Doing a Little Homework about the Pivotal BMCC (Battered Mothers Custody Conference) at the end of April 2019 in Albany NY, check out their site
There are about ten slide presentations on BMCC's site www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org to help people get a sense of what the BMCC has accomplished in the past 13 years. The legacy of abuse before and during custody battles (which comprise less than 10% of custody cases) and the challenge to get justice for victims of abuse is one of those 'never-ending stories'. Get inspired by StopAbuseCampaign.org
And then head on over to the site for BMCC sure is making strides to enlighten our culture through their growing advocacy and networks. House Resolution 72 proposes to help victims maintain custody of their children during initial proceedings in abusive custody cases (even alleged abuse would be seriously weighed, hopefully including coercive control..but that will be a question to explore.)
The overall goal since the 1970s has been to set some basic standards and 'hope for the best.' When more clarification about domestic abuse came around in the 1980s, most thought children of abusive Dads would be safely placed with their Protective Moms... But that didn't happen.
Terms and tactics like "Parental Alienation' were used to say Dads were being mistreated by allegations (even when there was much evidence of abuse and mistreatment.) Most states were found to have courts biased against the mothers (and females in general I believe, even in divorce matters.)
This uphill battle is one for people to consider Before Getting Married and/or Having Children. Both are huge legal and of course huge parts of one's life and investments of energy, body and mind resources (especially for the birth mother), and overall 'game changers' of life For One's Lifetime (or at least 18-23 years, depending on one's state's financial expectation for a divorced parent (or even one not divorced) to contribute to a student's college education or other support through early adulthood.
If more people waited to be 25 years of age to have a child, ideally for a few years they would really getting to know their potential partner (and co-parent, using that term in a friendly sense for all parents, not those only who are living apart, separated voluntarily for a time or legally or divorced legally.)
A few serious conversations (recorded with audio and a written summary for instance and maybe a few helpers to clarify points, times, and various aspects of an agreement to guide them) would be a big plus also.
There's plenty more any group could consider for the benefit of the next wave of 'wannabe couples and parents..." Special advice for young romances, college or young adult partnerships or parents could also be given (such as try to get lots of help on every front and be open to coaching in terms of knowing many basics about life...budgeting for future plans over time such as with You Need A Budget (YNAB) and housing (or co-housing etc) options, figuring out various kinds of work for real and for fun, to try and to commit to over time, use networks and lots more.
Doing everything on your own or only as a pair can over-burden any duo...yet using routine charts and planning for down time and even personal time (and help from friends time) could see more people through tricky transitions..
Okay, most of this should go on my blog, www.livfully.org but I hope more people in our country can appreciate the tireless stellar efforts of the advocates and survivors seeking to protect their human rights and those of their children. We need more 'normal men and younger fellows' to get on board with a sense of 'changing the playing field'.
Everyone can 'hold accountable past, potential and current perpetrators of coercive control, abuse, legal intimidation and removal of children from the custody and care of their protective parent, generally their mother.' Moms need to play by the rules as well, as do all caregivers...there is a lot to consider, so feel free to chime in.
Everyone deserves a team of support, beginning by being their own advocate to be a fair team player and one ready to make amends as missteps are realized. Forgiveness and making apologies of action (even from afar, through groups and so on) can go a long way to assist healing for everyone involved and create a ripple effect of hope and clarity in communities, states and countries over time.)
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