales..and somehow that can be grounding to remember 'there's a world out there and people doing things to keep it afloat...and I know about it so hope to relate as I can between keeping track of the To Do List and What to try to get to list for the other people I am caring for and of course, theoretically, oneself!'
Don't forget to get a physical and dental check up and follow up appointments, get medications filled and do paperwork to keep health insurance and any support for food, housing, energy and rides or learning completed and updated regularly. Those are all lists I should post by my front door or have Siri or a friend read to me weekly and monthly.
Somehow things keep happening including the overdue notices and people who would rather insist a caregiver is not doing a good enough job, maybe should not be doing any of the work or is doing too much illegally (against Labor Laws working too long even if there is no one to take one's place so indicating people should perhaps be put into the governmental systems called nursing homes and have their assets go to that expense rather than work with reliable people to map out other legitimate care plans which could keep one in one's home or community and maybe even protect assets longterm from needing to be directed to care expenses.)
That sounds complicated and yet with a team of a few capable people could become a reality for millions of people in dire need of warming up to the topic and taking steps over weeks and months to have What If Care is needed plans and time to speak with professionals or learn online from good resources that Florida and New York have helpful programs that many other states do not have (so if living near one of those or able to move to those that may be a great option for some even short term.)
Some professionals have said off the record that could be illegal to move to a state 'just to qualify and get services' yet this is America and that point should be discussed liberally and with information for all to learn. People of a certain income bracket may extend their independence with such support.
Also look up what camibaker.com is offering with a non-profit that would allow people to donate their home to a non-profit she has then direct most of the funds to another non-profit of their choosing. She's got a kind of partnership program I think..and hope to learn more. But like reverse mortgages, home equity lines of credit and other programs people may want to learn about before or after owning a home, these pieces of the puzzle to manage one's assets need to be front and center.
Realtors are not in the business of giving life management advice (and again in their role maybe are not legally allowed to do so) but it should be common sense to know the pros and cons of affording and managing property (and be aware of the ongoing expenses, taxes --some of which such as in Massachusetts can jump exorbitantly when other property values rise even without assessments in the home etc.
Realtors and guidance programs online to do assessments could voluntarily chime in to check with safety guidelines in relationships, make contingency plans if people divorce or part or dissolve a business or have ways for counselors to work with people even online from before, during and after the program to address personal and other goals and concerns.
All of that Good Advice could be given out freely in a community and at key times in life, say every five years especially throughout childhood and teen years and into one's 20s and 30s. Then it could be easy to keep doing. You Need A Budget (YNAB) and if buying real estate program seeking more info online and from others in advance could prove invaluable.
Be cautious of owning a home once one is 60 years old to be 'safe from having to protect one's assets' from medical spend downs with a look back period, meaning one needs not have it in one's name for five years to not be counted as an asset to cover nursing home care as a federal guideline or even homecare, which may vary...yet currently New York and Florida may be more supportive.
Some would have one sign their home over to cover home care and would allow one to stay in it and some may allow more assets to be kept but there are set amounts which may be a mere 1400 a month in income or even in assets. NY was 14K in assets I believe but none of this should be taken as professional advice but rather as conversation starters to do more research on to understand terms and speak with an elder law professional in your state (and any you may want to move to for better options or any other reason.)
Consider Climate Change predictions too from David Pogue in his book and even where one may benefit from living for health as one ages. Start with the Big Picture or Patterns then work out the Details, that's called "Patterns to Details " in permaculture. See the Turtle Garden Permaculture Game (and Circle of Friends) posts on Livfully.org by me, Catherine Palmer Paton...And See The Turtle and The Acorn story as one that addresses transitions and ways to view those with care.
But do the 'other kind of budgetting and planning' as well and realize each person is a world unto themselves. Over time, housing and care or life needs and goals may shift and people could take short-term breaks with trips, counseling, help and online support to clarify ways to map out the next steps.
