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Difficult Stuff but Why Not Join Together to Turn Sad Ships Around? See more on NW Corner Chatter on FB about positive events in the MA/NY CT tri-corner area too

on Fri, 07/26/2019 - 13:55

This post like most covers more than one topic (in case you are wondering whether I realize that, I do...and encourage more people to let themselves connect the dots of what they are learning about in these times and sharing insights or questions, concerns and possible solutions.)

 For most things that really need doing (and thinking though and imagining options for improving) 'it's no one's job.' Likely we've all heard of the 100 million dollars one of the wealthiest (moneywise) families wants to give CT for education...to be matched by another 100 million over five years by the state. There are a few details that are causing folks to 'think twice'.

 The concern involves finding a way or making an exception for the non-profit orchestrating the funding to address FOI (Freedom of Information) requirements. While private donations may not need to adhere to  FOI, because CT state money will be in the till, then there is a requirement for FOI (and possibly other regulations?) to be part of the show and tell section of the investment and expenditures.

I wanted to give a 'heads up' that the piece below also touches on topics from Dr. Oz's latest television shows in late July 2019. I thought he was only covering basic health tips but he is braving where many mainstream media don't go (for a host of reasons, such as liability and not being able to prove things especially from the past. 

Usually if it's a 'he said/ she-said or other disputing set of parties without enough evidence' things can go nowhere or be used against the person identifying as a victim or people as victims.' In the media coverage of the Art Wilkinson travesty where at least an identifiable small group of victims stepped forward, there was more weight given to the concerns, particularly by the town of Salisbury CT.

 As difficult as these kinds of issues are, for every case one learns about, past or present, there are likely dozens not being discussed. The concerns to Prevent More Harm as well as to Respectfully Acknowledge and As Much As Possible Believe What Victims Say Whether 'anonymously' in writing or on a non-recorded line or a recorded line (depending on what they have discussed with lawyers and professionals as appropriate), in a confidential interview who is not a mandated reporter or other person likely to report (again depending on a victim's sense of safety and ability to disclose).

 Mandated reporters in every state should be identified clearly so people do not disclose in a manner they think is somehow 'protected' but then learn that it will or can be revealed or even printed in the newspaper or otherwise put on the internet. That happened to a person over a decade ago who was assured by one agency that the report was confidential. However a bit down the road when police reports were made, the initial report was made public (and possibly the person's identity but I am not recalling that.) There was extensive coverage about the crime visited upon minors which exacerbated the situation for the family who had wanted justice but not play-by-play publicity.

 If victims are not clear how much will be disclosed and in what venue (are there provisions for closed court hearings etc?) then they may be confused about their options to disclose safely. Sometimes victims are threatened with harm or another family member 'being abused or hurt' by the perpetrator.

 That happened in our local area and was disclosed but only after years of trauma..and that was to more than one set of  youth. I have tried to clarify who is being taught about safety in this realm of personal safety...and it's always been an elephant in the room, and 'no one's job' and 'difficult to begin to discuss.'  There is a short video that the late Karen Kisslinger (.com) made to help people called Critter Jitters. 

The article covering more about it with a picture of kids and Moms watching it together was in the Millerton News of NY over 25 years ago, around 1991. Maybe it that had run in the Lakeville Journal of CT more grassroots advocacy would have been sparked. We also had a Floating Women's Center started by about 3 dozen women to promote social networking and sharing of ideas and talents and support among women.

 That could be revived, even with a gathering during the Railroad Days  Saturday Event, say at 3pm at the Pavillion for an hour. Bring a list of ideas you think could help children (boys, girls and other and both with 5 year increments or whatever works, for your family and friends, recreation and school groups, faith and town groups, and beyond in one's state and then the neighboring tri-corner MA/NY CT area) at 3pm, women at 3:30pm and men at 4pm (just to give each some acknowledgement.) I will be there at the Pavillion with a blanket and some books and be ready to receive written notes, get emails or other contact info (even of a friend to talk to if you want them to be a go-between, etc), collect info about what kinds of needs are not being addressed and what ideas and resources could be of use. Difficult matters from the past that would be helpful for the community to have a clue about, anonymously or with some insight about a contact person to learn more can be shared as well.

 Donations for a cause can also be shared in an envelope marked accordingly whether for an established fundraiser (including the FB Fundraiser Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton's Legacy which will be used to promote safety and half given to a local scholarship to support a student going to college.) Other local fundraisers you could contribute to online are the Steven Wingard Memorial gofundme.com.

 The Jane Lloyd (Cancer Support) Fund Fundraiser has their main event in Salisbury this weekend at the ski jump area. Another fund likely should be started for the victims of sexual and other forms of abuse in the tri-corner area (MA/NY CT).

 Better Prevention efforts to inform everyone of 'appropriate boundaries' in various settings would be a big plus for every town, school, faith and recreation group and community and state in general to create and tend to like a healing garden. Many people have joined together in prayerful or advocacy settings and many with a listening ear to a friend or others to address the challenges on many levels.

There are more good books on the topics (and those should be in every library..and in more 'free-standing libraries') Womens Support Services and other agencies may have other libraries and resources. Check with Housatonic Youth Services, Sharon Center Parenting Library, Cornwall (Motherhouse section) Library and others and advocate for more health and prevention as well as legal and supportive resources. 

Nolo.com (Building a Parenting Agreement that Works) could be a guide for much 'prevention work' to help minors and parents and guardians join together to be more accountable for caring for youth (and of course adults and elders in need) with written agreements people follow consistently. There are "primary aggressor laws' in CT which are fairly new. More AA and abuse programs (for domestic abuse) need to want to share the new information about holding perpetrators accountable.

 Likely new light would be shed on much of the past for the inadequate and often enabling 'input' from many societal sources that should have been team players in preventing harm. Without laws and clear ways to implement assertive boundaries (and inform everyone about what could trigger a DCF or CPS report with consequences of needing supervised visits, no contact with an alleged abuser or other family or concerning parties, possible short-term or longer term removal of a minor..often with minimums of weeks or months with new guidelines to be followed and so on. )

Same goes for those with 'elder care' responsibilities. If someone is in questionable mental capabilities, those watching them could be deemed neglectful if not providing consistent care. With 24/7 standards being required, a change in a living situation (someone living in or a relocation) may be needed, again short-term or likely longer. If a person has not considered this, the family may have ways to move ahead with their plans, possibly removing a person from their home...or not but the 'advocacy for each party' should be known to all parties early on. 

Addressing matters as in 'what if something like an illness made it necessary for more help in one's home or relocating to have support' can get the ball rolling. Having a small suitcase (or go-bag) packed and ready makes sense for any kind of climate emergency or other concern (most people in difficult relationships should have these and if one has kids, ditto.) Okay so that's 'two posts for the price of one' and they are both Free!

 See you soon and check out the info on Walk Our Talk also in Great Barrington MA (now in north county of MA.) and Southern Berkshires Toastmasters, a great kind of networking and confident speaking and sharing group we could emulate (informally if not more directly...) Guests can visit for free there too, so stop in to a meeting at BCC from 11:30 am to 1 pm on the 1st or 3rd Tues...and enjoy lunch at the new Berkshire co-op with others afterwards.

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