A Difficult Start to the Month of May..but One We Can Recover From Stronger Together

 I am honored to share the news of the courageous loving soul, Ryan Howell, who successfully tackled the former student turned gunman, Trystan Andrew Terrell, though it cost him his mortal life on May 1st (Tuesday), 2019 in Charlotte NC, at UNC. I will reflect on this difficult turn of events that likely will speak to US All as graduations and the end of school draw near to 'proceed with caution' yet let love win in terms of 'doing the right thing.'

 That may mean not getting in a car or even a conversation with someone who is unbalanced, acting 'off their game' (maybe due to meds or a mix of meds with alcohol, or just alcohol and drugs...or stress, lack of sleep, a break up or other rejection--bad grades, problems piling up and feeling one has no one to ask for help or think options through with.) Usually there are 'warning signs', and the 22-year-old Trystan (We can use TAT to not have to use his name more than necessary) was possibly on the autism spectrum one report said.

 Yet TAT was very bright and could learn another language. He possibly called out that he 'shot four people' as though that was some kind of accomplishment, so he didn't likely hear that 'shooting someone does not necessarily end their spiritual existence'. I think he like most are convinced by our culture that 'death is an end-game'. It may be 'placing an order for that to happen to oneself in this life or a future life.'

 Those theories are more familiar to people in modern times in America than not. The Democratic Mayor of Charlotte spoke to the hundreds gathered in a vigil saying, " A tragedy can divide a community or bring us together. It our choice how we move forward." I extend thoughts and prayers with so many others, as well as offer these reflections and others on livfully.org about many issues to help us move forward and encourage everyone to stay strong in their efforts for a more balanced, caring life and world. Life is a team sport and we may not really know our part until we journey through difficulties or even accept rewarding challenges. Honoring those in our lives and circles, and extending that feeling to include more of humanity is an ongoing adventure and path toward shared creation of more sustainable, sensible world.

 Overall books such as Riding the Wave of Change by Eve Wilson and other modern thinkers (who have insights into the energy of our life force on the planet) indicate that many difficulties will be part of shedding of past karma or part of an awakening to our collective spiritual wisdom. These kinds of theories have been helpful to me and many others I have met over the past decade since the sudden passing of our teen son Kaelan Palmer Paton ten years ago, on the last day of his freshman year of high school  on June 16th, 2009 when saving friends from dangerous water in CT. 

The other day I was thinking of making a way to acknowledge such heroes saving others from 'earth, air, water, fire, and of course human' elements.  We can appreciate people working and living reasonably and respectfully such as the teachers, rescue workers, community and business leaders, national leaders and international efforts as well. The  CT-based American Mural Project (AMP) is a unique 3-D larger than life sized mural of workers from many walks of life. It was created with thousands of people joining in efforts well coordinated by the dedicated leader Ellen Griesdieck, who recently received a much-deserved educational award.

There are heroes in our midst and many ways to encourage one another to live more reasonably to avoid being in dangerous situations. The key times of 'summer or changing of schedules' along with 'no game plan as to what youth or others can do to double check their game plans as 'safe and reasonable' with appropriate local and parental permissions (especially from their Moms and School Teachers who could have Recommendations as could each town regarding local concerns (waterways, lakes, mountains, temperature concerns etc posted so more people would heed those regularly and keep an eye out for others. Sometimes people in decline due to stress or dementia are not able to self-regulate regarding safe driving or routines etc, so we could offer assistance sooner rather than later.) 

Kaelan's Memorial Service on youtube.com in short segments can be helpful to consider the 'bigger love' people show when they gather together, in his case about a month after his passing, to support one another and pay their respect to the person in spirit. In addition to Ryan Howell, who was from Waynesville NC and had a long-time girlfriend Lauren who said she'd think of him as her hero and angel, another student Ellis Parker of Midland NC lost his life in the same classroom. Other students injured by the gunfire were Drew Pescano, Sean DeHart, both of Apex NC, Emily Houpt of Charlotte, and Rami Alramadhan of Saudi Arabia.

 According to a NY Times article  another student Tristan Field from that Kennedy Hall  Anthropology Class LBST 2213 which discussed" What is Science? What is Evolution?", tweeted afterwards, "Why here? Why today? Why UNC Charlotte? Why my classroom? Why did we do?" Tristan Field also said  in online coverage that the shooting started ten minutes into a class where students were giving presentations, and that he was on Team 15 so feels that put him on the safer side of the room even though he fell getting out of the class and some students got run over by others. A female student, Ms. Finch, had three male students shot at the table she was sitting at. She did get down and flee but said she had the gun pointed at her initially. The shooter said he 'only went to shoot guys' in one report. Someone said in a comment that in the Virginia Tech shooting, students remained in their seats and were picked off by the gunmen.