Minimizing conflict and knowing more about world and philosophical ideas can help one break out of a 'certain path and mode' for one's life but with longheld values, faith and social groups, small steps are important and could take months and years of guidance to modify to 'new healthier or appropriate' terms.
There may not be clear reasons for anyone's change of heart or mind, so that is important to 'accept as humans with free will.' Often 'indicator lights' of needing or making changes in habits and goals may be linked to mental, physical or social changes and roles, so again no one should feel it's their fault if others making demands or changing terms of a situation.
Hopefully all would be willing to work to gain insight and address matters as fairly and amicably as possible without 'rocking the boat' endlessly or draining finances or becoming abusive or violent.
That's why safety planning is important for people who live with or near each other, since one's home may be one's refuge or castle but it can become a kind of 'ground zero' if there's a serious concern or even illness to address and changes need to be considered or made, short-term with a 'controlled separation' (with legal support and oversight ideally so no on would take steps they later regret or which lands them in a poor legal footing.
That goes especially if people have minor children and if people take them to another state with the intention of moving without permission. Kidnapping one's own children (even if for safety in one's views) is a federal crime if taking them to another state.
These are the kinds of things that need to be explained to All Parents, especially Mothers, who may be a higher risk to be victims of abuse during pregnancy, marriage, beginning to live with someone or even much later on (even with other pregnancies), when discussing leaving or having other signs of mistreatment, neglect or abuse.) Those problems usually do not solve themselves even if intermittent.
There's plenty for everyone to learn from duluthmodel.org and well worth doing so today and regularly month to month and sharing in safe ways online with friends or in one's community. That can happen in homes, families over time and generations, in social circles and faith groups, in schools, neighborhoods and more. See a book by Echo Brown who shares a lot about her life even gaining a footing as a Black woman in college after being abused as a youth, typical of many in her area in Chicago sadly.
That is happening in Great Barrington MA currently even with many Pot Shops and Growing facilities popping up and making big bucks...and likely going to increase problems on the road and in life as more people under the influence may have side effects of confusion, paranoia and other problems many don't hear about until they are happening.
That can be the case with many with mental instability or disordered thinking so again there's much more to think through than many would give people a heads up about...So back to the elderly or others who need care, it's an open field for people to address and hopefully not abuse, but again the systems are backed up and maxed out..and that was Before COVID (nice to at least recall there was such a time...)
My hope writing this was to think about what we Could Do and Should Do (as one friend with many skills has shared is a good idea in life...) What about learning about and even training to be a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant and HHA Home Health Aide) to learn the basic laws and practices?
One does not need to get licensed and their may be some benefits to not becoming licensed since you may need to work beyond what you would like as part of the military...yes the medical field is deemed a branch of the military and that's in fine print in case you missed it.
There are other jobs to learn about and train for as well, again without becoming certified and licensed...and we could promote more of that among teens and college age students and young adults. Even older adults and retired folks could find ways to help and volunteer with aspects of running the show and bring great value to their community. We could do marketing and outreach to help everyone feel valued and included in seeking out the right jobs and gaining skills along the way.
Thanks for thinking about all of this with me as you can and contributing with time, talent and treasure whether funds, fundraisers, donations of goods or services, support with letters to the editor or on Facebook and to government to improve things in your state or on the national or wider level. This builds support and teamwork and can help people be reliable, capable citizens with situational awareness and advocacy for people from all walks of life, especially parents, children, families and neighborhoods.
There's a fine balance between helping too much and not enough so that could be discussed to avoid conflicts and working at cross purposes. Ofter libraries, faith groups, fire and ambulance and other emergency services such as search and rescue teams, sports teams, longterm families and non-profits, school and community and other groups can contribute to events and all share in the sense of envisioning improvements.
See the archives of The Lakeville Journal at the Scoville Memorial Library of Salisbury Ct website for more information about the northwest corner of CT and cases such as the Peter Reilly Case which helped transform how police interviews are conducted (and always call an attorney if possible, even look up help online at justanswer.com for a free trial if a policeman shows up at your door...and they just may even if you don't expect that and no one is hurt.)
