"Love Will Never Fail Us"-- from a song shared by Caroline Paton (1932-2019) at her grandson Kaelan's Memorial Service (2009)

 This link  https://youtu.be/qWhvqm8sI8s is to the first part of the memorial service on youtube.com for Kaelan (Alexander Palmer) Paton. I will share more in a bit about Kaelan and the last part of his wonderful life as a country kid with many skills and nice highly adventurous friends in the northwest rural hills of CT. Much was covered in The Lakeville Journal of CT as well.

 In this first part of his service, his paternal grandmother Caroline (Swenson) Paton sings a moving song about the power of love. She lived most of another decade in good health. The kinds of issues we learned about include arthritis in the knees can affected mobility.

I have seen there are some places which can use ultrasound to have a better chance of getting the fluid shots into the joints more effectively, so check with a few professionals. 

While learning a lot from Medical Mondays along the way on WNPR.org, other medical concerns to watch for include low sodium levels and the following... again sharing to help others be more alert to various conditions and ways to be aware of the team effort needed to help anyone with these kinds of issues. I realize I am blending topics for personal health and care along with the more dramatic situation of someone passing or even larger ongoing concerns of shoring up support and systems to keep people safe...but life is a bit of a complex puzzle even if we don't try to map it out..even moreso in that case! Feel free to read a bit at a time or come back to this when it may pertain more. Each person needs to do what they can to maintain balance and notes of helpful people and places in their journey.

Unfortunately even though going to the doctor at times, the symptoms of confusion and fatigue can be missed.

A person watching their salt due to high blood pressure may not take enough in apparently.  An advocate whether family or a friend if not the doctor, may be needed to monitor with another doctor or the hospital to test someone even if they feel they want to weather symptoms and recoup by resting.

Caroline had a serious low sodium episode in June of 2017.  So her added time was really a bonus we can all appreciate. In a sense she was teaching us right through the end both with her interest in health and her grace to handle changes of moving and having help with finances, managing affairs and facing the end of her earthly days.  

Even when going to a doctor, dental needs may not be apparerent. Ideally a doctor would want to have a report from a dentist if there is a chance appointments are being missed. A gum infection can develop and make it difficult for a person to chew since that would cause pain.

If the person is not wanting to make waves or cannot explain that, the condtion can worsen. Teeth may need to be pulled out (unless an herbalist can recommend something and the person would take the drinks regularly but again consult with recognized professionals.)

The antibiotics often needed for serious dental work (ideally before but possibly starting right after if there is a crisis) may result in digestive concerns. C Diff is a condition worth learning about in advance and understanding precautions needed to prevent that from spreading to others in contact with the person with that condition that affects digestion. That kind of syndrome can cause an overall decline so again, more people learning about such problems makes sense, much like more online programs offer as well such as WebMD.

Caroline passed on March 18th, 2019 after good care the prior year first with family then in a caring nursing home.  Her husband Sandy had died only 40 days after Kaelan which was ten days after the Memorial Service which his many friends attended. The service was about a month after Kaelan passed which gave our family and the community time to process what occurred on the last day of the school year. In general a time of transition when schedules change and new opportunities emerge can be a time when 'kids get lost in the shuffle' and go out on a limb to find new ways to enjoy their freedom or find 'loop holes' in which adults are overseeing their ventures.

During this March 2020 COVID19 Time of finding a new normal, there is Every Reason to Closely Monitor Youth, Teens and Young Adults (who likely will be spending more time with teens). Making certain clear guidelines are in place for 'Do's and Don'ts about socializing for safety and health, going places (near or farther away, road trips, camping and so on) and doing any kind of risky outing (on new terrain, near water or in high places etc, alone or in groups without support and so on.)

Everyone could practice checking in with someone to let them know where they are, what their plans are and when they will be back or of any concerns socially, activity or health wise, even financially to not run out of money, gas, transportation options, or other essentials. Now back to this post about Kaelan and lessons to consider and community to appreciate to spur our best efforts born out of appreciation, love and wanting the best for one another as our shared journeys continue.

Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton was born to me, Catherine Palmer Paton, and his father, my former husband, David Alexander Paton, on January 6th, 1993 at home in Sharon CT, a second child of the four in total we'd have together with his sisters all feeling close to him in their own ways, whether older or younger. After a short time we lived at a nature center and enjoyed living in the small towns in terms of having our families close by, nice faith groups we were part of regularly, camps and programs at school including music and sports.

Kaelan had many interests and talents, from Pokemon and Magic cards, to playing outdoors and reading Harry Potter and other stories with magical or more dramatic themes(I'd love to compile a list even a decade later.) I have notes and ideas I plan to put together..but like many know, these things can take a while. I have summarized more about the events of that day and other issues that seem to relate in terms of 'danger lurking just below the surface or without enough clarification' on a post called Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton.

Kaelan passed on June 16th,  2009 (although his official date of death is not listed until when his body was recovered a week later, on June 23rd, 2009, very close to the date that Michael Jackson died as it turned out. One psychic shared that Kaelan told her that he would be found that day and that Michael was 'coming over soon'.

