Hi in Heaven, Pumpkin Kaely! Even though you made it to your teens, I recall the joy you had in the fall as a kid!

Oaktober is a great time to find that perfect pumpkin at Daisi Hill Farm in Millerton NY (which will be highlighted in Rachel Ray's magazine.) They kindly helped me get a great pumpkin to donate toward the local events as I can manage to haul the 20-lber Great Pumpkin about to share. (Read  this next part with caution as this includes some real-life jazz like birth stories...oh joy)

That's my hometown and the place of Kaelan's high school..and sadly not far from the river which claimed his life in June of 2009 when he tried to save a friend (who was thankfully rescued moments later...so timing sometimes is everything and Calling 9-1-1 for H-E-L-P may be critical to do As Soon As Humanly (and Divinely) Possible.

I picture our wonderful lad of 16 and almost a half as he enjoyed this fall season with plenty of time to load up our cars with finds from the batches of pumpkins, gourds, squash, colorful mums and brilliant cabbages with white or purple centers at the local garden shops, farm stands and markets and gardens.

Growing up at a nature center the chores to pick up apples (and the treat to make cider with a friends' press and other friends joining in for picnics with banana muffins and popcorn to balance all that cider) would be a seasonal treat.

We learned a lot from Waldorf-inspired efforts in our area which helped start the Morning Song Nursery School the same year Kaelan was born in 1993. Actually I would bring him to the lovely stone house at the Audubon Center in Sharon which housed our initial effort when he was still in a bucket child seat. Kaelan was a pumpkin kind of kid of the start, who I'd also call our "Buddha Baby" since he was so round and peaceful.

Some say the homebirthing and breastfeeding, the good eating and easy living with kids around helped him. I won't argue that.For the record, some babes have a problem coming out completely in terms of not needing a collar or shoulder bone broken to get out or yes, forceps and such. Muscles in the the upper abdomen can tear to the point of not being as effective.If one plans to homebirth I think I've heard it recommended to be within a half hour of a medical facility (who hopefully could be informed, but the politics can be challenging and some medical people feel that it is neglectful, unsafe if not abusive to not use a hospital.I like to share what I've learned so people do not feel they are facing these kinds of issues and life choices alone. We only had a couple of iffy moments when Kaelan's final arrival came about after 9 hours when labor began at 3 pm on January 5th, 1993. Poor fellow for a minute or so there but no forceps or bone break needed (and yes, poor me and any mama having one of those moments like no other in her life when it comes to delivering said wonder babes naturally. I realize it's no picnic having a C-Section either in terms of the procedure and recovery.

I actually was with someone when they had an emergency C-Section..and that was a miracle--almost made me pass out, but I wouldn't sit it out sinde it was the beginning of realizing the miracle of modern medicine..and the heroic journeys these tiny ones (1-2 lbs or hopefully even more for the sake of their health and lung development...) The wonders never cease and I felt I had to learn everything after that about the preemies even though I had my arms full with my boy of almost 10 pounds since birth.)

This kind of full-sharing is something I used to do at the drop of a hat. Likely I went over a zillion aspects of motherhood in those first five and ten years of rearing kids (and having more after Kaelan which was a feat since he'd been my fifth pregnancy in as many years... but the last three had been miscarried, one early on and two after about 2-3 months along.

I would recommend to all to try to pace pregnancies apart by 3 years from what I've read is often promoted in many parts of the world by basic health educators. That's for the health of the mother as well as the child and other kids. I realize some of the child-bearing energy seems 'beyond our control' and if there's another person involved (the Dad or even other family inputting strong ideas or hopes or fears.).well, a mom has a lot to consider and try to control.

She should have the final say about the safety or timing of getting pregnant for herself. That's another area more gynecologists could promote even if through additional counseling or support groups. The Before is as important as figuring out things After they happen in life. Ideally everyone would have a Buddy or two to think things through and a Team of Support to succeed at meeting goals short-term or longer. Doesn't hurt to help rear whicheven kids show up in one's circles of family, friends, groups and area whether volunteering (some of which requires a CORI or special permission and agreements..and even in some cities like NYC you Need to have a Child With You to go on a playground, so don't think of just helping out there if you're not with a parent-child duo. That likely could use some review since many single parents would appreciate a playground monitor or support people but a different agency may have to promote that with again, the right CORI and programming agreements in place. Generally if working for an agency, you cannot do prvivate work with a family. In Kaelan's case when he was about 14, I needeed him to be part of a counseling program I wanted to go to  for our younger kids, but he refused. Then the counselor asked him if he's like a paid position assisting (which the program had allowed for an interns, etc) and he was more than eager to sign up, show up and best of all receive his first official paycheck and other cool perks like Pirouette chocolate-filled cookies and cool gifts in thanks for his participation, pizza and other nice meals they provided and status among his other teen interns who happened to be his kind of people. While it was a few hour commitment and an hour's ride in the car for the full 10 or 12 sessions, he prioritized that. He helped plenty of folks over his growing up years, with chances to pitch in for programs at the nature center, his local Cub Scout group, church programs, fundraisers for his 8th grade class trip  and more as his contacts grew. Someone wanted him to do yard work and was not happy to have tell me who they were since they just wanted to work with him and I mentioned my job as his parent was to know where he was, who he visited and other mundane details like that. Turns out I knew her from years before when I had hired her to help serve at our potluck wedding reception during a blizzard for a couple of hundred people so felt that was a bonus to remember how far we'd come since then.