Also see the Tracy Thurman case in Torrington CT which helped spur Domestic Violence Awareness. Sites on this Livfully.org blog try to pull the curtain back on the trauma Most if not All Females (by association and by virtue of being Female) suffer harm in their lifetime, often related to their role in a relationship whether in their family of origin or in who they are involved with physically and sexually and in relationships or as a mother (biological or as a caregiver) so in the roles linked to their femininity.
Rather tragic but indicative of the patriarchal society and practices that are ongoing and in many ways (NEWSFLASH!) Getting Worse Not Better! See the study by Joan Meier and work by CA Protective Parents Alliance, and Battered Mothers Custody Conference and Lundy Bancroft.com.
I could find a way to have those sites linked to almost every post on this blog...and I have thought of levels of abuse, danger, neglect and harm that happen in Broad Daylight with Schools, Faith Groups and Trusted Community Leaders and People Turning a Blind Eye to 'hostage type situations' that affect many of our most vulnerable people in our communities, whether citizens of not.
So there is a TON OF ROOM for Improvement Across the Board!! Most people are clueless and content to be so, even if 'they're next or in the thick of it.' Unless it directly interrupts their regularly scheduled programming, they are ready to tell others to "Shut the *uck Up!" (Some Ducks may really Quack you up!)
That does not make sense and is basically another symptom of the level of denial one or more are in..and we could likely give every town, agency, family and person a chart to 'grade themselves' in the quiet of their own heart and mind to help them gingerly and gently "Let Go of the Illusion of Control" as something completely of their own doing.
Really that can be Their Undoing... Many in 12-Step Programs realize that ironically 'Life Begins When You Relinquish that Sense of Ultimate Control and Causation' of everything that happens in one's life. There is a new set of glasses given (and sure maybe some Vision Acuity Charts) to help one compassionately and here's the biggie, Honestly, assess whether one is seeing reality the way one's community is eyeing it.)
Or does one enjoy the blindness to the degree one may begin to realize they were seeing things a bit backwards in ways and at times? That is the overall "Eureka" moment for many facing their TurnAround Transitional Moment... "I once was blind but now can see..." feeling. That's not a one-off situation but ideally will be a daily 'check in point'..What am I not able or willing to see, or even hear from a certain person at this time or in this way?
What IF I were able or willing to see a movie or get the message in sound bytes with short stories such as fables or parables and with guidance to take the next steps carefully with time to understand the choices I am making with more information and even some helpful guidance I am open to receive? There may be ways to put these messages in songs, plays, art and more..and I count myself in the circle of inquiry and exploring 'all of the above.'
Learning a lot over six decades has been a full-time job and even when things seemed to be going Way Off Course from what I had planned for, studied and hoped for in terms of becoming a teacher, a caregiver, a community networker (and all the Good Stuff and Jobs) by learning and hearing of the misery of how things really were going 'behind appearances of happy folks, families, kids and systems" well that's the education most students really want and which everybody needs sooner rather than later (to hear about hopefully not lives through or have people suffer or die in the process...) Isn't it incredible people can be brought back to life from a serious medical trauma or illness? That's the physical miracle.
We can all lean into and learn more about the emotional, mental, spiritul and social healing even with better boundaries explored and explained for all to 'have a second and even a third chance' to abide by the group guidance and ways to meet those goals with care and support for each team player.
Thanks and keep on truckin' with the vision of healing and helping one another in practical and psychological ways. Often our intentions and hopes carry the day, so use them with care and kindness as much as possible, learning from the past and healing it over time as speaks to one and with support creates more groups and programs for others almost to take for granted!
PS Think of doing one's Ancestry.com DNA test (some say use a different name if you don't want your info sold to other companies with your real name) You may find relatives you meant to learn about if adopted or for many other reasons. I have heard of some being pleasantly surprised and grateful even though they were reluctant to do so for years. Better to have options while still in the game of Life and help the next generations as well...with the big What IFs in life, especially the happier ones!