If You Could Do Whatever You Wanted Without Question or Pause...Would You Really Want That?! (Even if you were hurting others, yourself, your relationships and integrity and potentially landing in jail or a psych center?)

We've all heard there are 'laws to the universe'.Some like gravity are fairly obvious as when a baby rolls over and bumps his or her head on a hard floor (or falls backward from sitting due to a turn or even imitating someone doing  a backward roll which did happen once, so be careful what little ones see..."Baby see, baby do."

Even kids watching television or online things try dangerous things, and yes, sadly I met someone whose child tried to do a pretend choking stunt but actually died.She was going to advocate for laws against such media stunts.

That is another area where Parents and Those in Charge need to not only 'supervise when the kids are watching something dangerous...but really Try NOT to let them watch violent shows, even animated. "Kid see, kid do" is a theme I've seen even when high schoolers were taught Never To Pick Up a Gun or point it at someone...

That was a study and the kids were filmed right after finding a gun...and you guessed it, picking it up. Sadly I recall a case where kids were fooling around and one killed the other. "Fool do, fool die' too often. Many people know the case of our teen son's passing and along with all the heroism, the craziness, foolishness and as it turns out fatal risk factors were not well publicized.

While our teen son Kaelan Palmer Paton saved two strapping teens from a raging river while still on the riverbank (thus "lending them a hand while still on land", even that could have cost him his life. He could have lost his balance, or one of his friends could have pulled him in accidentally or in a panic.

These are the kinds of scenarios spelled out in lifesaving classes and drilled. Ideally people 'Row, throw and go only as a last and safe option...Not if can cost you your life.

Even a 50-50 chance can be Too Much. Then the problem for saving people doubles or expounds. What if a rescuer arrived and had to choose who to save? Not an easy crisis to even have to theorize about, yet it happens likely often when emergencies occur.

Rescuers are trained to NOT risk their lives to save someone if it's too risky. They won't be able to rescue others if they go down on the one dire situation...and the cases are certainly abounding between drugs, violence and even car collisions (often alcohol or drug related...but not always.) Important to keep in mind are basics like the Physics of Driving, Road Conditions, Weather and micro-climates such as black ice on mountainsides and bridges.

Then the reality of someone being sued or going to jail short-term of longer for manslaughter or a crime (robbing someone, stealing a car, endangering minors, becoming physical or violent, abusing someone in one's home or relationship or the other parent--all forms of intimate partner violence (IPV) which can include Coercive Control that does not necessarily have much or any obvious, physical abuse but can prove dangerous or yes, fatal.

The pattern of one person exercising power over another in intimidating and controlling ways (violating their civil rights to freedom of movement, association, earning or keeping money and assets, caring for their children or limiting their access to their children when there are no safety concerns, and violating someone sexually --an adult or minor,which is a form of physical abuse although some laws cleverly or otherwise mandate separate outreach and support for that with independent funding sources, not all of which flow evenly across a state or country.

Rural areas are particularly at risk for too many patterns of systemic neglect and abuse limiting resources for victims, although urban areas can also be deficient. 

But say for a moment one is a controller, winner-take-all, my-way-or-the-highway kind of go-getter and Abuser...Not wanting to Know the Legal or even Social Parameters of Fair and Safe. What if you Could Do Anything to your 'partner' (who likely is called your woman or your old lady, girlfriend or wife with the emphasis on MY) or YOUR child or children, house, pets, car, money.

Getting the picture? You are Ruler of Your Domain, King of your castle and blah, blah, blah. No one dares ask you to review your line of thinking...about Anything, even if it regards their person or private property. You are not only Respected but FEARED (as you feel makes sense since your word is LAW.)

Now say you 'get caught breaking the law' and it's not your victim or a normal advocate such as a family or friend trying to Give You a CLUE. You are Not Interested, but suddenly, due to a report (you may not learn from who, but possibly a teacher who is mandated to tell a principal if a child witnesses violence or intimidating violencs such as someone yelling, throwing things, name-calling, hitting or shoving, slamming doors and breaking or taking stuff that belongs to someone or even their own if it's scary and known.

Threats in person or on voice mails or overheard by a neighbor as can real violence be the basis of a report. Mind you, You feel people should Mind Their Own Business. and You Don't Think it is anyone else's right to Know Your Business. So you did what you did and could justify it or deny it. Maybe you'll get away with it depending on the 'response effort.'

But Maybe you get Arrested...News Flash: Cuffs Go On, You Are Read Your Rights and Put in a  Police Car. Anything You Say or Do Could be Held Against You in a Court of Law. This arrest may come days or weeks after you broke the law that you didn't know existed or thought should exist, Especially if you work for your money or have a lot of money (or even stole a lot of money from others, which is becoming rather common even among the Bernie Madoff types.

