Keep an Eye on the Care and Love Most Humans Seek and Share Over A Lifetime...

I recently saw the video (and there's a transcript on the Insider site too) called Sexologists Debunk 17 Common Myths about Sex and also some posts about sexuality on Huffington Post. So I thought I'd share a few ideas from over the decades to give more folks a sense of the outreach from long ago..and how difficult it can be to remind ourselves and youth and others in general that 'our bodies are our own' and we have a right to know ourselves and trust our feelings especially in terms of feeling safe, cared for, respected and appreciated..and in consensual interactions of all kinds.

Having warm caring people in our lives is a good foundation for childhood, teen years and on through adult years. That hopefully means people we can hug and be close too as is appropriate for us as family, friends and in a closer relationship. We all likely realize with the pandemic that a hug or handshake is not a given..so it's worth rethinking a lot of things. Even talking with people in a friendly way when interacting in public is not a given.

Many people want or need a great deal of control over who they say hello to, who they allow to be around them or their children even in a safe public setting and so on. There are safe church policies so a lot of other programs with youth or the public in general may adopt terms such as 'no private meetings' behind closed doors, having children and youth not be held without specific permission (such as by a caregiver or with clear guidelines even among family, friends, and during times of games and social interactions etc.) In the world of folk and contra dancing, the name of the game is to 'dance with everyone on the dance floor' with the appropriate moves.

But even there people can say 'I don't want to be held closely or spin too fast etc.) Many dance and acting classes explore the power and messaging of sharing space, posture of how one is standing, relating to others even when walking by with making eye contact or not, gestures and simple conversation. In life we are doing these things 'without thinking' but with social and legal guidelines that is becoming highly orchestrated as well whether in a work place, a public place like a hospital or library, in schools or sports and more.

There are some people and places who can be limited to where and with whom they can interact as a matter of a company or local policy yet the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) tries to make sure those are legal sanctions and that there is a clear policy in place everyone would know about in advance or understand why it is in place (and that it is legal.)

Hopefully more people would wear a friendly name tag with a nick name or just call me Ms. or Mr... or a fake name etc and a red dot to say 'I don't want to talk or interact too close so 3 feet distance please...", a yellow light for I say hello and small talk for a minute or two. And a green light for 'ask me more if you want to talk and I'll let you know as we go along..but likely in the 5-10 min range on medium topics only if I know you...' Everyone can agree to be able to say I need to put my red stop light on for now, thanks for understanding. People could also wear a cap or hat with these kinds of red/ yellow/ or green buttons pinned on them (or maybe with a sticker).

Another bit of info can be on a nametag if someone is having a time of quiet or sadness (maybe with a blue sticker) that they would like people to respect (and again with the red-yellow-or green light but not to ask too much unless one shares that...) Ideally there would be a community team of caring people anyone could message for support or make an appointment to alert to a concern of any kind without having to go to official social service channels or the police.

Mediation and concern committees could likely tune in early and often to problems that may result in rumors and difficulty for years and fracture social networks that would otherwise be beneficial to many. With some serious challenges such as drug use and abuse of many kinds as well as people with high needs or desire for privacy, there are many factors to consider and help a community plan for accordingly. Martin Luther King Jr speaks of the Beloved Community...and not having a 'negative peace' in terms of people not interacting and allowing conflict to create ever more distance.

All of that can breed hostility and potential violence and hurt feelings and broken relationships. More people can feel cast out or having to walk on eggshells so exploring the ways these things happen and not just taking them as givens can be a shared endeavor. Hopefully more networks can achieve a sense of team even if particular people or topics have to be tabled in many circles.

There's a simple video called Critter Jitters made about 35 years ago, created by the late KarenKisslinger.com. With a few kids and a movement teacher they acted out the kinds of interactions animals who like each other or are getting along nicely have 'good, safe feeling touch and interactions' such as two cats or two dogs playfully chasing about or giving each other shared space to move or be near each other. 

With all due respect to the women who birthed all on the planet and the men who were good fathers along the way as well, I'll be talking about the human body with all the body parts and emotional and other aspects to being a person and in a relationship or interacting with others...and so thanks for being here and to the parents...and to all who are here whether having children or not or caring for others regularly or not...

Hopefully we can share the wisdom that keeps life flowing in a safer, happier direction for all over the generations. I did make a chart with terms of all body parts and such which I'll share on Livfully.org soon if I haven't yet..so this is a reminder for me to do so. I'd love help with getting ideas like this off the ground too.

