Kaelan's Earthly Heroic Exit, Ten Years Ago and Counting the Causes We Can Tune Into (With Love from Above too.).
When I recounted aspects of our son's passing on an extensive post on livfully.org (or online) called Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton, I eventually thought of casting the story of his life as one of many in a family tree of my father Dale Palmer Sr. who made it through being on ship in World War 2.
If he hadn't gotten off the boat he were on in the Coast Guard for a few years, he wouldn't have met my mother Mary 'by chance' on a weekend leave. But thankfully those big pieces of our family story worked out to be able to tell an American WW2 story that brought my father from the West together with my mother from the East. I am their tenth child so that was yet another miracle factoring into the chance to become Kaelan's mother.
Then his Dad David, whose parents also met after growing up in different parts of the country and 'by chance' at a music event in California (sometimes timing is key, yes?) They headed off to England and that's where David was born with a brother following shortly after back in the states. Thankfully they moved from VT to CT where David and I meeting was almost a given (but being five years younger, away for most of high school then off at college, not as likely for me but that's where the family and friends network factored in as well.)
David became a rather adventurous athlete and a hopeful Olympic contender for the US Whitewater Team, barely missing that spot but thankfully being a father to our children and finding steady work in our rural hometown area of the northwest corner where his parents also lived and ran Folk-Legacy Records for five decades.
The idea that there could be a kind of 'agreement to face our challenges and even to have the relationships and events in our lives unfold with a sense of our spiritual growth and growing human compassion' over lifetimes has helped me consider many twists and turns in my life journey.
Thankfully many people and resources became available as I needed them whether socially, workwise, books and internet access and programs, spiritually, legally, practically, being a parent, a Christian with ties to many forms of that faith as well as many others such as being a parent at local schools, and part of small clubs and programs (permaculture, drum circle, folk festivals, gardening, scouts, and , nurse's aide training and in-home work as well as end of life doula and hospice training.)
Since 1988 through 2006, I cared daily for my children at home with David their father until they were about 5-8 years old in the lovely rural hills on the northwest corner of Connecticut. Healthy and active, our three daughters and one son (our second child) all enjoyed the offerings at the local libraries and the NE Community Center, Sharon Audubon , Folk Festivals, boating events and spending time with family and friends. They got along with everyone in their circles which included plenty of family, friends locally at play groups and church weekly for years, as well as in various programs in sports, swimming, and plays, music and more.
In addition they got to spend a lot of time with both sets of grandparents, the now late Sandy and Caroline Paton of Sharon as well as Mary and Dale Palmer, Srs.of Falls Village CT. By 2009, our eldest Linnea had gone to WPI on an special full tuition scholarship. The two younger sisters were doing well at Sharon Center School.
Sadly our teen Kaelan's earthly life ended suddenly by drowning at the base of the Falls on the day after a lengthy divorce, June 15th, 2009. On the last half-day of his freshman year at HVRHS in Falls Village CT, on June 16th, 2009, he left school with a group of friends on bikes to head to Falls Village a mile up the road and unfortunately to the Falls, which some parents had allowed. Maybe the youths would have gone anyway, but the point would be still to take measures to safeguard that from happening mainly by picking youth up or having them ride a bus home. Even those driving likely could be 'given the honor' of having a ride home from their parents or other responsible adults.
The school and towns could also host gatherings at public places or other appropriate venues to help with transitions or at least 'paint a clear picture' about what is at stake. That is done with many youth from early on, but keeping up with the 'daily reality' seems a more important job than many have realized.
Having youth be closer to 18 to obtain a license (with supervised driving beforehand) could be a good 'voluntary first step' and having more coaching for six months to a year and periodically afterward along with basic car mechanics from the get-go would make good sense.
He had lived 16 years, 5 months and ten days, having been born January 6th, 1993. There is more about this time online,including Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton, and on a youtube of his Memorial which was held at his former school, Sharon Center School.
One of his stellar teachers, Monica Connor, gave heartwarming remarks about his time there and read his 8th grade essay. Somehow I had felt his essay would be read even at his graduation time but maybe that was some kind of premonition I realize now. Skip Kosciusko explained more about the conditions of the river and turn of events the youth faced that day.
There is a FB Fundraiser Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton's Legacy also running through August 1st, 2019 to mark this tenth year since his heroism. I welcome networking with others to improve our communities in many ways and sharing these kinds of messages in various forums, large or small.