 These students were given instructions to flee or if trapped to fight back. Thankfully, Ryan Howell, a former soccer goalie and overall adventurous athlete according to his parents, stepped up to the horrific challenge he was faced with one moment to the next, after four shots were fired. The student witnesses said the classroom had two doors and he likely entered after class began or was in the class initially. Trystan Terrell, the terrorist, was a former student but it is not clear why he withdrew or what he was doing prior to returning to the campus. Another comment noted this was the 20th 'anniversary' of the Columbine shooting. The mother of one of those shooters has a Ted Talk in which is worth watching as she like many try to 'repair what's broken that can be addressed' to prevent further downward spirals of harm. That is my recollection of her talk.

 Efforts at the 
 14th Battered Mothers Custody Conference that was held on Albany NY over the last weekend of April 2019 are mapping out ways to fix our 'broken court system' for protective parents, generally the mothers, who are trying to secure safety for their children, sadly some of whom are victims of direct violence and violation on all levels. These secret wars playing out across America should call forth the activist and prayer warrior (as some are holding a National Day of Prayer today, May 2nd, 2019) to warn women, children and other men about the many pitfalls abusive relationships and ongoing systemic harm that can follow for any to get safe and secure living, working or supportive relationships arrangements legally, custody-wise, financially and otherwise.

 Sadly, a California advocate who founded Wings for Justice had her life cut short by violence on Easter Sunday, apparently in a random act but it is still under investigation. Wendi Miller of CA had sought to protect her child from violations by the father of the child. She had spent some time in jail for doing so. Lundy Bancroft, Barry Goldstein, Mo Hanna, Connie Valentine Rita Smith, Garland Waller and many others have been recognized as national leaders to help us comprehend abuse dynamics as well as clarify the terrible shortcomings in our justice system nationally and at the state level, all of which need rectifying by other volunteer advocates. 

There are many resources listed on their site and current information also on CA Protective Parents Association. Smaller but powerful efforts are being made by #Kaedyn'sKorner in memory of a young girl whose life was cut short by an abusive father in PA. The efforts of The Carey Gabay Foundation in Brooklyn NY seeks to  prevent gun violence through awareness such in The Concert Across America Against Gun Violence and promoting support to youth to choose peace and progress in their personal lives. Find a cause that speaks to your heart and show support in some way whether with encouragement, service, monetary or other support.

 Thanks in advance and let's give thanks for all that is going right in our world and seek to do more of that.Peace and light from me and many who will continue to work for justice on many fronts and share in positive efforts. I plan to do more now that it's been ten years since Kaelan's passing from this earthly and sadly many 'have forgotten' or never really understood the many ways that turn of events could have been prevented with more individuals and communities having clear MOUs (Memorandums of Understanding) about supervising minors (which is a legal expectation and can hold adults responsible in terms of benign or intentional neglect, putting youth at risk of harm, not having adequate signage and education about dangerous areas or practices such as letting youth leave school grounds unattended by a responsible adult to do something reasonable, rather than something of a highly risky nature, especially without adequate parental permission consent from both parents, etc. and ideally the school and town as well. 

What should be obvious becomes an unintended consequences of 'sloppy parenting and supervising youth' even in school or transitional times from school or other programs. Safe Church Policies could be extended to schools and other programs to prevent one adult from being in charge of youth in general in private settings, for instance. Likely for all special education or early childhood classrooms or even older ones, cameras would be reasonable to help teachers be accountable and for parents to 'act as if they were being monitored.' Many aspects of coercive control take place "under the radar' of what our current laws and best practices acknowledge.

 People need to have personal space and basic respect extended to them. If someone is violating another's space or interacting with them, that could be clarified for the perpetrator or violator. The policies for anyone to report something of concern to a team leader in any setting would be reasonable rather than expecting a person to have to negotiate with someone who is being unfair, unkind or otherwise asserting their power or directives over another, unless that is part of one's job (such as in the military, doing as one is told 'no questions asked'. Likely that could be up for some review also, particularly if there are violations of a personal nature.) Okay that's all I will say 'for now'. Hope you are finding support to do and be who you are feeling aligns with your core values of respect and well-being.