A Quiet Remembrance Time in NY City, around 8:30 am 9-11-16...a moment of reflection, consider a few moments outdoors and looking up as part of your day too

https://goo.gl/photos/pRbJSr5iVrN1qywW9  A drop in the bucket when it comes to the advocacy many for safety are doing in Washington this week (Mothers of Lost Children and others). Let's keep the faith and fight for peace at home and abroad...one heart and country at a time...Thanks for reading as you can and sharing as you may be able.

Where did our loved ones go? How does the spirit leave the body? Does it live on? What does all that mean about our everyday existence and each mortal life? Are we more similar than different spiritually just as we are physically? No child is born alone though some are surviving difficult and even horrific entries into violence, drug-addiction, poverty and abuse.

The mass of individuals has yet to find ways to 'catch the babies' and help them grow from the get-go as capable, miraculous beings of promise and wonderfulness. Is this a form of collective, voluntary blindness?

Which Pied Piper has led us so far from normalcy for those in struggle mode we simply walk around or even step over those in need? What about care vans and free camps to let people have a shred of dignity for showing up? Addictions and drug dependencies abound as a precursor to the external global warming.

Soon we may not be able to identify or catch the culprit. Might all of this be a process to help us turn within, to seek solace and hope in a more ethereal realm than the one we can seem to cook up here?

When a man travelling to Washington DC by bus back in the summer of 1981 was delayed then robbed in NYC, it made the Times. Is it safe to travel through New York?

Those days were before 9-1-1 emergency responding services I think, Even good ideas take a while to emerge and catch on.

Sadly that man perished even as a former high school athlete in cozy CT, a bright young man whose last words to his older brother getting on his bus to a better life to make a difference  was, "It's great to be a human being." He happens to have been my cousin and his name along with others who have met tragic ends not of their own doing, in his case being chased by a mob and dying on the subway track when making contact with the third rail.

The main tragedy was that a pair of flip flops, a tee shirt and a ticket could have returned him to Danbury or New Haven CT. Family had tried to make the trek down in the middle of the night but needed him to wait til morning

. Now it is morning and we are all in mourning. I have written in a  one day writing class a decade ago how such singular losses may be a mirror for the greater tragedies playing out. But we don't like to think beyond the here and now, we want answers and want to be able to make sense of things or at least not think about them.

But what if Thinking and Being Open to New Ideas will Save US-All, not only from the internal struggles but the interpersonal conflicts and 'life sentences of doom and gloom' too many seem to get snagged into a downward spiral (sometimes called circling the drain.)

That is where idealistic hopes say 'forgiveness will set you free'. While that may be true spiritually and worth pursuing, the societal consequences of not performing up to speed, with life long consistency and with struggles is not a clearly charted course. What kind of support does any person deserve and actually receive?

How much is anyone expected to give realistically and then accept assistance from friends, paid or not? We have yet to acknowledge the many unpaid and underpaid hours that are critical to people being cared for and work getting done.

When budgets are earmarked toward fixing things or delivering harsh punishments (too often for non-violent crimes or minor violations), then life gets complicated very quickly. The damage and cost of the wrongdoing is multiplied.

Yet still we allow youth and others who are disenfranchised to live in peril and great risk of heading to prison, a life of crime or poverty. Who decided we should 'check that box' for desired options for our future population, parents, and leaders?

Apparently until more of us understand this dilemma, the longer it will take to 'check off a different box.' Thanks to all who 'light candles when others curse the darkness, who do the daily tasks of living and caring for Themselves and Others in Balance, and find support as needed.

The easy path is fraught with 'false helpers however' and unfortunately even many frontline workers for non-profits and religious groups do not know the depth of damage their organization may be doing 'behind the scenes'.

This is what a handful of Brave, Heroic, Survivors of Abuse are bringing to the attention of the country in Washington DC, not unlike my cousin Gerard Coury had aspired to do back in 1981 when believing it was a privilege and great to be a human being so worth working toward a brighter day and better world.

His older brother, the late Johnny Coury who worked for USAID for years. also dedicated his life to helping those in need with access to family planning measures in many countries where life was hard. Ideally everyone would know about and use birth control and condoms regularly. That is another way to prevent the need or choice of an abortion.

Yet too often religious groups keep women in the dark and often mandate that 'the more children the better'. That was something my parents believed and yet that was a different era when religious leaders and edicts were sacrosanct and never to be questioned.

The parallels between abusive and controlling people (male or female, single or parent, against adults or children or pets and property) are close whether delivered upon a few or the masses. The importanat messages from the Holocaust, genocides and unjust wars is that trusting a few to lead without transparency can be costly and lethal to masses of people.

The social capital of caring people, knowing who is in one's area and in politics provides a more secure platform for figuring out How to Take Care of People and Support everyone in getting basic help for survival and even thriving

Education online and many services can assist people in helping themselves with healthcare, ongoing relationship coaching and communication skills, conflict management and learning in many areas. We have reasons to be hopeful but likely need more housing, and transportation options in every community.

