Check Lists for Chicks and Guys (with or without guts)

 A quick-chick check list to stay safe and smart (which are about the same things to stay in the game of life and love of self and others fairly, legally, practically, so gutsy guys can use this list too).

1. See rainn.org to be aware of the Laws regarding being involved with someone physically or sexually. Mutual (think me and you-to be fair to-all) consent means the two (or more, just to reflect some people's reality need to be fully sober and aware of what is being requested or suggested Before being pressured or coaxed into doing stated activity.
2. There should be no hurrying, pressuring or coaxing actually, so a Waiting Period of at least 5  golden minutes (with the chance to phone friend or google rainn.org etc or call a hotline) should all be part of the strategy, whether it's a new partner or someone one's been involved with for a long time, even married to with children kind of time.
3. Once we realize all that Should be Available to a person, then that '5 minute wait time" could readily be extended to 15 or as long as one needs or wants,, could and likely should mean a Day or more, even a week or longer, and a month or two or six is not out of the questions before really being involved even with kissing and such.
4. Why not PLAN to really get to know someone for 6 months as a friend (and ideally see how they live, drive, work, hang out, socialize, show up at their clubs, meetings--which should humbly include AA or a 12-step program for abuse, over-whatevering and other kinds of pro-active groups like Toastmasters International).
5. These ball park suggestions could help many couples or friends find some solid ground to have FUNctional relationships that move in a meaningful direction. If someone is super-committed to a hobby (music, sports,even faith commitments which tally up 5 or more hours a week, one needs to weigh that alongside one's own interests and needs for connection. If  that is on top of work (40 hours at a job, or a mix of work and hobbies up to 40 hrs) then one needs to be realistic about how much time and energy (and sometimes even shared living or visiting space one can make for another). if their are kids, factor those time commitments in.

Keep in mind the following: the world will never say 'that's enough, you can have your own life now' so that's why writing down one's 'inputs' (what one needs to live practically and comfortably) and one's 'outputs' (what one produces, provides in terms of work, contact, talents, assets) is  important. Finding a partner or another friend whose outputs match some of your inputs and vice versa with a sense of being in the same zone of time, place and social circles, interests and such can be clarified. Ideally, you'll find a 'win-win' with someone who is honest and open to feedback sometimes called constructive criticism). Building circles of support for each person whatever age and ability makes sense both online and in person and through various clubs and interests.

Try not to isolate or be erratic in one's dealings, scheduling and decisions. Have a PLAN to talk things over with trusted friends and resources. Read online and in books about topics you need to address. Learn from others and you'll be ready to share your wisdom to help others before you know it, maybe even with a partner or friend who collaborates with you on such a project, as a friend set me up to do this blog and keep posting..thanks, buddy!