So this post may be more than some are comfortable reading..so maybe have someone else preview if a younger person...although it'd likely be older folks, 45 and up who may be uncomfortable thinking about this kind of stuff!

Then there were exercises where something didn't feel right or was disturbing for one or both...and that was the feeling of having 'critter jitters'...a scared or worried feeling, something that bothered or hurt someone. If animals were in that mode there might be hissing, scratching, chasing or fighting, or someone curled up in fear. 

There were little songs and hand clap games to help the kids who were sharing the ideas for others to learn to know that their bodies were their own, that they had a right to feel safe both day and night, that they could get away or move away and not need to be touched 'that way' (anyway that they felt was weird or bothered them, no matter who, what, where, when or why.) 

The naming of body parts like 'head, shoulders, knees and toes' were shared  for the 'private parts' but with names that were accurate such as penis, vagina (and I'll add anus and vulva and labia, testicles...as the kind of terms that group of kids likely heard from their parents and other sessions in the class so they were not foreign terms and could have a way to say things 'so everyone knows what we are talking about' rather than other terms..some of which can be googled...but may include pussy (see the book by Mama Gena on that one... and talks on youtube and the movement...about reclaiming feminine power and yes, sexuality..Although the book Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin shared that term as a key part of tuning into delivering babies. Even if not having a homebirth, that can be a great book to help couples and women thinking of having a new human (child/baby) or actually pregnant tune into the magical herstory of giving birth in a caring community...and borrow that love over the ages to find one's tribe and know the world is welcoming you into the fold of parents over millenia...)

Then for penis there are numerous terms like dick or little head (as opposed to the one on the top of one's neck and sometimes referred to in a question of which head is making the decisions..the big one or the little one..or the one on top of the body or below the waist...)

 Likely those talking heads could be having quite a discussion at times..and the parallel for female's mind and imagination and her lower parts..whether ovaries, clitoris, a possible (the jury is still out but at least there's discussion about it and more support for women to know their own bodies...) G-spot (internally located so google that but felt as though one were saying 'come here' with the middle finger on the inner front side of the vagina)and some say that the area can be sensitive as in painful not only as for some pleasurable if findable or may vary among women so may not be present...and that 'it's all okay...' or vagina and all the bells and whistles of touch, talk, thinking and even dreaming along those lines.As these women share, sexuality involves one's whole body not only a few parts and not just certain interactions....

So important to remember the mindset and relationship and as they review, fully informed consent about one's intentions (availability legally, in whatever relationship status with others, availability in terms of having time to plan on discussions and have support to address relationship issues in an appropriate, responsible way for safety, emotional and psychological history and expectations, pacing getting to know one another slowly enough so no one is mired in mixed signals and not clear about consent or offers for commitment at the level each is agreeing to and lots more

. I have some blog posts along these lines to fill in the gap of discussion about the simplest things...like getting to know someone and be responsible...and check in with a few friends and even folks and sites online to feel more supported in the realm of relationships of all kinds and particularly any that are 'going somewhere' in the direction of physical, intimate and so on. 

These folks in this talk share that 'there were over 400K condoms handed out during an Olympics so to realize many people may be 'hooking up' or otherwise having sex (and again hopefully without people being incapacitated with booze, drugs and so forth since not being able to give consent can be grounds for sexual assault charges and violations...)

Being more careful about where one is and how one is travelling, who one is with and so on is something for people to double check as part of a safe lifestyle and especially if dating or in a relationship since things can be dicey now and then and may need more support from counselors or friends for someone or more people to comprehend the dynamics and patterns in a situation over time or around one aspect of a relationship (finances, housing, caring for children, pets or others, work, cleaning and laundry or other ongoing routines even shopping, cooking and dishes etc... they can all reflect a level of respect and care or a lack thereof...and that can also be the case 'in the bedroom' where things are not adding up to a safe, balanced honest connection.

 Affairs and time spent with certain people, hobbies, secret personal endeavors and so forth are something more people could tune into as important to consider and not be left in the dark about a double life or someone having one foot out the door (whether they are intending that or not...)

So relationships in all of their phases over a period of months and years could be considered more openly a bit like people seem to be ready to talk about sex and the ups and downs of bodies changing from puberty onward and yet also factoring in cultural and religious beliefs, practices, limitations and laws (even the lack of birth control in many countries and faiths or only limited forms such as abstinence of condoms etc that prevent the fertilization of the egg since that may be a time of a spiritual indwelling in a fertilized egg and again with that sense of 'informed consdent' could be explored even as a theory. 

