Fifteen Years and Hundreds of Thousands of Children Needing Protective Parents (mainly their Moms...) But the Courts Often Said, "No!" How can that be?!
If anyone wants to learn about the ways being a victims of domestic abuse
plays out in a custody concern, tune into the zoom option of this
special event (in its 15th year) or attend if needing support or wanting to help the cause!
See the former post on the next The Battered Mothers Custody Conference (with info online
and on youtube maybe) also with
many resources (CA Protective Parents, Duluth Model.org and More on their site.)
Preventing Abuse can be a shared
endeavor (even among reformed abusive people, systems and those
seeking to not go down that path, often with serious financial,
emotional and physically harmful or worse consequences for all in
the circles of the two adults and kids involved.
That's just how it plays out
far too often and often like a silent movie, where people see what's
happening but Cannot (or Will Not) Speak Up (and maybe realize the Courts Are
Often Broken or Blind if not Complicit) to the Damaging Outcomes.
That should make the headlines alongside what is happening in Ukraine...and yet,
we are all flummoxed about why a once or mostly 'good guy' could or would do damage
to any in their midst, let alone their own family...
It happens...it just Does..and maybe it's due
hormones or mental health issues, drug use or personality who-knows-what...and
usually 'among younger folks' since older people are too tired and lived through
all of the above and are trying to play it Much Safer going forward.
The systems funded by the Govn't can only do so much...and there are many 'bad
actors' mixed in with the good, even dicey agendas. It's not what most would hope for
or imagine for the brave amazing people having children especially in modern times. But
again, we need to try to improve things while we can.
We can see the ties between
this and many other forms of oppression, get the vocabulary and help to encourage
people with the power (and that can be emotional, financial and so forth...and with decision-making
or legal wrangling...) to not get their fix by toying with the lives of others, both adults and kids in their
care.
There are implications for all adults to watch youth and others with more care for their safety,
protection and with advocacy. Agreements and accountability are key to making each stage of life
safe and meaningful, fair and successful. So really 'there's something for everyone' to learn. Start with
Duluth Model Wheels for Safety (what to promote) and
For Power and Control (what to watch for and prevent.)
Let's not forget the other Basics like Living, Driving, Parenting and Planning for Safe Interactions and
use of freedom to move about, have outings and get-togethers (especially around water or mountains etc
or even on trips or in cities) with a sense of sobriety and 'easy does it'.
That would include as Spring comes
into swing, graduations and summer events with changing routines. Don't forget to be a fair team player and
don't put others at risk with the adventures one may dream up. Be ready to 'call a time out, one's parent, extra
help such as from 211 for crisis lines or 911 in an emergency.'
Have a plan about dealing with police however in terms
of seeking help. Check with local and online domestic violence and safety lines first. Have back up who will come help you
or make calls for you, check on your children and personal belongings.
Have a safety go bag (even for climate emergencies.)
This is not to be alarmist but rather just to help more people get on the same page and see what may be needed to keep
the peace or help someone transition safely short term or longer.
Some states and countries may punish a victim of abuse
for staying if the children are being harmed (or if they are harmed even if she really didn't know it but was assumed to have
known. There was a case in OK that landed her (and many others it seems) in jail for months or years on such accounts.
In England if the woman remains with an abuser (and has another child) some support from the govn't may be withheld.
There are plenty of difficult factors to learn about and the overall trend has been found to allow abusive fathers to maintain
custody (primary or shared. )There may also be a section of the law placing more children of divorce (and in general according to other
reports unnecessarily) toward foster care which can
then lead to adoption.
The safest way to care for children is to keep them with their mothers in most 'international human rights' terms, if
families have to separate or be on the move much as we are seeing in Ukraine.
UNIFEM speaks to having more support for women to care
for their children and recognizes that around the world that is generally what happens with positive
outcomes. More 'nice guys' and people of means
need to consider looking into these issues playing out, many of which are exacerbated
if there is low income and people of color facing the systems.
The skills and situational awareness one develops over time can help inform us for many other kinds of imbalance
and harm, so there's really something humanity needs to learn from these difficult matters. Our collective survival
may depend on our hearts being moved to understand such challenges and then advocate for one another about
the health of our planet and lots in between. Thanks for considering these difficult wake up calls and for donating
if you can to offset the costs for victims or others attending this event or something along these lines
