Coast to Coast Celebration for Resolution 72 Passing in the House of Representatives...now for The Senate Please!!

See more info about this historic time where the US House of Representatives have passed Resolution 72 to prioritize the safety of children in alleged abuse custody battles. That's a mouthful but something we could shout from the mountain tops.

Thanks to those who crafted and advocated for the action literally from sea to shining sea (CA to DC) and many states in between over a few years. Connie Valentine is truly America's sweetheart and Mary Poppins for abused kids and moms (generally they are the ones facing homelessness and/or separation from one another at the demand of their abuser, who sadly is often the biological father of the kids.)

It really is ironic and tragic that the people who were somehow generally in agreement about having a child cannot find a way to keep the child safe if the father (or in much rarer cases the mother) is abusive to the children. If a mother is being abused, then there may be intense pressure on her in many ways which she may not realize, or perhaps knows all too well, but which undermine her parenting or emotional health.

Addressing who the primary aggressor is has been a recent development in Connecticut in terms of who to arrest for domestic abuse (or taking more care not to arrest the victim if she is reacting to abuse. I need to study up on the latest, but it sounds promising.

We have to promote a careful response team for any people having conflict. All the more so when there are 'children on board.' I'll consider more of these points but wanted to mark the occasion as soon as possible, as the US House passed Resolution 72 on September 25th, 2018.

That should warm everyone's heart who cares about the safety and long-term well-being of children. Sadly many abusers can say or believe they are taking the children from a protective parent 'for their own good' and to keep them from hearing that the mother fears him or his behaviors toward her or the children. It makes little sense but can often run up high legal fees for one or both parties, whether the mother is insisting on a legal divorce or willing to have an amicable trial-period of separation.

The legal actions can go on for years and involve many different players from various judges, attorneys, guardian ad litems, mediators, teachers, counselors, ministers, friends, family and police and possibly both civil and criminal courts.

Teachers and schools should want to hear from every abused parent and child as to what their concerns are and their experiences. In this age of school safety and preventing gun violence, a basic primer on what kids and abused mothers (generally the victim and rarely not telling the truth compared to fathers who far more often can allege abuse where there is none or are noting behaviors in response to his actions or inactions (intimidataion or not helping in basic ways or running up high costs, etc.) 

I have written a few letters to the Lakeville Journal in CT on important topics related to personal safety and community advocacy. This week will have another on sharing the good news about Resolution 72. I was honing my message at a public speaking workshop at Shakespeare and Company in Lenox MA, with about a dozen in the weekend program.

The basic format (that admittedly I find hard to stick to and not add related stories to or other topics to lighten up the heaviness and help people process the information in less dire terms if possible) is as follows: What problem are you trying to solve? How? What are a few main points about your problem and then how you would solve it.

What are you personally doing about it (speading the word, coming up with responses to needs, engaging others through speaking, blogging and coalitions.) What can one's audience  or others do about it? Give clear specific action steps. 

Some of the ways we warmed up for giving a two minute speech which would cover these key points in an effective manner were as follows:

Get our bodies and voices warmed up for being in a speaking mode and framework with stretches and sighs, breathing through the mouth down into the belly area then speaking from the deeper place. Feeling rooted to the space and earth below as though a tree with roots and I'd add a strong trunk and branches so owning the space.

Letting the words be a gift to others and focus on connecting with them with eye contact and sending the message out first with 'ahs' and hellos and taking deep breaths before speaking on the exhale in a clear voice (not necessarily loud, but certainly able to be heard in a large room...so yes, speaking to the back of the audience.)

We practiced lines from A Winter's Tale and would practice being good listeners as well, hearing what people did well and how they could connect more with their lines. Often experiences with a similar feeling or concern from one's life would be brought in to help people connect with hands on guidance and support. 

Written evaluations were given for just a minute after each speech. What one liked best and what worked well were the focus, not ways to improve. One could say 'the call to action wasn't clear to me etc.' The overall experience was transformative. Many people had a good skill set and some experience or message they wanted to share with the world.

The skills were similar to what is offered in Toastmasters in terms of taking time to consider the many aspects of voice, crafting a message, tuning into one's audience, finding ways to relate to your audience and message, and being aware of posture, breath support, gestures (not unrelated hand movements but mainly allowing hands to hand relaxed at one's side, limitiing filler words such as um, ands, so's and repeating words.) Basically learning to listen to oneself is helpful. I wish someone had used my phone to videotape my speech so I could have reviewed it...

That's something many in Toastmasters do and anyone could do at home with a small tripod or a friend (better yet a small group watching) after one has practiced a few times in the mirror. Making an outline and using simple notes can be helpful yet ideally this was delivering a prepared speech without notes. I'll see how the presenters do at the www.wowforum.org Who knows maybe I'll have my own version of a speaking or share circle yet have some guidance and support for people to develop their confidence and skills....and continue to do so myself

. Evaluations of positive feedback with a thought for improvement is part of the Toastmaster experience to help speakers improve. I've always thought that could be optional or done in writing. Yet people are practiciing evaluating  the speech not the speaker for a couple of minutes.  Here's a follow up I wrote to the Lakeville Journal. I will wait a week to post the letter upon their request (so You have a Good Reason to buy their dandy small-town newspaper with just a few major exceptions over the years..but that's another story.)