Documentary Film (for the Holidays or After... all about Awareness and Safety) though tough title, "What Doesn't Kill Me"

Now I wonder if the film maker knew the connection of the title to the lyrics of the song with 'Makes Me Stronger" because in this What Doesn't Kill Me documentary, the outcome is sheer devastation of mothers who lose custody of their children to abusive fathers. Most divorces 'work themselves out' somewhat amicably or at least reasonably for a few thousand dollars and terms of mutual agreement, or something both parties can live with regarding custody and child support. But for about 10% of divorces, there's a huge battle that can run tens of thousands if not millions of dollars. The craziness of Those Numbers for people who are battling for custody of their children is about 5% of the cases..and most of those are abusive Dads seeking and gaining custody of their children even when the Moms have been the primary caregivers. I will put what I posted on my FB page about the Huffington Post coverage of this film, so read more there too. Hosting a screening in your area ideally at a library or in a safe place to do so would be a good first step for a community to become educated about this challenging trend across the country and in many parts of the world.

The National Parents Organization is often saying 'Domestic Violence is being used too much by too many women to gain custody of their children when the criteria is not strong enough to merit that'. I've learned from www.domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com that too often courts think DV will end simply by a divorce or custody decision being made. They fail to realize how children particularly can be taken from protective mothers or otherwise impacted by an abusive father (in the huge majority of cases) to comply with His Agenda. We need to hold ALL parents accountable for abuse they do not only to each other but to their children, whether living together or not, married, or not and so forth. The main playing field to level is not in the courts but in the homes of all people, particularly but not exclusively, those with children....Help spread the words to put down the swords, today!

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-doesnt-kill-me-a-film-expose-o...

Not your typical holiday greeting message...but really isn't the Christmas message in part about a pregnant young mother being in dire position..until thankfully an angel tells the betrothed husband that 'he should stand by his young wife-to-be' and raise the child as his own. The Other Option (and which he had feelings about doing...) were to end the engagement and have her be sent off (never to return I think is how the terms were...).

Even then, the times were tough and the journey literally was rough (riding on a donkey to get to their hometown to be counted in a census...As harsh as some of the facts this documentary shares are to hear and for the many women and children and their extended family and friends to live through is..it is a Start to bring such a travesty to an end.

Many compare it to the many other hush-hush abuse scandals.. but let's make this one we Learn About and Help Young People (especially Women) plan to not fall prey to.. The abusers are often unbalanced guys..some with drug issues, others just 'naturally that way'..likely a mix of socialized and their own personal struggles.

Our society doesn't make it easy to ask for help or to hold controlling people accountable. They tend not to slow down long enough to care or learn to listen. It's confusing and scary to change..even for the better likely..just Too Different and maybe a beginning of an unraveling of a set of lies. One wise medical person with some insight (who happened to be male) once likened it to one's spine becoming undone if the lies held their story together..if the person were to start telling the truth, his past (or yes, her past) would fall apart..and what story could be told then? 

Believing one's own lies is on the spectrum of being a pathological liar..if one Knows one is lying that's one thing..it one has lost track and fooled oneself into believing the lies, then it's a real 'no man's land'..and there's no where to run to, no where to hide.

The shame or sorrow, regret and so on that a deceptive person may feel is a sign of integrity and humanity..that can give Hope to Recovery..Yet the work may be more complicated than a person can sit with and work through even with good counselors..which happen to be few and far between.

Just going to the 1-2 years of weekly (or bi-weekly) programs is not a guarantee the abuser is actually taking in new ideas and habits, or that they will stick. A relapse is common, some say 'it's not curable'. The low success rates are not encouraging although it may help them not get arrested as often (commit physically violent crimes against the person(s) they are living with which is what Domestic abuse refers to as well as anyone one shares a child with even if not living in the same house.

Okay, more on this later, but ideally the more informed the Community Is the Less likely as abuser will act in ignorance or with tacit support from employers, family, friends, faith groups, and others...and the safer more women and children can be to enjoy each month and season of the year..one day at a time.

.Likely all AA and other 12-step programs should have their members view this Separately and often enough to have interventions about ongoing current abuse and even former abuse. Too often much is ignored and forgiven in the name of 'moving on..'It's not necessarily a safe way to function on any level and again a victim can become the tacit target of wider groups of people who Should Be Helping Her do Safety Planning and Understand the Dynamics she is facing mainly alone. Even DV Groups vary widely and offer 'too little too late' due to their own restrictions such as not being able to criticize the government which provides some funding for them.

That's how tricky 'getting help' can be regardless of what laws are on the books. Again, that is why Young Women need to be educated..most 'adults' barely know What to do and How to help a younger woman achieve safety for real long-term. Many would say no one helped them or taught them, they learned the hard way or took their chances as everyone does. Some have been hurt and feel it's enough to care for themselves or be open to help for that, not to worry about young people.

An exception to this is Erin Merryn's outreach but even there without the proper follow through, reporting sexual assault by children may be met with another host of problems. Clearly that needs an ongoing task force that would monitor any foster care parents or programs to ensure the children's safety. Ideally a mother should be kept 'safe and together' with her children. David Mandel covers a great deal in his programs that are offered around the world. This is a huge world wide matter, so again, time to tune and help those we can with education and hope for a brighter future all around.