Lighting a Candle of Love for those Above with Warm Thoughts and Songs (with Choruses)

Our wonderful last leg  (as in 3-legged stool or hike) of the Folk-Legacy Records, Inc tri-founders, Caroline Paton, passed away in the early morning hours of Monday, March 18th, 2019 in a comfortable place she had lived for many months in her community, not far from where she, her late husband Sandy (Charles Alexander) Paton and their late fellow founder Lee Haggerty had run their recording studio and mail order company for over fifty years  (that's a  whole lot of singin' and packin'  to distributors and individuals) in Sharon CT.

After a full life of adventures beginning the mid-West as the eldest of four talented siblings, Caroline's journey included travels to Europe and college at Oberlin in OH and University of CA at Berkeley. By her mid-twenties, she was settling down with Sandy Paton first in Vermont, then  in Sharon Connecticut to rear their two talented sons. Both had skills in soccer at the local high school and  in canoeing and music as adults. Dave went on to compete for a place on the Olympic team in Whitewater Canoeing in the 1980s, largely with the helpful course hosted by the late Olympic winner Jamie McEwan in Falls Village CT. Both David and Robin carried on with music interests and enjoyed times with Sandy and Caroline with their families.

 With family and friends helping Caroline Paton during her decline in mobility in her mid-80s due to arthritis (and low sodium levels at time), she showed unending grace and fortitude in accepting help and managing her routines. She continued to celebrate with lifelong friends and new fans the magic of folk music and the fellowship it engendered. 

Sandy and Caroline performed and recorded many albums of folk musicians under the Folk-Legacy Records, Inc label. While the collection will still be available through the Smithsonian which dedicated supporters helped arrange. Meanwhile there is much to enjoy on youtube of The Patons as well as over a hundred recording artists, such as Gordon Bok, Ed Trickett and Anne Mayo Muir. There are important liner notes about the artists, the songs and insights by Sandy Paton that make for a great read as well. 

Thank you once again to all who have shown support for Caroline in recent years as well as the Palmer and Paton families over the years during times of challenge such as the loss of our teen son Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton almost a decade ago on June 16th, 2009. There is online coverage about his heroic passing at age 16 after his first year at the local Housatonic Valley Regional High School. The loss was a shock to our community in the MA/NY CT tri-corner area where the small population and longterm ties make for caring communities and many people who know each other more than one might imagine at first glance.

 As his mother, I, Catherine Palmer Paton from a large family in the town of  Falls Village CT (and Salisbury CT as a tot)  and his father David  Alexander Paton, our connections to the area through our families, schools, church, and parenting for a decade and a half were well-established, even through hard times...so I had always thought " What could go wrong in one's hometown? I hadn't been thinking as much about the river during 'off seasons' before school let out, but apparently as soon as the water was approachable our teen son was venturing in that area, generally with his Dad overseeing his basic training in kayaking. I had asked that they make sure he take a rescue training program, but Kaelan hadn't gotten around to that. Maybe now we could set a standard similar to 'having a license before driving' and an agreed upon set of standards for any dangerous activity that all adults And youth would agree to in advance. Likely many parents and grandparents could voice if not write down their objections (yes, including not permitting youth under 18 to do very dangerous or risky things to avoid liability and even to realize they may not be able to exercise sound judgment.) These are the tough but true realities we likely need to promote voluntarily to help keep more youth 'in the game to reach their 19th birthdays.' By Then, they would supposedly have more of an ability to comprehend the guidelines in place for themselves as well as for the adults and responder volunteer or paid people who may need to come to their rescue (if it's not putting their own lives at too great of a risk.) Well this serious consideration is the kind that echoes 'sound political policy' which many, including the Patons put decades of energy into to see people treated respectfully and with as much support as possible through the Democratic party's ideals.

With so many years of adventures and good times, I had assumed where else would be safer to rear kids, especially with both sets of grandparents and a big family (on my side) and lots of friends ( on both sides)? Well, as our families and about a dozen other families realized with a plan to have fun gone awry (and against my expressed concerns to many, but forgone by many adults and the youth with the notion of having fun doing something dangerous on the last day of school as a treat) a tragic set of events unfolded within a short time of getting out of  the local high school about a mile from a dangerous fast-flowing river (which had a deceptively 'safe looking spot' with some slow water to jump in.) 