The outpouring of support for our families and for one another was very helpful in facing the loss and yet focusing on a sense of greater love and forgiveness on many accounts.
Trying to shed light on events and ways to improve society is an extension of that care and concern whether linked to a social service or legal issue in divorce or custody matters, clarifying agreements for caring for minors and others, sharing more in media and with activism and outreach or spending time learning about what other issues are pressing for our times such as politics, health and environmental concerns.
Around 2:30pm Kaelan braved what seems a 'fated rescue attempt' of a friend at the base of the Falls. Our well-rounded capable son Kaelan left school with friends on bikes heading to the Falls unfortunately with permission from many but not all of the parents.
I have explored this tragic turn of events and many other matters with an eye toward better understanding and prevention on livfully.org. I explore more about 'what may follow one's passing' however it occurs as well to help give solace to facing such loss and challenge.
That day of Kaelan's passing like with many 'accidents', agreements were not kept. Warnings were not heeded, and 'we all paid the price big-time.' Many apologies to the volunteers who risked their lives in trying to save the teen in need that day as well as recover Kaelan's youthful body.
There should be mandated reports for any fatality along these lines involving minors,or even adults, including statements from each parent and person present. That would help everyone understand their role for responsibility and safety.
Such a standard could help everyone 'choose more appropriate ways to live and enjoy outings.' Voluntary fines and community service could be recommended to bridge gaps in understanding and contribute to restoring accountability, even if done a little over time by families.
Our lean but athletic son Kaelan likely found the water too strong and tried to tell his friends not to risk it. But they could not hear over the waterfall thundering down incessantly. Kaelan then skillfully and bravely helped save two friends while he was still on land. Then he went in for the third, giving little thought to the likelihood of his own survival.
With a lot on his mind in the prior few days but also some great visits with family from far away, Kaelan's courage and love for his friend won out in his super-human effort to reach his friend and push him to safety.
The events are covered online and in the youtube of his Memorial Service by Skip Kosciusko who performed the life-saving rope rescue of the third friend Kaelan had attempted to save yet lost his life doing so
. Thankfully no other lives were lost that day even though there was a group of dozen or so youths and at least a few who jumped in from high rocks (not the highest) into water that 'seemed safe' but had serious undertows that led back to the base of the Falls. Kaelan's body surfaced a week later, on June 23rd (the day Michael Jackson passed) and travelled down the fast-flowing river 7 miles to the West Cornwall CT Covered Bridge with another important recovery effort made and completed. Kaelan's final exit from this world by way of cremation was two days later on June 25th, 2009.
A medium shared a message with a friend of ours that Kaelan had not wanted us to see his deceased body or to despair over his loss. He gave a few different mediums messages such as 'he didn't suffer' and that "Michael Jackson would be coming over soon."
With such a worldwide audience maybe some of the meaning of Michael's passing early on and somewhat linked to a message from a medium for our son, is the story is still being told. Maybe there will be apologies from those in spirit, as many have shared, often for doing someone harm or for even ending their own life whether on drugs, with an act of violence or despair and causing others deep pain.
Sadly that can ruin another life or run a lifetime yet more coaching to 'allow each experience' to be its own journey and have one's life energy completely taken over (for days, weeks or months on end round-the-clock for something that happened to someone one loved or cared for, whether one is parent, grandparents or partner, spouse, sibling or child.
There are more theories online and covered here about how 'each spirit may be on a 'pre-approved' time line or exit plan that may have to do with balancing out years of past life experiences as Brian Weiss and Edgar Cayce theorize. then there is a possibility we are influenced by other beings with or without our consent. The jury is still out but Steven Greer and Whitley and Anne Streiber have plenty to say about that as do others.
That seems bizarre and yet much of life is full of mystery and with our modern way of communicating, not too many 'unusual things' happen since we all know more about what is going on.
We are essentially living 'under a media microscope and wanting to fit in for the most part, so thankfully, most people keep things in the realm of normal. With plenty of meaningful work and reasonable challenges (medically, economically, practically for care and living needs) most people feel 'grounded, needed and respected.'
But that is not a given, so likely a few more 'check-ins' with friends and online could help one find a path of growth and overall team support more readily to make the most of the time we collectively have in the future.