Before he passed away without much obvious warning in terms of some of us knowing the plans he and his friends had for that day and them not realizing the fierceness of whitewater, Kaelan has said he had plans to make a lot of money that summer, to work six days a week and really live in a serious way. When I help various people now, I like to think I'm putting in one of his work days. I think he learned some of his 'people skills--really enjoying connecting with people from me who also learned that from my mother and vast family'. His insight one day in the grocery store when we'd been out chatting with people came to him that 'it was easy to make friends with people, just start talking with them." He always had interesting things he was thinking about and doing as did much of our immediate family. He was a friendly fellow ready to not only strike up a conversation or lend a hand but also dance on the contra dance floor at festivals such as NEFFA in Eastern MA in the spring or smaller venues.

Kaelan was part of a nice group of kids in our small towns who got to see his family and extended family, friends at church and eventually when he got around to going to first grade when he was 7 adn 3/4. Since our kids lived with lots of folk music friends and nature happenings and friendly outreaches by libraries, the North East Community Center in Millerton NY (particularly programs by Karen Kisslinger who journeyed  on about a year after Kaelan did but whose legacy is online with a fund to promote healing arts). Many mentors including Karen who was instrumental in starting Morning Song lit the way for me and our family to find caring, inspiring, healthy ways to craft our lives.

We were blessed with trusty midwives who I got to know better as  I trained as a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) to supplement the elderly and child care I had done since college days. Kealan was a natural coach for helping with younger kids and even adults who he'd have a listening ear for as well. His grandpa Sandy Paton shared in a letter at Kaelan's service, which is on youtube, that he liked the hugs Kaelan gave him after telling him that "Grandpas needed hugs too".

Sandy also headed to the other great shore shortly after Kaelan. We like to think of him there in that heavenly pumpkin patch now, enjoying the colors of every season and helping us find good friends amongst the many here in the country and even in the city who are in our communities and wider circles. Kaelan once said, " With friends, you can get through anything..." and he's a friend anyone can count on to help them through a hard time (or labor to remember the light at the end of the tunnel or beautiful new one coming into one's life"..

Kaelan was an artist who loved making mazes and clear pictures with strong lines, one depicting for instance a bird looking out over a clloud at the sea. The strong blue sky and ocean waves capture the essense of life, each of us journeying to this plane  and at times having birds' eye view of our workaday world and even when we journey back Home, to check in again on the going's on among our family and area and as the world may speak to us. In ways,  I think of the Peanuts' Great Pumpkin story I loved to watch  on TV (back when there were only a few channels) this time of year and recall the wish for the great pumpkin to arise and make magic happen. With the full moon eclipse this year (the blood red moon some called it) and the Papal visit drawing a few million together and inspiring many millions more in terms of what is possible for people to voluntarily pay attention to and think about for many seasons to come and even find ways to let the love evolve in practical programs and policies, the field of humanity as a great field of enlivened pumpkin energy beings comes to mind..and of course, with the extra love Kaelan conveyed even in the midst of great fear and whitewater danger with love winning out over judgment over any of his three friends actions that day (which he had also tried jumping in twice so he could have been one in need of saving and again likely was feeling sorry for having played an instrumental role in allowing so many to be at risk and may had hoped to make serious amends on the spot if he even had time to comprehend what the heck had happened to 'land' them all in such dire straits as fighting for their lives in crazy whitewater at the base of the Great Falls that fateful June 16th, 2009 in a usually sleepy town of  northwestern Connecticut.) When I was typing this out I almost typed the Breat(h) Falls instead of Great..and indeed that is the falls I feel saying they are sorry for taking Kaelan's breath away yet paying tribute too to his spirit which many of us believe lives on (as many schools of thought promote with similarities even though there are various differences as well.) One younger person shared with me that they saw 'tall building size water beings walking back and forth in the falls' at that time shortly after Kaelan's passing. Another person relayed to me that she saw a huge gush of water take the shape of Kaelan within a few days of his passing when she crossed the Covered Bridge iin West Cornwall CT. When I asked her how she knew it was Kaelan, she simply said, "It just was, I know Kaelan."

 Mystical messages were intriguing and have become comforting to me whether regarding about a dozen or more people I have been close to who have crossed over or as an augmented sense of life for myself as I try to discern what to do with the next fifty years or however long my earthly journey lasts.  I appreciate the idea of a greater group spirituality for my 'soul group' of family and friends, and wider community especially after years of worrying about every little detail from vitamins to safe home birthing (such as staph infection can cause blindness to the newborn if the mother has it so be careful if she is exposed to someone else who has it...and by the way MRSA infections are on the rise and worth learning more about so one doesn't neglect warning signs of a serious condition for anyone but especially babies even after they are born.)

May great things unfold and arise for each and all of us, whether like Patrick Kennedy helping the United States of A-Miracle break down decades of denial about the dismal disease and dysfunction of drugs, alcohol and mental illness symptoms which  too many people feel ashamed about to get help or live in dAnger with as part of coercive control measures that seem part of the epidemic. When someone can quietly breathe and relax, turn their hope over to their connection with the divine or greater love (by whatever name or idea one can relate to and hopefully realizing religion may have had a corner on the market but have made their errors too, so they could be at the head of the line in making amends and not copyrighting the amens of  what people can feel, think, say and so on).

The Big Love of Care and Kindness can usually win out, but a field of safety, trust and accountability and a lot of wisdom from honest supportive resources and people can color in the missing messages. We'll find our way either out of the mess we've made (now I'm thinking from the  small to the global on plan-it heart) or we can try to gently head on a new path and a slower decline as many in the permaculture and sustainability circles promote.. easy does it and every day counts bundles, so enjoy and dream as the divine (and the great pumpkins of the world) may inspire  you to do so...