I go over these points since it takes a while (weeks, months and years to piece together such information and insights and to promote advocacy to prevent other types of missteps in communication and follow-through with agreements...some might call them the fancy legal term a Memorandum of Understanding MOU which is often used in a custody plan that is filed with a court for various reasons.) I explore those aspects and many others in other posts such as Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton.

But that day in June 2009, many families and their friends, the dozen or so youth  as well as volunteer rescue workers,friends faced a most difficult challenge when three teen boys got caught in a current. Kaelan was able to rescue  two of them while still on shore. Yet then  Kaelan  went into treacherous waters and drowned during an attempt to rescue a third teen friend from Housatonic River in the northwest corner of CT. We are grateful a courageous skilled rope rescue was achieved by a single player who got word of the emergency and was able to secure the teen in dire trouble.

Skip Kosciusko was able to get back up to safety with the youth in good health overall. The memorial service that was held for Kaelan a month later included many singers paying tribute to the bravery and skill Kaelan exercised in saving his friends and likely buying his third friend important moments. An uplifting service was held at Sharon Center School where Kaelan had graduated from eighth grade as had other family, including his dad David.

A video in short segments of the service is on youtube and can bringing healing and hope to many in various types of challenges.  Kaelan's grandmother Caroline (Swenson) Paton sang a moving song early on.  Kaelan's grandfather Sandy Paton was touched by the outpouring of support and time to visit with so many friends. Yet Sandy Paton was declining in his health and passed forty days later. 

Another gathering to appreciate his life and works was held in Falls Village CT at Music Mountain, where classical music concerts are recorded (as it happens by David Paton for over a decade) and aired online for years. Kaelan's maternal grandparents, Dale and Mary Palmer Srs of Falls Villlage CT had predeceased him in  2007 and 2004, as had other relatives and friends.

I like to consider the theory that contends 'they really are all together in heaven.'  As one of the folk songs that was shared, we will see each other 'on the Other Great Shore.' Some say we really don't have to wait until then and can intuit or be helped by loved ones on the other side as well as other guides. I realize that was not the beliefs of many, but considering the What IF idea can be one more people could take a moment to reflect upon, particularly as with new insights with quantum science more connections and energy seem to undergird what we call 'reality.'

During any time of challenge or a transition from this world to the next (yes, what we call death), the initial support and growing interest in how to learn from difficulties and even mourn together with a sense of appreciation for the lives lived in fellowship is healing and can ripple out to many others in a community and wider circle of people. The first few days after a person's passing can be a special time to help them transition spiritually some traditions hold.

Thinking kindly of the person, reading gently silently, and exploring ways to honor the person's mortal body and social connections can be helpful to the spirit as well some say...and it certainly seems to help the people in their lives to feel held and supported.

There is more to reflect on and having 'down time' to allow for healing and reflection is key. I hope by sharing this at this time, only the day after her passing, more peopel can appreciate her life and help her as she joins the heavenly chorus...with others greeting her from the other side as well...and lots more love from above and here below. We have also have had other widely shared losses in our MA/NY CT community which connects the hearts of locals.

One was of a young woman Samya Stumo of Sheffield MA, the great niece of Ralph Nader who worked for a non-profit Think Well. She was one of the 157 who died on the Ethiopian flight on March 10th, 2019. With a real heart for helping people and the skills to follow through to make incredible strides in that area, she has touched the hearts of millions with that international news.

As difficult as it is, with Lebanese ties from my family and hers, I'd like to think my Mom and even Kaelan as part of our old homeschooling networks and Samya's own relatives would be helping others from their new realm. We certainly are feeling the wonder of what lies beyond and how we all share the stage of life, whether from our hometown or school connections to those other kinds of heartfelt convictions and shared endeavors.

Together we are the 'children of the earth' seeking to 'dwell in peace'. Let's go with that sentiment no matter how someoene transitions and seek to find meaningful ways to appreciate our gifts of life from our legacies to our current vitality and possibilities to heal and grow as a family of friends. I do know Samya's Mom from yet another friend whose father was in international politics and whose mom was an Olympic level swimmer. Let's think of the many rising up today who inspire us to let go of hurts and heal with wisdom and better practices, whether grounding planes or taking breaks from hurtful interactions or people or places...and finding better supports to craft clear safety plans and strategies for creating wider circles of peace and stability in our hearts and on the earth.

Thanks for taking time to light a candle in your heart, dreams, throughts, and songs that you feel, hear or share...and ask someone to give a listen or join in on the chorus...A river of kindness and creativity flows among us and can help us remember to head lovingly and gracefully  when the time comes for any of us to head to the Other Great Shore....