I had other friends say they had spiritual signs that there was a sense of his spirit being strong and fluid and other beings as well 'walking in the midst of the Falls.' It took me a while to consider the real possibility that Kaelan was 'still with us', yet eventually I felt that I could trust that as the case.
Then it made me more aware of other loved ones and people I felt close to who were in spirit as also 'being in my life still.' The doors that once seemed closed and locked are now left ajar with sunlight streaming through sometimes 'surprising me' but overall comforting me.
I realize this is a big topic for this post and in general. No offense to those who do not relate or feel it 'is too improbable.' Yet framing things as What If it were possible or were in story or movie, what might that mean and what feelings and ideas may emerge from that. Many practices encourage 'letting all of life speak to one's heart and soul...' and literally to make some notes or pictures so one can allow other messages and ideas to follow.
One person encouraged me to ask 'What would Kaelan want to say' when thinking of writing a book. I have been exploring ideas along those lines and yet realize I wanted to put down whatever I was thinking and trust that basically he'd be okay with that.
Some posts have disappeared by my accidentally exiting a screen or not having a good handle on using the computer. I still need to practice writing in a Google Word Document first, transferring posts, consider making a whole new blog that is compatible on Word Press, but I take all of it as part of a learning journey..and so far, it's been helpful to me and I hope to many others.
Since the media categorically does not cover much of what I say a lot of what I am doing is mapping out permission for others to think about these ideas and resources so they can take next steps, either with more in depth consideration or departures or refusals as they may feel is important to express.
Sharing that online allows everyone to sort through That information and go 'on to the next'. Eventually we may come round to a sense of agreement about more collaborations and even creative solutions that would not have emerged just by chance with one person on the Think Tank Committee.
Thanks again for tuning in as you have and can, for sharing online and again for considering following up with some part of what is shared here.
Dreams, coincidences, stories of other valiant and daring things he had done came round over time and more stories and pictures and videos are welcome. We all appreciate that a number of key families and friends had been a big support to our children and family over a number of years before and after other difficulties as well. This put everything on a new level of 'difficulty' and yet also 'awakening' to deeper meanings in life.
Those keys of compassion led me and perhaps others in our circles to understand the greater degree of loss and challenges of many kinds. Drawing strength from knowing many people faced challenges, some more unexpected or difficult than others in ways, has broadened a respect for the strength of the human spirit and sense of good will.
These are the kinds of challenges that may prove instrumental in facing mounting challenges in many areas. Again everyone can be part of the solution to easing the transitions that come naturally in life for people and communities. Facing the hard times together can spur that progression of heart and mind learning and loving to envision more healing and helpful next steps.
The idea of looking at metaphysical things with an open heart and mind can also 'grease the wheels of change over time.' More innovative sharing and much research is casting a bridge across what used to seem an uncrossable gap..from this world to the next or to spirit even while in mortal form.
As the modern world gets more complex and costly, I consider that our children all had fortunate lives of growing up in the country and doing well in school, enjoying being in school plays, band, sports and many clubs. Kaelan's three sisters are all doing well as young adults with good relationships with both parents thankfully.
Terms of marriage, living together and divorce as well as custody and care of minors all need public education campaigns to help prevent having children not see a safe, fit parent or letting legal confusion and costs take on disproportionate influence over a parenting relationship or drain important resources. Other posts on livfully.org which has reached over 200K views on many topics and concerns provide more resources and ideas I have learned of through a great deal of independent advocacy.
The systemic gaps and lack of media coverage to keep parents and guardians, schools, faith groups and communities at every level supported and informed about many legal and practical aspects of rearing children needs a comprehensive make-over. With the internet many areas are covered and plenty feel we are evolving with loving kindness even as other earthly concerns grow dire. With the 2020 US Presidential Election essentially upon us, it is high time all citizens feel valued, included and empowered. Marianne Williamson, Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders speak to some foundational changes.
There are important views from many arenas to take time to discuss in groups as well as online to become better informed about how the major systems influence our smaller state and town arenas. However people can tune into key aspects of individual experiences and share hard won insights and ideas, that could be promoted.
Being willing to ask questions such as What IF there are things to consider and learn can be an important first step toward finding avenues to connect and address concerns. Let US All be Brave and take those Next Steps with wisdom, kindness, health, talent, skill and advocacy guiding our way. Our whole planet and future generations may be depending on us to do our part.
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