To a Mom out there in the world who is Grieving the Passing of her daughter
Hello Alice (not her real name but a real person) and anyone else who can relate or who wants to be 'better prepared' for such issues that are covering the news but with little time to reflect on what it means to a person (and that can vary widely based on spiritual and personal beliefs and one's social supports, life circumstances and much more...)
Pulling through is a prayer, path and process not clear to map out or know what will work, but trusting that people can and will assist one is important. I heard from this Mom through online groups so wrote to her and thought I'd share the message in hopes it can help others as well. Pray for this Mom too to help ease her heart and give her hope and a stronger sense of connection with her daughter in spirit and the meaning of her life going forward.
Pulling through is a prayer, path and process not clear to map out or know what will work, but trusting that people can and will assist one is important. I heard from this Mom through online groups so wrote to her and thought I'd share the message in hopes it can help others as well. Pray for this Mom too to help ease her heart and give her hope and a stronger sense of connection with her daughter in spirit and the meaning of her life going forward.
I saw your post on the Grief group and wanted to say I am so sorry for what you are going through and the passing of your lovely daughter, Lily (not her real name but a fairly recent loss at about age 10.)
I do know that kind of loss, with the passing of our teen son Kaelan under strange circumstances. I have found I benefited from knowing others had also gone through this kind of 'Please, God, NO!' kind of experience. With sharing that is an important piece.
Getting support on many levels such as working with a good counselor (and alternative healers, mediums and more can bring a bigger sense of hope that her spirit is okay...and maybe we are all ageless in terms of spirit...) Kaelan's Memorial Service is on youtube.com. Everyone can watch that service that included hundreds of people gathering at his grade school and reflecting on the gifts of life with some photos and letters including from his family and teacher, and the rescue person speaking as well.
Folk music from people close to the family of the now late Sandy and Caroline Paton who founded Folk-Legacy Records, Inc (which is now part of the Smithsonian) encouraged a community feeling and celebration of the things Kaelan loved for the people who knew him and those who were welcome to attend the event about a month after he passed.
His grandfather Sandy who had been ill for some time passed 10 days after that gathering so it was a beautiful way help him see his friends as it turned out. I feelt that was the kind of message that every life has a beginning and ending mortal life date but the bigger living and meaning is not limited. The meaning of the connections and feelings make life what it is and can continue to enrich life even if there are challenges to address.
Getting support on many levels such as working with a good counselor (and alternative healers, mediums and more can bring a bigger sense of hope that her spirit is okay...and maybe we are all ageless in terms of spirit...) Kaelan's Memorial Service is on youtube.com. Everyone can watch that service that included hundreds of people gathering at his grade school and reflecting on the gifts of life with some photos and letters including from his family and teacher, and the rescue person speaking as well.
Folk music from people close to the family of the now late Sandy and Caroline Paton who founded Folk-Legacy Records, Inc (which is now part of the Smithsonian) encouraged a community feeling and celebration of the things Kaelan loved for the people who knew him and those who were welcome to attend the event about a month after he passed.
His grandfather Sandy who had been ill for some time passed 10 days after that gathering so it was a beautiful way help him see his friends as it turned out. I feelt that was the kind of message that every life has a beginning and ending mortal life date but the bigger living and meaning is not limited. The meaning of the connections and feelings make life what it is and can continue to enrich life even if there are challenges to address.
As sad as his passing was (and is felt still by much of the community who were involved with rescue and recovery efforts, and knowing a group of unsupervised youths went to see a fast flowing river and even had permission from some to 'jump in and swim if they found a safe place, even though the entire river was very high and fast, except for one little area near and edge..and yes, they 'went for it.'
That was not in keeping with terms I had set with at least one responsible parent before that on two separate calls and another one years before to 'speak up if she saw anyone's child or a person in danger' since we have volunteer rescue people and small communities like much of the world. That's a big part of what I try to promote people paying attention to and improving for safety, care and supervising with voluntary agreements and clear guidelines.
If you like, seee more things on youtube by Marc Anthony and a book by Bill Phillips (two of the people I've heard from about my son in small groups.)
