October First: Be Safe First! Here's to Courageous Communities and the Victims of Abuse! You Are NOT To Blame and Deserve Support! See House Resolution 72 in Congress Today!

As more stories of abuse emerge in the wake of the Brett Kavanaugh hearings, we can take a month (especially since October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month) and extend the condolences and care to abuse victims everywhere, past, present and sadly future..since there likely is no stopping this malady in its tracks, but we can sure slow it down and get the number of victims to drop down, not dead or devastated.

 

There is work for everybuddy to pursue. IF someone you know (yes, including yourself) has been harmed by others intentionally or even accidentally (or anywhere in between, where it's just hard to describe or figure out) trust that millions of people, primarily other victims but also concerned women and a growing percentage of men CARE TONS ABOUT YOU!! IF you are a support person of a victim, past, present..or sadly in the future, trust that you can help them get help..and you may need support as well. These things are like a fire that may have been warming and helpful (a friendly relationship, a working or social connection or one in one's faith or neighborhood, then All of the Sudden ONE Thing can make you realize someone is not playing fairly, isn't being decent or asking for consent.

 

He (generally speaking) or she (perhaps in other abusive ways more social, verbal or difficult such as driving erratically or putting one down if not intimidating with threats, tone of voice, yelling and swearing...and name-calling, blaming and shaming...just the basic tactics to deflect from their unbalanced or aggressive stance and often to silence someone from speaking or asking questions.)

 

Maybe it's a physical gesture or a turn of events (going from grooming to violating over time or in a short amount of time.) If you know the perpetrator(s), chances are they are still in your life for years after the abuse if related, in one's social circle, at one's work place, place of worship and so on. That is a more common than most understand and 'just getting the problem and or the person to go away' is not as easy as most would think it could be especially in a modern world with internet and supposedly updated laws. Yet very few people are prosecuted and spend a day in jail or have another consequence. Some young women who were assaulted for years finally brought their case to court and a few family members got a year in jail.

 

A much larger part of the community knew of their difficult situation for years and did nothing...and did not start a GoFundMe or show other ways of support in a clear manner to them as far as I know. We'd expect the town to come to a stop and everyone to be given a safety check in small communities, or school by school in larger communities. The problem there is that most people do not have other family or friends at the ready to protect the victims long term. Then there's the corruption of the 'helping agencies' such as protective services for women and children.

 

Too often they cannot warn women of the legal abuse and battles they are likely to face. If they cannot protect their children or provide adequately (state by state that varies a lot) then their children can be removed from them or they can be forced away from their children (by their abuser often with initial orders about primary residency of the home, not based on safety for the children or the abuse victim which is generally the mother.) The conundrum that is brewing behind court room doors and in foster care or child protective services (or other so called family agencies and courts of laws) is a nightmare worthy of a camera crew for horror films.

 

It's not pretty, it's not fair or rational and it's basically abusive and a form of malpractice to continue and often become complicit with heightened abuse of threats (including contempt of court charges to force victims to comply with terms they likely are not really wanting to agree to but often get pressured due to being in court for hours, harassed in the hallways (not all that different from being bullied in high school or even grade school or college should one be among those able to find their way toward that sector of society.) The TROUBLE is Terrible and Terrifically Widespread. A Civil War is a fitting term for what happens in homes, schools, work places, communities, faith groups and of course on the roads and online.

 

We just don't Talk About It! We are magicians or under someone's spell that if we just don't Say Anything, It Will All Go Away and Let BUSINESS proceed as usual. Sadly many victims (and a fairly high percentage of aggressors) end their own lives or otherwise self-harm. However is victims self-harm it's generally out of despair. Women (and I'll add young kids) tend to 'act in' and blame themselves. They are seeking escape from harm and depression.

 

Men and teens (males mostly) will tend to Act Out if aggressors. One out of three men who in the small percentage who actually kill the woman (and sometimes other family or friends) or children or pets in their lives do so to intimidate others and show whose boss, whose in control of the everyone's very life. I have reflected that is strange in the sense that if someone is killed, the person really cannot control them anymore. For a man to then end his own life, he also forfeits controlling his own destiny further.

 

So he is seeking to have the last word or the illusion of control. To take someone's breath away (either in the extreme of choking or killing them, or with other degrees of forbidding them to talk on the phone or be with friends or socialize, or to limit what one can talk about and how) is another form of trying to control another person's being. Yet a person is more than their words. They are thoughts and dreams even when asleep, so how much sense does it make to think one can Force Another Person to Obey Them and Limit Who They Are. What most do not want to consider is that our being in terms of our mind's ability to think and know things is not based only in our physical body.