Why Rich Folks Don't Seek Validation from 3rd Parties is another line of inquiry.) But just as Bernie and his few cohorts decided the laws did not pertain to them, so do many people and sometimes they get caught, put in jail and even in solitary if they argue with how they are being treated or still want to decide their fate when behind bars.

With the array of violence among prisoners from stealing to sexual assault, maybe solitary isn't The Worst thing but it's a tough call. Still inhumane in my book and likely our country could follow suit of some more advanced countries that ban solitary or other extreme measures in prison. I think most guys (and smaller handful of gals) grow out of their ways by the time they are in their mid-30s..it's just too much work to be mean and involved in schemes.

But of course, if someone doesn't even Know they have crossed lines and there are ways to learn, slow down and have someone mentor them and monitor their thinking and game plans to deal with emotions, needs for food and housing and basics and ideally to Not be in a serious personal relationship to find level ground in one's own mind and actions...then they may wander longer in the desert.

If you had a bump on your head and started having confusing ideas or lack of control over some of your actions...would you want help? What if you tended to wander into traffic (or another worse case from real life, tried to end one's life by jumping in front of a truck only to have that truck veer into a car and end the lives of two innocent parties?)

Would you want someone to have stopped you (or monitor you more closely even if in a facility?) Bad things happen and some say it's fate or a pre-planned exit strategy that could be for one's own karma as well as to add to our human collective understanding about What to Do and What Not to Do... What to Follow and What Not to Follow.

With all that on the table to ponder, would you Really Want No Consequences for Any Actions...or Could we have Voluntary Intervention Programs VIPs..anonymous. online forums and free phone calls and such to help people Get a Clue before they make not only a few mistakes but often a pattern of years of wrongful thinking and behavior..having power Over others rather tha power With others.

That is a clarification of abusive dynamics I've learned from study over the years. The book by Evan Stark on Coercive Control is one I read a while back. I knew someone in the military and tried to get her to make sure she checked for abuse among the men and women in her group.

She thought they had that covered. Yet within months a story covered in Coercive Control about a young woman in the reserves being killed by her 'boyfriend' came to pass.

I met a man who knew another military man who killed his lovely wife who was wanting to leave him. Even though she had family nearby and two children, he showed no mercy and told many lies to justify his planned attack.

The theme of too many headlines, especially in small areas or states, need to be pieced together. The Risk Factors for Women and Kids (and yes, Pets) are vast and varied.

The society has to think about Educating All Women and Children and All Nice Guys Too as to What to Look for, How to be a Support Person, How Not to Blame the Victim (even if some distance is needed for safety and sanity since the craziness can be catchy and many bystanders can be caught in the crossfire of conflict and worse, injury or death.) 

While we have all felt inspired and proud by the greater love Kaelan Palmer Paton showed for his friends, particularly the third he went into dangerous water to save with skill and likely help from heaven to push his friend to a safer spot in the river and buy him precious moments to then be rescued by rope by Skip Kosciusko, a local volunteer, we can also honor the messages for Preventing Dangerous Outings, Giving Rivers and Edges Respect of 100' or more,.

Making National, State and Local Safety Guidelines for people to voluntarily follow but put in the possibility of fines for families who have allowed or been found to promote the risk when rescues or injuries or worse occurs.

The Deterrent Factor can cut through the confusion and shed light on the whys and wherefores of what's allowed and what's going to far whether related to communication, interactions, outings, driving, using substances, going without basics like food, sleep or housing, etc. More caring efforts and informal outreaches often attract those in needs like bees to honey. Thanks for sharing as you can. 

On this day I remember a friend who had this birthdate. She brightened the lives of many and had a lovely family and second relationship after a divorce. Fidel Moreno helped lead a remembrance ceremony with Native insights. He will be at the library in Salisbury CT today. Another dear set of folks are celebrating a wedding today between two mature, caring, loving people in Minnesota, so I will think of the circle of life as I've had a week visiting with many young children and their parents and caregivers.

Every day is a gift we can be open to for its blessings and lessons to grow in a beYoutofull, fair, kind, capable ways. May your dreams of gardens of friendships and family with core values of respect and sharing on a vibrant earth home planet filled with heart and power and connection above on all realms and warmth from past generations and efforts be with you as you continue on your singular journey in balance with others... Whaddaya say?Whether POTUS (President of the United States) or SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) or HOTUS (Human of the United States).

 This is not hocus pocus, just basic strategizing to help people be aware of the laws, guidelines and common sense they might be missing. Other acronyms to keep in mind are IOTUS (Individual of the United States) or GOTUS (Group of the United States) or SOTUS (States of the United States)...You get the idea. We are not alone...Put your own spin on your insights and outreach.

I welcome feedback as to how to get that National and Beyond Safety Guidelines Up and Running...thanks a bundle. You're worth it and so is everybuddy else!