Also Patti Sinclair, Kimberly Meredith (has a radio show and online zoom calls for a donation sometimes, Thomas John and others offer coaching to develop your intuitive gifts.) Your whole life is different now and not only in challenging ways, although that is hard do consider. But allowing the Possibilities is part of the healing and can usher in more dreams and 'synchronicities' or God Winks as one friend calls them.
That was all new to me in ways yet I had gone to church my whole life and had a lot of training about hardship so this was a final exam. I have always found it helpful to keep in touch with the children in my life (many who are now adults) and in our community.
That was all new to me in ways yet I had gone to church my whole life and had a lot of training about hardship so this was a final exam. I have always found it helpful to keep in touch with the children in my life (many who are now adults) and in our community.
That journey also including meeting other parents, youth and others who have faced struggles and losses, including Protective Moms who were grappling with horrors...so now I'm nearing 60 and see a bit better 'what it all meant' and how I tried to stay positive in the midst of many challenges.
The area of people aging with extra challenges and anyone who is ill has helped my heart grow in compassion. It's amazing what people are pulling through even before the shift of COVID19, but now 'it's everyone in a similar challenge' to make sense of the bigger world...much like what happens after someone dies and the whole world seems turned upside down.
That's something we all have to find ways to cope with and prepare for likely with local networks, online groups and a few key people to help a person connect with services (and even have medical support and mental health support. Those are reasonable needs, and often in short supply.) Too often a caregiver or someone with depression may neglect their own health to help others, or not have someone checking in on what can be done to ease one part of their day or a project. A friendly phone call service can move mountains.
Most in the USA have a free phone support through 211 or in NYC, 311.And online there's 211.org or Infoline. Thnaks for thinking of ways you can get help and not refuse help if feeling really down or that no one cares. We do care and everybody deserves support!
The area of people aging with extra challenges and anyone who is ill has helped my heart grow in compassion. It's amazing what people are pulling through even before the shift of COVID19, but now 'it's everyone in a similar challenge' to make sense of the bigger world...much like what happens after someone dies and the whole world seems turned upside down.
That's something we all have to find ways to cope with and prepare for likely with local networks, online groups and a few key people to help a person connect with services (and even have medical support and mental health support. Those are reasonable needs, and often in short supply.) Too often a caregiver or someone with depression may neglect their own health to help others, or not have someone checking in on what can be done to ease one part of their day or a project. A friendly phone call service can move mountains.
Most in the USA have a free phone support through 211 or in NYC, 311.And online there's 211.org or Infoline. Thnaks for thinking of ways you can get help and not refuse help if feeling really down or that no one cares. We do care and everybody deserves support!
Those kinds of issues should be in the headlines to educate the world and maybe in modern times that will be more the case. Preparing people for such difficulties could be another effort as well as helping anyone cope with someone's passing or other challenges.
I have a blog Livfully.org (and the piece Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton speaks to the day I learned my son drowned trying to save his friends...who were saved, two by him and another by a rescuer with a rope from on high.)
That was 11 years ago, so your Lily was only 2...I had not been on FB until after my son died, so learned that people were thinking of things. I do know a young child who had an aneurysm even though I didn't realize a young child could have that (a boy who was 9.)
Even though they witnessed his decline in school they couldn't revive him. Another boy who I had known at age 4 died at about that age when he was a passenger in a car accident...
They had a wake about an hour from where I live. Even though I didn't see my son's body again (though he was found a week later and was cremated) I thought of the experience I had of seeing my friend's son in his coffin, with letters from his friends and flowers placed with him and as we saw his coffin buried. It's a lot of life weaving itself in and out of hearts and understanding...and realizing what a gift it was to be a mother (since as you know many cannot have a child or even adopt or get that time to raise a child as a parent.)
Hopefully the other children in your life can help you keep track of how life would go...and you can celebrate in your mind what she'd be doing, even the next school or down the road a college or career she would have pursued, and maybe donate or work with something along those lines. Okay just know I'm thinking of you and we could zoom call maybe..I'm near NY in the US. Big Hugs, Catherine Palmer Paton
