Healing Takes Time and Teamwork (and Even A Country as well as a Village Defending Human Rights)

To the Editor:

For all the professionals and lay people who have been aware of abuse in all its many miserable forms but did not know what to do or chose to 'do nothing' or felt 'it wouldn't make it better or have an impact', there were a some who tried to get the word out that 'abuse is not okay and you should tell someone and keep telling until someone believes you.' That is a healing message. However it's not that simple. Every decade has its dynamics that allow people who want to break boundaries and laws see what they can get away with and even more 'blame the victim' or say it was a mutually involved situation.

 

 There needs to be much more national and statewide education and outreach on the many facets of violations of one's boundaries--socially, physically, sexually, financially, legally and more. The book Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Lauren Davis would be a helpful resource for every library to have. The ways for a person to heal may differ in terms of whether they disclose to family, friends or authorities. The recent talk at Kent Presents (with Lisa Bloom) and which will be online shared that most victims know their abusers and even maintain some interaction with them due to proximity and social connections. She also shared that a very small percent of rape cases ever result in a conviction.

 

 Sharing any information about abuse in terms of disclosing the name of the victim needs to be carefully reviewed in terms of having their legal consent to do so and considering the backlash they may receive. Some experts have suggested that until the proper systems are in place to address the responses of a minor's family or other social repercussions that 'just telling' may not be the best strategy.The late Karen Kisslinger created one of the first videos in the USA to encourage disclosure called Critter Jitters. She and I were interviewed about that in the 1990s in a lengthy piece in the Millerton News in NY. 

 

I have always tried to encourage more practical education and outreach along these lines for people of all ages. People from all parts of the society need to work together on such matters, whether within town or county or even wider interstate efforts (so people can learn of the various approaches to help people legally but also practically.) Most cases likely won't be disclosed so offering help in a variety of settings and reminding people 'at every corner' on the road and in life about their rights and ways to stay safe in many ways makes sense. I promote such outreach on my blog livfully where resources and ideas for prevention and comprehension and healing on many levels are shared. I can be reached at cathpalmercares@gmail.com to discuss more ways we can network and address concerns. --Catherine Palmer Paton