Now How Hard Can It be to D-I-E in peace and with the support of Loved Ones following one's wishes for care? Pretty Tricky, especially if You Never Talk About It...

It seems having The Conversation Project as a first document to use (and let them reflect on and then go over it with them after they've had time to consider the questions) would be reasonable. Then working on the Five Wishes with more details about options for life sustaining care or organ donation. 

Doing a second meeting online etc to cover other concerns and personal and social issues and then a final time to plan 'funeral type' information (vigils, The Parlor info and actual documentary or another online resource).

End of Life Doulas are hoping to go over everything related to What One Would Want Done if Incapicitated about making one's health care decisions (due to an injury or even dementia or a terminal illness) before signing things like Who Will be Your Health Care Agent or Proxy. Taking time as EOLDS to help people  'reflect and review time to make sure the proxies are on board..hopefully they were given 2-4 weeks to learn about what kinds of decisions they would need info to weigh in on.) A form I got from my doctor in NYC recently said if someone did not have enough info about life sustaining measures they may not be able to make that decision even as proxy.

Checking each state's specific parameters would be important to keep updated about. Maybe letting people and families know we will do the best we can but 'there are no guarantees' about what will actually transpire as a person nears the end and dies. Most know it is important to think about whether wanting to be an organ donor and maybe reviewing and updating reasons for doing so annually around one's birthdate or at the first of the year from age 16 on. All it takes to Change one's mind is writing something down and having two witnesses sign it (not one's healthcare proxy or an ex-spouse.)

Always check with your state's requirements. Having the papers accessible (on or near the fridge or a note indicating where they are and a copy with one's doctor or in one's travel bag makes sense too. The information needs to be clearly conveyed and witnessed and it needs to be accessible. Any kind of DNR, Do Not Resuscitate may need verification from one's doctor and need to be updated. In addition if emergency services are called they may need to use extreme measures to keep one alive even if one has a DNR. These are the tricky details.. but the one's that could mean a natural  death process or less than optimal passage.

Considering that a person may have 'their own reasons' for making a choice or not wanting people around them would also be worth preparing people for so people do not feel guilty if they step away or are not there 'in time' or with much time, or not even after a person passes and they had said they would be.

Having some back ups with EOLDs and others who could serve in that intermediary role likely would be helpful. Having some offers for 'flowers, gentle music, opening a window, sitting bedside and quietly reading some verses (silently in one's mind for instance is what the Rudolf Steiner folks believes can be helpful for a spirit to transition.' 

Some traditions hold that how one exits may assist with the next leg of one's journey and even one's reincarnation..so if there's something to that or one wants to consider that Just In Case, having a few people assist on this mortal end to facilitate such a transition would be a very helpful. That's where many in a Steiner or 'Christian community' linked with Steiner will do such 'thresh hold work'. The book Living Into Dying covers this idea in more detail.