The psychic told me that 'by chance' a few months later when we met at a gathering for a few moms who had children in spirit as I came to learn of that term. But I'm getting ahead of myself and much of that is on the other posts (of which many refer to Kaelan as memories occur and as I feel the experience adds insight to other concerns...and trust me, there are Many!

 So Kaelan had been at the river, not far from his maternal grandparent's home in Falls Village  where I was actually staying that day, maybe a mile away when these final events happened. Kaelan and his friends had left school on their bicycles as they had done a time or two before since the schedules were changing that last week of school. That is a key point to take note of since there were no clear guidelines of informing both parents that was the case or an option to monitor closely. 

I had actually informed people in charge at the school of my concern that my children be closely monitored due to other pressing matters which had been keeping me from seeing them regularly for years, hardly at all actually. That is another huge sign for more schools or communities to want to care about...Who Is Watching Which Children Regularly and Where are the Parents, especially the mothers, in terms of wanting or having access to them. If that is not on the list, especially when there are changes in routines and 'children are in flux' that should be put at the Top of the Priority List.

I can direct people to more on this simply by sharing the innovative, proactive website run by David Mandel called Safe & Together Institute which informs communities around the world, that often women and their children are being caught in vicious cycles of being 'kept apart and socially distanced' not of their own choosing but due to an abusive person and many parts of the system not understanding the power plays that can happen over time or even emerge rather unexpectedly. Women are held to a higher standard to create connection and maintain many standards of care typically, and often with little or no support. That is why he had created meaningful educational and intervention programs.

The people at CA Protective Parents Assoociation and bmcc.org have compiled information and speakers for years to educate America and even shed light on problems in other countries as well. The idea that COVID19 is affecting the world could shed light on how Abuse of Women and Children (and yes some Men as well) has been devastating lives for eons.

That is a systemic problem larging stemming from 'men owning women and children as property' for centuries. Now people are seeing the need for women and children to be respected and for everyone to take more time to think about how things work and play out on this planet, even with corporations having the lion's share of  decision-making and more people dependent if not owned by systems.

The dynamics that have informed abuse victims and their advocates could help more people gain insight into other forms of tyranny and oppression. Human rights abuses are something to learn about 'from scratch' then use to reframe society to prevent violations and tragedies rather than seek justice after crimes are committed.

The outreach of Kayden's Korner is one of many started in the aftermath of a series of broken system factors claiming a child's life. There are many such cases, though some without the clear warnings of violation, such as what occurred in Sheffield MA  in March 2019 with a biological father ending the lives of his legal wife and their children with little indication there was such a lethal threat.

 I will review a bit more about our son's passing, and again hope everyone from that time or in similar situations finds support to heal and help others on some level to prevent harm or recover from loss, change and transitions that seem beyond the norm. Unfortunately with this COVID19 the definition of 'normal' may likely be forever changed to one that involves comprehending much more loss and challenge than we have previously understood.

This kind of prediliction that major trouble is brewing is something people were hearing about 'climate change'  yet likely this fairly comprehensible drill of social distancing and paying attention to having supplies and living with greater awareness due to COVID19 and even greater awareness of flu will help inform people for decades to come.

We need more support to comprehend and cope with the monsters in our midst whether in the form of abusive policies and neglect (too few medical people or little advocacy for planning one's family with support for survivial and early access to birth control pills or condoms and many basic health efforts such as providing clean drinking water and teaching what to do for diarrhea (giving water versus withholding it which is unfortunately folk wisdom followed and resulting in many unnecessary deaths of children and others in poor countries.) Everything is on a continuum and we are all part of the garden and equation of balance...one way or the other. Let's make our time and words count for the greater good and likelihood of maintaining decency and fairplay in our daily dealings and overall collective efforts.

With Kaelan he was  enjoying the adventure of being out of school and biking around a small town a mile from the high school with about a dozen friends (maybe more.) The reports of that day were basically few and far between, yet if would still be helpful to create guidelines to have youth and parents interviewed for a comprehensive consideration of a fatality not unlike one that happens at a workplace. Without the appropriate measures in place, possibly a lawsuit with depositiions (thorough interviews and evidence of calendars and communications about plans, phone calls and permissions from adults etc) then the investigation of what factored into the danger and difficulty cannot be processed through meaningful channels. If a lawsuit had been started likely important information would have come to light, not the least of whcih would be understanding who was there and under whose 'say-so'.

That could inform a new national if not worldwide Voluntary standard until the legal mandates would be put in place. That alone could help more people Think Twice about letting their minors, who they are legally and finanically responsible for (and perhaps could be sued on behalf of if found legally criminal or even through a civil tort law case responsible for.)

The kinds of advocacy I have quietly but steadfastly promoting is akin to this kind of 'common sense social distancing to prevent far more harm' as is being done with COVID19 or flu in general which can also be very taxing if not deadly to high number of people. This kind of discussion is not easy to begin or carry on, but I have largely done so and have met other steadfast advocates. Likely there could be courses in how to being to wrangle this kind of wild horse of a situation as though training i for a rodeo.