 

That's how we operate our waking bodies, yet plenty of scientists are showing that we are spiritually alive and likely travelling outside of our bodies when we are in a deep sleep...and even after we die. So there really is no such thing as 'killing someone to control their spiritual self'...it's not killable. There is a lot to consider that we don't talk about as part of our public education or religious or even legal systems.

 

That is to Consider the idea of karma and that what is happening in this life may be based on what intentionally chose to do (as far as we know.) So if one was prone to jumping off of high walls and then broke one's leg, that's a case of pushing the limits of our physical being and so on. We might have an ache in our leg for months, due to the prior injury. That is an example of a physical malady from a current lifetime. If humans have lived many prior lifetimes. the options for balancing out poor choices (unfair, unkind things we did) and even habits of using chemicals and so on, whether intentional or not, might surface for our spirits to consider more thoroughly. When people know better they do better. There is a lot more to this theory and I cover it in other posts. For now, I'll share what I shared with someone recently reported being raped more than once long ago...and sharing the decade (early 2000s) can help since hopefully we will see a decline in such tragedies..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Too often the courts and related systems contribute to the harm and struggle women and their children face. Most professionals are not using current information on Domestic Violence and have a $500 million dollar funding stream to back Father's Rights and help perpetrators get 'Batterer Intervention Programs' (whether they help or not..and they basically don't for the most part.) #Oct1stBeSafe1st See more on Battered Mothers Custody Conference (BMCC) and CivicResearchInstitute.org about Domestic Violence and Child Custody, and Representing DV Survivors. Hats off to Dr. Mo Hannah, Atty Barry Goldstein, and Lundy Bancroft and many others. Good documentaries also such as No Way Out But One..and more recently What Doesn't Kill Me

 

For more healing resources consider books by Ellen Bass and L Davis and sites such as Jenn McLean and The Reconnection (on youtube) and David Adelson. Also consider the prayer of Jesus who asked forgiveness for his transgressors (and all their cohorts intentiona or otherwise) Over decades we can heal and consider most abusers got off in life on the wrong foot and need to be addressed basically as mentally imbalanced people, whether they have an official diagnosis. More monitoring from early ages and being aware of a family system can be helpful since often domestic abuse puts youth at higher risk for drug use, suicide attempts and other maladies, including abusing others (depending on how their lives play out.)

 

Many victims become advocates and some try to head for the hills and make their own secure circles which is reasonable as well. Better boundaries and teaching more people what Those are and how to create them on many levels..staying safe and secure away from people who are prone to harming someone verbally, financially, and more directly, having support people and resources, keeping a routine for positive interactions and ways to become more secure and successful as a person not only financially are some starters. Likely everyone could reflect on what has helped them create meaning and valuable relationships and encourage others to join in as is appropriate.

 

Likely all churches, libraries, schools and communities need more basic resources such as the internet and free phone call services, rides and ways to help people connect with others in their gender and age groups (Women helping Women from early on in and life and over time. then Women helping men but in appropriate settings and sure teams of men helping other men, and as may be needed, women) to help everyone have a basic network of support and to minimize what has too often proved problematic if not initially then over time. This is only a basic set of start-up ideas. Feel free to add some thoughts in the comments.

 

Thanks for all you do to care for yourself and as is safe and appropriate, to advocate for others! It all adds up! "Every tree in the forest counts, as the Acorns to Oaks Team Outreach over a few decades has shared. See more in another post about that initiative to encourage community from early on for each family and child and to network among schools and in towns... creating community is a cool collaborative venture. All hands on deck (and don't forget to try some hand drumming too. See resources from John Marshall and others on youtube.)

 

To step off into October with a sense of team, consider donating to The CROP Walk to raise funds for hunger needs (locally and globally) which happens around the country, including in Falls Village CT at the high school (Housatonic Valley Regional HS). Better yet, join in a lap or mile. Sign up online or at the event and enjoy music by the Salisbury Band too! We've got this and it's part of a healing wave of evolution to help everybuddy be part of the solution, not just be hurt by the problems.

 

This is our collective Wake Up Call! Wear a shirt with a positive message or cause you are working on. We're catching onto the Peace Train maybe just in the nick of time. See more by Steven Greer and others speaking about the cosmos..and check out noliesradio.org for important theories about 9/11 and bigger issues that may be in store for US All!