Every woman could be given more guidance in considering 'what does that mean to her' as a person and in her social circle...would her society provide support for her if she kept a pregnancy even if unintended...and even if due to rape by a stranger, or person she knows or is related to?

Knowing the reasons and options early on in life could help some females feel it is not their fault if a pregnancy occurs  not of their own choosing...and to not feel they have to get an abortion if they feel their are reasons they may not want one. In domestic violence situations, a woman may be forced to have an abortion or to keep a pregnancy and have the child (or maybe adopt the child out...) 

There have been cases where a woman has been killed because she is pregnant (or even after having an abortion a man demanded... which seems more bizarre than the abuse which is mainly about control Many people may 'become someone completely different' when having sex or getting into an close relationship or maybe have many different sides to them. So nothing about relationships is child's play and again can be a dangerous aspect of life.

 A man controlling a woman he has children with can be a risk to all involved. The US tends to ignore the warning signs but places like SafeandTogetherInstitute.com are trying to help societies around the world focus on the controlling decisions a man makes and hold him accountable for his choices to put people at risk of harm, and protect a mother to keep their children safe and together with her. 

We have a long way to go so likely people would be wise until they raise their children before getting legally married more in midlife.

I know that sounds radical but it's a safety measure more good guys and smart women may want to think carefully about...and have more screenings for abuse and control histories and patterns so they learn to be as safe as possible and heal what's broken if possible or live apart at times even a short distance apart if need be to have safer homes and ways to navigate matters.

People may want to act and follow through with integrity and support but may not be able to do so without a lot of practice and accountability partners (other than their spouse...so the dynamics do not keep spirally in secret...) 

Not easy stuff. but okay to come out from under cover and ask for help about 'all and any' concerns whether about foods, moods, dudes or dudettes, kids or elders getting basic care and supervision for their own safety and support and not lost in the shuffle of 'grown up issues.'

If people live together and then need to separate that is a serious step and even talking of doing so can be dangerous and difficult...so important for an abused person to have a big support team and safety plan with help from 211.org and as many in her circles as can be trusted to learn and pitch in to help her and the kids. 

Too often due to fear and overwhelm her own family, friends and support team may evade her requests or not follow through in more than a happenstance manner. And by the way it's no one's real job to care and coach one woman or mother to the next, so rather than abandon that effort, let's all learn what is needed and be able to give guidance from a shared chart of local resources and paths to try to keep the kids supervised, the house in running order or ways to run in order to have safety daily...and nightly even with places to stay at family, friends or other locations as needed even now and then or for a few days or week.

 Over time everyone could practice leaving their home to help someone else, to have a vacation or work on a project with others, go to some meetings and such and eventually Fly Solo... as in go somewhere by oneself (and that's a bit step if never done, so pace oneself...and let people know one's plan and check in etc.) Hope that's helpful and puts this in perspective for people of all ages...best wishes and feel free to PM if there's an issue to talk over, even using fake names and such to figure things out...Lots more on Livfully.org to consider too.

I'd add that The Jewel Story by Catherine Palmer Paton (me) is a free audio that is about being creative in looking at the realm of humans, animals, nature and the flow of life and energy.

There's another part I wrote (but have to find or write again) that has a talk between the mom and daughter about 'where babies come from'...and though I wrote it a few decades ago, hope to share it more even though there's plenty on the internet. Letting people know one is willing to talk about 'these topics' can be a big help in doing just that. I hope this gets the ball rolling to having more candid and caring discussions..

.All people in real estate and housing support would do well to tune into the realities of the many forms of domestic abuse such as in the CT Jennifers' Law to help everyone screen for safety (especially before making a big decision or in transition etc.) Many people would benefit from having a team of support along the first few decades of life..and then some. It's becoming more complicated to live in world due to the pandemic and many laws as well as the concerns about police response and power.

Every community deserves a team of support to deal with and heal their past shortcomings and even wrongdoings, and to find ways to promote teamwork and support for information and online access and practical services as well. Thanks to all joining in such efforts in thoughts, words, efforts and deeds. It all makes a meaningful difference.

Unfortunately there's often pushback from many who are not quite tuned into the Big Love and Healing Effort so more consideration about bullying, ostracism, racism and many other forms of 'isms' need to be considered. A lot of that is explored on this blog Livfully.org as well, but it only touches the surface...