I will write more in the fugure..but I was recounting that Kaelan passed after jumping twice from a height of at eleast 30 feet into a  ratehr calm part of the river that was right next to a horrendously dangerous part of the falls that was actually creating undertows and impacting the area he was swimming in. He pulled two of his friends who had been caught in those currents out safely while he was still on land.

That is where I draw the message to 'Lend a Hand While Still On Land.' God bless him for being there at the right time and being able to extend a hand even though a stick or his shorts would have been safer since someone could have pulled him in by mistake or out of fear. He could have lost his balance or slipped as well, so again there were likely angelic helpers in their midst.

One young man later told his mom he saw 'tall water beings walking amidst the falls.' Another friend shared that she saw Kaelan's form in a spray of water that was 7 miles south of where he passed by the covered bridge in West Cornwall, which is where his body was recovered by another crew of valiant helpers who got word from a train conductor's change spotting of his body floating down river in the early morning of Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009. 

His body went was cremated on Thursday, June 25th, 2009 with some items we sent along such as a set of clothes even though he still had his shorts on, herbs from our garden at the nature center and book signed by us about Geronimo. These small touches helped us have 'something to do' after talking over options with a caring friend who was involved with the recovery as well as funeral plans.

A  headstone was donated and many donations helped cover some basic needs. Many meals were shared with our family, even though we were living apart, an added challenge that more outreaches and every family or group could help plan for to see that each family member is extended support, both adults and children.

Kaelan had signalled 9-1-1 with his hands  to get his friends the message about the thundering falls that help was needed. He had met a few police over the prior few years who had said he should never hesitate to call for help so that is another importanthelping save his friends from peril by a waterfall in CT, is one that drew a crowd of hundreds of family, friends and caring people wanting to show support.

The gathering was held at his grade school, Sharon Center School, where his siblings and father had gone. Kaelan had completed his first year at Housatonic Valley Regional High School, where his parents had both gone (his mom only for a year before attending public school also in New Haven and Fairfield CT before going on to Vassar. His father David Paton did a year at Brown and then pursued music and whitewater boating, competing for a place on the Olympic team in the early 1990s.)

With many world class whitewater boaters training at the a section of the river between the Falls in Falls Village (and Salisbury) CT and the high school, Kaelan had ties to the river and boating mainly through his father and friends. Kaelan had learned to do an eskimo roll and boat fairly difficult water yet was told at least by me, his Mom that he should take water rescue training, and be clear about precautions that were not only recommended but could be life-saving.

He had agreed to take that kind of training and parents had also agreed to have appropriate supervision for the youth at my clear request of having at least two adults supervise appropriate outings for boating or going to the river. Since the time of year was early summer in 2019 and school hadn't quite let out, I didn't think there would be time spent at the river. How could I forget that some students traditionally did 'go to the falls' exactly because school was letting out? That had been going on since before I had gone to high school and even after someone else had gotten badly hurt from hitting silt that had built up.

But these are things that often were done 'back in the day. The point I am exploring now is how to get more youth and other adventuresome types to consider the implications of endangering others, including costing someone their life to rescue them and putting many rescue people, volunteers, friends or trained paid professionals at risk unnecessarily. Let's keep these kinds of reality checks going and learn from others even without sharing the names and particularl details.

Often our human minds want to pin something on a certain person's missteps or find ways to 'blame the victims' (and I know many view me as much of a victim as our son...and don't think I am 'moving on.' ) I have had serious hurt feelings and times of questioning things, many of which I explore on this blog here...but I feel we haven't yet begun to 'face the music as a caring community' about many kinds of situations even when they have flooded news headlines locally and in wider circles

. So again, hope people can hear that I am doing this kind of work and advocacy for US All..and with hopes that everyone would want to 'make amends and stay friends' in their heart even if social distancing has been helpful and largely necessary at times for people in various walks of life. One need not go far with conflict to have 'protective and restraining orders' as well as 'custody orders and divorce orders' spell out who can see whom and under what circumstanceds.

The big takeaway from the custody laws is that while only people in legal matters have to spell those out, likely soon it will pretty much be Everybody Needing a Clear Custody Plan for All of their Minor Children Voluntarily if not on the books.

That would actually make more sense now that schools are closed. There could be a host of 'better screenings' to ensure the safety of all people in a household and we shouldn't wait for other crimes or kinds of harm to make the headlines or light up the abuse call centers. Women's shelters may not be the best place for people to have to isolate due to the numbers of people, so again women can be found having fewer options which are quite minimal to start with. Not to be alarmist, but this is basically a likely problem no one is talking about, so why not raise the What IF questions and plan in advance accordingly.

I did see some beaches are still open in Florida, likely due to needing to use the food up that was bought for spring break. Maybe everyone could have been sent home with a care package. More people thinking out loud about practical matters and a few what if's can take the 'shock effect' down a few notches when dealing with any number of realities and new scenarios...

Let's all try to stay fit, healthy and charged up with good intentions and phones and computers to journey 'calmly and collectively' in to these unchartered waters. Whose on your team and in your corner for dealing with any challenges (past, present and mainly future with a sense of being a step ahead of the game...) Thanks for doing your part and being a team player on planet heart!