Helping people learn about 'co-housing' and screening people as well as helping those who need housing have a safe place to land not just night to night but in a consistent manner. Likely group camps and homes, trailer parks and more should be options each state can work toward. Allowing women private online screenings to help them determine early on if they are in abusive relationships can help them not have to travel through life with a terrorist.

The activists in DC are seeking measures to stem the pipeline of landing almost 60K children each year in the hands of dangerous men, their fathers who win custody battles which are often costly and corrupt.

There are concerns for all of us to take time to learn about so that in the next 15 years we see progress and a better day for the United States of A-Miracle. Many caring, courageous kids and their protective mothers (and yes in some rare cases their fathers) are seeking assurance that they are not forgotten. In NY State those were molested as minors now have until their 23rd birthday to file a report, but more advocates are seeking to extend that age.

Ideally more sex offenders would be identified and monitored closely with the hope of stemming that tide of abuse. Prison reform is also needed however so criminals are not abused and come out worse than when they went in. The idea of people being locked up on solitary confinement should be overhauled as should any inhumane treatment of people. The idea that negative reinforcement will turn someone around if long and bad enough denies the humanity of the person suffering.

The do not Deserve such treatment. We need to find reasonable ways to coach them back into their more accountable, capable selves, not necessarily with a pat on the back and turnaround into society, but likely with much more intervention and understanding of the pattern of their downward spiral  and offer programs to help them rebuild their inner lives and ability to live with supervision. Sadly many abusers 'cannot be reformed' likely  due to early imprinting or longstanding patterns of distorted thinking, entitlement and having support in their networks.

Even if better for a while, they are likely to relapse so victims who are often brainwashed by fairy tales in the media about long-suffering paying off (and indeed it may result in more children if that is desirable and allowed or accepted even if not intented initially.) The women need support to not fall back into patterns of survival both economically and emotionally, and that can take a long time, longterm support financially if economic abuse were part of the program (even if not poor that can often be the case.)

The public seems fascinated by anonymous tales of abuse in the media (on crime shows about who was killed or other crisis type drama) rather than seeing the clever and caring ways victims could be given support to make an effective path toward freedom for her and her children

. Again the legal pathway is dim and often dangerous resulting in a protective mother Not getting Custody of her Children exclusively (which is the best practice for keeping them both safe from bodily harm, molestation or death by an abusive father or husband). Instead she is often prevented from seeing or even speaking to her children due to allegations of her abuse of herself or her children.

This is the old dinosaur of miserty that must meet its end if America is to hold her head up in public and expect respect. Apologies are due from every sector of society, even abuse advocates who have tolerated the crimes they knew or didn't know they were complicit in delivering to the doorsteps of some of the most committed, capable mothers and women who sought sanity and safety for their children.

This pressing issue will continue to devastate many families needlessly due to the high funding stream ($500 million dollars annually I believe, given to Father's Rights groups.) Let's not turn a blind eye to those in greatest need. More on this on other posts here and online, so good luck finding or making the time to Learn More and Prepare Yourself for any similar kind of nightmare that could be just a few 'life events' or years down the road. I feel some abusers are the last to really know What They are Doing and Experts have told me that they no of almost None who ever go voluntarily to a program for help.

On top of that , those who do  Cannot seem to Really get the Idea that they are operating from a place of systemic male privilege that is unjust and dangerous. Instead they often find themselves feeling support from others who share their demeaning and effective strategies for keeping their women in control and their kids in fear. Not good, but at least we are learning. Other types of people also abuse seemingly with that sense of entitlement if not mission. Sadly so-called 'honor killings' occur and many others are threatened. Even in Judeo-Christian teachings, 'beating the devil out of a child' and 'hurting or killing one's child if severely disobedient is in the Big Book.'

Modern day threats to disown, harm a youth or adult's property or person or have other hellfire consequences are done not only by fanatics or unstable people but are heartfelt standards delivered orally if not in reality by otherwise 'normal and even very skilled people.' There are no people speaking to this in a comprehensive manner. There are circles of silencing, dismiissal and denial as well as punishing the messenger or victim extensively. But we've heard tragic stories of an Andrea Yates type mother thinking she was ending her children's lives to save their souls. The kool-aid killing of the Jones cult was another headline that hurt our hearts. More recently abuse of minors in private schools, and of college women on most campuses and 26 thousand women recruits in the military make the headlines. To what end? How does that move our collective heart and will to Make Things Better?

It's a tall question but one worth working with others for to address. Thanks for letting me think this much out here. Everyone knows someone who has suffered so the idea of NIMBY (not in my backyard and it won't happen to me or mine needs to be put on the back burner. Way too many people have suffered needlessly and that's where every part of society should want to do some serious reflecting on not only what they teach and offer but what they Don't Teach or Offer. Being honest about limitations of any group, religion, law or school program can allow more people to fill the gap with ideas and solutions. Then we will see an upward spiral of hope and practical steps for reform on all levels.

Still more needs to be done to prevent the sex trafficking of 2 million children in our country. As Pete Seeger, now singing from his heavenly sloop would beg, "When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?" We can try to do better each day and with those we know as well as those we can join forces with online and in movements like the www.StopAbuseCampaign.com and www.barrygoldstein.net promotes. Any emergency deserves a sensible 9-1-1 response and today more than ever.!